Man Seeking Woman

by Leah Holt

  Is love in paradise lost?

  We've watched August Burke over the past few months as his love and lover's stomach grew. But, it looks like these two might have called it quits. Last night, August was spotted at the New York's newest hot spot, Grandure, with long time flame Michelle Rivers.

  Does this mean they've mended the torn fragments of their past? It's easy to see that August's baby mama is running ragged. Our insider informant has dished out some dirt. Ella Day, the name to the face has finally been revealed. While she comes from a small town up north, her big dreams have led her here. A source tells us that after several failed attempts at success, Ella has been hung out to dry.

  Could she have gotten pregnant on purpose? Is this woman blackmailing August and he finally had enough? Sources say it's possible this was a ruse the entire time, and August couldn't see it until it was too late.

  There were two pictures above the caption; one of me with crazed hair and half my gut hanging out as I ran up the road for antacids early one morning. I remembered that day, my heartburn was horrible and my throat felt like it was dissolving in acid. The second picture was of August sitting at a dinner table with a woman I didn't recognize.

  Her hair was perfect, her body slender and amazing. She had perky tits, a flat stomach, a cute little button nose, and a smile that screamed fuck me now. August was sitting across from her, that signature smile of his on his face.

  He lied to me. . . He didn't have dinner with his mother.

  Crunching the paper in my hands, I couldn't stop glaring at the pictures. I felt stupid, I felt hurt, I felt like he had yanked my heart out of my chest and stomped it into the ground.

  Tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt like I couldn't breathe. How stupid was I? I had let myself believe that maybe he had feelings for me too, I let myself think that we did share something special.

  I was wrong.

  The baby was almost here and he was getting ready to move on from this arrangement. He really did only want me to carry his child. Everything else was just to keep me sedated, he tempted me with love and security, and all of it was a fucking joke.

  Jumping to my feet, I flew back into the house. I could barely see because my eyes were covered in tears. Wiping my hands across my face, I packed my bags and left. Why was I going to stay where I wasn't wanted?

  Yes, I was having his baby, but he had said in the very beginning he wasn't going to make me do anything.

  I wasn't staying anymore.

  Putting Mr. Pink into a tote, I slammed the door as I left. There was no note about where I had gone. There was no number of where he could reach me. When it was time for the baby, I'd let him know, and then we could part ways, going about our lives as if this never happened.

  You know that's never going to happen. You're having his baby, he's a part of your life forever.

  I don't need him. He can have his model girlfriend.

  Stopping on the sidewalk, I didn't call Jerry and ask him to come get me. Holding my head high, I waved down a cab and climbed in, refusing to look back.

  August had lied to me, everything I thought I felt meant nothing.

  What do I do with these feelings now?

  They were still there, still bold and fresh and raw. Still slicing me apart from the inside out. The baby kicked me hard, causing me to stoop over my knees. Holding my belly, I cried in the back of that cab. The tears were endless, pouring from my eyes like a waterfall.

  I cried for what I thought I had found.

  I cried for the love I lost.

  I cried for what was never mine to begin with.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  August

  I hid the flowers behind my back, touching my pocket and making sure everything was right where it should be.

  “Ella,” I called out, my heart already racing inside my chest, slamming against my ribs as if it wanted to break free. “Ella, you home?” Walking through the kitchen, I kept moving through the apartment, expecting to find her around the next turn.

  Where the hell is she?

  The place was quiet, so silent that it was eerie. Before Ella, this silence was normal, it was how my place typically sounded. It had been my peace. For nine months that quiet had been filled with everything her; her laugh, her playful teasing, her voice and thoughts and scent.

  Stopping at the bedroom, I could see in the closet on the far wall. It was empty. My eyes swept over the room, looking from left to right. There were drawers wide open with clothing spilling out over the edges on the dresser, and hangers spread across the bed.

  What the hell is going on?

  Dropping the flowers to the ground, I stalked into the bathroom, throwing open the door on the closet and yanking open the cabinets on the vanity.

  Empty

  Empty

  Empty

  She's gone. . .

  Pacing in a circle, I raked my fingers over my head, pulling my hair tight against my scalp. I couldn't understand what was happening. Why had she just left without warning?

  I thought things were good between us. What changed?

  Dragging my hands down my face, I stepped to the bed and sat down. The room was starting to spin and it was getting really hard to breathe. Ella was gone. The thought tore out my heart, splitting it in two.

  Hanging my head, I fell backwards and heard crunching underneath the blanket. Pulling back the covers, there was a crumpled up newspaper sitting on my pillow. Smoothing out the surface, today's date was up in the top right corner.

  Oh shit. . .

  Clenching the paper in my hands, I saw my face on the front with my ex. The caption said it all, and I instantly knew why Ella had run off.

  Son of a bitch.

  My teeth ground down as anger and pure rage swept over my body, pulling me in two different directions. The fucking paparazzi were so good at ruining people's lives. They would swoop in like fucking hawks, stealing bits of information that they would spin into a new tale.

  A false tale. A nightmare. A word-filled gun that they shot at public figures.

  And I was at the end of their barrel.

  I'm going to fucking kill that photographer and reporter. . .

  I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so I quickly dug it out, hoping to see Ella's name on the screen. My sliver of excitement was quickly dashed by the sadness hovering around me like a fucking parasite waiting to feast.

  Pushing the phone against my ear, I answered. “Now is not the time, Mom.”

  “A, 'Hello, Mother, how are you?' would have been the appropriate response.” Her voice was cold and flat. “I don't like the way you've been acting lately, August.”

  “Look, I'm sorry, I just don't have time to talk right now. Ella left and I need to find her.”

  “So, are you busy this weekend?” my mother asked, ignoring me completely.

  “Did you hear me? I said Ella left me.”

  “And? What do you want me to say, August?” Sighing, the phone crackled as she spoke. “Did you really think you two would actually last?”

  Tipping my head back, I stared up at the ceiling. “I don't know, I guess I thought we had something.”

  “Maybe it's not even your baby.”

  “It's my baby, there's no doubt in my mind about that.”

  “How do you know? What if she's using you for your money? Did you ever think of that? What if she got pregnant—”

  Throwing my hand to my forehead, I cut her off. “I'm not having this conversation, I need to go find her.”

  “You need to make sure you close the deal with that new client, not chasing street trash, August. Besides, Michelle said she had a great time last night with you. Didn't it feel good to be with her again? Do you know how good you two looked together?” I could hear her pouring something into a glass, her voice going in and out as she must have been balancing the phone on her shoulder.

  “You talked to Michelle?”

  “I did and I knew you two still had something there. You w
ere meant to be together, I just know it. And I'm your mother, mothers know best.”

  Wait a minute. . . Why doesn't she sound surprised?

  Staying quiet, I thought about what she was saying and that's when it all fell together. My mother had set me up. She must have learned that Michelle's family had just bought the restaurant chain and she used that to get us together.

  Did she do this? Did my mother destroy my relationship on purpose?

  “Was this all you? Did you set this up?”

  “August, you don't belong with that girl. She's not meant for you, she's not like us.”

  “Like us? You think you get to judge who she is because she doesn't come from the same social circle? You don't know anything about her.”

  “I know enough to know you're too good for her.”

  “You don't get it do you? It's not about money or status, it has nothing to do with where she comes from, or what she has. Ella is an amazing person, she makes me happy, she makes me feel complete. You would never understand, she—”

  “She,” my mother snapped, and I could imagine the angry grimace on her face and the thick vein in her neck popping out as her temper flared. “Is a nobody. Why would you ever risk our family name for her? Have you no pride in who we are?”

  “I know who I am.” Growling, I spoke through clenched teeth. “I'm a man who knows what he wants. I'm a man who isn't afraid to stand up for the woman I love.”

  “The woman you love?” My mother scoffed, letting out a condescending laugh. “You have no idea about love, August. There is no such thing as love, all you have are people who get brainwashed into thinking they feel something good. But it's not good, it's horrible. It's an endless ache that never goes away. Love is just a word people throw around to get others to do what they want.”

  “You're wrong.”

  “Am I? Who's the one with a pregnant girlfriend that took off? She knew better, August, she knew what I'm telling you. She doesn't belong here, she never belonged here. I did you a favor.”

  “You did what you always you do, you did it for yourself. The truth is I don't deserve her. And you don't deserve me.” Hanging up on my mother, I stuffed my phone into my pocket and grabbed my keys.

  Enough was enough. I was done with my mother and her overbearing need to control every aspect of my life. I was sorry that she was still hurting inside from what my father did to her. I felt bad that she thought love didn't exist because hers had failed.

  But I knew one thing she didn't; I knew what it meant to love. And I wasn't going to lose it because she couldn't handle it.

  There was only one place I could think of that Ella would go. Nothing was going to stop me from explaining myself and apologizing to her for what she was going through.

  I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. I loved her. And I wanted my family back. Nothing was going to come in between us.

  Not now, not ever.

  Chapter Twenty-seven

  Ella

  Laying on Kayla's couch, I wiped my nose with a tissue, trying to stop the tears from streaming down my face.

  “What the hell did I do? Why did I ever think a man like that could actually love me? It was always about the contract, about the baby he needed. He never really gave a shit about me. I'm so fucking stupid.”

  “You're not stupid. Everything's going to be alright, Ella, I promise.” Kayla was sitting next me, rubbing my upper back, trying her hardest to calm me down. “Things might suck now, but it'll get better.”

  “I just don't understand. I thought we shared something special, I thought there was more between us. Why didn't I see how fake he was?” Burying my face in my hands, my lungs heaved to take in air as the tears went from streaming to full blown flood warning.

  “He's a dick, this is on him, you didn't do anything wrong. He just fucked up something amazing, and one day he'll regret not choosing you over some rich model.”

  “That doesn't make me feel any better.”

  “I'm just saying it's his loss. That girl is going to find someone else who has more money than August and she'll be gone. That's how her type works, it's all about money.” Kayla laid her head on my shoulder, her voice soothing. “And once she's gone, he's going to wish he hadn't been such a fool.”

  “It's no one's loss, Kay, this was the plan. I'm getting upset over something that was never meant to be. I was only there to have his baby, nothing more. He didn't owe me shit, we weren't really together. It was all a fucking act, and I was the idiot who got sucked into the script.”

  Bang! Bang! Bang!

  Shooting her eyes to the door, she said, “I bet it's Justin, he probably forgot his key again.” Kayla got up and walked to her door.

  I kept my head buried in my arms, with water oozing from my sockets like leaky pipes. I wanted so badly to make all this hurt disappear. It was everywhere, in my muscles, in my head, behind my eyes. My heart was beating, but it felt like I had been stabbed with a serrated blade.

  I let this happen. I let him do this to me.

  August had made it clear from the beginning. I was merely a pawn, one he was willing to use and pay to get what he needed. And I agreed, knowing full well what I was doing.

  Unfortunately, I let playing house get into my head, creating this false sense of love and care that was never meant to be there.

  “She doesn't want to see you, you need to leave.” Kayla sounded anxious and angry, not moving away from the doorway.

  “I'm not going anywhere, I need to see her.”

  “Go or I'll call cops.”

  Pushing up on my elbow, I looked over at the front door. Kayla was pushing against the door, using her shoulder as leverage. “What's going on?” I asked, swinging my feet around and planting them on the floor.

  “Ella! I need to talk to you, please, let me explain!” August popped his head over Kayla's shoulder, but she shoved him back into the hall.

  “I told you to go, she's already upset enough, she doesn't need you here making it worse.”

  “It's alright, Kay, let him in.” Folding my arms over my chest, I took in a big breath.

  “El—”

  “Really, let him in.”

  Kayla glanced at me over her shoulder, then turned back to August. “You upset her or make her angry, that's it, you're fucking out of here.” Twisting to give him room to come in, she watched him with a glare in her eyes.

  “Ella,” August said as his long legs brought him to my side. Touching my arm, I jerked away, taking a step back. “I'm sorry.” Holding up his hands, he nodded with understanding.

  “What do you want?”

  “Last night—”

  “Last night you lied to me. You weren't out having dinner with a potential client, it was your ex.”

  “I know, I should have told you, but I didn't think it would turn into this.”

  “You didn't think? It looks to me like you thought you wouldn't get caught. How many times have you lied to me and gone to meet her?”

  “None. I know what it looked like, but I swear to you, it really was just a business dinner. My mother set it up, she found out about her family buying a restaurant chain, and she used that to get us to have dinner. I didn't know it would be her, I had no clue she was the person I'd be meeting. But that was it, it was just dinner. And at the end of the night I told her no. No, I wouldn't be working with her and supplying her restaurants.”

  “Don't bullshit me, August, I'm not fucking stupid—“ Cutting myself off, I smiled with razor thin lips. “No, I am that fucking stupid. I let myself fall for you and I shouldn't have. It's wrong for me to even be upset, because we're not a couple. None of this was supposed to happen. I don't even know why I'm mad to begin with, you made it clear, we aren't together.”

  “Ella, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have feelings for you.” Taking a small step forward, his eyes steadied on mine. “And you're right, none of this was supposed to happen—but it did. I didn't expect it, I didn't ask for it, but I'm fucking gla
d it happened. I don't give a shit about the will or the money or any of that. I'd trade it all if it meant I could still have you.”

  “August, just stop. I don't need you to play pretend because I'm pregnant and you feel bad for making a pregnant girl cry. I knew what this was the entire time, it's my fault I let my feelings get out of control.”

  “That's not it at all. I spent months in the beginning trying to figure out why my father would do this to me. Why he would make me do something I never planned on doing. And then I met you and it hit me—he wanted me to have the one and only thing he ever cared about. Me, a child, someone who I could love unconditionally. My father, through all his failed relationships, he died alone.”

  August let out a heavy sigh, his gaze glossing over. “But, there was one person who was always by his side—me.” August licked his lips, running a hand over his head as he went on. “He wanted me to feel what he felt. He knew that even without the love of a woman, he had a different love with me. But I don't think this was in his plan. I don't think he expected me to fall in love with an incredible woman.”

  Titling my head, I stayed quiet, letting him unleash his soul with words. He looked like he grew taller, broader, thicker as he exploded with emotions.

  “I love you, I've loved you since day one, and I'm sorry it took me this long to tell you.”

  “You really mean that?” I asked, dropping my arms to my side as he slowly chipped away at the wall I was trying desperately to build. I didn't want to feel this pile of rocks in my stomach or the weight on my chest.

  Dropping to one knee, August pulled a small box out of his pocket and held it up. “Ella Day, there's nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life watching you smile, listening to your giggle, hearing your music and what you did that day. I want to wake up with you, I want to fall asleep with you, I want to fill my head with memories of all the small moments we share together.”