by Leah Holt
August
Six Months Later
Time. How do you measure time when every moment is new. How do you catalog every experience and document it so you never forget the look in her eyes?
Because that's what I've come to love and crave. The way her eyes smiled and laughed. The excitement as our baby grew and those new moments became ones we could share.
I could feel the baby in her stomach, I could watch as her belly would become a wave of movement. Every day Ella seemed to change and I changed along with her.
That's how I knew this was more than just a task, my goal had been smashed into bits and replaced by this wonderful angel who showed me that life was more than just waking up everyday and going to work.
Life was meant to be shared.
The past six months had come and gone, and it was hard to believe that the birth of our child was just around the corner. The spare room had become a nursery, decorated with yellow walls and friendly jungle animals.
It was something we had done together. I loved that room now and would find myself standing in the center just staring at what we had created together. No one else came in and did it for us. It was our gift to the baby, a room built from our own hands.
Waking up in bed, I rolled to my side and found I was alone. Ella's spot was cold to the touch, her pillow still indented where her head had been. Blinking a few times, I pushed myself up in bed and looked around.
The bathroom was open and empty, the house was quiet except for the very faint sound of music. It didn't sound like it was coming from inside. The melody was light, its sound traveling through the air as if it was being pushed through the small cracks in the building so I could hear them.
Scratching my head, I yawned and stretched as I climbed out of bed. Walking out into the living room, the music became louder. Tipping my head, I listened, noting that music sounded like it was coming from the roof.
What the hell is that?
Taking a second to look around, Ella wasn't in the kitchen or the baby's room, she wasn't laying out in a chair on the balcony drinking a coffee or cleaning some obscure place in the apartment, like the pantry.
Which I found out from doing some research was called nesting. She had been doing a lot of that lately, fixing things that didn't need to be fixed and cleaning things that were already clean.
Last week when I came home from work and caught Ella re-caulking the tub. She was huddled over the tub, her belly squished against the side as she tore the old caulk out with some metal tool. And I just let her. She felt she needed to do it, I wasn't going to argue.
Following the music, I took the stairs up to my rooftop terrace. The music was growing in volume, and I knew it was definitely coming from outside the building.
Opening the door, a cold breeze ruffled my hair and cascaded down my arms. Wrapping my arms around my chest, I went to search for the sounds.
The music was smooth and clear, floating through the air easily. Walking out to the edge, I looked to my right and was struck by the most gorgeous sight I had ever seen.
Ella was sitting in a chair, still wearing her nightgown. Her face was snuggled against the thin arm of her cello, her arm was moving the bow in long sweeping strokes as her other hand plucked and rode the strings.
Her eyes were closed and her belly was pushing against the back of the cello, while her legs cradled the edges. She looked like she was in a trance, mesmerized by the melody flowing out of her fingertips and seeping into the wood of her instrument, only to be pushed back out for the world to hear.
Wow, she's incredible.
Standing back, I just watched her. Every move she made, every note and stroke of her arm, there was so much passion behind it. I stood in awe, not really understanding why she had never played for me before.
I knew that she had been waiting for her chance to work at Julliard, and it just wasn't coming. She had substituted periodically throughout the pregnancy, but the past few weeks she had decided to focus on the baby and herself, choosing not to work as much.
Her ankles would swell if she was on her feet for too long, her back was a constant source of pain, her hips were aching, and she was getting migraines regularly. Dr. Hall told her she needed to just rest, and I was so happy she listened.
I loved that she still wanted to do what she loved. Ella wouldn't take any money from me, no matter how much I tried to give it to her. Even with her being pregnant, she insisted on making her own money and wanting me to just start an account for our child.
So I did, adding to it every week and setting some aside for Ella in the process. I wasn't sure what the future would look like for us, if we'd still be here, doing this, living together and enjoying all the little moments. Because I did enjoy those little moments.
The way she would look at me and smile when I walked in the door, the way she had to rearrange the sink in the bathroom every other day until it was just right. Her little habits made me feel full and warm. The way she would target a single hair on her head if she was just sitting doing nothing and repeatedly pull that one strand through her fingers until it broke off.
Ella was so engrossed in her music that she didn't even notice I was spying from the background. Walking up to her quietly, I did my best to not disturb her as she played.
Running my fingers across the top of her back, Ella looked up at me and smiled, her hands never stopping. I couldn't help myself, she was an addiction for me. I had to touch her, I couldn't be this close and not put my fingers on her.
Placing delicate kisses across her neck, I massaged her shoulders, digging my hands into her hair and massaging her scalp. My lips kept moving against her skin, kiss after kiss until I finally reached her mouth.
The music stopped, but I could still hear the sound of my heart beating inside my chest. I met this girl because I needed something, and right then, I knew that I could never go a day without her.
Swooping my hand down the front of her chest, I squeezed her swollen breasts, continuing to slide down until I was cupping her stomach. I loved her belly, I loved the way she looked pregnant.
There was something so sexy about that bump. It was my bump, it was my baby filling her belly and making her glow. There were no words to express what her pregnant body did me. It tore me to pieces, bringing me to my knees and making me weak.
Nothing was sexier than your woman carrying your child. Nothing.
Taking the cello from her hands, I set it against the wall and pulled her to her feet. “Ella Day, you are so damn beautiful, you know that?” Holding her face in my palms, I tipped her head back.
“I'm glad you think so, because I don't feel beautiful.” Her eyes danced around my face as she curled her fingers around my wrists. “I feel fat, I feel sweaty, I feel like I'm ready for this baby to come out.”
“Don't say that, you're so fucking sexy.” Giving her a kiss, I spoke against her lips. “That belly turns me on so much. I can't explain it, but I feel it in my chest, in my muscles, in every inch of my body. If I could inject you into my veins I would, so I'd never have to be without you.”
A sultry look fell over her face as her hands moved down my arms, coming to stop on my chest. “I can feel it too,” she said with a smirk as my hard cock poked her hip.
Sitting down on the chair, I pulled Ella onto my lap. “I can't help it, there's something about you that makes me come alive.” Pushing up the hem of Ella's nightgown, I ran my finger up and down her pussy.
“This all feels like a dream to me, August.” Rolling her hips, she dug her fingers into my shoulders. “Sometimes when I wake up, and I see my belly or feel the baby moving, I have to remind myself that it's real, that you're real.”
“I'm real, all of this is real, and this is just the beginning.”
Spreading her juice over her lips, Ella moaned, rolling her hips harder. Slipping a finger inside her pussy, I plunged it in and out, keeping a slow and steady pace. My goal wasn't to make her come on my hand, it was drive her just
crazy enough that she'd devour my cock.
“If this is just the beginning, what does the future look like?” Riding my finger, Ella pushed her tits into my face.
Sliding a second finger inside, I fucked her harder, swirling my thumb across her clit and making her body shiver. Goosebumps jumped across her skin, filling the surface with pleasure peaks.
Pulling the front of my shorts down, my cock popped free. Holding her hips, I positioned her over my cock. The weight of her belly pressed against my stomach, her engorged tits were rising and falling as she took in deep breaths. Our eyes were locked on each other as I pressed her waist down and pushed my cock inside.
We both sat still for a second, allowing her pussy to adjust around my cock. Brushing my fingers across her face, I pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, making sure she could feel the love in my touch.
I hadn't told her I loved her, but I felt like it was one of those things I didn't need to say. I felt like she knew it, that even without the words Ella could feel it in her heart.
We were connected by blood now, there was nothing stronger than that. And as we made love on the roof of the building, under the morning sun, stripped of walls and completely vulnerable to the world around us, I made a silent promise to her.
I promised her forever.
A forever that we would build together.
Chapter Twenty-five
Ella
“Where's August?” Kay asked as I walked up to her outside the coffee shop. “You're not having dinner with him tonight?”
“No, he has a meeting tonight with a new customer. I guess there's some chain that's about to start building around here from the west coast, August is hoping to get the liquor rights for his beer there.”
“Wow, I can't believe he let you out of his sight with it being so close to the baby being born. How much longer do you have now?”
“A week or so.”
“Holy crap, that happened fast!”
“Right, I was super ready for this baby to be out weeks ago, but now that it's right here, I'm terrified.”
Kayla pulled her phone out of her purse and was tapping against the screen as we walked inside the coffee shop. Keeping her head down, she said, “I'd be scared too, your vagina is going to explode like an egg from one of those alien movies.”
“That's comforting, thank you.” Giving her a shove with my shoulder, Kay's eyes stayed on her phone as she gave a half paying attention giggle. “Who are you texting—Justin?”
“Yeah, he just wants to know how long I'll be and if I'll bring him dinner.”
“Oh.”
“Why do you say it like that?”
“I didn't say it like anything.”
“Yes you did,” Kayla said, giving me that accusatory stare. “Are you still not over this whole hate on Justin bit yet?”
“Kayla he's just a jerk, I'm sorry.”
“We've been dating for months now with no issues, not one fight, nothing.”
Rolling my eyes, I squeezed my bulbous gut into the booth. “Yeah, because you don't say anything to him, you just do what he wants. Like right now, let me guess; you told him you'd be home in an hour and asked him what he wanted?”
“So, does that make me a fool for giving him a time and picking him up food.”
“No,” I said, holding up my finger and keeping my eyes on hers. “But, I bet if you didn't answer him or gave him the wrong answer, he'd go all ape shit on you.”
“El—”
“I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying. I know you say lately he's been better, and I haven't been around as much because of this. . .” Looking down, I rubbed my stomach like a genie lamp. “So I'll lay off.”
“Wow—” Kayla reached across the table and touched my forehead. “Are you sick? Do you have a fever right now? I heard your hormones go all wonky when you're prego, I just didn't realize that it was like the body snatchers invasion.”
“Shut up.” Laughing, I grabbed the menu in front of me and started looking through it. “You know it's really not fair for me to judge him. You say you love him, and so long as I don't see him abuse you, and you tell him to fuck off when it's necessary, we'll be good.”
“You'll be good?” Kay asked sternly, veering her stare.
“Yes, I'll be good.”
“Girl, I love you, you know that.” Kay reached out and slapped the top of my hand. “And you better make sure I get a phone call when you go into labor.”
“Of course.”
A waiter came over, setting down some ice water, and took our orders. I had been craving egg sandwiches the whole third trimester so far. I couldn't go one day without having at least two, one for breakfast and a second for either lunch or dinner.
“So, how has life in my world been for you?” Sipping her water, Kayla smiled at me with her eyes. “Are you used to all the fancy food and people waiting on you hand and foot?”
“I try not to live in luxury too much. I have my own money from substituting, I try to help with groceries and doing things around the apartment so I don't feel like a leech.”
“What happened to Valerie?”
“She comes once a week now. I just couldn't do it. I'm there a lot, I can do all the things he was paying her to do. I hated just sitting on my ass and feeling useless. So, she spends most of her week at his mother's, and only comes to clean once a week.”
“The whole point of having a maid is for them to do the things most people don't want to.”
“Exactly, and that's why she comes to dust. The rest I can do no problem.”
The waiter returned, bringing us our drinks and my food. My stomach grumbled as the scent of the fried egg sandwich wafted up into my nose. Picking up the sandwich, I stuffed it into my mouth, moaning with how amazing it tasted.
“Did you just come?” Kayla asked, laughing out loud as she wiped her napkin across her forehead. “Because I want one of those now by the sounds you're making.”
With my mouth full of food, I started chuckling. “I might have, it's hard for me to tell right now.”
“Ok, so tell me the different names for the baby—what do you have?”
Swallowing, I took a sip of my coffee and wiped my mouth. “Alright, so we were thinking if it's a boy, we were going to name it after both my grandfather and August's grandfather, Jerrod Carson Burke, and if it 's a girl, Dahlia Florence Burke, after our grandmothers.”
“I love them both.” Picking apart her muffin, she took small bird bites. “The next baby you two have if it's a girl will be named after me, right? I think Kayla Marie Burke has a perfect ring to it.”
“Next kid?”
“Oh come on, you know you love this guy. I can see it, when are you going to admit it to yourself? And he loves you too, you do realize that, right?”
“I'm not admitting anything, love wasn't in the contract.”
“Love isn't something you write into a plan, El, it just happens.” Cocking her head, she squinted her eyes. “This is what I've been trying to tell you. You can't do anything about it, it just happens.”
“I'm not saying yes or no to anything. There are feelings, I won't lie about that. But is it love? I don't know.”
“You know, you're just too stubborn to admit I was right.”
“No, that's not true—”
Cutting me off, Kayla laughed out the words. “Yes it is.” Her eyes grew wide as she pushed her chest against the table. “I was totally right, it doesn't matter how much you try to push back.”
The word love floated through my head a few times, but I shoved it away. Because it didn't fit into the box that I was currently in.
“Alright, yes, I have feelings for him, but it's really hard for me to know what's true and what's just my hormones being all crazy. I mean, I love egg sandwiches, like literally love them right now, but that doesn't mean I want spend the rest of my life with one.”
“Joke all you want, but August Burke is not an egg sandwich.”
Smirking,
I stuffed the last bite of my meal into my mouth, and chewed with full cheeks. “If he was, I'd be screwed. I'd eat him every single day.”
Kayla started laughing, her eyes tearing up as she tried to catch her breath. “That's gross, I just got a horrible picture in my head.”
Finishing up our drinks, I hugged Kayla outside. “This was fun, I needed to get out before this baby comes.”
“Hey, just so you know, I'm serious when I say love just happens. Don't fight it, you'll never win.”
Thinning my lips, I smiled and gave her a nod as I climbed into the car waiting for me out front. I knew my friend meant well and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right.
I did have feelings for August. Feelings that coiled around my muscles like talons, feelings that went deep into my bones. Maybe it was possible he felt the same way. He treated me like a princess, offering me the world in the palm of my hand, even if I never took it.
But I was holding back, not ready to fully unleash what I felt brewing inside. I had to talk to him first. I needed to know if I was alone with these mashed up feelings, or if we were floating together side by side, and just not reaching out to hold each other's hand.
* * * *
After getting home, I fell asleep and barely remembered August coming in. I remember him picking me up off the couch and carrying me into the bedroom. I remembered his lips on my forehead and how he kissed my belly, then tucked me under the blankets, even taking the time to put the body pillow between my legs to support my belly.
But when I woke up this morning he was long gone.
Stumbling out into the living room, my robe hung open and my bare feet like I was walking on sausages. I couldn't even see my ankles, they didn't exist. I had forgotten what they even looked like at that point.
Valerie had been there that morning, I knew because there was a basket of fruit on the table and the mail from the box. The house smelled like a mix of cleaning solution and air freshener.
Gagging down a few gulps of air, I grabbed the paper and went up on the terrace. I couldn't take the fumes, they were too much.
Dropping into the lawn chair, I adjusted my robe, covering up my belly and curling my legs up so they were underneath. Unfolding the paper, I looked over the back, checking the local deals at the farmers market that day. Twisting it around to the front, I froze.
