PANDORA

by Rebecca Hamilton

  That very fact alone makes me wonder if they haven’t done something to me. I’ve never needed someone so badly that being separated from them actually causes me physical pain. That’s how I feel about Morgan. He’s become a part of me. No, he’s always been a part of me. I’ve been dreaming of being a wolf since I can remember. Even though I hadn’t met him, deep down I’d felt him. From the beginning, I felt at ease, at peace around him. All of those things that had defined me before simply melt away in his presence. I’m not shy, embarrassed, or self-conscious around him. He makes me whole.

  And Devon? Rude, arrogant beyond a fault, and very mysterious. At least the mystery is solved. Well, sort of. He’d managed to ingrain himself into my life too, worked his way into it. Why? Why is he so important to me? My mother said in the dream that I should be afraid of those glowing red-rimmed black eyes, but I’m not. He shocked me, yeah, but afraid? No, I’m not afraid. He could have hurt me at any time he wanted over the last few weeks. Instead, he’s been my friend. A friend, who at times, I wanted to strangle with my bare hands, but a friend nonetheless. Plus, I still like him. A lot.

  So where does that leave me?

  In a hell of a mess, that’s where.

  Chapter 22

  Yawning, I curl up in the comfort of my bed. It has been an extremely long day and I’m tired. Emma had decided we needed a family night and made a huge dinner. She’d made everyone’s favorite food, including Uncle Sabien’s. I’d been so nervous I was barely able to sit still and Sabien spent the entire meal casing the windows while Emma tried to pretend everything was normal. Dad just ignored it all. Interesting dinner to say the least.

  Jason made it look so easy to pretend everything was normal. I know it was just as hard for him as it was for me, but he made it look easy. Then again he doesn’t constantly feel like a freak show with his skin crawling either. Nor does he have friends that are monsters. I laugh harshly. Who am I kidding? I’m just as much a monster as they are. That’s why I’m freaking out so much. I am a monster. The gene is in my blood, dormant for now, but it can one day wake up with a vengeance.

  Morgan and Devon both plagued my phone all day. I’d ended up turning it off. I can feel Morgan’s anxiety. I think maybe before the truth came out, he’d shielded me from being able to feel or hear him. Not anymore. It’s the weirdest thing ever. I actually feel him. He worries about how I’m taking all this. He’s afraid he’s lost me.

  Then there’s Devon. I keep seeing his eyes right before he’d dived out my window. He knew he’d scared me. I’d seen the same fear in his eyes that I’d seen in Morgan’s—the fear of losing me.

  Sighing, I try to get comfortable. I need time to get used to me before I can talk to them. How am I supposed to face them when I can’t face myself? I don’t know what to do just yet. It’s not like I’m afraid of them. I’m afraid of me.

  I think back to the dreams of my mother and her changing eyes. One will keep me safe while the other I should fear but don’t. Connor told me that dreams tell us what we already know and help us to understand and process those truths. The truth? I trust them both, but I need time.

  Something at my window distracts me. I bolt up, fear overshadowing everything else for a second. More trackers? No. Trackers wouldn’t announce their arrival. Getting out of bed, I creep over to the window and pull back the heavy drapes. Pebbles hit the window and make me blink. Looking down, I see Morgan and Devon whispering to each other. Morgan scoops up more pebbles.

  I sigh. Neither of them does the whole patient thing very well. They probably got tired of my ignoring them all day. Devon sees me staring down at them, a frustrated look on his face, and crooks his finger at me. Then he points down, a silent command to come out. Oh, He Did Not!

  I take a sheet of paper out of my notebook and with a bright red sharpie write the word NO. I tape it to the window and pull the curtains closed.

  So there!

  A sharp knock at my window startles me. Now how did they get up here? I know for a fact the ladder is locked up in the storage building out back. I pull the drapes open and gape.

  Devon is floating outside my window! Floating! Come on!

  He also looks irritated with me.

  Wait. Irritated? What right does he have to be irritated? He isn’t the one who’s literally just had their life torn to little tiny pieces and left strewn over the floor. Irritated? If anyone has the right to be irritated it’s me.

  I hear Morgan laugh.

  You shut up too, I fume.

  We need to talk, Bess.

  We are talking.

  Devon can’t hear us.

  What, are you talking to each other now?

  We decided to pool our resources to protect you.

  I snort.

  Please, Bess? There’s something you should know.

  Sigh.

  Fine. Tell Devon to stop floating before the neighbors see him.

  I’m going to be in so much trouble if I get busted, I think as I pull on my jeans and my favorite WVU sweatshirt. Creeping downstairs, I jerk on my coat and shoes and let myself out. I put a finger to my lips and lead them out back to the gazebo.

  We sit for a minute, no one speaking, just staring. How to start? Where to start? It’s a bizarre mess to sort through, but unfortunately, I don’t have all night. Jason or Uncle Sabien will check on me at some point.

  “So talk,” I tell them crossly. I miss the warmth of my bed as a cold wind blows around us.

  “I’m sorry, Bess. I know you want time to get used to all this stuff, but there’s something you need to know. We should have told you sooner, but . . . ”

  “What?” I whisper, afraid of the answer.

  “The one that attacked me escaped,” Devon tells me.

  Well crap.

  My nostrils flare, panic creeping up my spine. That’s what I thought they were going to say. The possibility haunted me all day. The what if it scenario. They know where we are.

  “Don’t freak, Alex,” Morgan says, his eyes sincere. “We’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

  Don’t freak? I’m well past that point. Hysterical induced madness.

  Yup, that’s me.

  Stay calm, I tell myself. Don’t freak. Breathe. Focus.

  “How did you get away?”

  “The cats are unable to kill me, but they can hurt me.”

  “There’s not a scratch on you, Devon. How did you manage that?”

  “He healed,” Morgan tells me softly.

  “Healed?” I turn my attention to Morgan. “Is he like you?”

  “No, not exactly.”

  “Wait, why can’t they kill you?”

  Devon and Morgan share a shuttered looked.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” I glare at them both. “No way are you getting all secretive on me now.”

  Devon smiles. Actually smiles. It’s a smile I’ve never seen before.

  “No, Cara,” he says. “No more secrets. You need to know. I was born over three hundred years ago in Italy. My father was Italian and my mother was Romani.”

  “A Gypsy?” I ask.

  “Si, a Gypsy. She and my father lived in Italy for most of my human life. She owed someone a debt among the Romani people and when she refused to pay that debt, they killed her, my father, my sister, and my brother. The debt fell to my shoulders. I refused, thinking that I would suffer the same fate as my parents. They decided to curse me instead. I haven’t been the same since. There is a darkness in me, Alexandria, a darkness that drives me to do terrible things.”

  “Terrible things?”

  His eyes glow brighter. “The beast within requires blood, fresh blood or it won’t let me rest until I go just a little insane with need.”

  “A vampire?”

  He laughs harshly. “If it were only that simple. No, I am not a vampire. I am a . . . beast for lack of a better term. I can shift into a monstrosity that’s only goal is to kill.”

  “Kill?”

  “My mother owed them a blood
payment, a life for a life. I refused to kill, so they made sure all I ever do is kill.”

  I swallow, hard. Kill?

  “And yes, Cara, I’ve taken many human lives, both innocent and guilty. When I was first cursed, the curse was stronger than me, it brought out my dark side. I enjoyed killing. I still do.”

  He said it so coldly, so matter-of-factly.

  “I am not a nice person, Alexandria. I have done and will do many bad things. I enjoy the rush of the kill, but know this, I will never hurt you or let anyone else hurt you. Ever.”

  I nod, really the only thing I can do. He admits to enjoying killing people? And despite that, a part of me doesn’t care. I see the Devon I’ve come to know and it doesn’t matter what he’s done or what he’ll do, all that matters is the guy in front of me. How messed up is that?

  “As the years passed, I learned how to tap into my own magic, the magic I inherited from my mother. I also learned I had a lot of extra gifts, such as having an affinity for animals. I can compel them to do things.”

  Morgan snorts.

  “So, you like told the cat to let you go?” I ask, grabbing onto something I can deal with.

  “I ordered it not to kill me,” Devon says sheepishly. “I should have told the animal not to harm me.”

  A thought occurs to me suddenly and I have an idea as to why the two of them have been at each other’s throats for so long.

  “You have control over the wolves?”

  Devon sighed. “Yes.”

  “I knew it!” I crow. “That’s why you two have been acting like such morons.”

  “Morons?” Morgan is definitely offended.

  “That is part of the reason Morgan and I were in disagreement,” Devon says. His way doesn’t make them sound like morons—his point I think. Too bad I still think they’re complete and utter morons.

  “Mostly, Morgan is afraid that I might hurt you.”

  “What?” That wipes the smirk off my face. Hurt me?

  “No,” I shake my head, the truth of my own words stealing over me. “You would never hurt me.”

  “Alex, you don’t know that,” Morgan argues.

  “Morgan, don’t be ridiculous. He won’t hurt me.”

  “It’s in his very nature to harm, to destroy.”

  “And it’s not yours, in wolf form at least?” I ask.

  He glares. Truths are truths.

  “You know I don’t believe that, Morgan,” I soften my tone. “I admit, at first I was afraid. Your eyes are pretty freaky, Devon.”

  “Thank you,” he grins, his eyes sparkling.

  I roll my eyes.

  “I truly did not mean to frighten you,” he tells me, his eyes soft for a change, almost gentle. Wow.

  I take a shaky breath and try to steady myself. When he looks at me like that sometimes, I can literally melt on the floor in front of him.

  “It wasn’t so much that you scared me as it was the straw that broke the camel’s back,” I whisper, my eyes falling to my lap. “I’d seen so much already and it was just too much and I flipped. I’m still flipping out.”

  “Of course you are,” he soothes.

  “Yeah, I’ve heard you trying not to think about it all day,” Morgan sighs.

  “And what’s with that?” I glare at him. “Why can we hear each other all of a sudden? I’ve felt you worrying all day.” My eyes widen as something snaps into place. “YOU! You were the person I kept hearing in my head! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING CRAZY, THAT I HAD SCHITZOPHRENIA!” I’d spoken to him earlier in my mind and it hadn’t registered then that’s what I was doing. My mind is a muddle and taking its time putting thoughts together.

  He sighs and shifts his position. “I’m sorry, Bess. I couldn’t come out and tell you. I never meant for you to think that.”

  “I told you about Compton, Morgan. I TOLD you everything. Don’t you think that my hearing voices all of a sudden would worry me, considering where I’m from?”

  He hangs his head and I can feel his remorse roll through me. It hits me hard and I struggle to stay upright. Devon reaches for my hand and I can feel a cold wind settle around me and Morgan’s connection to me is muted, buffered and I can bear it.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I sigh heavily. I can’t even be mad at him. I can feel how sorry he is.

  “Just please next time, tell me and don’t just let me think something is wrong with me, okay?”

  “I promise.”

  Devon shifts closer to me, pulling me into his side. He smells of the night, of the dark, of wild things I can’t explain. I can sit here forever and just breathe in his scent and be content for all my life.

  “It’s not something to be scared of, Alex,” Morgan interrupts my thoughts. “It’s something wonderful. There hasn’t been anything like this among my pack in over a thousand years.”

  “But what exactly is IT?”

  “Among my kind, my pack, there are two types of mates. One is a heart mate. They are the missing pieces of our hearts. Once our hearts meet, there’s no turning back. The love that spirals out of that meeting is instant and earth shattering. If defies logic, time, and sometimes even death.”

  Oh, crap.

  “Morgan,” I say hesitantly, “I don’t feel that way about you.” That’s how I feel about Devon.

  “Good,” Devon lets out a breath I wasn’t aware he’d been holding and he relaxes. Now what is that about? I feel the blush flood my face. Can he maybe like me too? Please . . .

  “No, Bess, you wouldn’t,” Morgan laughs. “You and I share a different kind of mate bond. We are what my pack calls soul mates—we share the same soul. That’s why we are so attuned to each other. In some ways it’s even more powerful than a heart mate bond.”

  “But doesn’t soul mate mean the person you love with all your heart?” I ask, confused. Everything I’ve ever read about soul mates clearly states it ended up being the greatest love story of all kind.

  “It’s a broad misconception,” he tells me, sounding very grown up. “Sometimes they can be one in the same, but that’s only ever happened once that I know of thousands of years ago. We believe that when a soul is created, it’s torn into two halves in the spirit world before being sent out into this plane. Those two halves will wonder the earth, always looking for, but usually never finding, it’s other half.”

  Morgan takes my hands into his. “I know you’re afraid, but you don’t have to be. We share the same soul, Alexandria. You are a part of me and I am a part of you. What you feel, I feel. When I hurt, you’ll hurt. The bond we have goes so deep that nothing and no one will ever be able separate us, not even death. Once a soul is rejoined it shall never be separated again.”

  “Not even death?”

  “It is told that if one of us dies, so shall the other, to spend eternity together. It’s just a legend though,” he hastily adds. “As I said, there hasn’t been a soul pairing in over a thousand years in any culture I know of.”

  “When I first met you, I freaked out big time. I saw you sitting there all alone in the auditorium. You looked so scared. I don’t know, I had this sudden urge to just . . . touch you, but then Saidie came in. I remember how relieved you looked. I left my friends to come talk to you. When I looked into your eyes something . . . happened. I still can’t explain it. I smelled the woods and the pack, but you weren’t pack. Then when you started to flip out because you could smell the woods and I realized I could hear you, I almost got up right then and there and ran, but I couldn’t leave you. I thought I was seriously going nuts,” he laughs. “I told my Grandpa about it as soon as I got home. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen the old man so excited. He explained it to me. I didn’t say anything before because, well, I was afraid it might freak you out worse than it did me. I didn’t want to lose you. You and I have been connected for a long time. You dreamed of wolves and I had a make believe friend named Bessie Mae when I was kid. She was you, I just didn’t realize I’d been trying to find you even then.”
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  I smile. So that’s where the name Bessie Mae came from. I can’t believe he was worried about my freaking out. Being freaked out is normal for me. How can I not stay in a total state of freak-out when it feels like thousands of tiny bugs are crawling over every inch of my skin? Sabien promised it would ease up as my power settles itself. Yeah, r-i-i-ight.

  Morgan worries he’s scared me with all this talk of soul mates and stuff. He has no idea of how completely wrong he is. I’ve been all alone growing up. Jason, Emma and Dad were great, but there was always something missing. I felt it more deeply when my mother left. It was a hole that ate at me all the time. Now Morgan is telling me that I will never be truly alone again. He would always be with me—mind, body and soul. He would help to fill the hole.

  The downside? I’m betting I can’t hide anything from the little eavesdropper.

  “Nope, you can’t,” he laughs at my aggravated expression, before turning serious again. “You’re right about the other thing that keeps drowning out every other thought you have. You’re not afraid of me or Devon. You’re afraid of yourself.”

  “But why would you fear yourself, Cara?” Devon frowns at me.

  “Because I’m the monster, Devon,” I whisper. “The lupine gene is in my blood like a ticking time bomb. And my . . . magic . . . is waking up. It scares me.”

  “Do not fear what you are, Alexandria. Your power is a part of you. The gifts were born to you through your blood.”

  “It feels more like a curse than a gift.”

  Even I hear how pathetic I sound.

  “No, this is a curse.” His eyes flare with his own power, red rings encircling onyx jewels. “You are special. The power that runs through your veins is uniquely yours. There are not many in this world who can claim to be what you are, what you will be.”

  “You don’t understand, Devon,” I cry. “You don’t know what this drove my family to do, the horrors they inflicted to gain more power. I don’t want any part of it.”