Season Of Passion (1980)

by Steel, Danielle

  What do you want to do, Kate? Do you want to go back to the city or spend the night in Carmel?

  Don't you have to do the show?

  He shook his head. Called in sick again.

  Jesus. Won't Jasper get pissed? You want to try and get back? He shook his head. He'd deal with all that when he went back to his office. This mattered more.

  No, but I think we ought to call the police. They're going to be revving up their engines now that it's dark. It's only fair to let them know. She nodded and looked at Tygue.

  Okay. Let's stay in Carmel.

  And there was no way of avoiding it. Nick pulled up in front of the hotel where she had stayed with Tom. But she just didn't care anymore. There were no landmarks, no shrines. It was too late for that. Much, much too late. Tygue was asleep in her arms, and she looked at Nick. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, but she didn't know how. He just watched her, and finally smiled. But there was worry in Ms eyes too.

  You're really going to take him?

  She nodded. She had to. For everyone's sake.

  Do you want me to come?

  I'd like you to be there. But I don't think he should see you. It'll confuse him, scare him. Tygue will be enough.

  I wish you didn't have to go through that.

  It'll be okay

  He kissed her then, and came around the car for Tygue. He carried him inside the hotel, and the boy didn't wake up again. They notified the police that they had found him. And Nick quietly made an appointment with the lieutenant for the following Monday. He wanted to make sure that Kate wouldn't be hassled with social workers and investigations. This was a family matter, but dragging the police into it twice on a statewide alert was going to cause some embarrassment. He wanted to handle it before it got out of hand.

  What did they say? Kate looked nervous as she sipped a cup of tea in their room. She had just checked on Tygue again. He was still asleep. He would be all night. He was too tired even to eat. He had come a long way in a short time. Hadn't they all. She stifled a yawn.

  They said everything was fine. Don't worry about it. And you should get some sleep.

  I'm fine.

  You look it. She was a pale grayish green, and there was no makeup left except smudged mascara beneath her eyes. He sat down next to her on the bed and held her close. God, I'm glad you're back, Kate. I've been worried sick about you.

  I thought you hated me when I left

  I did. He smiled down at her. But I did some thinking. What we have is too special to throw away.

  Jesus, and she almost had thrown it away, with that jerk in New York. It was horrifying to realize that she might have been in bed with him at that very moment if she hadn't had to come home. In a way, Tygue's flight for Carmel had been a blessing. She closed her eyes as she lay in Nick's arms. Only for a moment.

  She just wanted to lie there and feel him next to her. Her eyes closed and when she opened them again, it was morning.

  She looked around, stunned, as the sun poured into the room. Nick? . He laughed at her from the other side of the bed. He was already drinking a cup of coffee. What happened?

  You passed out, Cinderella. Zap. Gone.

  That must have been fun. She grinned at him and stretched. He had taken off her clothes.

  Yeah, best it's ever been. They exchanged a playful smile, and she reached out for his coffee.

  Where'd you get that?

  Tour son and I had breakfast, my love.

  When?

  About an hour ago.

  Jesus, what time is it?

  Almost nine o'clock. She nodded, and then they both sobered. They knew what lay ahead.

  How's Tygue?

  Okay. Quiet. He was hungry as hell. She bent over to kiss Nick quickly and then went into the other room to see Tygue. He was sitting quietly near the window with his bear. She walked over to him softly and sat down.

  Hi, love. How's Willie?

  He's okay. He was kind of hungry this morning though.

  He was, eh? She smiled and pulled Tygue dose. He felt so soft and warm in her arms. It reminded her of all the years when they'd had only each other. Are you ready for today? He knew what she meant. He only nodded, holding tightly to Willie. It won't be much fun. In fact she made him look at her it may be the hardest thing you ever did. He's not like a daddy, Tygue.

  I know Tygue's eyes were even larger than hers.

  He's kind of like a little boy. But a sick little boy. He can't walk. He's in a wheelchair, and he doesn't remember things. She was almost sorry that she hadn't brought him earlier, when Tom had looked bronzed and healthy. Now he always looked so tired and unhappy. It would be harder for Tygue. And I want you to know ' She hesitated, fighting back the tears. I want you to know now ' that before he got like this, he loved you very much. Before you were born. She took a deep breath and held her son tight. And I want you to know that I love you too, with all my heart, and ' and if it's too hard you don't have to stay. Is that a promise? You'll tell me if you want to go?

  Tygue nodded, and gently wiped the tears from her face as she fought back more. All she could do then was hold him.

  Is Nick coming too?

  She pulled back to look at him. Do you want him to?

  Tygue nodded. Can he?

  He can't see T ' Daddy, but he can be there.

  Okay. And with an imploring look, he turned his face up to hers. Can we go now?

  In a little bit. I'll have some coffee and get dressed. He nodded, and sat where he was.

  I'll wait here.

  I'll hurry.

  Nick looked up when she walked back into the room. This was going to be another brutal day. But maybe this would be the last one. He hoped so. Is he all right?

  Yes. He wants you there. And then she looked at him again, with those big, bottomless green eyes that he had loved from the first. So do I

  I'll be there.

  You always are.

  That's a nice thing to say. He handed her a cup of coffee and a piece of toast, but she couldn't eat. Even the coffee made her feel sick. There was a knot in her stomach the weight of a coconut. All she could think of was Tygue. And his father.

  Chapter 34

  Nick drove up the driveway and pulled into the spot she pointed out to him behind the main house.

  Should I wait here? He looked as nervous as she felt, and Tygue was sitting silently on her lap, watching everything.

  You can come closer to the cottage. There are other people around. You won't stick out. He nodded, and they all got out of the car. She took Tygue's hand, and smoothed his hair. He was still carrying Willie. Kate had called ahead to warn Mr. Erhard. He said Tom was in good form. At least there was that

  The silent trio followed the pathway, and then Kate pointed to a little white wrought-iron bench. Why don't you wait there, love? You can see the cottage from here. She pointed again, and he looked. This was how she had spent all those years. He still had to fight back tears when he thought of it

  He looked down at the boy then, and gently touched his cheek. You're okay, Tiger. Tygue nodded, and Kate took his hand and walked on. Mr. Erhard was waiting in the doorway, and he looked down at Tygue with a warm smile. Kate had already forgotten Nick. She was in Tom's world now. And she was holding tightly to Tygue's hand. She wanted him to know how much they had loved him, how much they had loved each other. She wanted him to see something of Tom that was no longer there to see. But above all, she wanted Tygue to survive it. She put an arm around his shoulders and forced a smile.

  Tygue, this is Mr. Erhard. He takes care of your daddy. He has for a very long time.

  Hi, Tygue. That's a beautiful bear. What's his name?

  Willie. Tygue's eyes looked enormous. And Mr. Erhard's eyes sought Kate's.

  We have a Willie too. Would you like to see him? Tygue nodded, trying to look past him into the cottage, and then Mr. Erhard stepped aside, and Kate walked slowly inside. Tom was staying in the cottage today, despite the good weather
, and when she saw him she realized how much time he must have been spending inside lately. He looked ghostly and pale, and seemed to have lost twenty pounds in the past two weeks. But there was a warm light in his eyes today, and he smiled a smile she hadn't seen in years as he caught sight of Tygue. Kate had to clench her teeth so as not to cry. It was Tom who spoke first.

  You have a Willie tool! So do I! He instantly held up his bear and Tygue smiled. Let me see yours. He very gently held out a big hand and Tygue let him have Willie, and for a few minutes they compared bears, while Tygue stole glances at his father. They decided that Tygue's was in better shape. Want some cookies? He had saved some from the night before, and produced a plate for Tygue, as Kate and Mr. Erhard hovered. The two boys ate cookies, and Tygue crept quietly into the rocking chair as they talked. What's your name?

  Tygue.

  Mine is Tom. And that's Katie. He glanced over at Kate with a broad smile, and she found herself smiling back. She comes to see me a lot. She's a nice lady. I love her. Do you love her too? Tygue nodded silently and it almost seemed to Kate as though Tom was forcing himself to speak like a child, to put Tygue at ease. As though he could have behaved as a grownup if he wanted to. Want to see my boat? Tygue looked up in surprise and smiled.

  Yeah. I've got a boat too. They talked about their boats for a minute, and then Mr. Erhard stepped in.

  Do you two want to take a walk to the pond? We could try out Tom's boat. Father and son looked enthusiastic, and Kate smiled as he wheeled Tom outside and Tygue walked along beside him. He looked almost proud as he walked next to his father. And the half hour at the boat pond brought laughter to everyone. Even Tom looked better than he had at first. And then Kate could see him starting to tire, and Mr. Erhard suggested they go back inside.

  For once Tom didn't argue, and he reached out for Tygue's hand as they started back. He was being rolled along by Mr. Erhard, and Tygue was once again at his side. The little boy held tightly to the shrunken man's hand, as Kate watched them. She was glad she had brought him. And when they reached the cottage door, Tom leaned over and picked two bright orange flowers. One for Kate, and one for his son. He looked hard and long at the boy as he handed him the flower and held his hand.

  Why did you come to see me?

  Kate felt her heart stop, but Tygue looked at him and didn't waver.

  I needed to see you.

  I needed to see you too. Take good care of Katie.

  Tygue nodded somberly and she could see his eyes fill with tears as quickly as her own. Tom had never said anything like that before.

  I will.

  And Willie? Always take good care of Willie. But this time Tygue only nodded, and then unexpectedly he leaned over and kissed Tom on the cheek as he sat in his chair. Tom smiled at him and hugged him for a moment.

  I love you. The words were Tygue's.

  I love you too. And then he laughed, the clear, open laugh of a boy, and Tygue laughed too. It was as though they understood each other, as though they had a secret between them. As though they felt the moment in a lighthearted way that no one else understood. They were both little boys. Tom was still laughing as Mr. Erhard wheeled him inside. Is it time for my nap? Mr. Erhard nodded, looking at Kate. It was enough. Better to stop now.

  Yes, it is.

  I hate naps. He made a face and looked at Tygue.

  So do I. Tygue laughed back and picked up his bear again. Tom watched him with a funny look in his eyes, but he was smiling.

  Ill trade you.

  What?

  Willies. I'll give you my Willie, and you give me yours. Want to? My Willie is so tired of being here. Tygues face lit up then, as though his father had offered, him the most precious gift in the world.

  Sure. He held out his bear with a look of awe, and Tom wheeled over to his own and handed it to Tygue.

  Take good care of Willie.

  I will. Tygue stooped to kiss him again, and Tom only smiled.

  Bye. Tygue watched him for a long moment, as though wondering what to say, how to end it, but he only smiled and walked to the door.

  Bye.

  Kate walked toward Tom, and stood next to him, holding his shoulder with her hand. Together, they looked at their son, smiling in the doorway with his bear. He had seen his father. He had won.

  Tom looked up at her with a tired smile. The visit had cost him something, but he looked as though he had won too.

  Bye, Katie. Something about the way he said it tore at her heart, and she couldn't say good-bye. Tygue was still watching them from the doorway.

  I'll see you soon.

  He only nodded, though, with a quiet, happy smile. He was still watching the boy. And Kate could still feel his eyes on them after they'd left, and were out in the warm autumn sun. She looked down at Tygue, and wiped her eyes. I'm glad you came.

  Me too. And then, with a smile, he walked over to the bench where they had left Nick. Kate had totally forgotten him. And she followed slowly behind Tygue, trying to recover from the hour they'd spent with Tom. Hi. Tygue stood in front of him with a broad grin. I've got a new Willie.

  Looks like the old Willie to me. Nick smiled, trying to search the boy's eyes, but he didn't see anything there but peace and love, and a warm glow. The visit had done him no harm.

  It's his Willie. He gave it to me.

  You mean he has one too? Nick looked at Tygue warmly as he nodded. That's neat. And then he looked up at Kate, as she stood near them. She was still holding the two flowers Tom had given them after their walk. How are you?

  Okay. I kind of forgot you were here. She smiled, looking wistful and tired, but relieved.

  I know. But I'm glad I am.

  So am I Nick ' She looked down for a moment and then back into his eyes. Could we go down to my place for a few days? I mean all three of us. I kind of want to ' She didn't know how to say it, but it was as though she had to see that too. As though she needed to get away from the city, and the book, and everything that had been happening. Can you get away?

  We're going to have to stop and buy some tee-shirts and jeans, but I can get away. I think it would do us all good.

  So do I.

  Are you lonely for the country, darling? He looked at her curiously as they walked back to the car. He hadn't thought she was.

  No. I don't know. I just need to be there. Just for a few days.

  Okay. He put an arm around her shoulders, and another around Tygue's, and the three of them walked back to the car. Kate was glad when they drove away from Mead. She didn't want to leave Tom, but it was time that she did.

  Chapter 35

  Going back to Kate's house in the hills for a few days had been a good idea. It gave them all the time they needed to absorb the past week. Nick and Kate needed the time together, and with Tygue. He was whole again, and at peace. He was quiet for the first day, sitting outside with the teddy bear he'd gotten from Tom. But he wasn't unhappy, only pensive.

  Kate looked down at her son as they sat in the sunshine the second day. Nick was doing something in the house.

  Maybe I should have told him about my horse, Tygue said.

  He never really liked horses very much. Kate was looking off at the hills, thinking back. For a moment she almost forgot the child. He was looking up at her incredulously.

  He didn't like horses? Tygue looked shocked, and she smiled and looked down into the sunny little face. He looked better again. Rested and happy, like the boy she knew, not the waif they had picked up under the trees on the road to Carmel. How could he not like horses?

  He loved football. That was his whole life.

  That's cause he was such a big star. Kate smiled at the pride in the boy's voice.

  Yes, he was.

  Are you a big star, Mom?

  She looked down at him with a grin. No. I wrote a book that a lot of people are buying, but that doesn't make me a star. Nobody knows who I am. She lay back and stretched out the long legs that had modeled so long ago. But everyone knew who your da
d was. Everywhere we went people wanted autographs, they wanted to touch him, ladies wanted to kiss him. She grinned and Tygue started to laugh.

  Did he let them?

  Not when he was with me.

  It must be neat though, having everyone love you like that.

  Sometimes. Sometimes it's very hard. People expect too much of you. People won't leave you alone. They won't let you be yourself.

  I wouldn't like that. He picked up a leaf and studied it.

  He didn't either. That's what made him sick. All the people pushing him. And all he wanted to do was play football. For the rest of his life.

  Couldn't he?

  She shook her head. No, love. You can only play professional football for a few years. And then they make you retire.

  What's that?

  Stop playing.

  Forever?

  Forever.

  That's terrible! He threw the leaf away and stared at her.

  That's what your dad thought too. He didn't want to do anything else. And they made him quit. And then a lot of people buggea him about it. Like newspapers and stuff. It was the best explanation she could give him, and it was true.

  And he went crazy. Right?

  That's about right.

  Does he remember that he played football?

  No. I don't think he remembers anything except where he is now, and Mr. Erhard and me. And now he'll remember you. She smiled at him with a mist glistening in her eyes, and she heard Nick come out of the house. He was carrying a blanket and two apples. He handed one to each of them, and looked down at them with warmth in his eyes. Thanks, love. Kate smiled him a kiss.

  Don't you guys want to sit on this?

  Nah. Tygue looked up at the blanket disparagingly and then he remembered something ' those words his father had said ' You want to, Mom?

  Okay. She remembered the words too' . Take care of Katie' .

  The three of them spread out the bright plaid blanket and sat down and munched apples. Kate and Nick shared theirs, and Tygue attacked his with glee. They were fresh country apples. They had gotten them? from the market the day before.