Wicked Charms: A Lizzy and Diesel Novel

by Janet Evanovich

  “I’m not sitting next to him,” I said to Diesel.

  “Me, either,” Glo said.

  “Me, either,” Josh said.

  Wulf reached in and yanked Hatchet out of the helicopter. The pilot wiped the seat down with hand sanitizer and sprayed the cabin with air freshener.

  When we lifted off, Hatchet was on the ground, waving to us and shouting farewell.

  “Will he be okay?” I asked Wulf. “He has no clothes and no money.”

  “He’s quite resourceful,” Wulf said. “He’ll be fine.”

  —

  It was dark when Diesel and I got home. We let ourselves in and went to the kitchen. Cat was on the counter, gnawing on a chicken potpie. Carl was eating peanut butter out of the jar with his finger. Cabinet doors were open and cereal boxes were on the floor.

  “Looks like Carl made dinner,” I said.

  Carl looked over and smiled.

  Diesel put the skull in the microwave for safekeeping. “First thing tomorrow we’ll visit Nergal.”

  “I’m not sure we’ll learn anything of value,” I said. “This guy’s been dead for hundreds of years, and the real task we have now is finding Martin Ammon and relieving him of the stone.”

  “You never know,” Diesel said. “It could be interesting. You said you had to pry the stone out of his hand.”

  A chill ran down my spine at the memory. “It was creepy. I broke off two of his fingers!”

  My clothes were still damp and caked with sea salt. My shoes squished when I walked. And I was starving. I made a cheese sandwich, told Diesel he was on his own, and took my sandwich upstairs with me. I locked myself in my bathroom and peeled my clothes off while I ate the sandwich. I stepped under a scalding hot shower, closed my eyes, and thought I was in heaven. I opened my eyes when Diesel stepped into the shower with me.

  “Hey!” I said. “This is my shower.”

  “Not anymore,” Diesel said. “Now it’s our shower.”

  Diesel poured some of my shower gel into his hands and worked up a lather.

  “This smells nice,” Diesel said.

  “It used to smell like lemon, but now it smells like cookies baking. How do you do that?”

  “I don’t do it. It just happens.”

  He ran his soapy hands over my shoulders and down my arms.

  “Stop that,” I said. “No fooling around!”

  “I’m not fooling,” Diesel said. “I’m deadly serious.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  I dragged myself out of bed at five A.M. My day had barely started and already I was late. I dressed in the dark so I wouldn’t wake Diesel. Cat followed me down the stairs to the kitchen. I gave him fresh water and filled his bowl with kitty crunchies. I grabbed an apple and headed out. The street was quiet, but lights were blinking on in some of the houses. A car pulled into the parking lot for the shipyard at the bottom of my hill.

  Clara was already at work when I got to the bakery. The big dough mixer was humming, and flour hung in the air like fairy dust.

  “How’d it go yesterday?” Clara asked.

  “First off, Josh and Devereaux broke into my house and stole the map and the coin,” I said. “We all raced to Penobscot Bay to see who could get there first and get the finder, which turned out to be the cursed Blue Diamond of Babur. We got the diamond but Devereaux blew our boat up with a rocket. Then Devereaux kidnapped me, and we went looking for the treasure. In the meantime, Rutherford kidnapped Glo, tracked us down, and followed us into the cave. Devereaux fell to his death, we found the treasure, which included the SALIGIA Stone, and Rutherford left Glo and me to die in the brig of a pirate ship. Diesel rescued us and here I am.”

  “So same old, same old,” Clara said.

  I buttoned myself into my white chef coat. “Pretty much.”

  “It’s disappointing that Josh was working with Devereaux to steal the treasure,” Clara said. “I guess you never know about people.”

  “It turned out that Devereaux was a really bad guy in disguise. Or maybe he changed when he took possession of the coin. At any rate, he was definitely insane at the time of death. I think Josh was just stupid. In the end Josh tried to help rescue Glo and me.”

  “Was Glo impressed with that?”

  “She punched him in the nose the first chance she got. When we dropped them off here last night she still wasn’t talking to him.”

  “Good for her,” Clara said.

  Glo arrived a little before nine. She parked Broom in a kitchen corner and set her Magic 8 Ball and tote bag on a workbench.

  “I’ve been asking the Magic 8 Ball questions all morning,” Glo said, “but it always has the same message. I think it might be waterlogged.”

  “What’s the message?” Clara asked.

  “ ‘Outlook not so good,’ ” Glo said.

  Lucky thing I don’t believe in the Magic 8 Ball or I might be depressed.

  “Are you still seeing Josh?” Clara asked Glo.

  Glo shook the 8 Ball and the message floated to the surface. “Outlook not so good.”

  —

  Diesel sauntered in at eleven o’clock. He helped himself to a blueberry muffin and perched on a stool by my workstation.

  “What’s new?” Diesel asked.

  “I need to finish glazing these cinnamon rolls, and then I’m done for the day.”

  Diesel grinned. “Do you want me to help?”

  “No!”

  “You’ll never guess what I found this morning,” Diesel said. “You left your wet clothes on the floor in the bathroom, and when I kicked them aside the Blue Diamond fell out of your jeans pocket.”

  “Omigosh. I stuffed it into my pocket and forgot about it.”

  “I’m sure Rutherford had a dark moment when he realized he’d left it behind. It’s invaluable.”

  “I don’t think Rutherford knew about the diamond,” I said.

  “Can you glaze those things faster? We have a lot of ground to cover today,” Diesel said.

  “Do you have a game plan?”

  “I want to talk to Nergal. I have the skull with me.”

  “And after that?”

  “No plan.”

  “So that doesn’t seem to be a lot of ground.”

  “I’m working on it.”

  I finished my tray, cleaned my area, and asked Clara if she had anything else for me to do.

  “Nope,” she said. “It’s a slow Monday. You might as well take off.”

  We stepped out of the bakery, and I looked around. “Where’s your car?” I asked Diesel.

  “It’s the little black one,” he said.

  “That’s a Porsche 911 Turbo. What happened to the last car?”

  “It got swapped out. I parked it in front of your house last night, and this morning it was gone, and the Porsche was parked there.”

  “How do you know it’s yours?”

  “My cars always have similar license plates. ‘DD0000.’ Or some variation.”

  We drove the short distance to the hospital and found Nergal in his office.

  “We brought you something,” Diesel told him.

  “I hope it’s cupcakes.”

  “Sorry, no cupcakes,” I said.

  “It’s something dead, isn’t it?” Nergal said. “What is it with you people? You’re like the death squad.”

  This from the man who decided to be a coroner.

  Diesel pulled the skull out of his battered brown leather backpack and put it on Nergal’s desk.

  “I didn’t have room to bring the rest of him home with me,” Diesel said, “but this is probably all you need. We think he’s Palgrave Bellows.”

  Nergal leaned forward and took a closer look at the skull. “The real Palgrave Bellows? That’s pretty cool.”

  I nodded in agreement. “We found him in a cave.”

  Nergal put his hand on the skull, and his eyes got wide. “Whoa! This guy is nutty.”

  “What’s he saying to you?”

  “He’s
saying that it all makes sense. That it’s all fallen into place. That he knew the power was within him. That he was destined to become the demon Mammon. And now he’s going to eliminate all disbelievers and rule the world. That he’s sure the crushing pain in his chest is Mammon being reborn in his body.” Nergal removed his hand from the skull. “Personally, my money’s on massive heart attack over the Mammon reborn theory.”

  “You get anything else from him?” Diesel asked.

  “Nope. That’s it. Can I keep the skull?”

  “Sure,” Diesel said. “Maybe someday I’ll bring you the rest of him.”

  Neither of us said anything until we were out of the building and back in the Porsche.

  “Bellows was holding the stone when he died,” I said to Diesel. “It sounds to me like the stone makes you go nutty with the whole greed and Mammon thing. Devereaux had a similar reaction when he got the entire coin in his pocket.”

  “Where’s the coin now?” Diesel asked me.

  “So far as I know it’s still with Devereaux. He had the coin on him when he fell. I suppose Rutherford or one of his men could have picked it up on their way out of the cave, but no one mentioned it when they were gathering up the treasure pieces, and I have a feeling it was forgotten.”

  “And the diary?”

  “Ammon has the diary locked away somewhere. Probably in Marblehead.”

  “I see a road trip in my future.”

  “We’re going back to the island?”

  “Me. Not you. I can do this faster on my own. I want to get there before Ammon or Rutherford or whoever is running the show decides to send his minions back for the rest of the treasure.”

  “I don’t think Rutherford runs anything. I think he’s in damage-control mode, hanging on by his fingernails. I can tell you how to get to the tunnel. It might be easier than using the water entrance. Devereaux and I crept down a dangerous staircase carved out of the rock face. Rutherford and his men rappelled down. It was quicker and safer. Devereaux is at the bottom of the staircase. Another narrow tunnel connects the staircase to the cave and underground lake.”

  An hour later, Cat, Carl, and I watched Diesel drive off.

  “Just the three of us today,” I said to Cat and Carl. “What should we do? Clean the house?”

  Cat pretended not to hear, and Carl climbed onto the couch and turned the television on.

  I was halfway through vacuuming the living room rug when there was a lot of commotion on my front stoop and someone kicked my door down. It wasn’t difficult to do, because the door was showing a couple hundred years of dry rot, and the lock was equally ancient.

  Rutherford crept in around the mangled door. “Hello,” he called. “Anybody home?”

  “Yes, I’m home! What the heck do you think you’re doing breaking my door down? That’s a historic door. You’ll be in big trouble with the Historical Commission.”

  “I knocked but no one answered.”

  “I was vacuuming. I didn’t hear you.”

  “Yes, yes, I can see that. I’ll have Mr. Ammon square it with the historical commission. Mr. Ammon is a big contributor.”

  “I guess that would be okay,” I said, inching my way toward the kitchen, where I had a big carving knife.

  “I must say I’m relieved to see you somehow escaped from the cave. That was a mistake on my part. I should have been more clear with my directions to Mr. Carter. I meant for him to safely see you to the top of the canyon. When we realized the error we returned, but you were already gone. Very clever of you to take matters into your own hands. As you know, Mr. Ammon has plans for you. He just loves your cupcakes. And you’ll play a very large role in our future.”

  “So you came to apologize?”

  “Yes, yes, of course. But there is one other issue. It’s the coin. We don’t seem to have the coin.”

  “Devereaux had the coin.”

  “Mr. Carter assures me that the coin wasn’t on Devereaux. Of course, Mr. Carter is no longer with us. He’s been…um, reassigned. But we feel confident that the coin was removed.”

  “Not by me,” I said. “I don’t have the coin.”

  “I totally believe you. Totally. But I’m sure you realize how important this coin is to our lord Mammon. We must have all essential elements to complete the awakening ceremony. And the coin seems to be one of those elements.”

  “You realize this is all nuts, right?”

  “Ha-ha, nuts. No, no, I assure you it’s not nuts. Mr. Ammon has fully researched this. He’s had a vision.”

  “And you believe Mr. Ammon?”

  “Of course. Totally.”

  “And you believe in Mammon?”

  “Ah, Mammon. Yes, he is…the prince.”

  “Well, I’m sorry but the prince is going to have to wake up without the coin because I don’t have it.”

  Rutherford was smiling and sweating. “That would be lovely. We would all like for that to happen, but it might not be possible. So you are going to have to bring the coin to us. You’re the only one who can recognize it. Mr. Ammon is very set on this. I know this is going to sound extreme, but you must keep in mind the importance of the ceremony. I’m afraid we will be forced to wreck havoc if you don’t bring us the coin. I admit that havoc is a very strong word, but Mr. Ammon has been quite specific about this.”

  “Can you explain havoc?”

  “My understanding is that it would involve torture and death. Possibly mutilation.” Rutherford took a photo out of his suit jacket and handed it to me. “As you can see, this is a picture of the elderly gentleman related to your boss. I believe he’s her grandfather.”

  It was a picture of Gramps waving at the camera. Two armed men in suits were standing behind him. Their faces had been blotted out.

  “He’s a character,” Rutherford said. “You never know what he’ll say. Very entertaining. I would feel terrible if we had to cut his ear off.”

  “That’s disgusting.”

  “It is. I absolutely agree. But we must do what we must do. Responsibility is a heavy burden.” He clapped his hands together. “I guess that about sums it up. I should be leaving so you can get on with it.”

  “How do I reach you?”

  “I’ve sent contact information to your cellphone.”

  I watched him leave and saw that there were several men in suits standing at attention by an SUV. Rutherford got in. His thugs followed.

  I had a range of emotions wash over me. They were jumbled and hard to identify individually, but anger was clearly at the top of the list. I was angry that Rutherford would kidnap Gramps, and I was angry that I was involved. Diesel was wrong. I didn’t like the adventure. I liked dull and boring. I wanted my life to be pleasant. I wanted Gramps’s life to be pleasant. Hell, I wanted the world to be pleasant.

  Sitting side by side with the anger was ice cold heart-grabbing fear, because I knew Rutherford and Ammon were dangerous and capable of just about anything. And I suspected that the stone was slowly turning them from merely dangerous into crazy psychopaths.

  I took a look at my door and blew out a sigh. The jamb was splintered and there was a long crack running from the doorknob almost to the bottom of the door. I managed to get the door to stay closed, but I couldn’t lock it. As if it mattered. One good kick and the door was toast.

  “We need a plan,” I said to Carl and Cat. “Hopefully Diesel will be back with the coin before they hurt Gramps. In the meantime I need to keep everyone else safe.”

  I called Clara, gave her the short version of what was happening, and asked her to check on Gramps just to make sure he’d truly been snatched. Glo had already left the bakery, so I tried her cellphone. No answer. I called Diesel. No answer there, either. I was tempted to get in touch with Wulf, but I had no idea where to begin. I didn’t know his phone number or where he lived. And you know it was a scary day in hell when I was thinking about asking Wulf for help.

  I finished vacuuming and was contemplating laundry when Glo called.
r />   “The Pirate Museum is on fire,” Glo said. “I’m half a block away. I can’t get any closer. I hope Josh is okay. I’m still mad at him, but I hope he’s out of the building. I tried his phone and he isn’t answering.”

  “Rutherford and Ammon are on a rampage, and you could be in danger,” I told Glo. “Go back to the bakery and stay with Clara until I get there.”

  I poured out a big bowl of kitty crunchies and set an extra water bowl on the floor for Cat.

  “I’m going to leave the kitchen window open,” I told him. “Do not guard the house. If someone breaks in I want you to jump out the window and hide. I probably won’t be back tonight. I’m going to stay with Clara and Glo.”

  I threw extra undies, my sweatshirt, and my toothbrush into my tote bag along with all the usual junk I always carry. I hung the bag on my shoulder, grabbed Carl, and went out the back door. I drove to the bakery and saw the black smoke from the Pirate Museum when I rolled into Salem. In my gut I knew Rutherford had started the fire, either to smoke Josh out or to send me another scary message. Most likely it was both of those things.

  Lights were on in the bakery when I parked in the lot. Clara opened the door for Carl and me, and closed and locked it after we were safely inside. She had an assault rifle hanging from her shoulder and a semiautomatic handgun shoved into her jeans waistband.

  “I didn’t know you were a gun person,” I said to Clara.

  “The Dazzles have been locked and loaded since before the Revolution.”

  “Did you check on Gramps?”

  “Yes. He’s not at home, and he’s not with his caregiver.”

  Glo was perched on a stool. “These people are sick,” she said. “Gramps is such a sweetie. I hate to think he was kidnapped. Did you tell the police?”

  Clara and I exchanged glances.

  “Not yet,” I said. “I was hoping Diesel would return with the coin, and we could make a trade. I’d rather not explain this whole bizarre mess to the police. I doubt they would even believe me. Martin Ammon has money and power, and I just have cupcakes.”

  “Yes, but they aren’t ordinary cupcakes,” Glo said. “Your cupcakes are extraordinary.”

  “Yeah, I don’t want to have to explain that to the police, either,” I said.