Forbidden Drink

by Nicola Claire

  “I like that I can read you so well, Kiwi. I like knowing you.”

  I held my breath while I digested that. One, how had he used the exact same words I had been thinking and two, he liked knowing me? He said the knowing as though it meant more than just the word. Huh.

  I sighed and swallowed past the lump in my throat. “You don't need to know about all my pathetic problems, that's not why I came. I need to get away from it for an hour or so, until the sun sets and I can actually get my butt away too.”

  He looked at me with that intense look he often wore, like he could see right through me.

  "I am your friend, Lucinda. You know you can talk to me."

  I dropped my eyes from his. Usually that coffee and cinnamon gaze could centre me, could bring me back to Earth. But right now, I knew it saw more than I wanted it to. I knew Nero could see my pain. He didn't say anything, just waited patiently. I wanted to change the subject, I wanted to forget for a moment my woes, but hadn't I come here for some guidance? I could hardly seek guidance if I didn't open my mouth.

  I took a deep breath in. "I've done something. Something that is foreign to who I am. I don't know why and it scares me." Not to mention breaks my heart in two.

  Nero leaned forward and placed a warm hand gently on my arm, making me raise my eyes to his. I saw compassion there, understanding. And surprisingly, forgiveness.

  "Do you remember when I told you, that you would have to battle the Dark? More now than ever. We are Nut's Light, Kiwi, but that does not mean we can't be led occasionally, by the Dark. For where there is Light, there is always Dark. And where there is Dark, there is always Light."

  I didn't want what he was saying to make sense. Strange, but true. I had wanted answers, guidance, an explanation for what I had done. But I did not want absolution. Those images, those unwanted images, they had been from my memory, but I was not in control of them at all. Had they been controlled by the Dark?

  Nero leaned back, releasing his hold on my arm. "Just because we can succumb to the Dark, does not mean we should." I flicked an uncertain gaze at Nero, he held mine without reproach, but with a steadfastness that said I wouldn't like what he was about to say. I lifted my chin to face his chastisement head on. I deserved it. He sighed and ran a hand through his spiky, short black hair. "You are so young, Kiwi. So new to all of this. Sometimes I forget. You show such maturity with what you have had to face. With the responsibilities that rest on your shoulders. It is unfortunate that this has happened, but maybe it is for the best. To truly face what lies ahead you will need to master the Dark. To be aware of it, but to not let it fully in."

  I let his words slowly sink in. He was right. I had screwed up, I had let the Dark lead me astray. I had forgotten what I was. But I could face this hurdle one of two ways. I could let it drown me in guilt and regret and sorrow. I could let it win. Or, I could learn from my mistake. I could use it as a lesson and I could make sure it never happens again.

  "Am I strong enough?" I said whisper-quiet to myself.

  "Without a doubt," Nero replied, just as quietly.

  I held his gaze then, saw the swirls of cinnamon and copper deep within the brown. Nero's eyes did ground me, did bring me back to Earth. But his words, his guidance, they were what settled my mind, helped create order in chaos. I had made a mistake, I knew this, I would not forget. But, I would not let it rule me. Michel may not be able to forgive my actions that easily, despite Erika saying he already had, but I would try to learn from this, to not let it steal any more of my Light.

  But what of what Michel had done? "Michel set me up to fail." God, even saying those words aloud left me almost gagging with distaste.

  "He is closer to the Dark than you, Kiwi. Without you leading him back towards the Light, he will find it easier to succumb." Then obviously seeing the look of incredulous disbelief on my face, he added, "Even your Michel is capable of mistakes. Of losing control of the Dark within. He is vampyre, Kiwi. He is the Dark."

  How many times have I thought of vampires just like that? And how many times had I forgotten that Michel was one too? I had placed human conceptions on Michel. I had expected him to behave as I would want him to. But a vampire will do anything to survive, to retain their power. To Michel I am essential to his survival, I am the core of his power. His vampire-within would do anything to keep me close and maybe it saw the balancing of our relationship as essential to that end.

  I wasn't sure if I had realigned my worries, sorted out the mess of my mind, but I did feel closer to acceptance. Of what I had done and why. Of what Michel had done in Paris and why. Even, if I am honest with myself, of what Michel had done sending me to Wellington and why he seeks to control my life. I may not like it, but I was beginning to understand it and with that, maybe accept it. I don't know, accepting control from Michel was still entirely too foreign. But, I was one step closer to the Light and that much further from the Dark after talking it through with Nero. I offered him the first genuine smile I had given since arriving in this Dream Walk. His returning smile was almost blinding.

  Just then Amisi came back in the room, her arrival lifting the moment from the heaviness of Nero's and my conversation and placing it firmly back in the familiar territory of a friendly gathering. She was carrying a tray and the sweet smell of apple tea wafted towards me. I can't eat, when I'm Dream Walking, but I can drink. I'd only just realised this recently when I'd Dream Walked to Nero and found him having a cup of apple tea. It was just so divine smelling, that I had to try it when his back was turned and what do you know? I can drink tea when my body is asleep on the other side of the world. Go figure!

  Amisi handed me a glass cup with no handle and sank into the cushions with practised ease. Amisi is all legs and long body, she's tall, way taller than me. Has long gorgeously black shiny hair and the sweetest smile, it just lights up her face and makes the brown of her eyes sparkle. She's a real sweetie, I wish I could see more of her.

  Which made me think of something, the last vestiges of my current worries dissipating into the air. “Nero, have you got any spare Nosferatins around who would like a stint in Wellington? We've got a burgeoning population of vampires and no one to keep them in line. With that sort of action, humans are starting to notice.”

  Picking up on the change of mood, Nero relaxed further into his cushions and answered, “That is not good, Kiwi. How have they been managing?”

  “They haven't. But, I'm there right now, did a little hunting, tried to get things settled. It's going to take a certain amount of to-ing and fro-ing and the more I'm away from Auckland, the more chance of a vampire striking and getting away with it. I can't be in two places at once, I need to send the word out there's a new city on the books.”

  “Yes, you need to advertise.” Yeah. If only we had a gazette or something, that would be grand.

  “What about me?” That was from Amisi. I turned to look at her, but picked up the rigid set of Nero's shoulders. He wasn't happy with that suggestion.

  “Not yet, Amisi.”

  “I'm ready. You said so yourself. It's time for me to spread my wings.” She looked at me pointedly and said, “His words, not mine.”

  I glanced at Nero, he cringed.

  “Well?” she said, not dropping it. I had the feeling Amisi could be quite determined when she wanted to be. I wondered how Nero handled that.

  He flicked a glance at me. “She is cast in the same mould as you, Kiwi. Both of you are impossible to deal with.”

  I smiled, so did Amisi. I could handle impossible.

  “You know...” I said before sipping my tea to add emphasis. “If Amisi wants to branch out a bit, she could come visit me in Auckland. Kind of like a vampire hunter sabbatical. If she handles the culture shock well, then you know she's ready and if she doesn't...” I shrugged, took another sip. “No harm, no foul.”

  Nero just glared at me, I got the distinct impression he wished to tan my hide right at that moment, it almost made me blink. But Amisi was jumpi
ng up and down on the cushions, like an over excited little puppy.

  “Please, Nero, please. Please let me go to Lucinda's, she'll take care of me, you know she will and I can prove to you both I am ready.”

  Nero looked like a man drowning, being ganged up on by the two most determined Nosferatins in his life.

  He sighed. “I will talk to Nafrini.” He raised his hand at Amisi's squeal and my fist punch. “But, this does not mean you can move to Wellington and become their Nosferatin. That, is a decision only your parents can make.”

  “She's nineteen, Nero, surely she gets some say.”

  Nero just looked at me, head cocked slightly to the side. “This is Egypt, Kiwi, the land of Nut. Amisi is a precious child of our mother goddess, her parents would have to be involved in the decision, at least until she is 25.”

  Whoa doggy. Culture shock, here she comes.

  And just like that, I felt myself back on an even keel. Family doesn't have to be blood, it's where your heart is. I loved these two Nosferatins very much. They held my heart, soothed my soul and settled my mind.

  Chapter 15

  Welcome Home

  I stayed another hour, talking, laughing, forgetting my worries in the closeness of friends. I don't know what I'd do without Nero. Not only has he become my Nosferatin trainer, the source of all knowledge when it comes to Nosferatin mumbo jumbo, but he has also become a friend. A very close friend. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He is my lighthouse on a stormy sea-tossed night, my rock. He grounds me, he brings me focus, he guides me home.

  The fact that I can visit him when I need to is more priceless than anything else in this world. Right now I needed his strength, his support. I would have to ultimately deal with this myself, in my own time, but without Nero's guidance I don't think it would have been possible at all.

  I hugged them both goodbye once the apple tea had been well and truly consumed and fell back through the nothingness to my body at Gregor's. I half expected to see him hovering, watching me, but he had left me alone as promised and I let a breath out in relief. I could feel the night approaching. Like a vampire, I have a sense of its closeness. Maybe because of the time I spend with them, maybe because I'm a Nosferatin and the sense I get when nightfall comes is a little foreboding. The creatures of the night are about to stir, my work may well begin before long. Either way, I knew I had about half an hour before the shutters would raise and the stars would be out.

  I quickly freshened up in the bathroom, made sure my bag was packed and took a deep breath in before facing the two vampires I could feel in the lounge. This was not going to be fun.

  Erika was sitting in a chair, spinning her sword, hilt in her palm, blade straight up in the air, the lights of the room glinting on the steel as it danced on her hand. Gregor was sitting on a chair reading a book. It momentarily shocked me, I didn't picture him as a book reader, but there you go. I couldn't pick out the title, he placed the book face down, with a bookmark, on the table next to him as soon as I entered the room and just watched me for a while.

  “Are you hungry? Would you like something to eat, ma cherie?”

  I shook my head, food was the last thing on my mind. Damn, I wished those shutters would rise up already. I should have stayed in the bedroom a little longer, waited until I heard that blissful sound of freedom as they whirred away to reveal the night.

  “I have called more of my line to me, they will arrive over the next few days. I think we will have to take a proactive stance against the humans, this is escalating too quickly and needs to be shut down.” He seemed to want to talk business, keeping things professional. I could handle that. I wondered briefly, if he was doing it for my benefit.

  “Proactive? Just what do you consider to be proactive, Gregor?” I couldn't stand the thought of more humans dying, even if they were way out of line and trying to kill the vampires, it still didn't feel right. I had walked to a chair near him without realising and once there couldn't think of a casual way to move away, so just sat down, crossed my legs and braced myself as I met his eyes.

  He was wearing his vampire mask, no emotions visible, his grey eyes only showing a hint of silver, nothing more. He was doing his best not to scare me. I couldn't help feeling thankful. Gregor was a lot of things, but occasionally he could play the gentleman well. I just wished I could tell what was real and what was an act.

  “I will not stand by and watch my vampires die because of some misguided human fear and anarchy.” He spoke the words softly, no obvious anger or threat, simply a statement of fact.

  I understood what he was saying, how could a vampire not retaliate? How could they not do everything in their power to protect those they are honour bound, blood bound, to protect?

  “Will you promise me one thing?” I looked him directly in the eye, this request required courage, it deserved respect. He deserved respect when I asked it of him, as Master of the City.

  “Ask and I will answer honestly.”

  I sat there for a moment and just breathed. Vampires are not known for their ability to pull punches, they live for confrontation, for the chance to dominate, but if there was any chance of this not becoming a human massacre, I needed to ask.

  “Will you try to find a solution that does not involve death? Will you try to negotiate an understanding?”

  He looked at me for a moment, no emotions on his face, just vampire neutral.

  “I will promise you this, little Hunter, I will endeavour to avoid bloodshed as much as is possible without endangering my kin, but I will not negotiate with humans.”

  He said it like humans didn't deserve that right of equality. After the way humans had been acting in this city, I really couldn't blame him for that response, but it didn't feel like he was just referring to the humans who had attacked his line, but to all humans. The reminder that vampires are at the top of the food chain hit me like a slap in the face.

  Why is it that I always lower my guard around them and fall into the trap of believing them capable of coexisting with humans on an equal footing? You'd think I'd know better by now.

  I didn't say anything in reply, just then the shutters whirred into action and rose up and away out of sight, displaying a beautiful clear starry night out of the windows of Gregor's apartment. I was on my feet and walking to the door in an instant.

  “Lucinda.”

  Gregor's voice was soft, but commanding. I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to hear what he had to say, but I was trying to be an adult and ignoring him just didn't feel very grown up at all. I turned slowly willing my face not to show any emotions.

  “Would you mind leaving us for a moment, Erika?” That surprised me, him asking her, not glazing, not commanding as the Master of the City. I flicked a glance at Erika, she raised her eyebrows at me, looking for consent. I just nodded and she grabbed her bag and walked out the front door, no doubt to stand on the other side and wait.

  Gregor didn't say anything for a few seconds, just looked at me, his implacable mask on his face.

  “What do you want, Gregor?” I just sounded tired, not strong and capable, but tired. Tired of this mess, tired of my inability to do the right thing, tired of the mistakes. I forced myself to stand straighter, taller. If I was to learn from any of this, I had to step up to the plate and accept what had happened with broad shoulders.

  “I do not regret today, I will treasure it, hold it close to my heart for eternity. And I will not stop pursuing you either. You know what I want and I always get what I want, Lucinda.”

  I let a long breath out that I had been holding and just looked at him. We were right back at square one, just as I had suspected. The challenge may be over, it may have been met, Gregor the victor, but he did not consider himself a winner, not yet, not until he had all of me. Controlled all of me. I didn't want this man before me. I didn't want to want him either. But I was still unsure if I was strong enough to ignore the pull of the Sigillums. I did want Michel though. Despite wha
t he had done, despite how close to the Dark he is. I still wanted him, but should I give in to him?

  To give in would be physically easy, natural even, but it would be mentally and emotionally suicidal. Michel would hide me away, making it impossible to fight. He was potentially dangerous to the outcome of the war. I couldn't afford to let him distract me from my path.

  All of this was fairly moot though really. Even if I had managed to come to some tentative understanding and acceptance of Michel's Dark within, of what has made him act the way he has, he would surely not be able to forgive me. I forced myself to focus on the vampire in front of me and push all thoughts of the complicated relationship I had with the vampire in my heart away.

  “I would ask you to back off, for me, but I don't think you would comply.”

  He just shook his head, a small measure of pain and sadness now reaching the corner of his eyes. “I am unable to, ma cherie.”

  “Then, you do what you have to do, Gregor, and I will do what I have to do. And may God forgive us, for whatever happens.”

  I turned and walked out the front door, heading straight for his car. Erika and I stood next to it quietly for five minutes, before Gregor finally joined us, opening the car with the press of his electronic key and slipping in the driver's side. I smiled, at least I had stopped him from opening the door for me, but I knew it was only a temporary reprieve, Gregor didn't give up that easily.

  He drove directly to the airport, but didn't wait for us to board. He said a simple goodbye, only briefly catching my eyes and then sped away. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel regret, I just felt relieved. I felt a little of me returning, a little of the fighter coming back. So, I had fucked up royally in the past twenty four hours, sue me, I'm only human and I'm about to take part in a war. I deserve a few mistakes along the way, but I wasn't going to let any more happen. I'd learned my lesson, I'd let the Dark in when I should have been strong enough to say no. But it was time to move on.

  The flight home was quiet, we watched a couple of old episodes of True Blood. Can't help laughing at the entertainment industry's interpretation of the fanged. It always lifts your spirits. Both Erika and I hurling insults at the flat screen. It was cathartic, I have to admit.