No Faerie Tale Love (Faerie Series Book 1)

by Mercedes Jade

  My mother giggled. I looked over to her, startled. I missed her laughter. I really should come home more often.

  “Is that why Jackson has been asking for his own washroom? I thought it was the hour-long showers.”

  I lit up tomato red, imagining what he could be doing in the shower all that time. It had to be due to the raunchy talk we had earlier.

  “On second thought, I’ll just get Lady Antebellum ready,” I said, excusing myself before I could be discovered. “Thanks, Mom,” I whispered, kissing her cheek and dashing out into the hallway.

  “Sunday morning,” my mother hollered after me.

  “I promise,” I said.

  It didn’t take long to dress, as I had mentioned, but I spent the extra few minutes sitting on my window seat and staring outside at the streetlight. Mom would have that walker relegated to the attic by the time I came back on Sunday. People slip in the shower all the time. I did it a couple of weeks ago and gave my knee a good bang on the tiled wall when I tried to grab the bar of soap I dropped.

  “Are you okay?” Jackson asked.

  “Isn’t Matthew coming?” I asked back.

  “He’s in the car. He called you earlier, but you didn’t answer.”

  Matthew may have thought I was still changing. Jackson just burst in here, of course.

  “Carry Lady Antebellum,” I said. I grabbed my bag with everything else in it.

  Jackson stopped me before I could exit the room, a hand on my shoulder.

  “We’ll keep an eye on Mom,” he said.

  “Thank you,” I told him, sincerely.

  He dropped his hand and I walked out to the jeep. Matthew was up front in the passenger’s side due to his car sickness and Jackson would want to drive. I preferred the back, anyway. I could close my eyes and rest without any pesky questions.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

  “Did you bring condoms?” I asked. That should shut him up. For all their manly talk earlier, I doubt the twins were carrying their boxes of condoms with them.

  “We can stop at the pharmacy and buy some,” Jackson suggested. “There are flavoured ones and even this self-heating lubricant-”

  “Uncle. Uncle,” I said. “You win, okay.” I slumped down in the seat. “I want to go back to the apartment and sleep before I get up at the crack of dawn for a bunch of mustard seedlings the size of a freaking ant. You and Matthew can enjoy all the cherry flavoured dicks you want, but I don’t want to see any more of Frank than I did last Friday. Fanboys don’t do it for me.”

  “His name is Tyler,” Jackson said.

  Lame comeback. As if I would forget a name. Matthew elbowed him for me.

  “You’re going to be surrounded by fanboys if you play an MMO,” Matthew said.

  “What?”

  “The online game,” he clarified.

  “Whatever, I can handle fanboys through the distance of the interwebs,” I said.

  “Are you really going to pick a Dark Fae avatar?” Jackson asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Tell me their strengths and weaknesses,” I said, figuring this was a good strategy for picking avatars.

  “Well, all pure Fae share a weakness for the inability to lie,” Matthew said.

  “Wait, really?” I said. “That’s a massive weakness.”

  “They’re very good at working around it. Fae are highly intelligent, making up riddles and talking in circles when you ask them something, and bargaining with them is very tricky,” Matthew said.

  “Like a devil’s bargain? The crossroads?” Jackson said.

  “Think to make a wish on a genie. You have to spell out every loophole.”

  Wow. Don’t make deals with Dain, check.

  “Anything else?”

  “Aren’t they allergic to iron?” Jackson said. He was a bit of a nerd, too. A closet nerd.

  “Mostly, although some of the Dark Fae can handle iron and the very Darkest Fae, the blacksmiths and royalty, are immune. The rest of the Fae get iron sickness and it breaks their glamour,” Matthew said.

  We were already pulling off the highway to my exit. Just when the conversation was getting interesting. I thought about Eloden’s car sickness and gloves. Were these guys just cosplaying too hard or crazy?

  “Glamour? Is that magic?” I asked.

  “Yep, lets them disguise their more Fae-like features like pointed ears,” Matthew said.

  I touched my softly rounded ears. Eloden had told me my ears were showing the first time he met me. It had to all be part of the game they were playing.

  “How about acorns?” I asked, suddenly curious about the money trick.

  Matthew pulled into my apartment driveway and parked in visitors. “What about acorns?” he said.

  “Can the Fae use glamour to make acorns look like something else?” I asked.

  “That’s kind of specific, but yes, the glamour can change anything that doesn’t have iron in it, however, the magic breaks or weakens at sunset and sunrise,” Matthew said.

  “Can’t lie, iron poisoning and magic that breaks at the flick of sunlight. I don’t know, Evie-baby, it sounds pretty lame to me,” Jackson said.

  “The Fae have the most powerful magic,” Matthew added.

  We all unbuckled and got out. I guess the twins were going to walk me inside. Knowing them, I shouldn’t be surprised. Matthew grabbed my bag and Jackson grabbed Lady Antebellum’s cage.

  “How powerful is powerful?” I asked.

  “Undefined limits,” Matthew said.

  “What? This isn’t the infinity symbol. Give me an example,” I demanded.

  “The beginning of the world,” Matthew said.

  I stopped walking. “Wait, are you saying the Fae have god-like magic?” I asked. No wonder they all were so arrogant if they were cosplaying pretend gods.

  “They create worlds within the Fae realm using purely magic. Almost everything in Faerie is glamour or magic,” Matthew said. He looked back at me and I started walking again.

  “If they have god-like power then why isn’t everyone a Fae avatar?” asked Jackson, opening my triplex’s front door.

  We all trudged up the stairs. A place with an elevator would be nice, but my stepfather had told me the odds of survival and the insurance statistics with regards to fire. The ladders only stretched up so high. I thought I could survive the fall from my third-floor window if I had to do it.

  “The Fae have greatly limited fertility,” Matthew said, letting himself in with my key and holding the door open.

  “Because they’re gay,” Jackson snidely added.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes, they were all gay,” I agreed.

  “Even the big guy?” Jackson asked, again.

  “Dain? He was the gayest of them all,” I lied. “Apparently the guy with all the piercings is his special friend,” I said. “They’re in a long-term relationship.”

  “Orin looked gay, which guy was his partner?” Matthew said, still sounding suspicious.

  I knew they hadn’t believed me the first time.

  “Eloden,” I answered, no hesitation. Matthew was trying to catch me up. He should know better, and the superficial judgement was unlike him. I gave him a scrunched-up bunny nose. “They both have such pretty, gay hair. Eloden’s is red underneath his wig,” I said in a high-pitched voice and the fakest sounding giggle I could manage. Some people are not meant to giggle. I’m one of them.

  “Do you think they braid it together?” Jackson said. He put Lady Antebellum’s cage back in its rightful spot.

  “Don’t you have any gay friends?” I asked Jackson. He normally wasn’t much of a bigot, either, so this had to be their suspicions colouring their perceptions.

  “I do know some gay guys. I even played football with a couple,” Jackson said. “They aren’t anything like your rainbow farting friends.”

  “Your gaydar is broken, then,” I said. He didn’t believe a word I was saying. Jackson was stubborn like that. Matthew was easie
r. I got the pellets for Lady Antebellum out to fill her dish now that she was settled.

  Matthew put my bag on the kitchen table. “Don’t tell me the brothers are the last couple,” he pleaded. His twincest paranoia was coming out. I thought I had convinced him with Eloden’s gay hair.

  “They aren’t twins,” I assured him. I had already paired up the rest of the gang, so I couldn’t claim they were all gay and then leave out the brothers. I overfilled Lady Antebellum’s pellets and wondered how I was going to get out of the corner I had painted myself.

  “Don’t hang out with those weirdos,” Matthew told me. I bit back my explanation for the twincest. “I’ll show you some better MMOs if you’re interested.”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “You know the low fertility rate is kind of a selling point,” I debated. “It sounds like they’re kind of noble, pure beings that are above human lusts and worries. And don’t they live for a really long time?” I asked, thinking about the elves from Lord of the Rings. I know, my reference material didn’t sound too much like what Matthew had told me, but it was all made-up anyway.

  “I bet Fae have sex once a century, missionary position only,” Jackson mocked. He wasn’t taking this seriously, either. Fantastic.

  “Stick with the Light Fae, then,” Matthew suggested.

  “No, come to the dark side,” Jackson teased, pretending to tug me away from Matthew.

  “Can’t we all just get along?” I said.

  “Never,” Matthew said. “We are immortal enemies.”

  I cracked a smile.

  “I’ll see you losers on Sunday,” I said.

  “Technically, you are the loser,” Jackson reminded me.

  “We can go laptop shopping after breakfast,” Matthew added as they opened the door.

  “We’ll see,” I said. The twins knew that meant no but they would keep pushing.

  I was too tired now to brush my teeth or put my stuff away or even check again on Lady Antebellum. The hot chocolate was hitting me. I crawled into the middle of my ridiculously huge bed and hugged a pillow.

  The twins should have known I was lost to the dark side a long time ago.

  Chapter 8:

  I WOKE UP HAVING TO pee. That big mug of hot chocolate from last night was ready to make an exit and it was going to be a race to get to the toilet while I squeezed back the urge. Who needs an alarm clock when they had a bladder like mine? I may only be twenty-one, but I had the bladder of an eighty-year-old man this morning.

  I shot up out of bed and immediately tripped over a limb that should not have been there, sprawling on all fours and swearing as my pelvis felt like a bomb went off trying to squeeze my bladder back into compliance.

  “Holy fuck,” I said.

  I was surrounded by the gay Fae gang and my clumsiness had woken them up. Except for Dain. He looked angry, standing guard by the door in his leathers and armour and staring down at me as if he had been waiting for hours for me to wake.

  Blinking did not make him go away.

  “Move,” I yelled at bodies, scrambling to get off the bed as fast as possible. I used my emergency voice. I was way past panic already.

  Dain shifted to block the doorway.

  I swear I would mow him down before I pissed myself.

  “Washroom,” I said.

  He arched an eyebrow at me.

  I crossed my legs and wiggled that universal sign of imminent plumbing failure.

  “Please, Dain,” I begged.

  He grabbed me by the upper arm and marched me to the washroom. I wiggled loose, he probably let me, and then I slammed the door shut in his face. I didn’t have time to enjoy that much, too busy getting my boy shorts down to sit on the toilet. There might be scorch marks on the seat I sat down so fast.

  It only took about forty seconds to pee. I spent another minute on the toilet wondering what the heck to do next before I remembered that I didn’t lock the bathroom door in my hurry.

  I got up to lock it, quickly yanking my shorts back up one-handed, but the knob was pulled out of my hand as Dain opened the door. He had to be listening to me the whole time, I thought, furiously embarrassed.

  “I didn’t get to wash my hands,” I complained as Dain grabbed my upper arm again and this time marched me back into my bedroom.

  Five sets of curious eyes checked out my sleeping clothes. The boy shorts and tank I wore to sleep felt like they left little to the imagination now that it wasn’t only my stepbrothers.

  I crossed my arms.

  “Get out,” I said. “This is trespassing.” I looked over at Dain and tried to pull my arm free, unsuccessfully. “And assault,” I added.

  How did they get in here? Why were they here? What did they want? Who were they? I had so many questions but the urge to shove them all out of my apartment was stronger than my curiosity. I hated surprises. They needed to go back and knock on the door when I was dressed and I had coffee in me to deal with their boundary issues.

  “Where were you?”

  This was from Eloden. He had his arms crossed, too, and looked a lot angrier than last time I saw him. What the fuck? I was the angry one waking to a home invasion.

  “I was at work,” I bit out.

  “With your rat?” Aeric asked.

  “I work at a lab. Lady Antebellum is a lab rat,” I said.

  “You do experiments on your pet?” Falin asked. First time I had seen him surprised aside from blowing Bubblicious all over his face. I liked the look on him.

  “No,” I denied. “She misses the lab lights and sounds, so I bring her sometimes for a little bit of home.” The same could be said of me.

  “You were gone for three days,” Dain commented.

  I had almost forgotten he was standing there for a moment. He was too quiet, even when he had his hand manacling me to remind me I was going nowhere without him.

  “Congratulations, you can count. Now you’re ready to learn 1-2-3-magic,” I snarked.

  “I don’t think she looked up anything useful about Fae,” Kheelan said.

  “I didn’t know there was going to be a quiz,” I retorted.

  “Do you want to decide the punishment for wrong answers now?” Kheelan asked. He looked stern. At least stern wasn’t emotionless.

  “Daddy said I only get spanked for being good,” I mocked him. There went my stupid fucking mouth when I got scared. I wished I could eat my words, or just go back to sleep and switch nightmares.

  Orin, sweet Orin, pushed through the crowd of crossed arms and stares. “Dain, she’s scared. Let me hold her for a bit.” He sat down in front of us on the bed and patted his lap. What was I, three years old?

  “Will you give me a lollipop if I’m a good girl?” I asked, laying on the sarcasm.

  Orin popped me off my feet with a good kick behind my knees and caught me. Dain only released my arm once he realized I wasn’t going to fall to the ground.

  “Isn’t that better?” Orin asked, cradling me in his arms.

  His voice was as pretty as the rest of him. He smelled like freshly cut grass as he talked to me, the scent getting stronger as I got sleepier, lulled like a baby against his chest.

  The next thing I knew, my alarm went off, waking me up for the second time. It was set on the most annoying, loud buzzer I could find and would not shut off without a code that I had to be awake enough to remember. It was the only way I could guarantee myself to get out of bed no matter what shift I was working.

  The room exploded into action.

  It felt like I was wading through taffy as I shook off the sleeping stupor and crawled through the blankets, searching for where I had tossed my phone last night. It was a bad habit of mine to sleep with my phone and toss and turn, resulting in some surprising spots I’ve found my phone the next morning.

  My eyes popped open wider as I realized I wasn’t alone and that hadn’t been a bad dream after eating an old peanut.

  “Where is the howling beast?” Kheelan shouted.

  “Do no
t use a sword to slay it, Eve is in the way,” Orin reminded him. Nice of him to think of me. And weren’t those fake swords for cosplaying anyway? Why were their weapons in my bedroom?

  “Smother it,” suggested Aeric, tossing pillows across my bed that had fallen on the floor.

  “Turn it off, turn it off,” ordered Falin, covering his ears. God, he was such a baby. You would never suspect it. Maybe he had extra sensitive hearing.

  Dain and I reached for the phone at the same time, seeing the flashing screen. I had swiped my finger in a complex pattern to unlock the damn thing when we bumped heads.

  “Ouch, fu-” was out of my mouth before a bunch of feathers exploded overhead from a slain pillow, getting everywhere, including my mouth and on top of the phone screen. Those were awfully sharp pretend swords.

  I blew on the phone, clearing the feathers enough that I could tap on the alarm icon and enter the stupid, complicated code I had created, twice, because Dain was distracting me by trying to help. He was not helping. His body was half over mine where he had crawled onto the bed behind me, one knee between my legs. I was on my belly, elbows propping me up as I fought a losing battle with the phone.

  “Get off,” I said and elbowed Dain. I got a lucky hit. He grunted but he still didn’t give me an inch.

  The alarm finally turned off as Dain reached over from on top of me and grabbed the phone from my hands. I had entered the code correctly the last time.

  “Thank the gods, Dain,” said Eloden. “That racket was almost worse than the little monster on the keyring.”

  Of course, Dain got gratitude.

  “You weigh a ton,” I muttered, trying to snake my way out from under him.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Dain breathed on the back of my neck. The braid left most of it bare, so I could feel his hot breath, which was a good reminder of how much naked skin I had on display.

  “I’m going to work,” I said. “And I’m late. You are all leaving before I call the cops.” I kept on wiggling free. It was like squeezing through a tunnel, but instead of cold, hard walls, I had Dain’s muscles surrounding me.

  Orin plopped down on the bed in front of me. “You just came back from work. You need to rest,” he said and reached out for me.