PANDORA

by Rebecca Hamilton

  I'm supposed to tell her I know she's lying because my dead sister is in my body at the moment? I think not. "Well, I'd like to do a little research and a few experiments," Toni said, carefully marking her words. "I want to know more about my gift before I make any pacts with anyone. I mean, I have no freakin' clue what I'm capable of, Gran, and . . . well . . . just how binding is a pact with a ghost? Is it . . . like some unbreakable contract?"

  Antoinette glared at her. "You have always trusted me. Why are you not doing that in this matter? Has someone instructed you differently? Have you spoken with your sister?"

  Oh shit! Sara yelped.

  Toni's eyes began to water as she put on a sad face. "Oh Gran, you know I love you, and I've always trusted you. Can you guys just give me a little time so I can make sure I know what I really want?" Toni wiped a crocodile tear from her cheek. "But most of all, I do want to see my sister. Right now, that's the most exciting thing about receiving this family legacy. It's all I can concentrate on. And it makes me so sad that Sara thought it was more important to be with her friends instead of me on our birthday." Ya know, maybe being a geek has its upside, Sara. At least I think before I speak.

  You're good, geek-girl. Damn good. Now let's get the hell out of here.

  Antoinette smiled at Bartholomew over Toni's shoulder as she hugged her. "All right, sweetie. Let's put Bartholomew back in Rufus and you go and take care of your personal problems. Meanwhile, I'll summon up Sara and have a little talk with her. She really should have been here for your special day."

  Fuck me! Sara yelled. She's gonna suck me right out of your nose holes!

  Toni snuggled into her grandmother's embrace. "Can I summon her Gran? I need the practice, and I really don't want you yelling at her, because I so much want her to be happy to see me. I'll do it before I go to the mall so she can come with me. Please."

  Antoinette and Bartholomew exchanged a look of consternation.

  Sara laughed. F'n A, geek-girl! You are so-totally not who I thought you were.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Go on! We are so totally in control! You have to be able to do everything Gran can! Sara's excited voice bounced between Toni's ears as she walked through the entrance of the mall.

  "Only problem—Gran's also the source of my education," Toni whispered as she massaged the bridge of her nose behind her hand. "Not like I can advertise for a necromancer instructor in the newspaper. How do we fight something we know nothing about?"

  Sara echoed, Ruth's been dead since the apostles, for Christ's sake—she knew Bartholomew couldn't get inside you with me in here—bet she knows all the other shit, too.

  Toni pulled a thick corkscrew of red curls over her mouth. "When do you expect them back? We really need to have a plan," Toni asked, stepping on the escalator heading up to the second level.

  Don't know—trust me—they'll be back soon.

  Toni palmed the tip of her nose and whispered from behind her hand, "Okay listen—we're almost to the food court—I don't want to mention any ghost-whispering stuff to Paddy and Reggie. I'm supposed to be talking about Paul and-"

  Hold on! Will you just talk to me in your head because-?

  Toni tucked her chin between her shirt and her chest. "Why? It feels crazy to carry on a mental conversation when we are alone."

  Well next time we do this (IN A FREAKIN' PUBLIC MALL), plug in an iPod, pout, stick your chin out, bounce your head up and down, and act like you're singing when you talk 'cause you look like some skitzo-CIA-wannabe, high on something.

  Toni stuffed her hands in her pockets, felt a rush of warmth run into her cheeks, and mentally blurted, Don't change the subject; I'm supposed to be here to talk about Paul and the attraction I think I have for his sister, which is scary as hell. I might be a lesbian! So if you could please keep your comments down to a minimum, I would really appreciate it.

  Sara huffed, Oh, give it up. Do you want to puke when you think about Paul all up on it? Does it make you gag?

  No, sex with Paul didn't make me sick. And even though it wasn't ...well, I still kind of enjoyed... Does having sex with guys gag you?

  Yes. I puked and showered six times after David and every other guy I—ugh! Tony felt Sara shudder inside her. Look, you just think you're lesbian, stupid. Nothing wrong with being curious—noticing a chick's tits—even a little kinky- Never mind. Let's stay focused! I'm here to find out about the damn party and the video thing, so you better hit on that or I'll...

  Shush! There they are, behave yourself! Toni waved at Paddy as she made her way around the crowded tables.

  Sara gasped. Look at her . . . she's so . . . Oh God . . . I can't do this.

  What you talking about? Toni mentally asked.

  Reggie . . . she's so . . . Oh man, I so totally screwed up.

  "Hey, girlfriend! Happy birthday!" Paddy said with a smile as she handed over a wrapped gift. "This is from both of us. You can open it after we hear all the dirty details. We ordered a pizza. Hope you're hungry."

  Reggie hung her arm over the back of her chair and slouched, crossing her legs, a big smile on her face, and a large piece of pizza in her other hand. "So, did Paul make a new woman outta ya?" she asked, and took a bite.

  "No! I mean, yes, but," Toni stammered, and then turned to Paddy. "I like your brother, a lot. But, I think about . . . um..." Her sentence hung in the air for a second as her eyes danced across the t-shirt Reggie was wearing. It was black, tight, and expressed her sexuality blatantly: 'Heterosexuality is not "Normal" Just Common!'

  "And?" Reggie coaxed, licking her lips and wiping her hands on a napkin.

  Sara sniffled, audible only to Toni, and then let out a soft moan.

  Toni's eyes locked on Reggie. "I think about girls, too." Her eyes jerked toward Paddy for a heartbeat. "Some girls, anyway." Toni blinked rapidly. Are you crying, Sara?

  Shut up! Just shut the hell up! Sara sobbed. Oh God, what did I do?

  "Like a million other heterosexual girls?" Reggie finished Toni's sentence.

  "No! Like maybe... I don't know!"

  "Sara?" Reggie pushed the question.

  Embarrassed, Toni blurted, "Maybe! I'm like some total freak sometimes, because I don't find some girls unattractive!"

  "Open your present," Paddy said with a grin, and took a bite of her slice.

  Sara whimpered, I miss her so much. I so totally screwed up the best thing I ever had.

  Toni's eyes fell on the gift, but she didn't move to open it.

  "Go on," Reggie said, "you ain't no freak, girl. Open it before ya start melting all over the damn table."

  Toni hesitantly picked up the present and began to tear it open. She held the book in her hand, eyes playing over the title: Am I Blue?: Coming Out from the Silence

  Toni lifted her face and looked from Reggie to Paddy. "So is this gonna tell me if I'm a lesbian?"

  "Look, it isn't all about sex," Paddy said. "It's about getting to know yourself, or in this case, maybe getting a handle on your sister. See, Reggie has absolutely no desire to be intimate with a guy. She's always known she was attracted to women... in that way. I've been attracted to both, and it's a heck of a lot more confusing. I watched this YouTube video and it started to make sense. I wrote down the web address on the last page of the book. But you can't change-"

  "You don't change who y'are by havin' sex with someone," Reggie interrupted. "That's all we're sayin' here. That's what your sister tried to do. Don't make the same mistake. Take your time. Fall in love with a person, not a sexual experience or an idealistic set of values."

  She's right, Toni, Sara whispered. I should have listened to my heart.

  Toni took a deep breath. "So I could be bi-sexual too?"

  "You know what? Just follow your heart," Paddy said. "When the time is right, and you find someone you want to share your life with, then share your body."

  "I don't know if I'm ready for a sexual relationship, and, poor Paul; what do I tell him now? I really like him and I want
to keep seeing him, but until..."

  "The truth," Reggie said, "if there's an attraction, if ya have stuff in common, there's no 'until', there's no 'I'm a lesbian', there's just him and you. Tell him ya wanna take it slow, and if he really likes ya, he'll understand—be patient. You're only eighteen; do ya plan on continuin' your education or what? I know high school sucks. It's all about appearances and lookin' in-a mirror isn't exactly a study on life. But ya don't seem like the kinda person that's all up on bein' prom queen. So screw what's expected, walk to the beat of your own drum; get a grip on your own priorities."

  She's so smart, Sara said softly.

  "So, what time do you want us to pick you up for the party tomorrow?" Paddy asked. "I think it's time to teach Jessica a lesson. She so totally screwed up your sister."

  Should I tell them you didn't kill yourself? Toni asked Sara.

  It doesn't matter, because Paddy's right. I lost Reggie because of Jessica and her damn friends. If she didn't do what she did, I might have acted differently, because I really loved Reggie. I just wish I could tell her that.

  "Maybe you can," Toni said aloud.

  "Maybe I can what?" Paddy asked. "Tell me you aren't chickening out!"

  Don't tell them about me, yet, Sara said, her voice echoing around in Toni's head. It was hard enough for you to believe all this and you can see me! Let's wait until after the party. Ha! Boy, are they in for a surprise when I hop inside Jessica and she starts layin' out the shit!

  Toni smiled at Paddy. "Nope, and I'm thinking I might just try something before you have to flash Jessica those texts she sent you."

  "Tell me ya aren't gonna come on to Jessica!" Reggie laughed. "Girl! What the hell are ya thinkin'?"

  "No! I really believe that when Jessica sees us she's gonna give it all up on her own, that's all."

  "Yeah, right, like that is so not going to happen." Paddy laughed.

  "I'm bringin' my phone," Reggie said.

  "I think you both underestimate my spiritual powers," Toni said, picking up a slice of pizza. "I have family in weird places."

  "Ah-huh, wha'cha gonna do? Raise Sara from the dead and let them duke it out?" Reggie scoffed.

  Sara laughed. Hit that nail on the coffin, baby! I'm back, I'm bad, and Jessica's going down!

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Toni sat across from her mother and grandmother at the dining room table. "Thanks for making lasagna, Mom. You know it's my favorite." Toni raised a forkful to her mouth, eyes following Ruth and Martin who were floating around the table.

  "You're welcome, and we have birthday cake, so save room for it," Belle said with a smile. "I invited Paul over for dessert. I hope you don't mind. He'll be here shortly."

  Toni almost dropped her fork. Just great!

  Hey, chill, you wanted to talk to him anyway, so lighten up, Sara said from inside Toni, and then giggled; I can't wait to hear that conversation.

  "That was so thoughtful, Mom." Toni shoved the forkful of lasagna into her mouth.

  Martin hovered over Antoinette, staring apprehensively at Ruth.

  "Have you decided what you're gonna do about the seer-ghost?" Antoinette asked cheerfully, licking sauce off the underside of her fork.

  Does the woman ever give up? Sara wanted to know. Can you put her off until you talk to Ruth and Martin? We have this plan and...

  I've got it, Sara. Just shut up a minute. Toni locked eyes with her grandmother. "Yes, and I've decided I don't feel comfortable with someone taking possession of my body at the moment. Maybe down the line-"

  Belle tore off her apron and slammed it on the table. "Toni, that seer can make a considerable difference in your financial future—our financial future."

  "Put a lid on it, Belle." Antoinette's eyes sparkled. "I asked because Ruth and I have been talking, see." She waved her fork at Toni, ran a tongue over her lips, and smiled. "Bartholomew's, well, he's a first class prick."

  What the hell? Sara said loud enough to make Toni shake her head.

  Martin let out an audible breath.

  Ruth smiled coyly, hovering by the table.

  Toni set her fork down. "Excuse me? Gran, did you just use the word prick in a sentence?"

  "Yeah, that's what Ruth called him and, sugar, I have to agree," Antoinette said, then woofed down a bite of lasagna, picked up her garlic bread, waved it at Belle, and, with a mouth full, added, "When Ruth was a mortal, Bartholomew took possession of her body and made her kill her own kid. That's why she's still here. Bartholomew needs to be put in his place. I'm thinkin' that crypt, for starters."

  "You have got to be kidding me!" Belle said. "And you believe this ghost Ruth?"

  With the back of his hand over his mouth, Martin leaned halfway inside of Ruth and conspiratorially whispered, "So that's why you didn't want to summon . . . um . . . I mean," his eyes jiggled in Antoinette's direction. "You know . . . talk to your dead guy?"

  "Yes, afraid so, dear," Ruth said with sad eyes.

  This is a trick, Sara blurted. Gran knows I'm inside you. She's up to something!

  Hang on, let's let this play out. "Gran, where is Bartholomew?" Toni glanced at Ruth. Ruth's smoky form vibrated, wavering in and out of focus.

  Antoinette grabbed the table edge with two hands and slid forward, swinging her leg under the table. Rufus hissed, ran out, and leapt onto the china hutch. "Right there." She pointed at the cat.

  "You can't be serious!" Belle shouted. "We both know that this is the chance of a lifetime!"

  "No Belle, it's not," Antoinette said, a smile playing on her lips. "Toni has a right to make up her own mind. She can do whatever she decides. I'm finished with all of this. I've always wanted to see Paris and, by God, I'm gonna see it before this old body kicks the bucket. Not like I don't have a debit card burning a hole in my pocket and plenty of funds backin' it up."

  "But she needs your help, Mother!" Belle said. "How will she figure out how to use her powers if you just up and leave?"

  "Oh, honey, Mom's got an at-ti-tude," Martin said, with a look of amusement. Of course Belle was the only one who couldn't hear him, but Ruth glared at him anyway.

  "Ruth can help her," Antoinette said with a flamboyant wave of dismissal. "I've set all of the tools you need in your bedroom, Toni, so have at it."

  The doorbell rang, ending any rebuttal from Belle.

  "I believe that's your recent conquest," Antoinette said as she got up from the table. "I'm going up to finish packing—no cake for me—I have to keep my girlish figure. Who knows, maybe I'll meet some hot Frenchy in Paris."

  Toni's chin hovered over her chest as Belle stomped toward the front door.

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Sara screamed in Toni's head. Ohmigod!

  Toni turned to Ruth. "Why is my grandmother acting strange?"

  "Blessyerapprehensivenature, Gran and I did 'ave a little chat, we did, and it seems t' 'ave enlightened 'er a bit, it 'as."

  This doesn't sound right, Sara. If what you said about Gran working this whole thing is true, why would she up and leave?

  Sara was very quiet.

  Martin put his fingers over his lips.

  Toni hooded her eyes at Ruth and whispered, "What's really going on, Ruth?"

  "Bless'ermortified'eart, yer Gran showed some compassion, she did; but, moreover, I'm sure she doesn't want y'consortin' with a ghost the likes o' 'im no more, she doesn't. An', well, since 'er job is done 'ere, she asked me t'help y'along with yer necromancin' skills, she did."

  "Hey, birthday girl. How'd your day with the girls go?" Paul walked into the dining room. Everyone turned in his direction. But of course he only saw Toni.

  "It went well, thank you." This is a bit uncomfortable, Sara.

  Come on! Sara said all excited. You know you like him! Just do what Reggie suggested. Talk to him.

  Belle shouted from the kitchen, "Getting the cake ready. Paul, why don't you take Toni out to the garden? I'll call you when it's ready."

  "After you," Paul said opening the French doo
rs.

  Why is mom so up on Paul? Toni mentally asked Sara as she walked onto the back patio.

  Sara didn't answer.

  ***

  Outside on the bench by the rose bushes, Toni sat with her hands folded in her lap, listening to Sara humming, Melissa Ferrick's 'I'm a Lesbian' lyrics in her head.

  Sara, will you cut that out! Gimme a break, here!

  You need to lighten up a little, Sis. You're attracted to him, right?

  Yes, but...

  No buts girl, just live in the moment, remember?

  "There's something I have to tell you about the day Sara died," Paul said and nipped the twin's mental conversation.

  Toni took a deep breath and said, "I want to put Sara's death behind me. I don't care what happened that day. I want to talk about us. And it's hard for me to find the right words, so just listen, okay? No more talk about Sara."

  Oh, hell yess! The guy just jumped from scum to tolerable, Sara sang.

  With intensity, Paul stared into Toni's eyes and took her hand in his. "Sure. Hey, I'm sorry about last night if I made you do anything you didn't feel comfortable with. I wanted to really explain, but..."

  Poor guy! Like you so totally didn't want to jump his bones, too."

  Sara, shut up! This is hard enough without you commentating.

  Say what?

  Shut up! "You didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do, Paul. And it wasn't a mistake, either. And I don't want to stop seeing you, either. But I'm only eighteen and I feel like I might've jumped in over my head."

  "Huh," Paul sighed, rubbing her palm with his fingers, looking deep into her eyes. "Do you feel different today? You woke up different this morning, right?" His face got closer, eyes searching hers.

  "What?" Crap, am I supposed to be like, 'oh yes, baby you moved me' or something?

  Sara didn't respond. Toni frowned.

  "Did you wake up to a special gift this morning?" Paul inquired.

  Sara! Help me out here! Is this a guy thing, or what? "Um, well, I, uh..." Toni stammered, and then blurted, "I feel warm when I think about last night. Is that what you mean?" She tilted her head down, eyes on the grass around her feet while trying not to smile.