by Colora, R.
“You dip your fruit in it," she says, when I look at her confused, she shakes her head “Ahhhhh you fucking west coast hippies with your good eating habits and legal weed."
“Most people say Midwest, but we aren't Midwest we are more west.”
“Is there a point to your geography lesson, Estelle?”
“No, but you're kind of bitchy.” I say playfully, and she turns toward me.
“Am I kind of bitchy or a bitch?
“No, you’re really a sarcastic bitch, but I like it.”
“Well, Estelle, I live to please. Now, you stop trying to hijack the conversation."
"So you find out the man who spent nine years raping, torturing, and using you as a sex slave for his business purposes, all while beating you, and keeping you a prisoner isn’t your father, is it a relief to know that it was just rape and not incest?”
I'm shocked. ”What do you mean just rape? Is that not fucking awful enough?” I narrow my eyes and ask bitterly.
“Pump your brakes” she says “you jumped in front of the statement. You yourself have never had a bond with the man you thought was your father, he was a man who raped you—a man. Knowing the difference will allow you to form a healthy relationship with your actual father. I want you to digest what I said and give it back to me.”
I wait a minute to let that sink in.
“Edwin was just a man, he was a child rapist, child torturer, and slave owner, but he wasn't my father. He wasn't anything to me.” I feel like a twenty ton weight has been lifted off my chest. Edwin wasn’t anything to me. For the first time in a long time I feel free.
“Exactly, I want you to sit here, close your eyes, eat your strawberries, and say that over and over until I tell you to stop.” I recited the saying over and over.
“Now, did you enjoy being forced to have sex? Did your body react?” I nod my head. “Your body and your mind are connected, but they are also not. When a person has sex, whether forced or willing, the body has a physical reaction. Your body having a reaction doesn't imply consent, so I need you to digest that and give it back to me."
“I was raped. I was raped. I was raped, just because my body reacted doesn't mean I wanted it. I was raped.”
“Good job. Eat some fruit tell me about this Rhydian guy.” I know I'm blushing.
“He is the brother of my best friend’s husband. I met him when I was originally dating Easton. We reconnected again when I first escaped my father. We have been dancing around each other for about a year and a half, and he told me he loves me and had been in love with me since he first saw me" I feel the smile spread across my face, Rhydian makes me feel loved.
“How do you feel about him?”
“I get butterflies in my stomach when he is around. Sometimes when he talks or a certain look he gets on his face, makes me you know?”
“No, I don't,” she says. “Come on use your big girl words. Sex is completely natural and pretty spectacular when it's your choice. So he makes you feel what?”
“He makes me feel horny, and I get wet, and I want to kiss him, and feel him, and I want to do all the things I read about in books. I want all that with him. I kissed him right before I got on the plane. I walked right up and kissed him on the lips, tongue and all.”
“How did you feel, Estelle?”
“I felt like I never wanted to stop, but the minute I got on the plane I felt dirty, like I shouldn’t have those feelings or urges.”
“Thank you for being honest, Estelle. I know that was a big step for you. I would like to continue to work with you while you're here. You can continue to work with Pat on your regular therapy; I will work with you on rehabilitation."
“Dr. Franklin's name is Pat?” I ask with curiosity.
“Yup," she chirps “you can call him that. I have like five more degrees than him and I let you call me Mel. He likes Dr. Franklin because it makes him feel smarter. He gets pissed when I tell him if he makes patient call him Dr. Franklin for his one degree, then I'm doing to make my patients call me Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Franklin, just so everyone knows who's smarter.” She says with a mischievous grin on her face.
“You are not just kind of a bitch, you're like a super bitch.” I'm trying to hold in the chuckle but failing miserably.
“Yeah, let's go have a chat with Pat," Mel says. We head back to the office.
“Hey Dr. Franklin, Mel says I can call you Pat."
“No, you cannot. You can call me Dr. Franklin.” Mel winks at me.
“Ok, well Dr. Franklin, I need to add Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Franklin to the list of treating physicians.” I say trying to look serious but I can't seem to manage keeping a straight face, it doesn’t help that I hear Mel whistling behind me.
Dr. Franklin narrows his eyes at his wife, while she is looking around the office whistling 'Fancy' by Iggy Azalea.
“I will add her to your list and please call me Patrick then. You pat a dog, I'm not Pat, I’m Patrick” he says resignedly.
“Ok, I will see you later at group, Patrick. See you tomorrow, Mel.”
Dr. Franklin & Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Franklin POV
“What's your diagnosis, Mel? I ask her.
“To be honest, I think she can be helped, but I also think it will take a lot more than thirty days. I understand why you had her come here; she needed time away from life to just reflect. I don't think things have fully sunk in either, babe. What's keeping us here, I'm teaching and I'm bored and unfulfilled, you're at this hospital working, but no one here really has issues. This is the land of I'm a celebrity and I'm exhausted, so I'm going to rehab or I'm going to rehab for seven days to fulfill my court order. You did honest to God great work with Kennedy. You need to be helping people with real problems.
Your sister has told you a million times she goes where we go. I know we just sold the house, but we can have another built. We can continue to work with Kennedy and Easton and Estelle and Rhydian. We can open a small hospital, hell, we can put up a booth with five cents for advice on a Denver street corner, but being here in New York is sucking the life out of us”. Mel says seriously.
“You’re right. Let’s start making plans. I will call Emilia. She had been itching to go to Denver and see Kennedy and the kids. Now come here. Is the door locked?” I asked Mel with a raised eyebrow.
“Let me check the office quickly.” she hops out of the chair to check the door.
“Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Franklin what are you wearing under that skirt?” I say trying to lift the hem of her skirt.
“Let me come show you.” she says seductively.
“Sit on my desk” I instruct her
“No, babe. I'm in charge. You know what you wearing cowboy boots does to me. I love you in jeans, babe.” she starts to unbutton my shirt.
I bend her over my desk. Damn, it’s been twenty years and she still gets me going.
“FUCK ME HARDER, COWBOY!" she yells.
I go along with what she said, and soon I’m pounding into her. It just doesn't seem enough for her, since she is now moaning loudly.
Hmm well, I guess she wants it harder so I hit her ass full force. Soon we were both coming to the end.
I love it when she lets her southern accent come out. She has kept me on my toes every day of our married lives. People often wonder if her quirkiness is an act. How can someone so smart, look like they put on every piece of bright colors they own? But it's how she choose to express her inside—it's messy and complicated. Why try and stuff it into a package for other people to feel at ease. That's what I hope she can get through to Estelle.
Chapter 6
Thirty-four days, that’s how long I’ve been here. I've been meeting with Mel every single day and Patrick every other day. I haven't talked to anyone back home, but Patrick has let me know that the police have declared Edwin’s death a suicide. There was a letter found that gave the location of my mother's body, Antonio was waiting for me to return to Denver to have her buried properly.
Arriving at the airport with Patrick and Mel, I’m nervous; my hands are sweaty and clammy and I feel jittery.
“I’m nervous, Mel” I confess.
“Nervous is ok. It's a good emotion; it lets you know you're facing something unknown and you're going back to Denver as a survivor, not a victim. Your abuser is dead. You have nothing left to fear. Now, you get to live and build those relationships we have been talking about.” I walk up the stairs to Patrick’s plane; it feels like déjà vu.
“Hey Estelle,” I turn to Mel “when you get back to Denver and you see Rhydian, what are you going to do?”
I smile, “I’m going to jump on him like a cheetah on a gazelle because being with Rhydian is my choice.”
“That’s right, girl, and I better get a text once the deed is done!” I blow her a kiss and see Patrick shake his head, when the flight attendant closes the door.
Landing in Denver, I can see Rhydian waiting, arms folded across his delicious chest, legs crossed as he leans against the car. Once the door opens, I leave everything behind and run down the stairs and jump into his arms. I kiss him deeply.
“I’ve missed you, Rhydian.” I whisper.
“I have missed you too, Princess. Let’s get you home.”
“I like the sound of that.” I said, kissing him lightly on the lips.
After my bags are loaded, I settle in the front seat and as Rhydian drives I grab his hand and entwined our fingers. He is a little shocked because in all the time he has known me, I have never initiated any kind of physical contact with anyone, especially him.
“It’s the first time I’m holding my boyfriend's hand” I say smiling broadly.
Rhydian smiles, “So, I’m your boyfriend?”
“Yes, you're my first boyfriend. Mel says it's up to me to DTR, so I’m letting you know, you’re my boyfriend and we are exclusive.” I tell him confidently.
“DTR?” he ask, confused.
“’Define The Relationship’, I set the pace I'm comfortable with and it's your job as my loving partner to respect my boundaries.” I go on to explain all about Mel and Patrick and the last thirty-four days of working through my issues. He listened intently. Pulling up to the building, we walk hand and hand into his apartment.
I hear “SURPRISE” I jump at the loud noise, everyone gathers around me. I break away from the crowd walking over to Kennedy and wrap my arms around her.
“I love you, Kennedy. You're my best friend and my sister” she starts crying.
I walk to Tristan, who in all the time I have known him, I’ve never even touched. I stand in front of him, then wrap my arms around his neck, and hug him tightly.
“Tristan, you're my best friend too, and brother. Thank you so much for always being there for me.” I see he has tears in his eyes as well.
“Estelle, you're an amazing woman, but I don’t want to die today. Rhydian is over there growling and looking ready to kill me.”
I kiss Tristan on the cheek and walk over to Rhydian. I kiss him on the mouth and stand next to him, holding his hand.
I lean and whisper, “You’re mine and I’m yours.”
Antonio makes his way towards us with Salvatore and a younger version of himself. None of them try to touch me, so I hug Antonio.
“Thanks for everything, dad” he leans down and kisses my forehead. “Anything for you, Princess.”
I like that he and Rhydian call me Princess. It makes me feel warm and cherished. I walk over to Salvatore and hug him.
“Thanks for all your help, Salvatore. You didn’t even know me.”
“It's Uncle Sal to you, Princess. And the minute I saw you, I knew you were Antonio’s and that made you my family.”
I extend my hand to the other man.
“Hi, I’m Estelle, your sister.” He grabs me in a bear hug.
“I can't believe I have a sister!” he shouts joyfully.
“I'm your brother, Giovanni, but everyone calls me Vaughn. It's nice to meet you.”
Once he puts me back down, he shakes Rhydian's hand.
We sit around and I get caught up on everyone’s life. It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen everyone. I'm on the sofa snuggling with one of the triplets, when Vaughn comes up to me.
“I have my big fight next month, after that I'm going to come home and train at Gavin’s. I want us to be close. I know we are both adults, but I want us to be like a real brother and sister. I even have a present for you.”
He pulls out a flash drive.
He walks over to the TV and finds the media port. The opening picture is just shots of Paris and then there are shots of Antonio as a young soldier in uniform. Then it switched to pictures of a beautiful ballerina, pictures of her tying her shoes and smiling at the camera. Then pictures of her on her toes in different poses. The young ballerina is posing in front of the Paris Ballet sign. Next come pictures of Antonio and the young woman together, holding each other, kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower. Pictures of the dancer during performances and in a practice studio. I look at Antonio, who is now kneeling in front of the TV. The final picture shows on the screen, and it's the woman in a light pink dress running to Antonio as he walks off a plane.
Antonio looks at his son with emotions I can’t quite read in his eyes. “Where did she get these pictures?” he asked in astonishment.
“Mom found them in the trash. She pulled them out and saved them. She said one day you might change your mind and regret tossing away those memories. I had them scanned last week and put on a flash drive. When you told me the story of you and Estelle’s mom, I knew the woman in the picture must be Celine.”
“Dad, mom said that you loved each other, but weren’t in love. I didn’t understand her at the time, but she explained the best she could to a fifteen year old. She told me she had given her heart to someone else long before she met you and he died. She also said you had given your heart to Celine and that if you two found each other again, I should be a good son to her. Right before she died, she made me promise not to be angry when you found love again.”
I see Vaughn trying to hold back the tears, talking about this mother.
“You didn't find Celine, but we have Estelle. This is our chance to be a family. She needed these pictures. You said she didn't have any, so I thought this was a good gift.”
Kennedy came and grabbed Atticus from me; I got up so I could hug my brother.
“Thank you so much, Vaughn. You have no idea what these pictures mean to me” I choke out.
“There were other things in the box, but I left them at my dad’s house. It's a pair of your mom’s ballet shoes, and a few programs from her performances, and a lot of love letters between dad and Celine. It’s all waiting for you when you're ready.”
“Your mom must have been a fantastic woman.”
“She was, and she would have loved you. She always wanted more children, but it just wasn’t in the cards for her.” He says sadly.
Everyone says goodbye after that. I tell Antonio, Uncle Sal, and Vaughn that I will be over in a few days to cook for them. Vaughn steps up to Rhydian. “You marrying my sister? Because I’m not feeling her shacking up with you. I just met her and can already tell that she is wife material, you feel me?” He has a serious expression on his face. I look at Vaughn, he is younger than me and only just met me but he is already falling into protective brother mode and I feel really touched.
“Yeah, I feel you,” Rhydian replies. Vaughn nods and they all leave. I still have some trouble expressing what I want, so I shower, and go get my bags from the guest room. I start moving Rhydian's things to the side making space for mine. And I tell him to take a shower. I run to the kitchen and get all the things I asked Kennedy to grab for me while he is showering. I set my mood music station on Songza and light the candles, when he walks out of the shower, I’m mesmerized by his body. His washboard abs are still wet, I can see where the "V" starts on his hip bones, and I want to lick it. I can feel myself getting wet, I steady my thoug
hts and issue my command. I ask him to come to the end of the bed, yet not quite sure what exactly I’m going to do, but I want to try with him. I want to let go of the demons inside me that still have a hold on my subconscious.
Once he’s at the end of the bed, I undo his towel and let it drop to the floor. I take his glorious cock in my hand and slowly start to stroke it. The loving caress of his hands on my back is giving me the encouragement I need to go just a little bit further. I lower myself on to my knees and start to lick him from balls to head and think to myself he tastes sweet and a little bit salty, like a chocolate covered pretzel.
All of a sudden his hands are on my shoulder, and he looks me in the eyes, and tells me I don’t have to do anything I am uncomfortable with, but I want to please him in some way, so I tell him this. To try to make things easier on me he gets himself settled on the middle of the bed, completely at my mercy. Wow, can he get any more perfect? Not only is he taking his time and going at my pace, but now he has given me full control. I crawl up between his legs, give him a tender kiss on his mouth, and whisper thank you to him. No need to explain what for; he already knows the answer. Then I turn my body back around and go back to my tasty treat, I think that is how I will refer to his cock from now on. All of a sudden, I get an idea in my head, and I peer over my shoulder and ask him if it is ok to try something, and if I don't like it or have trouble, if we could stop. He doesn’t have a problem with that.
I straddle his body in reverse cowgirl style, and start sucking on my tasty lollipop. I suddenly feel his stiff tongue licking on my clit and sliding in and out my pussy. Oh my God, that shit feels like fucking heaven. I grind slightly down on his face and he increases the pressure. I start sucking his cock harder and doing these little tricks with my own tongue. You know which ones I’m talking about, the ones where you pretend it’s an ice cream cone or a lollipop, yeah those. As I’m sucking my treat, I have one hand on his balls, rolling them slightly in my hands. I can feel my stomach starting to get that feeling in it, my pussy walls are starting to throb. Oh God, he’s gonna make me come. No sooner have I had that thought when he pulls away and says, “Princess, if you don’t want me to come in your mouth, you need to pull back.” I think about that for a whole two seconds and decide that I want to see if his cream filling is as tasty as his outer shell. He starts grunting against my clit and I explode all over his face, while his release is being emptied down my throat. Hmmm, I guess I was right, my man taste just like candy. Damn.
