The Cowboy's Christmas Lullaby

by Stella Bagwell

  Everything. Would there ever be room here for her and the boys? It was too soon to ask him that question. But someday in the not-too-distant future, she would have to ask it. Because as much as she was beginning to care for Denver, it would be pointless and heartbreaking to chase after an impossible dream.

  He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and snuggled her close against him. The shelter of his hard body partially shielded her from the snow that had started to fall moments earlier.

  Pressing his cheek against the side of her hair, he said, “Looks like we’d better start down. Before the weather gets worse.”

  Suddenly she didn’t want to leave this wild, beautiful spot. At this moment it felt like they were in a fairy-tale world, where nothing could tear them apart. “Oh, Denver, it’s so beautiful up here. Can’t we stay for a few more minutes?”

  His arms tightened around her. “Anything for you, darlin’. I just don’t want you to get too cold.”

  Turning slightly, she pressed her cheek against his down-filled coat. “I won’t be cold. Not as long as I’m with you.”

  * * *

  A week and a half later, Denver had just ridden back into the ranch yard after a long day in the saddle and was leading his bay horse, Skipper, into the barn when Rafe trotted up to his side.

  “Where have you been?” he asked anxiously. “I’ve been calling and sending you text messages all afternoon. I was about to send out a search party for you.”

  Frowning, Denver pulled the cell phone from his shirt pocket and checked the notifications. “Nothing showing on the phone. I rode up on Rimrock Canyon. The signal must have been lost.”

  “You rode all the way out there? Alone?”

  He shot Rafe a tired look. “I left a note on your desk.”

  “I’ve been too busy to look at my desk.”

  Denver shut the wide wooden door behind them. “Well, you of all people know I wouldn’t go that far away from the ranch without another man with me. Not in this weather. Davey went with me. I wanted to make sure all of the cattle were out of the canyon before another snowstorm comes through.”

  He started down the wide alleyway of the barn with the horse in tow.

  Keeping in step, Rafe asked, “Did you see any?”

  “Probably fifty or more head, along with the Hereford bull.”

  “Hell,” Rafe cursed. “That’s not good.”

  “My same thoughts. I’ll take a few cowboys out tomorrow morning and try to round them up. If we can get them over the Rimrock, then it won’t be much problem to herd them over to the south range. At least they’ll have shelter there.”

  Rafe nodded. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. We should be able to get feed and hay to them there. I’ll saddle up and go with you.”

  In front of the tack room, Denver wrapped the horse’s reins around a hitching post and began to unbuckle the breast collar and cinch strap. While he worked, he could hear some of the guys at the other end of the barn singing “Jingle Bells.”

  When he looked over his shoulder at the cowboys, he could see they were nailing big red bows above each horse stall.

  “Looks like the guys are starting to celebrate Christmas early,” Denver commented.

  Rafe chuckled. “You should know by now that Christmas starts early on the Silver Horn. Lilly and Ava already have the big house decked out with Christmas trees and all sorts of decorations.”

  “I’ll bet little Colleen and Austin are already making a list for Santa. If I remember right, Austin asked for a pony last year. And he didn’t get one. Is he still hoping Santa will come through on that request?”

  Rafe laughed. “Austin was asking for a pony as soon as he got old enough to say the word. Now that he’s three, I’m going to have to come through or I’m going to have a sad little boy on my hands.”

  An unexpected pang of loss suddenly shot through Denver. He didn’t know how it would feel to watch the joy light up his own child’s face on Christmas morning. And the hell of it, the thought of him reaching for such a gift was like staring off a dangerous cliff. He didn’t think he’d ever be brave enough to make that leap into babies and family.

  So how much longer are you going to lead Marcella on, Denver? She’s beginning to think you’re getting serious about her. Why don’t you man up and confess that your feelings haven’t changed? You’re using her and the boys to fill a void. You have no intentions of making them your family. Ever.

  “Denver? Did you hear me?”

  Rafe’s voice finally managed to push aside the accusing words sounding off in Denver’s head, and he glanced over to see the ranch foreman frowning at him.

  “Sorry, Rafe. I was thinking about something else. What were you saying?”

  Rafe’s eyes squinted skeptically as he looked at Denver. “I was asking if you’re planning to have Marcella and the boys out to your place for Christmas. Since Thanksgiving seemed to go over well for you.”

  Thanksgiving Day with Marcella and her boys had been one of the happiest days he’d spent in years. And for a while that day he’d let himself imagine how things might be if he did make them his family. But later that night, before Marcella and the boys had left to go home, he’d sat watching her curled up in front of the fireplace, the glow of the flames etching her lovely face, and uneasiness had crept in to spoil the joy he’d been feeling.

  And all sorts of tragic scenarios had begun to roll through his head. What if she got pregnant? What if he lost her? How could he bear that much pain a second time? Since then, he’d been wondering if he was fooling himself that this happiness he had with Marcella could continue.

  “Uh, we haven’t decided yet where we’ll celebrate Christmas. Maybe at my place again. The boys love it out here on the ranch.”

  Denver lifted the saddle from Skipper’s back and carried it into the tack room. When he returned to the horse, Rafe had already gone to work brushing the mud off the animal’s legs and tail.

  “I’ll do that,” Denver told him, while reaching for the brush. “It’s getting late. I’m sure Lilly’s probably waiting to have supper.”

  Rafe handed him the brush. “Yeah, I’m about to head that way. I just wanted to let you know Dad located some hay. The semi should arrive tomorrow afternoon.”

  “That’s good news.”

  “Damn right. I was getting worried about the hay situation, but that’s taken care of. So we need to make sure there are a few barn hands around to unload it. Otherwise, we’ll need our best wranglers to help with rounding those cattle out of the canyon.”

  “It won’t be easy.”

  He started to leave, then, appearing to have a second thought, paused. “Are you all right?”

  Denver glanced in Rafe’s direction. “Yeah. Sure. Why, do I look sick or something?”

  His eyes squinting, Rafe shook his head. “No. You just seem a little preoccupied, that’s all.”

  Preoccupied was hardly the word for it, Denver decided. Ever since Thanksgiving, his mind had been swimming in thoughts of Marcella. The more he dwelled on her, the more he felt like he was drowning. “I’m just thinking about tomorrow and the work we have ahead of us.”

  Nodding, Rafe gave his shoulder an encouraging slap. “All in stride, good buddy. See you in the morning.”

  “Sure. I’ll be here in the barn saddling up first thing,” Denver told him.

  * * *

  Later that night in the ER, Marcella and Paige had just finished attending to a man who had supposedly fallen on a sidewalk. However, the deep split in his lip coupled with a set of bruised knuckles made it clear to both nurses he’d been in some sort of altercation.

  As the two of them stepped out of the sheeted cubicle, Paige said in a hushed voice, “I wonder what the other guy looks like?”

  Marcella sho
ok her head. “Probably worse. It’s ridiculous how grown men can behave like children.”

  Paige’s grunt was full of sarcasm. “It’s in their jeans. That’s jeans with a J.”

  Marcella was chuckling when her head suddenly began to spin. Swaying in her tracks, she pressed a palm against her forehead. “Oooh! I’m...dizzy.”

  Quickly, Paige grabbed her arm to steady her. “Marcella! What’s wrong?”

  “I...I don’t know.” Her voice was dazed, her face white. “It came over me all of a sudden—I feel light-headed.”

  “Come on,” Paige said firmly, slipping her arm around Marcella’s back and gently urging her toward an empty treatment cubicle. “I’m going to get Dr. Sherman.”

  “Don’t be silly,” she protested. “The swimmy feeling is already going away.”

  Paige helped her take a seat on the end of an examining table. “You’re not moving until we find out why you got the swimmy feeling in the first place.”

  Marcella wiped a shaky hand across her brow and was surprised to find it damp and clammy. “I just need a snack, that’s all. I’m running on empty.”

  “Stay where you are,” Paige ordered, then hurried off to fetch the doctor.

  Nearly two hours later, Marcella was in the nurses’ locker room, gathering her things to go home, when Paige strode up and opened the adjoining locker.

  “Feeling better?” She pulled a tote bag from the storage space and glanced over at Marcella. “At least you have a bit of rose on your cheeks now. For a while there you looked ghastly.”

  Sighing, Marcella turned and sat down on a long wooden bench. As she pulled the pens from her coiled hair and shook it free, she tried to center her thoughts, but they were as scattered as a flock of frightened birds flying in all directions.

  After a somewhat lengthy examination by Dr. Sherman, he’d sent a sample of her blood to the lab for a quick pregnancy test. No one had been more stunned than Marcella when the results had returned positive.

  She was going to have a baby. Denver’s baby!

  “Paige, I don’t know whether to shout with joy or burst into tears. I...I’m still in shock.”

  Paige sank onto the bench and reached for Marcella’s hand. Giving it a comforting pat, she said, “Oh, honey, everything will be all right. You’ve wanted another baby for so long. And you never thought it would happen. Your dream is coming true. So celebrate. That’s what I say.”

  Marcella squeezed her eyes tight as emotional tears threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. “I am happy. But my feelings about the situation hardly matter. I have Denver and the boys to consider.”

  Paige shook her head. “I can’t count the times you’ve told me that Peter and Harry have begged you for a brother or sister.”

  Marcella choked back a helpless groan. “Yes, but when my sons think of getting a sibling, it’s in the context of a real family...with a daddy in the house. This is—well, I’m still a single mother. And Denver is...”

  When her words trailed off, Paige asked sagely, “Not ready to be a father? Then all I can say is it’s time he get ready.”

  Still stunned by Dr. Sherman’s diagnosis, she stared at her friend. “I don’t know how this happened, Paige! I haven’t missed a pill. I haven’t missed a period. Granted, the last one was very light, but that’s not unusual for me. I had a bit of a cold virus a few weeks ago. Dr. Sherman said that might have had some effect on my birth control. Or he says it’s possible that I just happened to fall into the tiny percent that fails for some unknown reason. Paige, before I met Denver, I didn’t need birth control pills! I only took them to keep me regular. Sex wasn’t exactly on my grocery list!”

  Paige gave her hand another reassuring pat. “It doesn’t matter how it happened. That’s already water under the bridge. Now the main thing is for you to be happy and healthy. And frankly, I couldn’t be happier for you. If anyone deserves another baby, it’s you, little mother.” Leaning over, she pecked a kiss on Marcella’s cheek. “Congratulations. I’ll see you tomorrow. Go home and get some rest.”

  “Yes, good night, Paige,” she murmured dazedly.

  Tomorrow. The word continued to linger in Marcella’s mind as she rose to her feet and gathered up her tote and handbag. What was she going to do about telling Denver? She’d promised him her birth control was safe. But as Dr. Sherman had just reminded her, abstinence was the only thing that was a hundred percent foolproof. The baby growing inside her was certainly confirmation of that. Now all she could hope for was that Denver would understand and be happy about their unexpected miracle.

  * * *

  It took Denver and Rafe, plus six more wranglers, working two whole days to finally round up the last of the cattle in the canyon and herd them over the Rimrock. And just in time, too, as another snowstorm was predicted to drop at least four or five fresh inches in the next few days.

  Denver couldn’t remember a winter being this wet, and though he and the Calhouns welcomed the life-giving moisture, he had to admit he was getting weary of the gray skies. Or maybe it was the time away from Marcella that was putting him in a bit of a melancholy mood. Whatever the reason, he was glad he had enough of a break in his schedule this morning to drive into town and see her before she went to work.

  The moment she opened the door and he stepped over the threshold, he scooped her up in his arms and wrapped his lips over hers. The taste of her kiss was like a drink of water after a long thirst.

  “Denver!” she squealed, once he finally lifted his head. “The door is still open!”

  “So it is, my beautiful redhead.” Turning, he pushed the door shut with the toe of his boot, then with her legs dangling over his arm, he managed to reach the doorknob and twist the lock. “Now I have you all to myself and I can’t wait to make love to you.”

  “Denver! I haven’t seen you in days! We need to talk first!”

  He carried her through the living room and turned into the short hallway that led to the bedroom. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk later,” he said, his voice gruff with desire. “I’ve been aching these past days and you’re the only nurse who can cure me.”

  With a smile of surrender, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her lips to his cheek. “I guess the talking can wait until I cure this ache of yours.”

  In the dim confines of her bedroom, Denver wasted no time stripping off her jeans and sweater. After she was naked and lying in the middle of the bed, he hurriedly got undressed to join her.

  The moment he stretched out beside her, she rolled into his arms. Denver’s chest swelled with emotions as he gathered her tight against him and kissed her giving mouth. He didn’t know how it had happened, but in a short matter of weeks, she’d become his whole world. Now he couldn’t imagine his life without her.

  “Oh, I’ve missed you,” he said against her lips. “Every hour, every minute, I’m away from you is too long.”

  Her soft hands glided over the tops of his shoulders and up the sides of his neck until they were cupping his jaw. When Denver looked at her face, he was struck by the glaze of moisture in her blue eyes.

  “Marcella,” he whispered gently. “Is something wrong?”

  Even though her warm lips tilted into a smile, a tear oozed from the corner of one eye.

  “No. It’s just that...I feel the same way. I want you near me. Always.”

  With the pad of his forefinger, he wiped the moisture away from her eye. And in that instant, he’d never felt closer to anyone in his life. The deep connection filled him up until he thought his heart would burst from it.

  “My sweet, sweet Marcella.” His throat was so tight her name came out as a husky whisper, and then it was impossible to say another word as she lifted her head from the pillow and planted her lips over his. That was all it took to shut down his thinking and allow his body
to take over.

  For the next several minutes all he knew was Marcella’s warm body giving him everything he needed. Her kisses said she wanted him desperately, while her clinging hands declared she never wanted to let him go. And though he wanted to keep the end at bay, the sweet magic of her body was too potent. All too soon he was clutching her hips tight against his, gasping her name as he spilled his seed inside her.

  * * *

  When Denver finally moved off her, Marcella quickly rolled onto her side and blinked at the wall of tears blurring her eyes. She didn’t know why this morning, of all mornings, their lovemaking had shaken her to the very depths of her being. The earth had done more than move for her. She’d left the planet completely and she still wasn’t sure she was back to safety.

  Was it the baby making her extra emotional? Or was it the desperate fear clawing inside her that was making her feel unworldly and vulnerable?

  The warmth of his hand settled over her hip, and she closed her eyes and tried to swallow away the thickness in her throat.

  “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

  She turned to face him and did her best to smile. “I’m fine.”

  His fingertips traced a path over her cheekbone, to the corner of her mouth, then on to the middle of her chin. The gentle touch was as mesmerizing as the glow in his brown eyes.

  “I’m not sure. You seem a bit teary for some reason. Have I done something to upset you?”

  She slipped her arm around him and pulled herself closer to the solid strength of his body. “Of course not. I’m just happy to finally see you again.”

  “Hmm.” He pressed a kiss against her forehead. “I wanted to come sooner, but this damn weather is causing havoc on the ranch. For the past two days we’ve been rounding up cattle and moving them out of the canyon.”

  “Oh. That’s not a good place for them in the winter?”