An uncomfortable silence settled over us, and I was thinking that my day would be much better spent watching the newest season of Dexter on DVD in Jack’s room. I had been slowly but surely working my way through the whole series since Jack constantly raved about it, and I was trying to find a polite way to escape to that.
“So… you don’t really like me,” Bobby stated after his bagel popped up. He was spreading cream cheese thick all over it and wasn’t looking at me. I thought about disagreeing with him, but then I just decided to wait and see if he said more. “I don’t blame you.”
“Why? You got low self-esteem?” I replied flippantly.
“Kinda, but that’s not what I meant.” He took a big bite of his bagel then turned to face me, settling his dark eyes on me until I started shift uneasily. He chewed and swallowed his bite before continuing. “I get it. Milo is your little brother, and he’s pretty young and inexperienced. And I’m older, and I do kinda have that bad boy vibe, even though I am clearly not a bad boy.” With the tattoos and dark features, Bobby did have a rebel without a cause thing going on, but after the way I had seen him cowering around Milo in the club last night, I could say with completely certainty that Bobby was not a bad boy in any real sense of the word.
“Those things are true,” I allowed carefully. I wasn’t really sure he was getting at yet.
“And even though I am the weaker of the species, I am human, which is dangerous in a way to vampires,” Bobby admitted before taking another bite of the bagel. When he chewed, he stared thoughtfully at the floor. “I mean, he’s stronger and more powerful than I am, but I complicate things for him in a lot of different ways, and I know that.”
“If you know that then why are you with him?” I asked, not unkindly.
“That’s a good question.” It was such a good question that Bobby had to finish the entire bagel so he could think it over. Finally, he swallowed the last bite and leaned back against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to tell you.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” I warned him icily.
“No, it’s not…” He shook his head. “You’ll think I’m lying, and I don’t have any real way to prove anything to you. Or you’ll think I’m just under the spell, that one that vampires put humans under, and it’s not that either.” My stomach started twisting because I knew what he was getting at, and it didn’t sit all that well with me. “I love him. Okay? It sounds cheesy and like an easy excuse and everything… but I don’t care. We’re in love, and that’s not something I’m willing to just throw away.”
“He’s fifteen! What does he know about love?” I don’t know why my go-to argument was the same as Romeo and Juliet’s parents, but that was the first one that came off the top of my head.
Bobby looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and it was his turn to think that I was hypocrite. “Okay, yeah, I get that I’m not much older than him, but…” I was just about to say that they hadn’t known each other that long, but that argument had applied to my situation with Jack before. I sighed and tried to think of something to counter with that I hadn’t already done myself.
“You understand where we’re coming from,” Bobby said with a wry smile, and I shook my head, unwilling to admit defeat. “The situation is difficult, but the heart wants what it wants.”
“What a stupid thing to say,” I scoffed. “My stomach wants what it wants, too, but you don’t see me ripping out your throat to get it.” Bobby shrugged, unfazed by my veiled threat, and I wasn’t sure if it made me hate him more or less. “What is that about, anyway?”
“What?” Bobby looked up at me.
“You’re like twenty-one, and people call you Bobby. Isn’t that a little boy name?” I wrinkled my nose, and he laughed.
“People called Robert Kennedy ‘Bobby’ his entire life,” Bobby offered.
“And look at how well that turned out for him,” I countered, referring to his untimely assignation, and Bobby smiled brightly at me.
“Maybe. But my name actually is ‘Bobby,’ not ‘Robert’ or ‘Bob’ or anything,” Bobby shrugged. “So it’s just what I go by, since it is legally my name.”
“Was your mother like a hippie or something like that?” I asked.
“Something like that,” Bobby ran a hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.
“Okay, so fine, you and my brother are crazy in love,” I said, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth just playing devil’s advocate. “Let’s say that I buy that. How did you two meet? And how did you come to know our particular lifestyle?” Lifestyle wasn’t exactly the right word, because it implied that there was a choice in this. I had chosen to become a vampire, but I could never choose not to be one, not unless I died. Even then, I’d just be a dead vampire.
“Um… well…” Bobby laughed dryly and fidgeted with the zipper on his hoodie.
“Obviously, I am gay. So I used to frequent the gay clubs, especially right after I turned 18, and I was really out of the closet. I wasn’t a slut, exactly, but I wasn’t… not a slut, either. One of the gentlemen I was pursuing turned out to be a vampire. We ‘dated’ for awhile, but I’m using the term really loosely. Basically, we would just fool around, and he’d bite me. But it took some time before I figured out what was going on. I mean, even after I realized that he was physically biting me, it was still a hard concept to buy that he was a vampire.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said. The supernatural could be a very hard pill to swallow.
Sometimes, I still found it hard to believe in vampires, and I was one.
“And I was never a bloodwhore. Not like your friend Jane, no offense.” He looked apologetically at me, but I just shrugged it off. She was a whore, so there was nothing for me to be offended about. “I was curious, though, and I did like the way it felt, being bitten.” His expression got wistful, no doubt thinking of the amazing way it felt to be bitten. Then he cleared his head and looked at me. “You’ve been bitten, right?”
“Only twice.” It didn’t sound like enough at all. I should be biting and being bitten all the time. Sure, I had the rest of eternity for that kind of thing, but I was ready for the rest of eternity to start right now.
“It’s pretty wonderful,” Bobby smiled. “But you know, it’s even better when you’re in love.
All their feelings rush over you, and if the guy biting you is a douche bag, it can feel pretty dirty and terrible, even when it feels so good.” That was exactly why Ezra had been in such horrible shape in Finland, but I wasn’t eager to think of that, so I nodded for Bobby to continue. “Anyway, I started hanging out around V, looking for vampires and what not, and then I met Milo. It was like love at first sight.” He looked at the ground. “That sounds like a line, but it’s true.”
“So you just saw him, and that was it?” I shook my head.
“Pretty much. He didn’t even ask me to dance. He just walked over to me and we started dancing, and kissing, and talking, and we’ve been together ever since.” Bobby smiled wider, looking simultaneously proud and embarrassed. “Milo’s a pretty great guy.”
Bobby nervously ran his hands through his hair, trying to smooth out his side bangs. His dark eyes had that weird wistful quality to him and his cheeks were reddening lightly, so I knew he was thinking about Milo. I didn’t doubt that he really did care about my brother, but I just couldn’t seem to like him. Well, that wasn’t even it exactly. I actually did kind of like Bobby, or I was starting to at least. I studied him closely, trying to figure out what about him was really bothering me. Was it just that he was Milo’s boyfriend and I wouldn’t like anybody he dated?
That’s when it finally dawned on me. I didn’t like Bobby because I didn’t like him. My first reaction to him had been suspicion and dislike. That had just been because I was surprised, and he was human, and I was protective of Milo. They were perfectly reasonable given the situation, but I shouldn’t have been able to feel that way. Not if Milo and Bobby were really
supposed to be together, the way my blood had been meant for Peter, and Mae’s for Ezra.
Given my current situation, I was probably a little quick to judge Bobby’s claims about love at first, even though now I was positive that that wasn’t exactly true. Milo was pretty damn enchanting, the way all vampires were, and on top of that, he was a really caring, smart, decent guy, too. So I didn’t doubt that Bobby was in love with him, but it was nothing more than that. It was the incredibly bond that vampires felt in their blood, sealing them to a mate for the rest of their existence.
The reason everything had gotten so complicated with Jack and Peter was because of how fluid the bond is. Jack, Peter, and Ezra, and now Milo and I, were held together a similar blood bond.
Milo and I were especially bonded because we were siblings in real life as well as in vampires. That meant that whoever he was bonded too, I should feel a great affinity for. It would be almost impossible for me to hate who he was meant for, and yet, I had instantly disliked Bobby.
Admittedly, I understood the transference in all of this. I had broken my bond with Peter, and I knew that love could be stronger than blood or immortality. But that probably wasn’t the case with Bobby. He was just a nice guy that Milo would be into for awhile, but not forever. I suddenly felt sorry for Bobby, because undoubtedly, Milo would break his heart. Not the other way around.
“And you don’t have to worry about us,” Bobby was saying, drawing me from my thoughts.
He had tired of trying to straighten out his hair and flipped up the hood of his sweater. I hadn’t really been listening to what he was saying, so I just stared at him, hoping he would elaborate. “I mean, Milo more so, I guess. He’s not like that guys Jane was with, and I’m not like her, either. That’s not our thing.”
“No, I get that,” I nodded. Maybe at first the idea had crossed my mind, but it very quickly became clear to me that there was nothing parasitic about their relationship.
“I understand the appeal of her lifestyle. It’s something that you can fall into pretty easily.”
Bobby twisted the drawstring to his hood around and looked at the ground. I had a feeling that despite all his protests, it was a lifestyle that Bobby had come precariously close to getting into, and when things ended with Milo, there was an even greater chance that that’s how he would end up. Thanks to Milo, he’d been even more hooked on the feel of being bitten.
“So, you know what its like, probably better than anyone in the house.” I leaned across the island, looking at him more intently. “You get where Jane is coming from. If the situation were reversed, if you were a bloodwhore, what could somebody say to get you to stop?”
“That’s a good question.” Bobby exhaled and stared off, thinking. “I don’t know really. As long as it still feels good, it’s a pretty hard thing to convince somebody to stop. I think it has to start hurting her, and then you have to keep reminding her how much it hurts.”
“How does it hurt her?” I wrinkled my nose. “I know that it’s killing her, but she’s unaware of that.
Like, any time she feels like crap, she just gets bit, and then feels better, right?”
“Not exactly,” Bobby shook his head. “Immediately after, you feel really good. But shortly after that is when you feel the worst. The loss of blood really damages your body, and you start to feel what it’s going through. And then you also have the residuals of the vampire you’re with, and if your friend is picking up random John’s at the club, they’re probably mostly dicks. Meaning she’s left with none of the euphoria but all of their emotions and how they feel about you, which is usually pretty shitty. It’s after that, after the bad feelings fade and you get your strength back, that’s when you go back to the club. You forget how bad they made you feel, how incredibly weak you were, and for some reason, all you can remember is the pleasure of the bite.”
“Huh.” I eyed him suspiciously, and he noticed, so he shrugged sheepishly. “Not that your information hasn’t been helpful, but I’m starting to think you picked up a lot more vampires than you let on.”
“It’s different with Milo,” Bobby insisted with a wounded look in his eyes. “Honest. You don’t have to believe me, but it’s more than that. Than just biting and fooling around. So… Please don’t tell him, okay?
He knows that he’s not the first vampire I was with, but he doesn’t know how many were before him. And I don’t want him to know. I don’t want him to think that’s what this is about, because it’s not.”
“I won’t tell him unless I think it’s relevant. So just don’t make it relevant,” I allowed, staring at him evenly. He nodded, realizing that was about the most he could get from me.
“This is a pretty awesome place,” Bobby said randomly, changing the subject. He had moved onto making coffee, and the coffee maker looked brand new. Mae had probably bought it especially for him, so he must not be all bad if she approved of him. “And Mae is amazing. How is she doing today?”
“I haven’t seen her.” I glanced back over my shoulder towards her room, and I tried to listen for the sound of her over the coffee pot gurgling, but I couldn’t hear anything. “Have you?”
“No, but if Ezra left, I didn’t think it would be that bad,” Bobby said.
The kitchen smelled completely of coffee, and I felt an odd pang of knowing I couldn’t drink any. I had never really liked coffee, but I loved the smell of it, and it was weird knowing that I couldn’t drink it. My stomach gave me a sharp pain, reminding me that I didn’t want any of that anyway. Bobby suddenly seemed to smell stronger, and I pushed it back. This was just my body’s attempts to convince me I was hungry, but I shouldn’t be yet, and even if I was, I had to learn to get control of my hunger instead of letting it control me.
“You okay?” Bobby looked at me with concern.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” I shook my head to clear it. “I think I’m just gonna get a shower.
But, um, it was nice talking to you, and I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, alright,” Bobby said, but he still looked worried. He was definitely a good match for Milo.
When I went upstairs, Matilda started following me again. For some reason, she assumed that every time I went anywhere, Jack would be there waiting. Maybe I spent too much time with him, although lately, it wasn’t really feeling like I spent any time with him. I had just gotten back from a trip, and then he left again. In his room, with all his things, my heart throbbed at the thought of him. Matilda jumped on his bed, covering his blankets with her white fur, and sniffing about, as if he was hidden amongst them.
I sighed and started rummaging around my room for something to change into. In all honesty, I wouldn’t mind a shower, but I didn’t really feel like going through all the trouble of getting ready. What was the point? I’d most likely spend the day watching TV or reading or something. Nothing worth getting gussied up for. Maybe if I was lucky, I could get Milo and Bobby to hang out with me, if they weren’t too busy with each other.
That was another thing. What kind of cruel world was it where my little brother got to have sex and mess around with his boyfriend any time he wanted, and my boyfriend was stuck sleeping in the den every night? Sure, I was still sorely lacking in self-control, whereas Milo had always been a master of that, but come on! A girl has needs! While Jack was gone, I vowed to work on getting myself under control, so when he came back, we could move onto the next phase of our relationship. Namely, the really fun stuff.
Chapter 14
Instead of doing anything fun, I spent my time curled up in Mae’s bed with her. She was unnaturally quiet, so I mostly just sat in silence with her. Eventually, Milo came in her room later on, and that helped. He was always much better with people in crisis than I was, and for some reason, he was bonded incredibly close to her. I was starting to think that maybe he was her favorite, but that didn’t bother me so much, because I was Jack’s favorite, and that’s all that really mattered.
Bobby didn’t feel comfortable h
anging out with Mae when she was like that, and that made sense. She was nearly inconsolable, and he hadn’t known her that long. I ended up making an escape once Milo had her sitting up. He put on Houseboat starring Raquel Welch on her TV, and that got her talking about her plans to buy a houseboat for the lake someday. Her cheeks were still puffy from crying, but I hadn’t seen a real tear in hours. And with Milo there, she had even hinted at a smile a few times.
That left me to further bond with Bobby. We played some war game on the Xbox, which I seriously sucked at, but he didn’t yell at me once. When I played with Jack, he could usually manage about twenty minutes of it before he was suggesting that sit out this turn and let Milo play instead. It was nice being tolerated and killing Nazi’s.
Before going to bed, I tried calling and texting Jane a few times. She didn’t answer or reply, but I hadn’t expected anything different. I’m pretty sure she was pissed at me, although I didn’t really know why.
Maybe she hated me for introducing her to vampires, or maybe she hated me for not introducing her sooner.
I don’t know. She was usually pretty easy to get a read on. Her life revolved around boys, clothes, and getting drunk or high or something. I hadn’t interfered with any of those things, so she didn’t have anything to hold against me.
Jack texted me letting me know he loved me and they’d be getting on a plane soon. I thought about staying up to wait for him, but then I figured that falling asleep would make the time go faster. I crawled in his bed and couldn’t wait for him to get home.
I felt him the instant he came in the house. My heart pounded with happiness, and I opened my eyes.
Jack was home, and he’d only been gone for a day, but it felt like much longer. Running my fingers through my hair, I jumped out of bed. I could’ve spent time trying to look better, but it was only two in the afternoon.
He couldn’t really expect much more from me, and I knew he’d actually be heading to bed pretty quickly himself.
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