Josefina
Page 3
* * * *
“I’m glad you told me this, Sookie.” Dennis gently touched her face, taking her hand in his. “It made your journey to me all the more brave.”
Together, her family sat down to dinner. Their house grew quiet, peaceful, while dinner conversation drifted over everyday matters. Looking at Dennis then, Sookie realized she wanted to reconnect with him. Her strength, her purpose-driven ride to succeed made her keep him at a mental arm’s length some days. She knew she’d hurt him. As confining and surrounding as her wall had been, she wanted more than anything to begin to tear it down.
She’d listened to what seemed like thousands of crickets’ chirping coming from a gilded mirrored clock on the wall as she looked at this life they’d made, milling over everything she’d learned about herself and her perceived role in this daily drama she called life.
After dishes were washed and chores completed, she and Dennis settled their boys into bed. Walking wearily toward their room, she turned to Dennis. “I’m going to wash up.”
It was close to ten o’clock.
“I’ll be waiting.”
After what seemed forever, Sookie climbed into bed to lay next to a partner she hoped to keep for life. They both reached up and out toward separate lamps on either side of their bed, lightly flicking them off.
Silently, in darkness lit only by moonlight from outside, she watched light shadows move on the ceiling above their heads. “Dennis, there is something I want to say to you.”
With a shift and a slight moan, the weight on the bed dipped inward, shifting toward her as Dennis’ face, etched in half-light, sharpened into view. “What is it, baby?”
“I want to apologize to you.”
“Why?” His features in this dim light were slightly out of focus.
She said softly, “I realize sometimes I’ve been hard to live with, and I feel like I’ve kept you on the outside of my life, looking in.”
He didn’t say a word. In the evening’s dim light reflecting on his face, she could see a hint of moisture in his eyes.
“You and our boys mean everything to me. I’ve been so busy trying to get on top of my job that I haven’t spent enough time loving you. I miss you.”
His face became a speeding blur as he moved steadily toward her. Then he pulled her into his arms as his features became clear. “I’ve missed you too, baby. You’re not the only one to blame because I realize you and I have been a bit distant lately.”
She moved closer to him. “I don’t want to miss you anymore. Knowing that Josefina is gone has gotten me thinking that our time here is short. She was lonely. I’m lucky enough to have found someone to love.” He pulled her under him as she finished, “I don’t want to lose it.”
“Sookie, you’re not going to lose it or me.” He kissed her slowly, softly and lingeringly. “I love your strange ‘whys’ and ‘hows’.”
Their lips dueled and met.
“I’m going to stand up to Patrick tomorrow before we head for New Mexico.”
“I think it’s a great idea. He needs to know you’re a woman to be respected because if he doesn’t I might have to ‘speak’ with him myself.”
“God.” Her heart leapt at the fire in his eyes. “I love you.”
“And I love you, baby.”
They loved deep into the night. Dennis’ skin felt new as her hands glided over him. She knew again how to feel, to accept real love. His lips became a balm against hers and it felt so right.
As their joining reached an enviable peak, she hoped their marriage and friendship lasted forever.
Pulling Sookie into his body curve, Dennis spooned behind her.
As she drifted off into peaceful, restful sleep, Sookie wanted to think she’d always overcome all the ‘whys’ she’d sometimes receive from strangers in regard to her mixed heritage.
However, she knew that would be a lie.
The same types of older and younger Frankie Baras were still walking singularly or pack-like throughout the world, speaking and whispering in different tongues, still trying to figure out who they thought she and others like her were.
They existed during family vacations where, when visiting her husband’s family on vacation, an angry fellow dared single out Sookie for scorn unbidden by comparing the color of his girlfriend’s skin to Sookie’s own soft brown hue loudly, saying only she could save him from the Mexicans.
Furthermore, she knew this challenge existed too in the land of Mexico itself, where Sookie learned firsthand that some of her Mexican brethren stared into their secret mirrors, struggling with the shadow of self-doubt if their skin tanned more than others under warm Latin sun.
For a few brief years, she struggled against her own shadow-self, seeking its value in a world defining worth by outward appearance alone. So, she lived, moving on from the day she learned what a ‘wetback’ was, becoming the sum of her experience and hopefully changing it for the better.
Strong emotion welled up inside as she found herself thinking once more in this late hour of how her understanding of Josefina’s passing surpassed her knowledge for so long. She felt a strange mixture of relief and gratitude for the courage of a woman who’d taught her she’d sometimes need to meet life on her own terms.
As Dennis held her close while drifting toward sleep, Sookie considered her life up to now to be the distance between two points.
For such a long time, she felt she’d been forever running, but never really knowing if the choice she’d made--leaving everything she’d ever known to follow her dreams--had been right until this moment. Her increased understanding of how Josefina defined her life by her standards opened her up to her own possibilities.
If choices they’d made were good or bad, only the heavens would judge.
Sookie’s long struggle against her creature of self-doubt, faced during long years of learning about the world, peoples, and life aided her in becoming her family’s first college graduate.
She’d seen a world that her nana could only imagine, giving her courage to mother her own biracial children today.
She could only accept her gift of self-acceptance for herself and pass it on to her own new generation.
“I’m so proud of who you’ve become,” Dennis whispered softly. “I guess I have to thank your mother and your tias next time I see them. And also say a little prayer for your Josefina.”
She smiled with her face hidden against the pillow, knowing how right that statement was.
The risks, sorrows, and triumphs Josefina and her own mother endured taught her to come to cherish the creamy brown of her skin, to accept the challenge of her sometime confused hair, and to relish the texture and the difference that had carried her into the world to face her life.
Husband and wife lightly kissed while late night moved into early hours. She listened to Dennis’ steady breathing, the shifting of their children in their beds, and smiled.
Her life had changed in so many ways. Yet her true happiness began by finding comfort in her own skin, which started on the day she’d learned that some would never accept who she was, so she could only accept herself, as Josefina struggled to years before her.
About the Author
Tara Newlands is an Arizona native currently residing in the United Kingdom with family. An active yogi, Tara enjoys reading, writing, and taking walks along the rugged English coastline.
The best part of life is enjoying doing the things you love with the people you love and Tara tries to live by that motto daily. The Arizona native has been fascinated by books all her life, never failing to be amazed by their ability to transform lives and worlds.
Readers can contact Tara at http://taranewlands.webs.com, also on Facebook and twitter.
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