Sinking in the Shadows

by Alexandria Bishop

  Chapter Four

  The box of cereal sits in front of Tinley, almost taunting her. She just polished off a heaping bowl of the very sugary goodness, and she’s still hungry. Then again, she’s always ravenous. No matter how many meals she eats, she never feels full. Since the throwing up seems to only be coming at night right now, she tries to fill herself up as much as possible during the day. As soon as that nausea sets in, it’s only crackers and small sips of soda for her. Strange how her body reacts that way. But the more she thinks about it, she wonders if the over engorging is what causes her to get sick at night.

  Tara waddles into the kitchen slightly hunched over with one hand resting on her belly and the other holding her back. The stiffness in her clenched jaw causes her words to come out harsh as she asks, “Are you almost done with your breakfast?”

  Weird. Tinley shrugs and glares at the offending box still sitting in front of her. “I don’t know, why? I was contemplating a second bowl of cereal, but two bowls of Froot Loops probably aren’t a good idea, right? Even though it has the word fruit in its name still I should probably eat a banana or some other healthy thing. I don’t know…is there such a thing as a pregnancy diet plan? I mean, this is your second pregnancy, so you have to know more than I do, but how did you know what to eat?”

  “You just make sure you’re eating as healthy as possible. Sugary cereals are probably not the smartest choice first thing in the morning, but there are worse things.” Tara exhales as she leans forward, gripping the side of the counter. She slowly breathes in and out multiple times, each breath getting heavier and heavier.

  Pushing her bowl away, Tinley stands up from the bar stool she’s currently occupying. “Wait, are you okay? Why are you breathing so heavily? Should I call Clark?”

  Slowing down her breaths, Tara waves her hand and groans out, “Oh, my water just broke about ten minutes ago. Fortunately, I was just stepping into the shower when it happened, so I didn’t have to clean up a mess, because that would have been annoying. Plus, I just got a Brazilian in last week so I’m not dealing with a jungle in the lady zone.”

  Tinley’s eyes almost bug out of her head as she looks at her sister nonchalantly standing there like she isn’t currently in labor or the fact that she just mentioned getting her lady bits waxed while pregnant. So gross. “Oh my god! Are you serious right now? And you let me spend this entire time rambling about my breakfast choice? What the heck? Do I need to go get clean towels or boil water or something? I’ve never delivered a baby before, but we can MacGyver some shit in here. Although I’m sure it’ll take more than a paperclip and a gum wrapper or whatever the hell they did on that show.”

  Tinley paces the kitchen running a path into the tile. She mumbles to herself while she attempts at not freaking out. Too much. Because let’s face it she’s barely holding it together as it is. At least Tara didn’t break her water in front of Tinley because then she wouldn’t be able to string a single thought together. Let alone attempt to help her sister deliver a baby.

  The kitchen echoes as Tara’s hand slams down on the granite counter top. “Calm your tits, crazy. You aren’t delivering my baby—or any baby, for that matter. He isn’t coming right this second. We probably should head to the hospital soon, but we don’t have to rush. And never again tell me you’re going to MacGyver something. You barely know how to pump your own gas let alone deliver a baby.”

  She starts pacing the room and looks at her sister in complete shock. Tinley is obviously the only person thinking clearly. Tara must be insane to be so calm right now. “Are you crazy? Why aren’t you freaking out more?”

  “If you remember, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve done this before. Now take a deep breath and help me pack up the car. Also, really? Boiling water and getting clean towels, what is this Colonial times?”

  “I don’t know,” Tinley says with a shrug. “This is new territory for me.”

  “Well, you’ll be going through this soon enough. Just calm the fuck down, go upstairs, and get my bag.”

  “Geez, momma, watch the language.”

  “Really? Don’t even start with me, Tinley. You weren’t there when I went through this last time. You don’t know how much of a mean bitch I can be when I’m in laaa—” Tara doesn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as she grabs a bar stool and breathes through a contraction.

  Without a backward glance, Tinley is racing up the stairs on a mission to find that hospital bag. It doesn’t take her long because her sister is ridiculously organized and the bag has been packed for weeks, just sitting next to her bedroom door. With the bag in hand, she runs back down the stairs and finds Tara in the kitchen in the exact same position she left her. As her current contraction finishes up, Tinley makes quick work of whisking her sister out the door before another one can begin.

  “Son of a cock teasing douche nozzle.” Tara’s beet red and her knuckles go from white to almost translucent as tightly grips the railing on either side of her. Her jaw is clenched as a forced breath falls from her lips.

  The spike on the monitor goes off the chart as another contraction rips its way through her body. Tinley wants to laugh as each expletive fall from her older sister’s mouth. Even before she became a mom, Tara was insistent that cursing was a sign of laziness and there are better ways to express yourself. Too bad Tinley is beyond terrified of her sister right now to even attempt making fun of her. She’ll just have to keep that in her back pocket for the future.

  Watching her sister in labor has made Tinley realize she is completely out of her element. She hasn’t really done much in the form of research about what her future holds with pregnancy; she hasn’t even read an article online yet. She’s only a couple of months in so she still has time, but she’s feeling completely unprepared, and all that does is give her more anxiety. She has been so wrapped up in her drama with Marek that she hasn’t even thought about how things will be when she delivers.

  Her sister fights through another contraction and Tinley feels completely helpless and wishes she could help her in some way. As her breathing evens out again and she comes down from the pain, Tinley asks, “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to go get you ice chips or something?”

  “Will you stop with the ice chips? Why do you keep asking me if I want them?”

  She shrugs, legitimately confused by her sister’s question. “I don’t know…that’s what they always show women in labor with on TV. There was that one Friends episode where Carol was having Ben and there was a whole argument over ice chips.” As she tells her sister that, she realizes every argument she has ever made about anything can be traced back to a TV show. Might not be the best line of reference for her arguments to stand on.

  Tara’s voice is laced with venom and the anger on her face has Tinley taking a step back as her sister says, “This isn’t TV, Tinley, this is real life. If I need something, I’ll tell you. I’m about ready to shove a human being out of my vagina. Have you ever pushed a human head out of you before? I didn’t think so. How about you just shut up and let me do my thing.”

  If her sister weren’t in labor right now, Tinley wouldn’t be taking her shit. But, alas, she has a legit reason to be acting like the Wicked Witch of the West, and therefore Tinley is keeping her mouth shut like she was asked to. Besides, she’ll get her payback when she’s popping out her own baby, because there’s no way she’s going through that without Tara by her side, no matter what kind of relationship she and Marek are in at that point. Although the thought of pushing a tiny human out of her vagina doesn’t sound like a pleasant experience one bit. How is that even possible?

  She’s tempted to ask her sister or the nurse how things are going, but she doesn’t want to get yelled at again, so she stays quiet. It is odd to her that they have been here for at least eight hours and her sister hasn’t had the baby. Again, going back to her knowledge from TV land, it always seems like as soon as a woman’s water breaks, she pops out her kid. Obviously, that kind of thin
king was just naïve. Instead, her sister has spent all day walking around, bouncing on a ball, and doing anything and everything she can to progress her labor. Tinley can’t imagine spending most of the day essentially doing whatever she can to get her body ready to start pushing. It just sounds exhausting.

  Tara has been in her bed for the past twenty minutes and hasn’t done much as far as getting out of it goes. The last time the nurse checked, she was almost dilated to ten centimeters, and Tinley has a feeling she won’t be getting up again until after the baby is born. However, she could be totally wrong in that assessment because again, she only has knowledge of what happens on TV.

  Tara’s breathing comes out harsh and loud as another contraction hits her. She screams and grabs Tinley’s hand as she says, “Son of a bitch. Remind me to never let Clark stick his dick in any of my holes again—so not worth this shit, no matter how magical and fucking glorious it may be.”

  The contraction gets even more intense and Tara squeezes harder and harder.

  “Get an epidural. Just get the drugs. Nobody will judge you, I promise.” Tinley turns toward the nurse and tries not to scream from the pain radiating through the hand her sister is currently squeezing. “Can I get an epidural? Is that a thing? Or just stick a needle in my hand with some stuff? I promise I won’t say a word.”

  The nurse chuckles and continues coaching Tara through her current contraction. As she comes down from it and releases her death grip on her sister’s hand, Tinley wiggles free and gets some blood flowing back into it again. “So, I’m guessing it’s a no to the pain meds?”

  “Tinley, stop being a little bitch. Nobody is giving you pain meds because I squeezed your hand a little bit. Now shut your mouth or leave the room. I’m a little too focused on one child to worry about another right now.”

  She keeps telling herself that this person in the bed is not her sister and to ignore every word coming out of her mouth. It’s all the pain talking, not the loving, caring woman she knows so well, but every time she gets pissed off, it’s definitely hard to separate the two. Tinley just hopes that when it comes time to have her own child, everyone else will be as understanding. As her sister has another contraction, Tinley offers up a silent prayer to whoever is listening that they both make it through the night, because at this point, she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to handle her sister like this for much longer.

  Chapter Five

  The bright light from the sun hits Tinley as soon as she steps past the automatic doors. Watching her sister deliver a tiny human was both amazing and disgusting. Her hand instinctively gravitates toward her own abdomen, and she can’t imagine doing the same thing in just a few short months. All she did was hold Tara’s hand and cheer her through the process, but her sister was the ultimate rock star. She may have screamed and cried a few times, but she kept pushing and worked her ass off until that little bundle of joy came out. The instant love all over her face was like a hit of the best drug ever. It was like she completely forgot the previous day and how much pain she had been in. The thought of childbirth stills scares the shit out of Tinley, but the idea of being a mom? That’s something she can’t deny wanting more than anything. It’s not something she ever thought of wanting until the moment she heard the words that she was pregnant.

  Tinley stops dead in her tracks. She looks behind her and then back again in front of her. She blinks multiple times questioning the fact that one of her dreams is coming to life right in front of her in the hospital parking lot. Marek stands there and he’s too far away for her to make out the expression on his face.

  The fact that he’s here is surprising in itself, but that’s not all that’s giving her pause. Seeing his legs crossed and his back leaning against the car behind him, she’s absolutely stunned. The bright cherry red 80s Porsche and his cute sweater vest are giving off serious Jake Ryan vibes. Her heart rate speeds up, and the tingling in her nether regions is enough for her to jump him right here in the parking lot—damn pregnancy hormones making her horny like a pubescent teenage boy. No matter how gross she feels or how many times she throws up, the one thing constantly on her mind is sex. More specifically sex with Marek.

  He jogs toward her across the parking lot, and she can’t help but feel like she just stepped foot into one of her favorite movies. Sure, her sister just had a baby rather than getting married, but the similarities make her smile. When Marek stops right in front of her, she asks, “What are you doing here?”

  An ambulance sounds in the distance and Tinley’s hair whips in her face as the wind suddenly picks up around them. She tucks a thick strand of hair behind her ear and when the wind blows it right back into her face, she tugs a hair tie off her wrist to pull her hair up.

  “Waiting for you.”

  “How did you know where to find me?”

  He nibbles on his bottom lip and looks past her, pausing before responding. “Your sister told me you were here.”

  “Tara?” She can’t hide the shock on her face as she turns around and looks back toward the hospital. “When did she find the time between pushing a baby out and sleeping?”

  “You’d have to ask her that.”

  “And the car?” she asks as she motions behind him.

  “She may have added that you’ve been binge-watching John Hughes movies at her house this week. You look absolutely exhausted right now. Can I take you home?”

  She knows her sister means well, but her meddling really pisses Tinley off. She will tell Marek everything when she is good and ready to do it and won’t be pressured into it by anybody. Also, she wasn’t kidding—she seriously wants to know when she found the time to call him. Even though she’s upset with her sister, she’s partially in awe too. If she thought she was rock star before, she’s like Wonder Woman in her eyes now.

  She looks down at the phone in her hand remembering that she was about ready to call Dakota to come and get her. She called her roommate yesterday once Tara was checked in, but her best friend had zero interest in coming to the hospital. Just the thought of babies gives her the heeby-jeebies. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  Marek’s fists become tight balls down by his side and his nostrils flare with each release of air. “Tinley, don’t be stubborn. You look exhausted. I know you’ve been here since last night, and I doubt you’ve gotten any sleep. Just let me take you home and take care of you.”

  He’s right. She doesn’t have the energy to make a phone call, let alone argue with him about driving her home. The only thing she wants right now is to crash in her bed. Maybe at some point, she’ll get in a long hot shower and have some food, but her bed is the only thing on her mind at the moment. Feeling defeated, she nods and allows him to lead her into the mystery car. Part of her wants to ask him about it again, but even opening her mouth to talk sounds like too much work, so she doesn’t. Instead, she sinks right down into the buttery leather seats and closes her eyes. The familiar click of her seatbelt going into place registers in her mind. She probably should have done that herself, but oh well—too late now. She’s buckled in, and that’s all that matters. She sinks deeper into the seat and finally lets her body relax. Resting her eyes for a bit sounds wonderful.

  “Tinley…Tinley, wake up.”

  Her body gently rocks from side to side and the deep sleep she was under dissipates. She nods her head, and her eyes slowly flutter open. The sudden brightness overwhelms her senses and she blinks a few times to adjust to the sudden change. It takes her a minute to remember where she’s at and who she’s with, but as her head flips to the side and she looks out the window, it all starts flooding back—the hospital, the baby, Marek pulling a Jake Ryan in the parking lot. Looking up, she sees they’re in front of her apartment complex. She must have been seriously out of it to sleep the entire way from the hospital to here, it’s a good forty-five minute drive and since she doesn’t even remember leaving there she must have really been exhausted. Glancing over at Marek, she sees him looking at her so
expectantly and feels horrible for what she has to do.

  Rather than looking over at him, she turns her focus out the window watching the traffic pass them by. A little girl giggles as she blows bubbles at her jumping dog and a teenager busies himself under the hood of his car with the stereo blaring. “Thank you for picking me up and bringing me home.”

  The gentle caress of Marek’s hand against hers almost causes her to turn around and look at him. But she holds her resolve and forces herself to keep her focus elsewhere. “You don’t have to thank me.”

  “Wait, I’m not finished.” She holds her hand out to him and he nods his head then Tinley continues. “I know you want to talk to me, but I’m just not ready yet. I need more time. I don’t know when I’ll be ready, but can you do that for me?”

  He keeps his mouth shut, no doubt waiting for her to say she’s done talking. Turning away from the window to finally face him, she nods her head so he’ll answer her.

  “I don’t—”

  Tinley’s head falls into her hands and she tries to hold back her tears. She can feel herself weakening, but she keeps repeating to herself to stay strong. Swallowing down her emotions and lifts up and looks him in the eyes. “Please. Can you do that for me?”

  He closes his mouth and his jaw clenches. She can tell how much he’s suppressing what he really wants to say to her, and she sighs with relief as he slowly nods his head.

  “Thank you and please don’t run off and cheat on me with the copy girl. We’re on a break, I’m not saying we’re broken up.”

  The tension in the car lightens up a little at her joke as they both break out laughing. It’s still slightly forced and not complete happiness, but it’s something.

  Marek picks up her hand and kisses it while looking into her eyes. “Tinley, I love you. I don’t see anyone but you. I will wait for you forever if I have to.”