If the Dress Fits

by Carla de Guzman

  Meanwhile, Regina was playing EDM out loud from her phone and getting antsy. She was almost squirming in her seat, trying to get comfortable for longer than a minute. I’ve known my cousin long enough to know that she hated being confined in small spaces for any more than an hour. She was impossible to bring along on road trips that way.

  “AAAAAH,” she exclaimed, as we moved another inch forward. The car jerked a little and I felt my entire body jiggle at the movement. I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned.

  Oh my god my bra was utterly useless! Whatever size I bought, my boobs always ended up spilling over the top and jiggling with every step I took. A classmate of mine once told this horror story of a woman with such large boobs that she needed to lift one every time she showered when her breasts sagged. It was a story that haunted me sometimes.

  There was nothing great about having large breasts. They’re heavy, clunky, and very hard to wear tops with. Girls with smaller chests always tell me how jealous they were of my 'assets' because guys loved big boobs, but the guy I wanted would like me in spite of my massive boobs. My boobs have been made fun of, popped out, and sucked in. I wouldn't trade them for anything but...could they be just a little more discreet?

  “I take it your digital marketing workshop was a success.” I said to my phone, leaning against the car window. Technically I was on an extended lunch break from work, but was always on call for the clients to contact me. It was a part of the job.

  Right then I was talking to Mindy who had taken a digital marketing seminar. The company gave a small allowance allocation for technical learning, and Mindy took this after she heard it was for the hip, the cool, and the fabulous. “Did they wow you with their super hip, Gen Z insights?”

  “Oh boy did they…not,” Mindy said, and I could feel her sarcasm from a few miles away. “Here’s hoping Whitney Houston was wrong, because if these children are our future then we are screwed.” I chuckled. I knew Mindy was a little miffed that I didn’t go with her, but there was nobody else available to coordinate with Kuya Benj to pick up the Titas from the airport. Mindy and I continued to discuss the workshop, and I helped relay what the client wanted to achieve with their marketing push.

  “By the way, did we send those filing notices for the Eastwick people?” Mindy asked, and I could hear her nervously tapping her pen on the desk. Between that and Regina’s music, I could barely hear a thing.

  “Yes, and I’ve already filed the billing requests,” I said a little loudly. Thankfully Regina got the hint and lowered the volume on her phone. “I’m dropping by the office later, we can talk about the workshop.”

  “Gotcha boss! See you later.” Mindy exclaimed. "By the way, are you dating that Max guy? I remember you talk to him on the phone a lot, so I stalked him a little on Facebook, and dang girl, he is hawt!"

  "Okay, bye Mindy!" I chirped and hung up just in time to notice that Regina was looking at me with a fond little smile.

  “Yes?” I asked her curiously, putting away my phone.

  “Look at you saying things like ‘billing’ and ‘workshop’,” she said, patting my thigh lightly (it still jiggled). “You’re a full grown up now, girl.”

  “Thanks,” I said, raising my eyebrow as I put away my phone. “But you’re way more grown up than me. Tita Merry mentioned you were a semester away from graduating.”

  Something about that made Regina crumble and shut off almost immediately, her hand retreating back to her lap. God, what was with today? Everything I said set people off so easily.

  “Yeah, I don’t see myself coming back for that,” Regina finally said nonchalantly. “Enzo’s got a pretty good job here, and Mama’s talking about setting up a foundation for her charity work…this is my home now, you know? Traffic and all,” she said, looking out at the crowded road as we inched forward. She was staring at nothing so intently that I could almost see the wheels in her head turning.

  If you looked Regina up on Instagram (her medium of choice), you could tell that there was a lot of curation that came in to it. All her posts were pretty and polished, the kind that took her hours to filter and caption, showing off her silly streak with the gorgeous buildings of London in the background. She was always happy and completely content, and there was no trace of a desire to leave.

  Apparently, the Internet was an illusion, and now was the only time I only saw what was really going on behind the lovely filters and Regina’s punny captions. Her 3,000 follower strong account took time, planning, and plotting which of her artworks to post, when peak hours were and what to hash tag. She liked to joke that it was one of the few times her art management degree came in handy.

  Looking at her now, biting her nail worriedly and her foot tapping incessantly against the car interiors, I caught a glimpse of the little girl I grew up with, the one who forced me to get over my need for a night light by holding my hand in one of our many sleepovers. In a weird way, Regina was right. She’d finally come home.

  But why leave London in the first place?

  "Listen, Regina," I said, shaking my head. As her cousin and someone who just wanted her to be happy, I needed to tell her about Enzo, ask her what happened. She seemed just a little lost. "We need to talk."

  But just as she was about to open her mouth to agree, our car made it to the service lane, and my phone started ringing. It was a client whose call I had been waiting for, and kept me occupied all the way to the airport, where I was gesturing madly at Kuya Benjo to the titas, who I could already see.

  Tita Merry woke up as soon as we got to the airport. I wasn’t surprised that we were able to spot Tita Flora and her twin sister Tita Fauna waiting for us from three bays away.

  Tita Flora was, as always, wearing the biggest hat within a five-meter radius. Her brightly-patterned floral dress blew lightly in the warm summer wind as she raised her perfectly manicured hand to flag us down. Beside her was Tita Fauna, the very picture of propriety in her patterned shift dress and rubber sole flats, very practical, and in her signature shade of navy blue.

  They were twin sisters, the oldest of the Aguas family. When Tita Flora retired seven years ago from her practice in Virginia, her twin made good on a childhood promise they made to spend the last of their days at a beach house in Malibu, where they both lived now.

  Between them, they had one child (our cousin Lydia, who still lived in Virginia with her perfect husband and super-cute son) and three cats. Tita Flora’s ex-husband was a Greek billionaire that had eschewed a prenup, and she made out with half of his money after she found him in bed with two other women. Tita Merry rounded out their little band of the Three Witches, a name my father frequently called them to their faces.

  "Oh dear, look at you Martha!" Tita Flora exclaimed as I came over to greet her with the usual mano and kiss on the cheek. "Hija, you look so...hmmm...healthy!"

  Strike one from Tita Flora. At the corner of my eye, I saw Tita Fauna twitch, and I knew she was about to follow up with a hit.

  "Yes, yes, I saw your posts on the Facebook for your trip to Korea! You must have eaten a lot, your cheeks are quite puffy, dear. But you were alone? So scary!" she said, pouting her lips to the right side of her face to exaggerate the soft skin on her cheek, which I politely bushed with my own cheek. "I can't believe Philip and Chari let you go like that. You should at least have a boy with you to ward off predators."

  I saw Tita Merry's ears perk up and knew I was in for the full experience of the wrath of my titas. I braced myself for the comment, but before I could, Regina literally leapt in front of her mother to interrupt her.

  "Okay, let's go to the car and go home!" Regina exclaimed, saving me from the scrutiny of my aunts. I gave her a tiny smile in gratitude as we all piled back in to the van, both of us squeezing together with their luggage in the back while the Aunties got a row each to themselves. Tita Flora began fanning herself with her giant hat while asking Benj to turn the AC up.

  The car jumped when we hit a speed bump, and all three of them
went, 'ay ee-nang!’, which had them laughing at their own silliness.

  I had to admit, I missed seeing the three of them together. They loved making each other laugh, and telling us embarrassing stories about my dad's childhood, like that time when he grew lettuce in the garden thinking it was weed. Some days, Maggie and I couldn't wait to be titas like them.

  Some days though, we were glad we weren't there yet.

  What was Tita Flora’s big announcement, though? Knowing her, she was waiting for the whole family to be together before she would say anything. I studied her, wondering what she could possibly say that she needed to be back home for. Was she getting married again?

  "...so we're having the party on the fifteenth, then it's all the way to the wedding in December," Tita Merry was saying. "Regina and Martha are planning the engagement party. They promise it's going to be a big event."

  "Good, because I would imagine the Benitezes would not be happy if it was small, god forbid," Tita Fauna said, rolling her eyes. She turned to us. "Just tell us if you need advice, girls."

  "How about you just tell us about your fiancée instead, Regina?" Tita Flora asked, reaching behind her to wave her bejeweled fingers at Regina until she awkwardly took Tita's hand and shook with her. Regina and I exchange amused looks. "Come on, tell us how you met, and the proposal!"

  For some reason this made Regina uncomfortable, and she started fiddling with her engagement ring. I decided it was a good time as any to return the favor and save her from the aunts' scrutiny. But this was getting seriously odd.

  "Tita, it was so magical, they got engaged at the mansion scene Tita Merry and I set up for a screening," I said, my brain scrambled for something to tell them, something that would throw their focus off completely. "My friend Max said it gave him butterflies of kilig."

  Oh shit. I realized quickly that I just made the worst possible error. I mentioned the one thing I knew I shouldn't even mention when talking with your aunties. Just a casual mention of Max made them latch on, and I could see the excitement lighting up their eyes, making them forget about the traffic and the heat. Now not even Regina could save me. I'd gone too far.

  "Max?" Tita Fauna repeated. "As in a boy? Who is Max?"

  Shit shit shit shit.

  "Hija, I did not know you had a boyfriend!" Tita Merry exclaimed, turning around now to face us. The full force of their expectant looks was terrifying. "Was this the nice man you brought with you at the screening? I saw you two giggling in the back, I knew it!"

  "Giggling in the back?" Regina asked with an amused quirk on her lip. She nudged me with her elbow. Oh god. "You go, Martita!”

  Tita Fauna nodded solemnly from her place in the row in front of us. "That is very good to hear that you have a boyfriend, Martha. Honestly, I was getting very worried about you."

  "Oh yes," Tita Flora agreed, whipping out a previously hidden fan from her purse to slap against the seat. "You know we were just about to offer you to stay with us in Pasadena, just so you can get your head together, make a plan. Maybe even lose weight..."

  "We thought it would be a nice way to get you to finally find yourself a boyfriend. We have a few friends there with sons that are looking for a nice, fun girl to go out with," Tita Fauna pointed out. "Because we felt so bad that you haven't had one yet."

  My back stiffened, and I noticed Regina making a face at the mention of the plan the titas had come up with. Sending me to California? Since when was that a plan? It was like I was being punished for enjoying my independence. I knew the aunts only meant well, but agreeing to that was acknowledging that I was unhappy with my life right now, and I wasn't!

  "Well good thing I've already got Max! Ha-ha," I said awkwardly, feeling my stomach churn with acidity the moment the lie came out. I know it was a horrible thing to say, but it was only going to be a few events, and I could say we broke up when the wedding was over. We could totally pull this off, Max and I!

  Did he even have to know? A little voice at the back of my head whispered. It wasn't like I was planning to bring him to any of the family events. I knew it would be weird. But the wedding, at least, I wanted to...

  "Ma'am, are we stopping by McDonald's again?" Kuya Benj called from the front of the car, and I wanted to hit my forehead against the window and try to climb out. The aunts looked at me with a mixture of pride and pity.

  "Oh she won't need fast food now that she's full with looooove," Regina sing-songed, and everyone started laughing all the way back to the house. I made a mental sign of the cross and apologized to God for my little white lie, but I was determined to keep this up. How hard could it be?

  Seven

  The next Monday, I sat at my desk, tying up a status report for Max about his regular compliances, his permits, tax clearances and such while waiting for a few requirements we were looking for from Frank's company. They'd named themselves Very Efficient Developers, Inc., which was still not the weirdest name we've come across with.

  I was also waiting for Regina to come to the office so we could go have lunch at a small place in Legaspi Village that did catering services. We needed to visit them since my usual caterer (I did this kind of thing a lot, if you couldn't tell) was already booked. This place was apparently one of the best kept secrets in the area, at least according to Mindy and Tita Flora, who recommended it.

  I was listening to music in the background, absentmindedly humming along to the Les Miserablés soundtrack while Mindy was working on her mails. She complained the entire morning how unfair it was that I had a legitimate excuse to go to the restaurant while she had to stay in the office and eat a salad 'like a Kardashian? Ew!’

  I smiled and simply told her she was doing a great job. I liked watching her work. It was the first time I'd been assigned anyone, and to see her working hard and getting good results made me feel good.

  Career-wise, I never thought I would do this for a living. A lot of people assumed that when I took a got my CPA license it was to put myself in the perfect position to inherit Dad and Tito Dennis' company. But I took up accounting because I actually liked it. People usually associate accounting with math, but to me, it was more like a language I had learned to become fluent in. The numbers told a story, and my job was to make sure people understood what the story was.

  Dad and I have been talking about me finding out what I really wanted, and I didn't really have an answer. At least not right now. Although I did like my job, it wasn’t something I was going to do for the rest of my life…was it?

  My phone started to ring, and I picked up when I saw my Dad’s extension number in the caller ID.

  “Yes, boss?” I asked immediately.

  “Can you come in please?” He asked. “Just for a minute.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  Philip Aguas, CPA, was a man who enjoyed efficiency. Dad lived by the rules of Six Sigma, an operations technique that contained guides and tools for general efficiency and improvement. He thrived on routine, and spent most of his time as managing partner finding problems in the office and trying to fix them, as Six Sigma dictated. He knew it was a thankless, endless job, but he loved it anyway.

  “Hey Dad,” I said, sitting across from him as he typed up an email. It took him a couple of minutes before he could refocus his attention on me.

  “Hey sweetheart,” he said. “I just got off the phone with Merry. Sounds like they’re making this engagement party a pretty big deal, huh?”

  I laughed. “That would be an understatement. They’re talking about sending invitations to ambassador friends, and the who’s who of Manila society! Who knew Tito Gerund’s family was so up there?”

  Well, we knew, because Tita Merry still lived in their house in fancy Forbes Park and only shopped within the vicinity of Makati. The fact that Regina lived in a large flat in central London alone was a pretty big deal. The Benitezes were one of the old rich families that only chose the cream of the crop to be a part of their family. I wouldn't be surprised if Regina's engagement appeared in t
he glossy pages of Town and Country or Metro Society.

  Now do you see why being the one to plan this little engagement party was such a big deal for me? Regina even wanted us to have dresses made!

  “Nah, it’s your Tita,” he said. “She’s always liked the high society life. I think that’s why she insists on you planning her events—she wants a protégé and an assistant. We were just talking about how good a job you were doing.” I frowned slightly, trying to guess where he wanted this conversation to go. He had that look on his face when he was trying to find problems. Oh my god, was he trying to Six Sigma me?

  “Dad,” I said testily. “What are you saying?”

  “I just want you to be happy, that’s all,” he said. “I haven’t really seen you smiling since you came off that stage in college, for the musical.”

  Trust my Dad to not remember the plot of Hairspray, but remember how happy I was about it. It was nice, but had I never really been that happy ever since? Was that why I was still holding on to Enzo in the most horribly inappropriate way?

  “From the look on your face I can tell you didn’t know until I pointed it out to you,” he said, frowning. “Flora said you had a boyfriend? That can’t be true, because you would submit the boy for your dear old Dad’s approval, right?”

  The question distracted me from thinking about my future, and for once, I was grateful. I smiled up at my father, neither confirming nor denying anything.

  “Martha Ella Aguas, did you lie to your aunts?” He asked me, and I only gave him a more exaggerated smile in lieu of an answer. My father started to laugh, shaking his head.

  “So you lied to save yourself,” he said. “I have to admit I shouldn’t be this proud. Does Max know that you’re doing this?”

  “Who said that I said Max?” I asked. My father gave me a look. Ack, he knew me too well. “I may never have to tell him.” “Sweetheart, knowing your titas, it’s going to come up,” he said, leaning back on his desk and chuckling. “Did Ate Flora say anything about her announcement? She’s already been here for two days.”