Ash Princess

by Eve Langlais

  “Maybe. I was thinking of ghouls. Will they eat those?”

  “Yes. Why?”

  “No particular reason.” Not yet, but he was starting to mull things over. To get some idea of what he might do. “How do we get to the tower?”

  “You don’t. Did you miss the part about the drake using it as a nest?”

  “If I walked away from everything that was dangerous, I’d have never gotten to where I am now.”

  “You mean never gotten fucked?” Lila remarked, having joined them.

  “Language,” Gorri snapped.

  “Says the guy with the dirtiest mouth.”

  “You’re a lady.”

  “Like fuck I am,” Lila growled. “Now tell me what you two are plotting.”

  Gorri pointed at him. “Dumb shit over here wants to go see the tower.”

  Lila uttered a low whistle. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

  “I’m trying to save a whole bunch of people, as a matter of fact. Yourself included. You could be more helpful,” Cam snapped.

  “How is offering yourself as a tasty treat to a drake supposed to help?”

  “First off, I wasn’t planning on getting eaten. But I do want to see if the tower is an ancient structure.”

  “Even if it were, I doubt it connects to those tunnels you’re obsessed with. Don’t you think we would have known?” Gorri asked.

  “You said it yourselves. You were children. Your parents didn’t tell you everything.”

  “But they would have saved us if they had the chance.” What started out as a small conversation saw itself widen as Milo joined them. “There’s a reason none of them are around anymore. Because they never gave up trying.”

  “And neither should you,” was Cam’s bald addition. “It’s a good thing you’re not staying here, or you’d keep withering until all of you were gone.”

  “Still sounds better than ending up as dragon shit.” Lila flipped a knife hand to hand, acting nonchalant and yet…

  “How do you feel about being ghoul shit?” was Cam’s flippant reply.

  “Fucked if we do, fucked if we don’t,” Gorri lamented.

  “Why does it seem like you’re all plotting?” The group was complete with the addition of Kayda.

  Gorri jerked a thumb at Cam. “Your Marshlander wants to visit the tower.”

  “Of course, he does,” she said with a sigh. She eyed him. “Dare I ask why?”

  “If it’s an ancient building, then it might be attached to those old tunnels.”

  “Even if they did exist,” she interjected, “they are probably overrun by ghouls.”

  “What if they’re not?”

  “The chances of you finding the entrance to them in that destroyed tower are slim. Any possible entrance would be rubble.”

  “Slim is still a chance. You have to let me try.”

  “I’ll take him,” Gorri offered. “Sounds more interesting than sewing pouches.”

  “If he goes, I’m going, too!” Lila insisted.

  Milo was the one to exclaim, “You’re all insane. We don’t have time for this. We should be planning. I’m going to check on the packing.” He left, but Kayda remained, looking thoughtful.

  She eyed the ground for a moment before saying softly, “I’ll take him.”

  Immediately the protests started.

  “You can’t.”

  “They need you.”

  She halted them with a lift of her hand. “We can’t all go. Gorri, you and Lila stay behind, keep the kids from panicking while I take him.”

  Cam thought about telling her he’d find it himself. She was the leader of this camp. The person they looked up to. However, if she’d actually seen the tower in person… “How long to get there and back?”

  “An hour each way at least. But we can’t actually get to the tower until nightfall unless you want to get eaten the moment you set foot on that plateau.”

  “Let me take him,” Gorri insisted.

  “You’re needed to watch over the making of more of those torches.” Lila crossed her arms. “It should be me.”

  Kayda refused. “Milo needs you to keep the peace. I hear Miriam already freaked out once today.”

  At the reminder, Lila made a face. “Pity we don’t have any of that quieting herb anymore.”

  The arguing went on for a little while longer before Kayda managed to leave with Cam, crossbow slung on her back, the shitty machete by her side. Her expression told him nothing. Her straight bearing seemed more than a little pissed. It made him wonder why she’d volunteered.

  “If you didn’t want to come…”

  She flashed him a glance. “That’s just it. I do want to come, but I feel guilty now that I am going.”

  “I’m sure they’ll handle things fine while you’re gone.”

  “I’m not worried about that. Everyone will get ready whether I’m there or not.”

  “That’s right, they will. But you’re feeling guilty that you’re relieved at not having to be in charge for the next couple of hours.”

  “I never said that.”

  “You didn’t have to. My friend Axel used to bitch about it. He wanted to help, and bent over fucking backwards, but at times, it was exhausting. And there were days he wanted to tell everyone in Haven to fuck off and leave him alone.”

  She glanced at him, lower lip caught between her teeth as she nodded. “I get that way, too, sometimes. And then I feel so petty and ungrateful. I mean they put their trust in me, look to me to keep them safe, but at times, I wish they wouldn’t need me so much. That I didn’t have the weight of all their expectations on my back.”

  “Being needed can be a weighty thing,” he said softly. As Casey grew older, and independent, she’d disliked Cam’s overshadowing. Funny thing was, though, he missed the days she required him. For Cam, it was the thing that used to define him.

  “I don’t mind it most of the time, but there are days when I wish I had someone I could lean on, someone to say, stay in bed an extra hour or let me handle this for you.”

  “I’m sure Gorri and the others could do it.”

  “And they do help as much as they can. But even they look to me, and yet I don’t know the answers either.” As if embarrassed by the admission, she quickened her pace. “Watch for spiders in the next section. Their webs are slightly corrosive.”

  Cam noticed her rigid posture and wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her to use him for a little while. But he wouldn’t. Even if Kayda was asking for someone to lean on, it couldn’t be him.

  Shouldn’t be him.

  Because what if he really liked it? What if he didn’t want to leave a certain princess of ash? What if he wanted to be the one she could lean on forever?

  The very idea. It was too soon. They’d just met and under the shittiest of circumstances. Yet every time he looked at her, something inside him tugged.

  “You’re staring at me again,” she snapped from ahead.

  “Not my fault your cute little ass is the only thing to look at.”

  She stumbled. He might have grinned.

  “Do you always remark on women’s posteriors?”

  “Only the cute ones. And I did tell Gunner once he had some nice glutes.”

  “How would you like it if I was staring at you?”

  “I wouldn’t mind at all. You have pretty eyes.” The words coming out of his mouth belonged to someone else. Someone suave with the ladies.

  She snorted. “You don’t need to flirt. I told you I’d take you to the tower.”

  “I am not flirting.”

  “Then keep your comments about my rear and eyes to yourself.”

  He would try, but he was finding being around Kayda he didn’t act like himself.

  For example, his next blurted question. “You don’t cohabit with anyone.” He’d noticed a few pairings of teens, but her quarters showed no signs.

  “Because there’s been no one that interests me like that.”

  “
I guess the close proximity makes it difficult, especially if things don’t work out. A friend of mine called it shitting where you sleep.”

  “Eloquent,” was her pert reply.

  His turn to have his cheeks warm. “I just meant—”

  “I know what you meant.” She turned to show him she smiled. “And not the only reason why I’ve chosen to not attach myself. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m the oldest one left.”

  “Gorri’s not too far in age.”

  “Gorri’s not interested in women. And while Lila is, either I’m not, or she’s too much like a sister for me.” She shrugged. “Besides, what’s the point? I wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world.”

  Was that the only reason she thought people had sex? What about pleasure or the comfort of being with someone?

  Which made him wonder, since when did he care? In the past it was always about just satisfying a need. But the old crone had said he longed for love. A family.

  Those both required someone. Someone he’d not yet found.

  He stared once more at Kayda, and she sensed it. She flashed him a rude gesture. It made him smile. Soft and tough. A deadly combination.

  They continued to walk, and he was silent for a moment. When he spoke, it was something he’d never admitted to anyone. “For a long time, I used to wonder why people bothered to have children. In Emerald, eking out an existence outside the domes took effort. Every day was a struggle to stay alive. To find food. To maintain a shelter.”

  “You obviously survived.”

  “I had to, because of my sister. If I died, she died, and I couldn’t let that happen. She was my whole reason for living.”

  “What happened to her?” she asked.

  “She got married.” He couldn’t help the sulky tone of it.

  Kayda’s laughter proved real and vibrant. “Oh, perish the thought. Your sister found love. The horror.”

  “It was—has been—hard for me. My whole reason for existing is gone. I tried to fill it with other things. I worked every chance I could, but that void wouldn’t go away.”

  “What of your friends? Or do you not have any?”

  Someone not paying attention might have taken it as an insult, but he knew better. “Lots of friends and even a man, Benny, who was like a father to me and Casey. But none of those people really need me. It’s what made me expendable for this mission.”

  She stopped and gazed on him fully. “I highly doubt your friends saw you as expendable. If they did, then you need better ones.”

  “Oh, they’d miss me. But they’d move on.”

  “Is this your way of admitting you came here to kill yourself?” She arched a brow. “I didn’t take you for a coward.”

  He scowled. “Not trying to die either. I just wanted to feel useful. Like my life had meaning.”

  “Want to trade spots? I’m tired of being needed. I’d just like to wake up and lie in bed. A comfortable one. And not worry about patrols coming in late. Not have to reassure people that everything will be all right when it won’t. I wish…” Her voice broke. “I wish things could go back to the way they were when my father was here and I knew I could count on him.”

  Before he even realized it, Cam was holding her, her frame slight in his arms. He folded her gently against him, crooning softly, cradling her head. And because he was an idiot, he said, “Lean on me.”

  That brought an audible gasp from her. Then she sobbed without sound, and he only knew it by the hitching of her shoulders and the dampness on his shirt. During it all, he held her. Held this woman who was his opposite in so many ways.

  She was perfect.

  When she stopped, she pushed away from his chest, rubbing an arm across damp eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

  “You’re allowed to be human.”

  She snorted. “Might as well call me weak.”

  “It’s not weakness to share a burden.”

  “Except it’s not your burden,” was her retort.

  “Yeah, don’t be so sure about that. Maybe another person could walk away and tell you to deal with it, but I can’t.” The simple truth.

  “You have your own mission to complete.”

  “An impossible task you mean?” He arched a brow. “You and I both know I can’t stop a volcano.”

  “And I doubt I can take what’s left of my kingdom and guide them safely to the border. Guess we’re both screwed.” Her slim shoulders rolled.

  “Only if we give up. If I made it through the doctors peeling the skin from me and breaking my bones, we can do this.”

  Her lips rounded in horror. “Why would anyone do that?”

  “To test how far my healing ability went. I spent the first seven years of my life being a test subject, thinking I would never be free. And then, when I did manage to escape with Casey, we spent a few more eating any plant we could find, the raw meat of the things that attacked us, and licking dew off the ground. I didn’t survive all that to die now. Just like you didn’t come this far to give up.”

  She placed a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry for what you went through.”

  “I didn’t tell you for pity, but to show you things can get better. To always have hope, no matter how hard.”

  The smile when it emerged proved soft and gut wrenching. “I’d pretty much lost all hope until you appeared.”

  He knew how she meant it but tell that to his heart, which pounded in his chest. He had to change the subject before he said something really stupid. “How much farther to the tower?”

  “The exit for it is not too far, but we have to wait until nightfall to climb the stairs.”

  “Because the ledge has a dragon.”

  “Soon as the sun sets, it should be gone. We’ll head out at that point and go to your tower.”

  “My tower?” he riposted.

  “This is, after all, your idea.”

  “Got a better one?”

  Her shoulders slumped, which meant he lengthened his stride and, without thinking, put his arms around her and squeezed. “Chin up, Kay.”

  “Kay?”

  “Would you prefer princess or your highness?”

  “What’s wrong with Kayda?”

  “Kayda is what everyone calls you. The name they yell when they want something. Kay is gonna be your name for friends who want nothing from you but will give you their all if you need them to.”

  She shuddered, and he heard a sniffle. “Why are you being so nice?”

  “Because I think you’ve had enough shit to deal with already in your life.” And more so because he didn’t like seeing her discouraged. Despite not knowing her long, he admired her.

  Admired her and more, which he shouldn’t even be thinking of, but at the same time, he was glad he felt something. He’d wondered what ailed him, as his friends and even his sister managed to find people to love. Worried he was broken inside him and would always be alone. Could be he’d just not found the right person.

  He glanced at her.

  “You’re staring at me again.”

  “You’re a remarkable woman, Kay.”

  The blush was worth her brusque, “Shut up.”

  The area they were in had a funky smell to it. Musty, dusty, and somehow rancid. They must be nearing a nest.

  “Quiet now,” she said softly. She slowed her steps and moved carefully, easing the crossbow to aim it in front of her.

  A part of him wanted to jump in as a shield, but he knew she’d hate it, so he remained guarding her back. In the remnants of a room that still held the long stone benches carved from the walls, he expected them to halt. The smell of rotted meat filled the nose, and he could feel the hot, ashy air blowing from somewhere nearby.

  But Kayda stepped past the waiting area to the partially collapsed doorway.

  “I thought we were waiting for nighttime?” he whispered, and it still sounded too loud in this abandoned place.

  “We will wait for night to cross the plateau to the tower
, but I thought we might want to remove a threat in the meantime.”

  “As in take out a dragon?” He grinned. “You sure know how to show a guy a good time. What are we waiting for?”

  Chapter 10

  After Kayda told Cam they’d be taking out a dragon, he practically ran out the partially blocked entrance. She would have thought he didn’t grasp the danger, except she knew he did. But a man who could heal like he did probably didn’t worry as much as other people.

  They waited by the narrow slit for the dragon to return. In the tedious silence that followed, she couldn’t help but contemplate what insanity possessed her to offer to lead him to the tower.

  First off, she’d lied about being superfluous for the exodus preparations. They could have used her around, not so much to help prepare but to offer moral support. Everyone was on edge and scared. No one knew what would happen. Everyone kept eyeing the barricaded door to the basement, fear radiating from them. They jumped at the slightest sound, waiting for a ghoul attack.

  She should have been there to reassure them. Instead she was on a foolish mission. The tower was dangerous, and not just because of the dragon. Parts of it still stood but only precariously. The damage done to it since it was abandoned was severe. It was the first of their buildings to get taken over completely. The drake who’d chosen to use it as a roost was the biggest one of all. She’d once overheard her daddy say the tower was where the war started in Diamond.

  The dragons had since won that war.

  No one had ever managed to kill the big drake, though not for a lack of trying. Until her father died. The attempts halted then.

  Now that she was older, it did make her wonder why her father was so desperate to regain the tower. What was inside the ruins that was worth so many lives?

  The question had plagued her for a long while now. What if her father knew of something in there that could save them? But why then not tell people about it?

  For the same reason she didn’t mention it as a possibility. False hope. It seemed cruel to offer it to the people who looked up to her most. That didn’t mean she shouldn’t explore every avenue, no matter how farfetched.

  Or maybe not so farfetched. What was my father trying to accomplish? Would his daughter succeed in his place?