“Oh.” Her voice is frighteningly calm. “So this is my fault?”
“What? No! No! That’s not what I’m saying. Listen, I’m fucking all this up, I know that. Can I come over, and we can talk about this face-to-face? I can explain— “
“How can I ever trust you belong only to me, Jamie?” She bites. “How?”
I falter, because I realize I don’t have anything to say. I can’t justify what I did. I can’t justify the fears running through my head on the way to the gala. I can’t justify taking Shelbie, even though she would have easily understood not going.
I don’t have anything to say.
“I just… you have to trust me. I would never hurt you.”
“Too late.” She hangs up.
I spend the next hour calling her. Eventually the calls go straight to voicemail. She turned off her phone.
Just like that, I feel everything I’ve ever wanted slip right through my fingers.
10
I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in two days. The night of the charity ball spins through my head on loop, reminding me of everything I did wrong. Of how I tried to respectfully keep my distance from Shelbie, but I still noticed her tits in that dress. I noticed how her ass was perfectly framed. I didn’t shy away from touching her waist. I let her kiss my cheek.
Just because I noticed doesn’t mean I acted. I’d never. I kept my eyes above her chin as much as I could. I thought of nothing but Megan. I avoided Shelbie once the cameras were gone. But none of that matters. None. Because I’m just a piece of shit who treated Megan like trash, just like everyone before me.
Just like every other little boy who got to spend time with my daughter. I think that guts me the most: Cora. I’m losing Cora.
Megan is the woman for me. I just know it. I feel it deep down in my soul. I know it more than I know my own name. We belong together as a family. Losing her would be like losing a limb, tragic and terrible, but something I’d eventually have to get used to.
Cora, though? The little girl who stole my heart on an inner city bus, and who looks just like my little sister, and who is literally a living part of me? There’s no coming back from that. I need them both in my life like I need oxygen, and I’ve somehow managed to destroy any chance of that.
Coach pulls me aside before the game. “What’s going on, Bonilla?”
“Nothing, Coach.” I try to put on my best face, prove there’s nothing wrong with me, that I’m not slowly losing my mind, body, and soul because of the demon in a tight dress. “I’m fine.”
He studies me carefully and shakes his head. “Your head is gone.”
“No it’s not, Coach. I swear.” I can’t lose this, too. I can’t.
“You’re out tonight. Take the night off, get your shit together.”
“Coach!” I plead. “I can do this. Don’t bench me tonight, please. I’ve got my shit together, I swear.”
“We’re too close to the postseason for any mistakes, Bonilla.” He rests a hand on my shoulder. “I don’t know if this has to do with Octivio and that girl— “
The knotted ball in my stomach clenches and tightens even more.
“—but you need to sort out your priorities. Take the night. Prove to me you can play tomorrow.” He leaves.
I punch my locker door and scream, “Shit!”
All of the guys leave me alone. No one says a word to me and Octivio actually looks a little scared. I glower at him from across the locker room and envision pummeling the shit out of him. This is all his fault. He knows it, I know it, and now I’m going to kill him.
“Easy.” Doug puts his hand on my shoulder and leans in close. “Octivio is a piece of shit and you don’t need to be fined or kicked off the team, okay? He’s not worth it.”
“He ruined everything,” I mutter, fists clenched.
“I know, I know. But he’s not worth it.”
“I don’t think you know.” I shrug him off. Doug doesn’t get it. None of these guys do. I’m one slippery slope away from losing everything important in my life. My soulmate. My daughter.
Doug makes sure he sits between me and everyone else in the dugout. He doesn’t let anyone come near me if he can help it, and I’m grateful. I’ve never been so angry before in my life. I don’t need to lose my job on top of the rest of my life.
But you know the crazy thing? I would give this all up in a heartbeat if it meant getting Megan and Cora back. I’d hang up my jersey for good if it meant we could be a family. I’ve got enough money in savings that we could live comfortably for a long time. I could sell my condo, buy us a nice house in the suburbs so Cora could go to a good school. Maybe I’d take up coaching, just like Kemp. We could be the Bonilla family, happily, forever.
But I can’t beat the shit out of Octivio if I want that. He has no idea how lucky of a bastard he is right now.
I went from King of the World to pauper in just a few weeks. Lost my best friend, forced night off, losing the family I’ve always dreamt of, the family I inadvertently created on a dusty star-filled evening in Omaha. Maybe it’s karma. Maybe this is payback for every girl I’ve fucked and never called, every late night club bathroom tryst.
I should have never touched Shelbie Saint. I should have pushed Kemp off on her the second I realized Shelbie had the personality of a toothbrush. This is what I get for chasing tits.
All those days I tried to clean up my act were in vain, because I’m still here, lonely on a bench. Coach is pissed, Megan is pissed, Octivio is running his mouth. I haven’t had a fight in years, but I can feel it coming on. I bet he did this on purpose: sent Shelbie to go with me so they could sabotage my chances with Megan.
There’s no way he should have known about her, but someone found out. Someone figured out I was seeing someone and tried to ruin it. Hell, they practically have. Megan hasn’t answered any of my texts or phone calls since that night. Every time I’ve driven to her house, the door doesn’t open.
Once, I caught sight of little Cora through the fluttering curtains, but Megan hauled her away while shooting me a nasty look. I’ve sent flowers. They were returned. Who returns flowers?
Apparently, someone who is seriously, seriously pissed.
If I could go back in time and erase that entire evening, I would. In a heartbeat. I’d tell Shelbie to fuck off. I’d call Megan and beg her to come to the gala with me. I’d even score an extra ticket for Cora if she wanted. I’d proudly show the world who belonged on my arm, not some hussy who reads off lottery numbers on the evening news.
“Hey!” I hear a voice hiss. I look to my right and see Veronica Diaz, our sideline reporter. “Can you not look like you’re about to murder all of Kansas City?”
“What?” I don’t think I heard her as Carlos rips a long ball into right field.
“You look like you’re going to murder everyone in their sleep.” Veronica covers her mouthpiece on her mic and frowns at me. “It’s bad for business, dude. You guys are winning. Look happy.”
She looks over me and I follow her gaze to Coach Halstead. He looks at me, and it isn’t a happy kind of thing. “You’re always being watched.” She disappears back into the press box.
“Don’t I fucking know it.” I mutter to myself. But, I force myself up and high-five Carlos for his home run. Octivio tosses sunflower seeds in his face, some weird tradition he picked up when we were playing in Houston. A few land on my shoes and the urge to pummel the shit out of him arises again.
Coach walks over and slaps me on the back. It looks friendly, but I know exactly what that means. It means to get over whatever is bothering me and put the game face on. I don’t need to be back in the news again, anyway. The last time I was, it ruined everything. So, I spend the rest of the game telling terrible jokes to Doug and whoever else sits near me whose name is not fucking Octivio.
I’m doing this for Megan and Cora. For my family. Call it my first test of devotion: how far will I go to prove I’m exactly what they need?
It’s
a long, long game. It ends in a win, though. Coach shoots me a look as we clear off the field. He taps his nose and walks away.
“What’s that about?” Everett asks.
“Nothing.”
I’ve got to get my shit together. I can’t lose my job, because it will support my family. Unless Megan wants me to quit, then I’ll find something else to support us. But no one else will be Cora’s dad. No one else will be Megan’s husband, lover, and confidant. No one else will ever get to have my family.
They are my girls, forever. I’ve spent nine innings mulling over how to fix things. I even kind of opened up to Doug a little. Just a little, enough to talk about how to fix a fuck-up. He’s been married forever, so I figure he knows a thing or two about how to do it, right?
I think I’ve found a way to prove it. How to win my family back.
On the way home, I call Kate. It takes some convincing, she’s mad as hell at me. She gives me an earful about my behavior, but she at least lets me explain. I tell her all about Shelbie the Demon, and Octivio, and how my life is nothing without my girls. I tell her my plan.
She sighs heavily. I can practically hear her thinking over the phone.
“Are you being serious right now?”
“Never more serious in my entire life, Kate.”
“Because, god help me, I will kill you.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Fine. I’ll text you her parent’s phone number. Don’t fuck this up or I’ll make sure you never see them again.”
“I believe you. See you tomorrow?”
“Bright and early.” She sighs again. “God, why so early?”
“We have a game.” I say apologetically. “But this is important. It can’t wait.”
“I hope so.” She hangs up and I dive right into my next round of phone calls, heart threatening to explode or give up, I’m not sure which.
The next morning, Kate and Cora meet me at the park. Cora gives me a huge hug and breathlessly tells me how much she missed me and every single thing she did in the two weeks we were apart.
“I went to school and had donuts and sandwiches and I don’t like tuna. Tuna is gross. And then we went outside and Daniel tried to chase me but he could never catch me. Mommy told me to never let boys catch me and I don’t want them to kiss me. Boys are gross. But not you, because you’re a big boy…”
She rambles on for another ten minutes with Kate standing in the background, suppressing a laugh behind her hands. Cora talks rapid-fire, an unending stream of consciousness about the color of the sky and her favorite colors, but she never stops looking me in the eye. She even grabs my hand and spins in circles while talking.
I have never been so sure about anything in my entire life. I kiss her on the head and watch her run off to play as Kate shoos her off. We need to talk, but I’m sad to see my little girl run away.
Mine. I made her. Sure, her mother raised her into the wonderful little person she is, but my DNA had something to say about it. It’s incredible to think I had a hand in something so wonderful.
“That girl won’t shut up sometimes.” Kate plops down next to me on the bench and shakes her head. “She’s been going ninety miles an hour since she woke up.”
“I love it,” I say in earnest. “I could listen to her all day.”
Kate snorts. “Yeah, for like three days, maybe. After that, you’ll contemplate bashing your head in.”
“She’s perfect.” And I mean it.
Kate studies me intensely. I ignore her and watch Cora scamper around the playground, already with new friends in tow.
“What?”
“I’m trying to figure out how serious you are about this.”
“What, about my plan?”
“About Megan and Cora.” I tear my gaze away from Cora and look at Kate. She’s got her arms crossed and disbelief peels off of her. “You hardly know them.”
“We have a history.”
“Almost six years ago.”
“Look.” I straighten my clothes and try to look as put together as possible. “I know this all sounds crazy. I know we haven’t been together long and this situation isn’t exactly as easy as two single, childless people who meet in a bar or on a dating app and hit it off. But I’ve literally spent my entire life waiting for her. I looked everywhere for her after we first met and I’ve never gotten over her. Every day feels like it is one step closer to forever. They are my home, Kate. They are where I belong. I don’t care about the baggage or the history. I want to be there to help carry it. I want to put Cora to bed every night I can. I want to remind Megan every day how wonderful she is. I want to paint the rest of my life in memories of us. We belong together and together we are stronger than any fight, any fuck up, any set of life circumstances. This is where I belong, with them, every day.”
We hold each other’s gaze for a long minute. I hold my breath, hoping she’ll realize just how serious I am. She breaks contact first and scratches her nose, letting out a long sigh.
“Okay, okay. You’ve convinced me. I didn’t think you could, but you did. Megan’s just got to be careful, you know? She’s got a little girl to protect.”
“I’d give up my life for her.” I turn to look at Megan. “I told you what happened. I was an idiot and I should have brought Megan, but I didn’t want to scare her off. I was, am, terrified my lifestyle is too much for her. She’s so quiet, reserved. My life is constantly on blast. But I will give it up in a heartbeat if it means a life with them.”
“Whoa, pony. We’re banking on another trip to the Series this year. Let’s not talk about quitting just yet.” She smiles at me, and it puts me at ease.
“Do you think this will work?”
Kate chews her lip as she mulls it over. I turn back to watch Cora as she flies down the slide, giggling. The love I feel for her is so intense, I feel like I could explode. I never knew a human being was capable of loving someone so much. Every time I see her, it grows. It multiplies. She’s everything to me. Megan is everything and then some.
I have no idea how I got so lucky, but I’m not going to waste this opportunity.
“The chances are high. Probably. Maybe. She’s really mad.”
“I’ll prove it to her. She’ll see. You’ll see.”
“This is ballsy.” Kate cuts a glance to me. “Really ballsy. You sure this is what you want?”
Cora giggles again and I’m filled with a peace I’ve never before experienced. “Positive.” I pull out my wallet and riffle through the cards until I find the weighted black one. “Use this. Take her out shopping. Tell her to feel like a million bucks. It doesn’t have to be fancy or sparkly or anything she doesn’t want. Tell her to pick out whatever makes her feel beautiful.”
“And if she asks why?”
“Tell her you want to cheer her up. Make up some story, any story.”
Kate hefts the card in her hands and squints at me. “Neither of us has this kind of money.”
I lean against the bench and shrug. “You strike me as good at stories. Make it a good one. Tell her it’s a gift from her parents. Or something.”
Before she can protest, I get up and call for Cora. She comes running for me, her innocent face so perfect and full of youthful excitement. “I have to ask you something. But it’s a secret, just one we have to keep for a little while. Is that okay?”
She nods very seriously.
“You and your mom are the most important girls in the entire world to me. I want to be with you every single day. Would it be okay if I could do that? Would you like it if I was able to read you stories every night and tuck you into bed?”
Cora claps her hands over her mouth before whispering, “You’d be like my daddy?”
Just hearing her say that word almost knocks me over. “If you want me to be. Would that be okay?”
Her eyes are wide, but she thinks very seriously before answering. “Are you going to go away?”
“Only if I have to play baseball so
mewhere else. Sometimes, I’ll have to go away for a little while. But I promise you, Cora, I will always come back.”
“Always always?” Her little voice wavers.
I kiss the top of her head. “Always always.”
She throws her arms around my neck and squeezes tight. “Can you start tonight?”
I laugh, because if I don’t laugh I’ll cry. “I wish, Cora. I wish. But very soon, if your mom will let me. Remember, though, we have to keep this a secret for just a little while. I want to surprise your mom with this, okay?”
“Deal!” She kisses me on the cheek and runs back to the playground, already yelling to her new friends about her new daddy. I have to wipe away the tears before I rejoin Kate.
Kate cuts me another look, but she smiles. “Tell you what. I’ll do this. I’ll invent some crazy story and take her shopping and get her hair done and everything. She’ll be there tomorrow, ready for you. Without knowing she’s ready for you. But in exchange, I want you to tell Reid to call me.”
“Edwards?” This is surprises me. I thought they’d hit it off. “I thought you two… you know.”
Kate shrugs. “He never really called after. So I want a date with a Royal. Either Reid, or another attractive young single thing.”
I laugh and scratch my face. I don’t like playing matchmaker with the guys in the clubhouse because the decent ones are all spoken for and the single ones are players. Okay, that’s maybe not fair. Kemp and I fared well, but we also had our moments.
Still, this is important and Kate doesn’t look like she’s going to budge on this. What’s one date, anyway? I can easily talk to Edwards. He can take her out, he owes me. For… something. I’ll make something up if I have to.
“Deal.” I hold out my hand and she shakes it. “Tomorrow night, six. Pick out something cute for Cora, too.”
“Sounds good, sir.” Kate shakes my hand. “You going to be okay with her?”
Long Ball: A Secret Baby Sports Romance Page 10
