As soon as I stepped out of my room, I heard them arguing. They weren’t shouting, but they weren’t doing anything to be quiet about it either. I still wanted to run down and greet Jack, but I decided that my time would be better spent at the top of the steps eavesdropping.
“Oh, come on, Jack!” Peter said, sounding frustrated. “I did not take your pillow!”
“You did too!” Jack insisted. “You were flirting with the stewardess and conned her into giving you the last pillow on the plane, which just happened to be mine!”
“Even if that is true, I didn’t know it was the last pillow! And she shouldn’t have given it to me if it was your pillow!” Peter countered.
“Or, maybe, just maybe, you could’ve given me that pillow when you realized what she had done,” Jack said. “Maybe she was a shitty stewardess, but you saw what happened! You could’ve done the right thing for once in your life!”
“Why? I wanted the pillow, and I had the pillow. It didn’t have your name on it. Why should I give it to you?” Peter argued. “Or are you the only one allowed to take things?”
“I didn’t take anything!” Jack snapped. “I had one blanket and no pillows. What exactly was there for me to take?”
“I don’t know, Jack. What in the world could you have possibly taken that didn’t belong to you?”
Peter replied icily, and I could hear both of their heartbeats speed up. Jack had gone from being annoyed to feeling threatened and defensive, but unfortunately, I had never been able to get a read on Peter’s emotions.
“Will the pair of you knock it off?” Ezra grumbled. From the sounds of it, they were somewhere near the bottom of the steps, in the kitchen maybe, but Ezra was walking past, going to his room.
“People are sleeping here, and I am so sick of hearing about the damn pillow.”
“It’s not about the damn pillow!” Peter growled.
“Why don’t you tell me what this is really about?” Jack asked, but he knew exactly what it was about. I was getting a hint myself, and it was making me nervous. I thought that after everything that had happened, they would finally be done fighting over me, but apparently, that was never ending.
“I know you two are having some kind of … scuffle, but so help me, if either one of you wake up Mae or disturb her anyway, you’ll be sorry. Do I make myself clear?” Ezra warned them.
There was silence, then I heard Ezra walking down the hall to his room. Jack and Peter waited until they heard his bedroom door shut before speaking.
“You’re an asshole,” Jack hissed when Ezra was gone.
“You’re the asshole!” Peter whispered fiercely.
“I just wanted a pillow!”
“I just wanted you to leave her alone!” Peter said more passionately than he had meant to, I’m sure.
The silence felt too thick, and my heart was barely beating, which was good, because I didn’t want them to know I was listening. I thought that maybe I should interrupt and stop them from whatever they might do, but they had to hash this out eventually. They hadn’t really spoken through everything that had transpired, and they had to have a lot of things bottled up.
“But I didn’t. Now what do you want me to do about it?” Jack tried to keep his voice calm, but there was a definite edge to it. “Is stealing my pillow really making it even?”
“God dammit, Jack! Will you shut up about the fucking pillow?” Peter sounded exasperated.
“What do you want me to do? What’s done is done! Now what do you want me to do?” Jack started shouting, but then remembered Ezra’s warning and quieted down. “Seriously. I don’t know what you expect me to do at this point. I can’t change what’s happened, and frankly, I don’t want to. So… that’s what it is.”
“I don’t want anything from you,” Peter sighed, sounding defeated. “Just never mind. Next time I’ll make sure you get a damn pillow on the plane.”
I had expected them to continue talking for longer, but I was wrong. Peter turned to climb the stairs, his bag slung of his shoulder, and I didn’t have a chance to escape somewhere and hide.
When he saw me, his expression was mostly blank, but his green eyes were hard. I smiled sheepishly at him, but he just exhaled and started coming up the stairs.
“Good morning, Alice,” Peter said more loudly than he needed to, letting Jack know that I had been spying on them. “You should’ve come down and said hello.”
“I just woke up,” I muttered lamely.
“Mmm, yes, I’m sure you did.” Peter started opening his bedroom door, but I stopped him.
“Peter, I’m really sorry,” I said, trying to apologize for more than just eavesdropping.
“You’re not the one that needs to apologize.” He looked at me for a minute, his eyes looking uncharacteristically vulnerable, then he glanced down the steps. The French doors off the kitchen suddenly slammed shut, as Jack went outside with the dog. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get some rest. It was a very long flight.”
“It sounds like it,” I attempted to make a joke, but he wasn’t into it. He just turned and went into his room, closing his bedroom door quietly behind him.
I sighed and went downstairs. Jack’s irritation was no longer just directed at Peter. Somehow me apologizing to him was a slight against Jack. I hated the idea that they were two teams, and I always had to pick one side or I’d be deemed an enemy to the other.
Jack had opened the shades over the French doors to step outside, and bright sunlight streamed in through them. I hadn’t slept very much to begin with, and just the sight of the sun made me want to curl up in bed again. Outside, Jack was trying to ignore his own fatigue. He stood on the stone patio, his hands shoved in his pockets, and watched Matilda root around the lawn for some long gone animal. It was wonderfully cold when I stepped out, contrasting with the warm fall day depicted out the window. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, and I was already plotting to get Jack back in the house with me, where we could talk without me fighting to keep my eyes open.
“So it was a long flight?” I asked, wrapping my arms around me as I walked up to him.
“Yeah, but I’m sure Peter feels much better now that you apologized to him,” Jack grumbled.
“He deserves an apology!” I bristled.
“How can you even say that?” Jack whirled on me, his face contorted with pain and confusion, but mostly intense jealousy. “After everything you’ve been through-”
“We both know what happened! You don’t need rehash it every time I mention Peter’s name!” A cool breeze picked up, blowing my hair across my face, and I pushed it back behind my ears.
“This is just so ridiculous!” Jack shook his head. “Shit happened, stuff that I can’t apparently talk about, but it happened. And still, you wanted to go off and risk your life to rescue him, and I said fine. For some stupid reason, I let you go.”
“You don’t ‘let’ me do anything, and you know it!” I glared at him.
“Whatever. I didn’t protest. You said wanted to go, for… God why, Alice? Why would you want to do that? Why are you always defending him? He does not deserve any apology! He doesn’t even deserve to be alive! And you just bring him back here like nothing ever happened? And for that, I am supposed to apologize to him?” Jack looked at me incredulously. “That is so fucked up! I love you! Why do I need to tell him I’m sorry for that when I’m not?”
“Because he loved me too, and I wasn’t yours!” I shouted, and he flinched. He looked away from, squinting up at the sun, and I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say. Rubbing the back of his neck, he fell silent for a minute.
“I saw you first,” Jack mumbled.
“You cannot use that as an argument,” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not the last piece of pizza. I’m a person, and I chose you. You have me. He doesn’t. Peter has nothing, and he’s your brother. And I know before all this, you cared about him, too. So now he lost me and you. And I’m not sorry that I love you, but I am sorry that he had to
get hurt in the process. You know?”
“I know you’re right,” Jack said thickly. “But I can’t forgive him. Fighting for you, I understand.
Trying to kill me, I totally get that. But when he tried to kill you… I can’t ever forgive him for that, and I shouldn’t have to.”
“Jack…” I touched his arm gently, and his blue eyes were swimming when he looked at me.
I chewed my lip, trying to decide whether or not I should tell him. For some reason, I felt like I was breaking Peter’s confidence, but if it could get the two of them to stop hating each other, then maybe it was worth it. “Peter never tried to kill me.”
“I was there!” Jack was incredulous and irritated. “You can’t tell me that didn’t happen.”
“No, it did, but not exactly the way you think it did. When Peter bit me, he knew that you were in the house and that you were more in tune to my heartbeat than any other sound in the world.
You had fought before when you thought he was going to hurt me. He knew that you’d sooner hurt yourself than let something happen to me,” I explained quietly, and I saw realization on Jack’s face. His jaw slacked and there was something painfully frantic in his eyes, and he didn’t want to believe anything I was saying. “He was counting on you to rush in and save me, and he thought that you’d be too angry to let him live. Peter wasn’t trying to kill me; he was trying to kill himself.”
“No…” Jack shook his head and face completely fell. “No. That’s not… Because if he did that, that would mean he…”
The expression on Jack’s face was probably the same one I had when Peter told me that. He was looking at everything in a new light, realizing all the things that Peter did that had seemed cold and cruel, and how they were all really for me, and even Jack. Peter had been trying to let me go since the day he met because he thought I’d be happier without him, even though it pained him to see me with anybody else. That was something that even Jack hadn’t been able to do, and it was devastating for him to think about it that way.
Jack had never let himself believe that Peter loved me because he loved Peter. He respected him and never wanted to do anything that would go against him. Then I came into the picture, and the only way Jack could reconcile his own feelings for me was by assuming that Peter could never feel the same way. Peter could never love me like Jack did, and it was all just some kind of glitch with our blood. All this time, Jack had truly believed that he was the one that was meant to be with me, not Peter, and that had made all his actions and behavior okay. But if that weren’t the case. If Peter loved me as much as he did, if not more, then Jack suddenly became the villain in his story instead of the hero. He had stolen me from his brother.
“Jack, you know how much I love you.” I reached out for his hand, and he pulled it away from me.
He exhaled shakily, so I reached out for his hand again, and this time he let me take it. He wouldn’t look at me, so I moved so I was standing in front of him and looked up at him. “I really do love you, and this is the right choice. You are the only one I want, okay? And we didn’t do anything wrong, not really. I mean… I don’t know. What else were we supposed to do?”
“I don’t know,” Jack admitted quietly. He was still looking down so his eyes wouldn’t meet mine, and I gently touched his cheek.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I just…” I trailed off. He was so sad and heartbroken and guilty. I hated to see him this way. “I just wanted you to go easier on Peter. You two should be able to get along.”
“No, you’re right.” Jack exhaled shakily and tried to force a smile at me, but it barely even counted as a smile, so he let it go. “I will try. And I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t tell me that or that you had to protect me. I should be the one protecting you.”
“Stop. You haven’t done anything wrong,” I assured him, but he didn’t believe me at all. Not anymore. I wanted to stay with him all day, but the sun was really starting to get to me. It was this heavy sort of weakness that just barreled down on me like a wet blanket. “Why don’t you come inside with me?”
“No, I wanna stay out here just a little bit longer. The fresh air does me good, and Matilda’s still having fun,” Jack said. Matilda had actually sprawled out on the patio, basking in the sun for warmth, but I didn’t argue with him about it.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked and I wished he would just look at me.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jack nodded, but he was lying.
“I love you,” I whispered, hoping that would cheer him up somehow.
“I know, and I love you, too.” Without looking at me, he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and then stepped away from me. He had never kissed me so brusquely in all the time I had known him, and that was definitely not a good sign. “Mattie, come on! Where’s your ball?” Matilda jumped up to start searching for her slobbery tennis ball, and Jack walked over to her to help her find it.
I glared up at the sun before going back in the house. If it wasn’t for the god forsaken light,I would’ve gladly stayed out there with Jack and tried to sort all this out. But the sun was so draining, I felt like I might collapse as I walked back into the house. Instantly, the dark sanctuary of the kitchen brought relief, and I sighed. I had no idea if I had done the right thing, but I tended to believe that anything that made Jack that upset was probably bad.
I spent more of the afternoon pretending to sleep than actually sleeping. To fill the time, I texted Jane and tossed and turned a lot. I kept listening for Jack to come in the house, but there was nothing but silence.
Bobby got up to get a bite to eat, but everyone else was sound asleep. Except for Jack, who I had no idea where he was. Finally, I gave up on getting anymore rest and got out of bed. I texted him to ask where he was, but he didn’t answer. I was starting to think I was like a pariah that way nobody ever answered my calls or texts.
When Bobby walked by on his way to his room, he smelled overly delicious. My bedroom door was shut, and the scent of his hot blood wafted intensely in. It had been a few days since I ate, and vampires could go much, much longer that, but I had to get my hunger in control if I ever planned on being with Jack. So as hungry as Bobby made me, I swallowed at back and decided to clear my head with a nice long shower. I had just started gathering my clothes when I felt the warmth in my chest, meaning Jack was nearby, and a moment later I heard him bounding up the stairs.
“Hey.” Jack poked his head in, still hanging onto the bedroom door. “Are you up?”
“Yeah, I was just about to take a shower,” I held up my clothes for him to see. “Unless you wanted something?” I was tempted to ask him if he wanted to join me, but I could still smell Bobby next door, and it was making me a little crazy.
“No, go ahead and shower. But do you wanna watch a movie after?” Jack asked, and I thought that was incredibly odd. He seemed to be doing okay, not as feeling all that sad or guilty, although his heart was beating like it was nervous.
“Yeah, sure,” I shrugged. “Have you slept yet?” It was after six, and as far as I knew, he hadn’t gotten any sleep since he got back, and I’m not sure how much he got on the plane. He looked a little tired, but nothing extraordinary.
“Nah, I’m okay,” he shook his head. “I’ll talk to you after your shower then.”
“Uh, yeah, okay?”
With that, Jack left, shutting the bedroom door behind him. I stood there, holding my clothes in my arms, trying to figure out what was up his sleeve, and then I heard him knocking on the door across the hall.
He was getting more nervous, which made me nervous, so I decided to wait to see how this turned out before I hopped in the shower.
“Yeah?” Peter answered his bedroom door sounding crabby, but that was Peter.
“I went to the video store and I, uh, rented Brideshead Revisted. I know you really like it, and I thought you might want to watch it with us. Me and Alice, I mean,” Jack stammered.
“Um�
�� sure.” Peter sounded taken back, and honestly, so was I.
“Alice’s taking a shower, so it’ll be a little bit,” Jack said, feeling more relieved now that Peter said yes.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” There was kind of an awkward silence, and then Jack must’ve finally excused himself because Peter shut his door, and then I heard Jack running back down the stairs.
Chapter 15
In the shower, I have tendency to sing very loudly (today it was the theme to Golden Girls), but even over the sound of my voice and the water running, I could still hear Mae screaming. This would later prove to be a godsend, when Peter explained to me that Brideshead Revisited is an eleven-hour long period piece that originally aired on the BBC in the 1980’s. At the time, however, Mae’s desperate pleas were enough to scare the hell out of me.
Somewhere, I knew that we had bathrobes, but Jack and I were in charge of keeping in our bathroom clean, so it was a total disarray. Maybe buried underneath piles of damp towels, there might be a robe, but I didn’t want to dig around for one. Once I got out of the shower, I could hear well enough to ascertain that Mae wasn’t in immediate danger, and Ezra was trying to calm her and reason with her. Still, something was the matter and I didn’t like it. Hastily, I threw on a pair of my sweats and one of Jack’s oversized tee shirts, and hurried out the door.
“I wouldn’t go down there if I were you.” That was Bobby’s word of advice. He was standing just outside of Milo’s door with a hoodie wrapped tightly around him. “It doesn’t sound pretty.”
“You aren’t bloody listening to me, Ezra! You never listen to me!” Mae shouted, sounding exasperated and angry.
“What’s going on?” I asked quietly, hoping to gain some insight on the situation before diving into it.
“I don’t really know. Milo and Jack left on a blood run about fifteen minutes ago, and then they just started fighting a few minutes after that,” Bobby shrugged. A blood run meant that we were getting low on bag blood at the house, and they had gone to get some from a blood bank. My stomach grumbled at just the thought of blood, but Mae was yelling so much, I easily ignored it.
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