“Well, you know how I told you about not having a gift, like Lily and Chloe?”
“Yeah, you were supposed to tell the truth or something.” This would have been so much easier if she’d at least pretended to be interested.
“A truth teller.”
“Whatever. So what, you can’t lie anymore?”
“No.” I rolled my eyes. “I can tell when someone’s lying to me.”
“How?” She looked sideways at me.
“I get cramps-”
“Come on Phoebs, isn’t that a little Buffy?” She slammed her locker shut and we started walking to class.
“Ha. Seriously. And then there’s like a voice in my head that calls the person a liar.”
“How can you be sure they really are lying?”
I tried to gauge her reaction, but her eyes were averted. She seemed to find everything and everyone around us fascinating.
“The first time it happened was right before Christmas break when I called you a liar. You even admitted that you’d lied. Remember? You told me you were going to see your mom, but really, you were meeting up with Trevor. It happened again after the accident and then yesterday when you told me you were sick.”
She stopped abruptly and turned to face me.
“So, what? I don’t have any privacy anymore? Great. Chloe was always running around telling me what I was going to do and now that she’s finally stopped you’re going to need to know everything I do or think?”
“That’s not what this is about, Tonya. I don’t need to know everything, but give me some credit and don’t lie to my face about things anymore. Tell me to mind my own business, whatever, but don’t lie. I apparently get enough of that without my best friend doing it, too.”
I stomped away, letting my feet pound the frustration from me. Part of me had thought - okay hoped - that she would think me having a gift was cool. I totally hadn’t expected her to turn on me again. Well, screw her. I had enough crap in my life without her dumping on me.
The door to Mr. Arnold’s class swung open as I walked through. I found my seat in front of Nathan’s empty one and slumped into the chair, tossing my binder on top. I started to stew, thinking about what a crappy assed gift I had. I laid my arms on my desk and then rested my head on them. The darkness in that small space was nice, tempting me into a little catnap.
My ear twitched as a tingling sensation passed through it. I rubbed at it, only for it to happen again and again. Swatting my hand at the fly I figured it must be, I jerked my head up and twisted around, coming face to face with Nathan’s grinning face. His pencil stuck out toward me.
“Stop it,” I snapped.
“Whoa, who pissed in your cornflakes?” The pencil lowered.
“No one. I just...never mind.” I sighed and turned around. No way did I want to get into a discussion about Tonya, especially since she’d be walking through the door any minute. Gossiping about your best friend, even with your boyfriend, was never allowed.
“Is this a test?” he asked.
I glanced over my shoulder, lifting my eyebrows. “A test?”
“Yeah, one of those ‘if he really cares he’ll keep asking’ tests that I’m bound to fail, because if I do keep asking it’ll turn into a ‘can’t he tell I don’t want to talk about it’ test.”
I cracked a smile. “No, it’s not a test. I just had a crappy morning and I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“’kay.” He sat back a little, before a sly smile curled his lips and he leaned closer to me. “Hey, you want to go make out at lunch?”
“What?” I glanced around to see if anyone had heard, but everyone was engaged in their own conversations. Well, except Chloe, who was giving me a knowing smile.
“Just kidding.” He smiled and I felt my grin grow to match. “Unless you want to.”
I snorted and looked back at the front of the class. Mr. Arnold got his things ready to start and Tonya was finally making her way to her desk. I wasn’t going to get a chance to talk to her before class. I hoped she’d be a bit... I didn’t even know what I hoped, just not angry.
An hour later, I caught up with her in the hall. I grabbed her arm lightly and she flinched away, but she paused and acknowledged me with a scathing look.
“Tonya, I’m sorry. I didn’t try to use my gift, it just happened. I have no control over it, and it’s actually turning out to be a pain in the ass.” I thought of all the useless little lies I’d been picking up on. Bianca liking Karin’s new haircut. Karin going to another study group. Chloe needing money from Dad for a new bra. Well, that last one wasn’t completely useless, because Dad had immediately turned red and pulled out his wallet.
“Whatever,” she said and we started walking again. “Try not to use it on me. Seriously girl, I need some kind of privacy.”
“I promise I’ll try. Just...If you don’t want me to know something, tell me to butt out, ‘kay?” I said, and she gave me a half smile.
I so wanted to ask her where she’d been, but there was something different between us. Best friends didn’t have to tell each other everything, God knew there was a crap load of stuff I hadn’t told her, but I’d never known that she was deliberately hiding things from me before. It was a bit unnerving.
“I was with Trevor,” she said, answering the question I’d been dying to ask again.
“What? You ditched school for your boyfriend?” We reached my locker and I jammed my trig notebook inside and pulled out my English one.
“As if you wouldn’t have done it if Nathan had asked.”
“Besides the point. Nathan is, well, Nathan.” I swear I tried not to sigh.
“Yeah, well I happen to think Trevor is a lot more worthy of school skipping than Nathan.”
“So, what did you guys do?”
“He took me back to his place.” Her cheeks darkened and she gave me that kind of ‘you know’ look.
“You had sex with him?” I whispered. Not exactly a deadly sin, but not something I thought Tonya would want advertised.
“Yeah.” The blush deepened.
“And?” I asked after I was able to pull myself out of my shell shock.
“It was, I don’t know, good I guess. I mean it hurt a bit and then it was just kind of over. The second time was better though.”
“Over as in...”
“Two minutes? Maybe three.” We both laughed. Not exactly the wonderful romance novel stuff we’d read about.
“Wow. Wow.” I kept repeating it, unable to believe what Tonya was telling me.
“I know,” she said and, when our giggles drew a few eyes, we tried to control ourselves.
“Please tell me you used a condom,” I said, practicality finally winning out over lurid curiosity, although maybe it was part of it.
“Duh. Trust me, growing up as an accident, I’m not going to repeat my mother’s mistakes.”
Okay, I was a tad jealous. Out of the two of us, I’d always thought I’d be first. Of course, those daydreams had always involved Nathan and, until a few weeks ago, he’d pretty much made those dreams more of a fantasy than a possibility. But after hearing how Tonya had described the experience, I wondered if she regretted doing it. Tonya wasn’t known for her long-term relationships.
“Ready?” Nathan asked just as his arm seemed to drop out of nowhere and over my shoulder.
“What? Oh, yeah.”
Tonya and I looked at each other and burst out laughing.
“What’d I miss?” He cocked an eyebrow at us.
“Nothing,” I answered with another giggle.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know. I’ll catch you later,” I said, then waved bye to Tonya.
Luckily, Nathan managed to distract me through my boring classes, and those he wasn’t in were interesting enough to let me make it through the rest of the day. That night, as I sat at my computer desk, was entirely different.
I wished I’d had the guts to ask Tonya
more. Dad had given my sisters and me the speech when we were twelve, so I knew about sex, although it was more than he probably knew thanks to playground talk. But this was different. Until a few weeks ago, sex hadn’t been a top priority for me. Now though, Nathan was a good enough kisser to make me think of jumping his bones every time our lips touched.
Part of me wanted to do it. To have the experience and that thrill, but at the same time Nanna’s ancient lesson of why buy the cow when the milk is free was engrained in my brain. Tonya had found it pretty easy to give in. Would I be the same? It was stupid to even worry about it. Nathan and I hadn’t even been out on a real date yet, but I wondered how I would know if I was ready.
I shut down my computer and decided to go to the one person who might be able to help me.
I gave a light courtesy knock on Lily’s door before walking in.
“Hey,” I said flopping onto her bed. I grabbed a book off her nightstand and fanned the pages a few times before throwing it on the floor.
She sat in her computer chair, her short legs crossed on the seat, and when she spun around to face me, I was suddenly filled with embarrassment.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Can’t I just come and spend some time with my favorite sister?”
“You? Without an ulterior motive?” She leaned down from her chair and picked up the book, putting it back on the nightstand in the exact position it had been in before I’d touched it.
“Whatever. You’ve been spending too much time with Chloe. You’re starting to get her snarky attitude.”
“Hmm, I could have sworn she just told me the same thing, only it was you I was around too much. So, why are you here?”
I loved that Lily said it with love and humor. From Chloe those words would have sliced through me.
“When did you know you were ready to have sex with Dylan?” I blurted it out in a mad rush.
“What?” Her entire face flushed a bright red and I wished I could have asked Chloe. Lily was one of those extra sweet people, the next Mother Teresa, which made talking sex with her even weirder.
“How did you know you were ready?”
“I didn’t. I mean- we’re not...” Every freckle on her face seemed to be glowing.
“You’re not having sex?” My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Why not? I mean, you guys have been dating, like, forever.”
“I’m not ready.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t know. We’ve talked about it and I know he wants to, but...” Spinning back to her computer, she shrugged a shoulder and let her voice trail off.
“But?”
“It’s not something I really want to talk about, okay?” Her voice trembled.
“Is everything okay with you?” I asked. Guilt filled me as I realized that was one question I’d probably never bothered asking her before. Lily was the solid one, the one who was constantly calm and there for me when I needed to feel better.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she answered.
“Are you sure? You sound kind of sad.”
“I’m really fine. I just need to get this paper done.”
Wow. A brush off from Lily. Well, there’s a first time for everything.
“Sure. I’ll leave you to it.”
I left her room and ran into Chloe just outside the door. She had a huge grin on her face.
“Shut up,” I said before a word even passed through her lips and shoved past her into my room.
“Did you really believe Lily would be having sex? She’s probably never even had a dirty thought cross her mind in her entire life.”
“So, I guess I should have asked you?”
“I could have at least told you it’s gonna be a long while before you need to worry about that.”
I slammed the door on her smug face. God, I hated having a sister who knew more about my future sex life than I did.
Chapter 7
The only thing better than a Friday was a Saturday, and this time it wasn’t just because there was no school. Nathan and I were going to have our first real date. He worked at the gas station until six, so we’d decided to skip dinner and just catch a movie.
The doorbell rang at just after seven and I raced to answer it.
“Wow, you look hot,” he said when I opened the door wearing my new skinny jeans and a black top.
He looked gorgeous as usual, his hair still damp and smelling absolutely delicious. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to sniff him or run my hands through his hair. Instead, I practically shoved him out the door before my dad could do some crazy interrogation.
The theater was packed when we arrived. There wasn’t a whole lot of entertainment for anyone under twenty-one in Beachgrove on a Saturday night. I talked to a couple of girls from school standing behind us in line while Nathan used the automated ticket booth.
“Ready?” he said, turning from the machine. I nodded and said bye to the girls. He slid his hand around mine. “I still can’t believe you want to see this movie.”
“Why? Because I’m a girl?”
“Maybe.”
“Well, maybe I just realize the benefits of a scary movie.”
“And what would that be?”
“I can scream and snuggle up to you.” I gave a sassy smile and, tugging his hand, pulled him toward the concession. “Come on, I’m dying for some popcorn.”
“How do you do that?” he asked when we’d gotten in the long line.
“What?”
“Flirt like crazy and then just walk away.”
“Well, you said you wanted to do the chasing, so I can’t make it too easy for you.” I stood up on tiptoes and leaned in, but stopped an inch away from him. I waited, hoping he’d close the distance.
“You’re right, I did say that.” He smiled and stepped around me. “The line’s moving.”
My face scrunched in an angry-but-trying-not-to-laugh way. He was playing with me, and I liked it. Much better than my vain pursuit of him the past couple of years.
We ended up getting seats in the middle of the theater. Nathan tried for the back row, but it was already filled with some other people from school. The movie was as scary as I expected. Halfway through, I had my knees pulled up to my chest with one hand covering my eyes.
“Stupid bitch! Get out of the house!” I whispered frantically.
I leaned closer to Nathan and closed my eyes. No longer providing a shield, my hands moved to cover my ears. Why I always wanted to go to those movies was beyond me. It was like I was asking to get the crap scared out of me, then angry when it did.
“Sure you want to watch the rest?” Nathan asked, a huge grin on his face.
“Yes. Shh...” I shifted a bit closer to him and let myself relax as the tension in the movie lessened. My hands dropped to the armrests and I brushed one against Nathan's hand. My fingers itched to prolong the contact, but I refused to give in to temptation, knowing if I did, I would start losing our game.
About five minutes passed before I felt his hand again. He trailed his fingers along my arm so lightly that I would have missed it if I hadn’t seen him move. Once I knew what he was doing, though, it set off a race of shivers across my entire body. I kept still, knowing he was playing, maybe testing me to see if I would wait for him to make his move.
Finally, his hand slid over mine, linking our fingers together. The next time I had to cover my eyes, his hand helped block my view. Occasionally he’d squeeze my hand and set my stomach to swirling, but in between those times, I just felt...happy. Lame word to describe it, but it seemed better than content or comfortable, which I definitely wasn’t.
We sat through the credits. Not something I normally did, but Nathan made no move to get up. Once we were alone, he lifted my hand and kissed the back of it. I looked up at him and sucked in a sharp breath. In the dim light, his grey eyes resembled the slate Nanna had carried over from England when she immigrated.
He let go of my hand and cupped my face, then pressed his
lips to mine. The background music faded until all I could hear was our breathing. In and out. A rhythm that picked up pace with each cycle. It was almost hypnotic, lulling me deeper into the kiss.
The sudden flare of lights pulled us apart just in time to avoid the humiliation of discovery. Dylan ambled around the corner and up the stairs with his broom, his hand wrapped in a soft cast, and I giggled. Getting caught making out in the movie theater by my sister’s boyfriend was not how I imagined ending our night.
“Hey, man,” Nathan said, nodding to Dylan. Dylan ignored the greeting, and gave me a nasty look. He was still pissed with me for making him walk home. Well tough, because I was still pissed at him for, well, for being him.
“Come on. Let’s go before we get banned from this place or something.” Nathan stood and tugged me up from my seat.
“Or something?”
“Yeah, like they call my dad.” We walked down the stairs and through the dark hall to the lobby.
“They wouldn’t do that,” I said doubtfully.
“Wanna bet? Maybe if I were just some other kid in town, but the sheriff’s kid? I get ragged on by everyone.”
“Seriously?” I’d never thought what it would be like having a cop for a parent. Maybe it was similar to having a lawyer for a dad. The constant nagging about being a model citizen and our rights and responsibilities, blah, blah, blah.
“I already got in trouble over the fight,” he said.
“Which fight?”
“Uh, hello? The one between you and Vivian.”
“What!? Why would you get in trouble for that? You stayed completely out of it,” I said.
“Yeah, well apparently it got back to my dad that you guys were fighting over me.”
So much for avoiding utter humiliation. “Oh, my God. Please tell me your dad won’t be calling mine.”
“Nah. I think you’re safe. According to my dad I was the one at fault for playing two girls at once.”
“Were you? Playing two girls at once?” I tried to make the question sound light, but the stillness that came over him told me I hadn’t quite succeeded.
PANDORA Page 109
