Elegy w-4

by Amanda Hocking

  “Why would it be dangerous? We’re the most dangerous predator in the club,” Liv pointed out.

  “But you’re new,” Gemma told her. “You’re still not completely in control.”

  “I’m always in control.” A sly smile spread out across Liv’s face, and her words began to sound like a veiled threat. “You think you’d know that by now, Gemma.”

  “So do you want to join us?” Thea asked with exaggerated enthusiasm that meant she’d rather be doing just about anything other than going out with Liv.

  “It sounds like a blast, but I think I’ll have to pass this time,” Gemma said, denying her hunger for as long as she possibly could.

  “It’s your loss,” Thea said, but she sounded envious that she didn’t get to skip it herself.

  “See you around, Gemma.” Liv wagged her fingers as she departed, and Thea followed her reluctantly.

  Gemma waited until after they’d left before she hung up her costume and straightened up the dressing room. Harper was home this weekend, so maybe after the last performance tomorrow, Gemma could convince her to go out for a swim with her. It wouldn’t be anywhere near as good as feeding, but it might help take the edge off the pangs that jabbed into her stomach.

  By the time she’d finished getting everything put away, Gemma was completely alone in the theater. The last crew member had dropped by on his way out, reminding her to turn out the lights before she left.

  Daniel was usually the last one out, or at the very least, he’d wait around for Gemma. But with the set built, he didn’t have much work to do except get it reset for the next day’s show. Besides that, with Harper in town, he was eager to spend as much time with her as he could.

  As Gemma flicked off the lights by the back door, watching the theater go black behind her, she was suddenly struck by how lonely she was. When she went home, Brian would be asleep in his recliner in the living room, with a Saturday Night Live rerun playing on the TV. Harper would be out with Daniel, and Gemma would go into the house by herself.

  Up in her room, she’d scour the computer or texts in hopes of being able to translate the scroll until her eyes were bloodshot and aching. Only then would she lie down, hoping for a dreamless sleep.

  But first it would elude her, no matter how tired she was, and she’d lie awake, thinking of Alex, replaying every moment with him until she missed him so much she thought her heart would break. And when she did finally succumb to sleep, it would be filled with the nightmares of being trapped underwater and of Lexi dying.

  This was her life, and it had never felt so desolate before.

  When she pushed open the back door, she’d decided that she would go against Harper’s and her dad’s wishes and sneak off for a night swim alone. She had to do something if she wanted to keep her sanity.

  “Gemma,” a voice said from behind her, and a figure stepped out from the wall.

  Her eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness, but Alex emerged from the shadows into the illumination from the streetlight that lit up the parking lot behind the theater. He’d been waiting by the back door, and he’d stopped her on her way to her bike.

  “Alex?” Gemma asked, and hoped she didn’t appear as disarmed as she felt. She’d just been thinking about how much she missed him, and he’d materialized before her.

  His broad shoulders etched a shadow on the ground. When his dark eyes landed on her, the same eyes she’d fallen in love with, she found it hard to breathe. The very nearness of him made her heart swell, and, for once, she found something that blotted out her appetite.

  “I was just about to head out.” A relieved smile crossed his face. “I thought I’d missed you.”

  “I just took a while cleaning up.” She motioned back to the theater behind them.

  “How was the show tonight?” Alex asked.

  “It was good. Everyone clapped at the end, so it must not have been too terrible,” Gemma said, and she was pleased when he laughed at her lame attempt at a joke. “Did you see it?”

  “No, I wanted to.” He shook his head. “I thought about it, but I was afraid you’d get mad if you saw me.”

  “Why would I be mad?” Gemma asked.

  “I don’t know. I guess…” He paused, gathering his thoughts, before looking down into her eyes. “I have no idea how you feel about me anymore.”

  “Alex. My feelings for you haven’t changed. I’ve never stopped…” She wanted to say loving you, but it seemed too intense, too real, so she lowered her eyes, and continued, “… caring about you. I only ended things with you because it was dangerous, and I didn’t want you getting hurt.”

  “I know, but I acted like an ass for a while, and I haven’t been there for you like I should’ve been,” Alex said, sounding angry with himself.

  “You weren’t there for me because I wouldn’t let you be,” Gemma said.

  “But I should’ve…” He turned his gaze to the sky and took a deep breath. “It’s so dumb because I’ve been standing out here, practicing what I wanted to say to you over and over again, then it’s like every time I see you, all my words just disappear. You make rational thought so impossible.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

  “No, don’t be sorry.” He looked back at her, and there was something smoldering in his dark eyes that caused a heat to grow in her belly and her breath to catch in her throat. “What I want to say, what I really want to say is…”

  He put a hand on either side of her face, then he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. All she could do was kiss him back and relish the warmth of his mouth against hers, and the way his fingers tangled in her hair.

  When he stopped kissing her, breathing roughly, as he looked at her, Gemma saw her whole world in his eyes. For a moment, he was the only thing that existed in her life, and there was an exhilarating simplicity in that. If only she could just love him, then everything else would be all right.

  “I want to be with you,” Alex said, his voice low as his eyes searched hers. “I don’t know if that’s what you want or what’s best for you. And I don’t care if it’s dangerous or what might happen to me. I just want to be whatever you need me to be, whether it’s your friend or your boyfriend or a total stranger. Whatever you need, whatever you want from me, I’ll give it to you.”

  Gemma wanted nothing more than to accept his offer, to throw her arms around him and say that as long as they had each other, everything would be okay.

  But she knew that wasn’t true. The cold reality of her life, of the monsters she had allowed to take over everything she held dear, wouldn’t let that be true.

  Tears formed in her eyes, and she struggled to find the words. “Alex, you know I want to be with you, but—”

  “Then nothing else matters, Gemma,” he said firmly. “Not the sirens, not your curse, not even your sister. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you.”

  “Are you sure?” Gemma asked, and she felt her resistance fading.

  “Gemma, I’m in love with you, and I have been for … years, probably,” Alex admitted with a rueful smile. “I never stopped, not even when you put a spell on me. Nothing can ever make me stop loving you.”

  “I love you, too.” She smiled. “And I promise never to try to make you stop loving me again.”

  Gemma stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. He leaned down, kissing her, and she tried to let herself enjoy the moment with him instead of thinking about the hundreds of ways this could all end badly.

  She loved Alex, but more than that, she needed him, and she wasn’t ready to give him up again.

  FIFTEEN

  Rehearsing

  Gemma had meant to go home after the final show on Sunday. She’d made tentative plans with Harper to go for a swim later today, and she was excited to get out and do that. Besides, she’d spent enough time lingering around here last night.

  But as she was leaving, she heard the clattering of boards and the sound of Daniel’s grunting. She’d climbed up
the back stairs of the theater, so she came up backstage. There was Daniel, in a flannel shirt and ripped jeans, taking down the set.

  “Working overtime?” Gemma asked as she walked toward Daniel, her footfalls echoing through the empty theater.

  “You know me. I can never get enough.” He glanced back at her with a grin.

  “Where’s everyone else?” Gemma asked, referring to the rest of the crew who had been working on the sets and production. Daniel had been the head of it, but he hadn’t done it all alone.

  “I sent them home. I’m trying to salvage some of this for other plays or odd jobs, so I figured I might as well do it myself.” He was working at pulling nails out of a fake awning above a plywood doorway, and he looked back at Gemma.

  “Want any help?” Gemma asked, looking up at Daniel.

  “Sure.” He motioned to another awning.

  Gemma had to use a stepladder to reach it, but she had no problem pulling the nails out from the wood. She got the other two awnings down in the time it took Daniel to get one down, and under her breath, she began to hum.

  “What has you in such a fine mood this morning?” he asked, referring to the cheerful tune on her lips.

  “I’m not…” She paused, hesitant to tell him about Alex, but then decided to go for it and hurried ahead. “I got back together with Alex last night.”

  “Oh yeah?” Daniel glanced back at her. “Well, that explains it.”

  “That’s it?” she asked uncertainly.

  He turned to face her. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re not gonna lecture me on how it’s a bad idea or it’s dangerous or how I should be focused on things like breaking the curse?” she asked, and Daniel laughed, surprising and confusing her.

  “I assumed you were as focused on breaking the curse as anyone possibly could be,” he said. “And you and Alex want to make a go out of it, then why would I try to stop you?”

  Gemma shrugged. “I know Harper would.”

  “Yeah, well, Harper tried to convince me it was bad news getting involved with her, and look how that turned out,” Daniel said, turning his attention back to the set.

  “Are you glad that you’re with Harper?”

  “Yeah, of course I am,” he answered without hesitation.

  “You don’t regret any of it? Not even after everything you’ve been through?” Gemma asked.

  “No. I mean, yeah, it would be nice if monsters didn’t try to kill me, but the situation is what it is.” He’d pulled enough nails free from the plywood as he spoke. “I’m not gonna stop caring about Harper because things get rough and occasionally really weird. I can’t just stop. That’s not how love works.”

  When the wall came down, Daniel took one end, and Gemma the other. But really, she didn’t even need his help, and she ended up carrying it on her own, over to the pile with other scrap wood while he went back to pulling out nails.

  “For such a little thing, you’re awfully strong,” Daniel commented, as she walked back over to him.

  Harper was on the tall side, taking after their mother that way, but Gemma was fairly short and slender. If she hadn’t been endowed with supernatural strength, she probably would’ve struggled with lifting most of the wood on her own.

  She waved it off. “It’s the siren thing.”

  “But if I understand this right, you’re not as strong as you can be.” He’d stopped what he was doing, holding a hammer loosely in his hand, and faced her.

  “What do you mean?” Gemma asked.

  “This form, when you’re human.” He motioned to her. “You’re stronger than the average teenage girl, stronger than the average grown man, too, apparently, but it’s not your full potential. Like when Lexi was that bird thing, she was much stronger than you. Or is that just because she was older?”

  “I think it’s a combination of both,” Gemma admitted. “Lexi knew how to use the power she had, and the monster is stronger than our human form.”

  “So … why don’t you use it?” Daniel asked.

  Gemma shook her head and looked away from him. “It’s complicated.”

  “I’m sure it is, and I don’t mean to rag on you, but Lexi almost killed us,” he said without any accusation. “She was actually really close to killing me, but if you had been that monster, you would’ve done a hell of a lot better in a fight.”

  “I know, and I am so sorry that you were in that situation,” she said, rushing to apologize again.

  “Gemma, I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He stepped closer to her. “I’m just saying that you need to do everything you can to protect yourself and the people you care about. If Harper had been up there instead of me, Penn wouldn’t have killed Lexi to protect her like she did with me. Harper would be dead now.”

  Gemma’d already thought of that, and she swallowed hard. “I know. But you don’t know what it was like. When I was the monster, I wasn’t in control of myself at all. It took me over and I couldn’t think straight and…”

  “I know that you hurt someone,” he said softly. “But Lexi seemed in control of herself when she was the monster. And if Lexi could do it, and she was a reckless idiot, you can do it.”

  “I know that I need to practice, but I’m just afraid of what could happen when I lose control.”

  “You’re stronger than this, Gemma,” Daniel said in a confident way that made her look up at him. “You can get ahold of this, you can be in control of your powers. You just have to try.”

  “Like … right now?” Gemma asked.

  “Why not? We’re alone in an empty theater.” He gestured widely at the stage. “If you rampage, you’ll break a few seats and tear some curtains. Nothing I can’t fix.”

  “What if I hurt you?” Gemma asked.

  “You won’t.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I just am.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t even know how to.”

  “How did you make the wings happen before?”

  “I was scared as hell.” Gemma remembered the attack at the sirens’ house with perfect clarity. “I thought Lexi was going to kill you, and it just happened. My fingers and teeth have changed before, too, but it’s only when I feel threatened, or I’m really, really hungry.”

  “Okay. So recapture that emotion. I can threaten you if you want,” Daniel offered.

  “No,” she said quickly. “That doesn’t seem safe.”

  “How about this? Think of Penn or that horrible new siren Liv,” he suggested. “And they’re going after Harper or Alex. Hell, they’re going after both of them. Really picture them hurting the people you care about most.”

  Gemma closed her eyes and tried to will herself to feel the terror she’d felt before. In her mind, she pictured Liv’s wicked smile and Penn’s shifting into the bird-monster. And then she imagined them going after Alex and Harper, which wasn’t hard to do since she’d already imagined it a hundred times before.

  Normally, she’d try to ease her panic and get the images out of her mind. She’d do something proactive, like researching the scroll or going swimming to clear her mind, but now she let it linger. She made herself feel the absolute terror and rage at the thought of losing the people she loved the most.

  And then she began to feel it. The flutter across her skin, radiating all over her body. It was a subtle, pleasurable feeling. It seemed focused in her hands, as an odd, stretching sensation passed over them.

  When she opened her eyes, she could visibly see it happening. Her fingers were elongating, the skin stretching unnaturally. Her nails even began to grow, changing color from white to a dark brown as they thickened and began to hook like talons.

  “Oh my gosh. My fingers…” Gemma gasped, watching her hands transform.

  She’d been afraid that if she stopped focusing her energy on transforming, that it would stop, but now, since she was terrified about losing control, the fear seemed to push it on. Her fingers continued to grow until they were nearly a fo
ot long. The skin stretched tight on her hands and arms, making the bones stand out more sharply.

  “Does it hurt?” Daniel asked, peering at her hands.

  “No, it tingles … and it feels kinda good, actually,” she admitted.

  The flutter continued over her skin and all throughout her. Heat surged through her arm muscles, but even that felt oddly good. Her heart seemed to beat differently, and it felt as if it were expanding her chest, pounding more forcefully and pumping blood more rapidly through her veins.

  When her wings had torn through her back during her final encounter with Lexi, that had been incredibly painful. She’d felt the skin ripping. But this was much different.

  “That is so weird,” Daniel said, sounding in awe of her transformation as her arms began to stretch and grow.

  “My mouth itches,” Gemma said, and the words came out with a lisp when her tongue hit against the sharp points of her new teeth.

  The roof of her mouth was burning hot, and she could taste blood, but she wasn’t sure if it was from her gums as new teeth tore through or from her tongue’s hitting against them.

  “Ugh.” Gemma groaned. “It’s hard to talk with these teeth.”

  Daniel stared at her with wide eyes. “Okay, that is really gross.”

  “You’re not helping,” Gemma said dryly.

  Thankfully, she couldn’t see herself, but she knew exactly how Lexi and Penn looked when they changed. They had a mouthful of hundreds of razor-sharp teeth poking jaggedly out of their mouths, so their lips were stretched around them in a thin, red line.

  Gemma could feel the tightness of her lips, and her vision changed, becoming clearer as her eyes changed into the yellow, birdlike eyes of the monster. She could even hear the bones in her face cracking as they shifted and moved to accommodate a much larger mouth.

  “I’m sorry, but…” Daniel shook his head. “That’s just … not pretty at all.”

  When the bones stopped cracking, she realized she could hear much clearer than she had before. The sound of Daniel’s breath and even the sound of his heartbeat echoed in her ears.