Keys to Tetouan

by Mois Benarroch

  "I'm Jewish, my parents kept telling me we are Jewish and we mustn't tell this to anyone, finally I can share it with someone, I wanted to tell somebody about it so much, even if it's a child that barely understands my language, 'Judío', he repeated again and again, 'Judío', my mom lights candles every Friday and then turns them out so no one will snitch on her, but she does it in front of the children, she is sure that the secret will pass on from generation to generation that way, and in our village, we have signs making sure we marry only certain families, maybe everybody knows everything, and maybe no one knows nothing, but these are the things we mustn't talk about."

  And then he hugged me tight, as the snowflakes fell between us, I was shocked, I didn't say anything, and with the cold, sicknesses came, and food was scarce, I know it sounds strange son, but we didn't have enough food all this time, there were years of famine, and the Cholera hit frequently, with different intensities, and Jewish communities from Algiers and Europe offered aid, but what surprised all of us most of all was that Christians from Burgos offered aid too, sending money and help, so as Christians from other cities in Spain did, whether that was an act of aid or compassion, hard to say, but they must have been a little bit Jewish, or felt a little bit Jewish, or maybe they were so surprised we speak Spanish, maybe it was a language-bond thing. It's a shame they stayed here for two years only, they just wanted the sultan to pay off some debts he had, and when he did they went back to Ceuta, but in those two years, some Jews had already immigrated to Malaga, to Melilla, to Ceuta and to Gibraltar, they went back to their country, to give rest to their agonized soul, until they came back here with Franco thirty years ago and stayed here ever since, but when they leave this time, we will go to Spainwith them, to our house in Seville, take me to Seville, take me home, where is my home, from where was I exiled, from Jerusalem, from Seville, from Tetouan, how can I be a Spanish exile if I wasn't even born there, if my father wasn't born there, how is it possible you're an exile, exile everywhere, exileis my home, the years didn't subdue the pain, son, you'll see, you will always be an exile, exiled from exile, for we were exiles in Spain too, we longed Jerusalem when we werethere as well, as we do here, even though our city is referred to as little Jerusalem for years now, even here we long for a place that would be Seville, Jerusalem and Tetouan at the same time, maybe it will snow and a soldier will come and tell me he is 'Judío' there too, tell me we are related, paradise, this paradise, maybe I'm getting close to it, close to meet Sultana Toledano there, she will hug me and give me the real key to the house, my real home, where there are no longings. I will go to bed now...

  3

  - Get up son, get up

  - It's early, very early, it's still dark

  - We're going son

  - Where, to the beach, at this hour?

  - To a different beach son

  - Ah! That's it, we're going...

  But mom, I didn't say goodbye to cousin David, I didn't say goodbye to my friend Marcus, I didn't say goodbye to Dris, the grocery owner

  - I really hope nobody knows

  - If I don’t know, how would anybody else know?

  The First Letter of the Twentieth Century

  Sao Paolo 1.1.1900

  Dear Coti:

  The twentieth century is here. The weather is really nice here at this time of year as you already know, and I hope I can come to Tetouan again in November. Lumberjacking pays quite well but I'm not getting rich out of it, besides, we work in swampy placesfull of mosquitos, and so I got sick with high fever for two weeks, which didn't really help with my income. I'm sending you one hundred fifty Francs which I hope will last you until Passover. By then I'll be able to send you some more funds. I was glad to hear that my brother David is in Oran and doing well there, maybe if he came here we could open lumberjacks business together, but I'm not so sure it's easy to make a living doing that, on the other hand, I received a letter from Mois Hatchwell from Caracas, he says there's a big Tetouanese community there, and that there's plenty of work opportunities there too, we have a quite a few people from Tetouan here too as you know, but probably not as much as in Caracas.

  I hope you would soon send me good news about giving birth to our new son, or daughter, I wish I could be there for the Brit, shame, but you know that it's a long and jeopardous trip, and you, on the other hand, won't leave Tetouan, I hope I can make enough money and that it will be possible to make a living over there. There are rumors the French are planning to conquer Morocco too, maybe that would lead to more job opportunities, and maybe the Spaniards will be tempted to go north again, and then we'll bloom like in the sixties, but these are sheer speculations, and besides, if they enter for only two years again, that wouldn't make much of a difference. How is Mois doing, my good son, is he attending Alliance already, he must be, he's six already, I'm sure he will excel in school.

  Send warm hugs to my mom Sultana and the rest of the family, especially to my brother Moshe if he comes to visit, but I'll send him a letter to Oran too of course, I hope you receive the money soon.

  Mimon

  4

  - Mom, where's dad?

  - He'll be here soon

  - Why is Shmuel sleeping? Is he OK?

  - He's young so he is sleeping

  - And he doesn’t know we're going?

  - No, he doesn’t

  - And did you take the house key?

  - We're not going back, we're in Spain already and we're not going back

  - No? But did you take the key? It's very important, the key...

  - Get some rest son, get some rest, the key is in the heart

  - And when is dad coming?

  - Don't worry, he'll come in the evening, he will bring the money

  Tetouan 1914

  Oh, yeah... I fell asleep on the couch, you know, that's the thing with old people, they fall asleep all of a sudden, but I barely sleep lately, few hours here and there, ah, where were we, maybe I should tell you about the big event when the king and queen arrivedin 1914, or something, after the Spaniards entered the city, but it doesn’t seem that important, back then it looked amazing, all the houses were painted in honor of the event, as if it was some kind of wedding, but today, it's not important, I'll tell you about Coti Bendahan, no one will tell you this, the whole thing was very shameful, you know after 1862 the Spaniards left but their cultural and religious influence here just grew stronger, they also noticed they share common language with the people here, and tried to convert some souls to Christianity, they didn’t succeed in most of the cases, after all, think about it, the Jews here were the strongest ones that survived the Spanish expulsion, wealthy people who left everything behind and came to this god forsaken place, these are descendants of spiritual gladiators, some went back you know, my grandmother's mom told me that, she heard from her grandmother that some Jews converted and went back to Seville, back to their homes, even some Benzimras, there were some that became Marranos after they converted, practiced the Torah in secret, they came to Tetouan, The Rabbis didn’t quite approve that, they preferred this will be a place for Spanish Jews who were willing to leave everything in order to stay Jewish, and not for ones who were willing to compromise, even though, I guess there were some relatives who were accepted in Tetouan in 1600 or before, so you can imagine, after all we've been through, that someone would come and try to convert us, us of all people, and they did manage to convert some, they wrote about it in the newspapers like that will redeem the Spanish kings long lost respect, I clearly remember Coti, because she was beautiful, and I had my eye on her as they say, it was the first time I came back from Brazil, where I built their iron rails in the jungle, I had some money already and was considered an eligible bachelor, because of the poverty here, and I loved Coti, her face was very white and her eyes were green, almost pale, but her skin was so smooth, so smooth... she's probably dead by now, and buried by some priest somewhere in Malaga or Vinarós or Valencia or Ceuta, or Madrid, in the land of her ancestors, ances
tors who wouldn’t convert so she will stay Jewish, oh those bastards, those bastard gentiles, big bastards, always looking for the weak ones to try to persuade, how many Jews would have come out of her by now, hundreds, thousands, Jews we need so much now after the holocaust, but no, they seek the weak, the poor, the ones who need bread, who lack clothes and shoes, because really, Mimon, we really didn't have no shoes, but Rabbi Yitzhak Benwalid, with his great wisdom, asked for a school to be built before he be given shoes, and so you are a rich man now, respectable, illiterate, that knows French and Spanish, traveling to Oran and Madrid, a man of the world, thanks to his wisdom, know that, if it wasn’t for him, you would have had shoes, but you wouldn't know how to walk with them, which way to walk with them, Coti, dear Coti, I eventually married another Coti, a Jewish one, who gave birth to my son Moshe who married beautiful Esterica who gave birth you, don’t ever tell this to your dad, he might think I never loved your mother and married her because the other Coti, but that isn’t true, I loved your grandmother and she was a very good woman, I loved her a lot and she was very loyal...

  You probably ask yourself weather I was loyal, over there in Brazil, working for a year or two and coming back here, making babies and going back there, that’s a good question, I'll tell you, I surprised myself with my loyalty, but there was one guy, who had family life there too, not from our family, and I won't say who, he passed away recently, and he had a few gentile kids there, a whole family in the Brazilian jungle, a family here and another family there, no, I'm not being judgmental, in my age, and with everything I've seen, I can't judge anyone, not even myself, I've seen them falling under the sun at work sometimes and not getting up again, and these strange people, which names nobody knowseven, must have families still waiting for their return, I got sick there a few times too, obviously I was very happy to come back here at the beginning of the century when your father proved himself as a prodigy in trades and became a millionaire at the age of sixteen, brilliant, he was the first to import goods to Tetouan by ships, I was happy to come back here to assist him, yes, I was a bit humiliated, but this humiliation is better than all those trips and troubled seas, much better, and I'm happy to see you're going in your father's footsteps on your way to become immensely rich and a loyal Jew, one day you will even get to live in Jerusalem...

  5

  - Dad, you're back, I'm so happy that you're back

  - It was a bit dangerous son, but everything is OK

  - Did you sell all the houses?

  - Yes, All of them, even the last one, I just need to deliver the key to the buyer here in Ceuta and he'll give me the money, then we'll get on the ship.

  - On the ship? I thought we're taking a plane

  - First we take a ship to Algeciras, we're going to Israel, here we can say the word Israel, and then when we get to Marcie, we will get on a plane

  - And what's it going to be like over there dad?

  - Everybody will be Jewish, just like us

  - And us?

  - Just like them, all the kids in school will be Jewish, all the stores will be owned by Jewish people, all the people in the street will be Jewish, no one will call you Jewish anymore, because everybody will be Jewish

  - OK dad

  - Don't worry son, I spent some time there two years ago and it's wonderful, all the people there are really Jewish

  - No Arabs at all?

  - No Arabs at all. All Jewish, and now you can go back to sleep, a long day awaits for us tomorrow.

  Benzimrao

  I'm not sure what brought you to visit and interview me here, Benzimrao, just a small village in the Amazonas, a little tribe, with no future, here, they're just like everybody else, going and leaving the place, they are going to study medicine, they say the blood of doctors run in this family, that even Eli Benzimra was a doctorin the sixteenth century, and when he came with his brother to Tetouan, yes, there in the north of Morocco near Spain, he carried his brother on his back because he died on the way there, later he became a healer in the new township, distant times, you ask about the foundation of the tribe, it's quite simple, it happened in 1850, Moises Benzimra came to Brazil from Tetouan so he could work and bring money to his family, and came here on one of the jobs he took, Zimrao, that's his name today, this is where he decided to stay, every two to three years he would leave back to his hometown and come back, here he married twenty one local women, and had one hundred children, that's the beginning of the tribe, all of the boys get circumcised, and the firstborn is always named Mois, no, not Moises, there is only one Moises, and he is the father of the tribe, at the age of sixty he disappeared and never came back, he told us he will be back one day and we are still waiting, he was a strong man and spoke a special language which we still use today, some kind of Spanish seasoned with a little bit of Portuguese, we call it Jaguetao, but nowadays everyone speaks Portuguese, we built a school here and named it Alliance, as he ordered us to do when he came back from one of his journeys, and he told us to get ready to go to Jerusalem one day, yes, to Jerusalem, not to Tetouan, he always said that the future is Jerusalem, that's how his Torah goes from generation to generation in this place, this special place where there are never any floods, while few meters away everything turns into rivers, I don’t know how he found this place, sometimes we're surrounded with water for months, it even lasted for more than two years once, but everything grows on these trees, and food is never scarce, just like in Tetouan, as I was told, there was always enough food for everyone, or most of the times, I guess big Moises brought his blessing here, I actually did see there, in Tetouan, the Benzimra Passage, from the houses his family had built there, you're saying you belong to the Benzimra family, that you were born in Tetouan, that's very interesting, but that's all just history to us, I can't understand why would someone leave such fertile land like we have here and go to some city, like Brasilia, or Sao Paolo, but that's what's happening in my tribe nowadays, they leave and then return after a couple of years with doctor’s diplomas, would you believe, why would anybody need a doctor's diploma, and they want to cure me, I don’t even know what from, I'm eighty five years old already, and if I, or anybody else here get sick, we take some leaves, mix them with pure mango, and make ourselves some potion, but all of our scholars became very important doctors, with ties instead of arrows, and became very smart too of course,

  If we resist the current administration it is only because they want to destroy the jungle, they want to eliminate all the Indians, the Indians here, who live among the trees, are pretty naive, they don’t understand the white man, they really think that if they stay put, the bulldozers, the spraying, the vaccines and the medicines won't get here and kill them, they believe they will return the favor, the Indians are getting eliminated, I know about the rumors saying I'm responsible for terror acts, that's not true, I'm not responsible and I don't justify them, but I definitely understand them, and if someone would take these kind of actions, I will give him shelter in my tribe, and if it's my son I won't turn him over to the police, or the army, there are more and more army troops here in Zimrao, over there in Brasilia and Sao Paolo they speak of democracy, individualism and global warming, but once you leave the suburbs of those cities what are you left with? Nothing.

  You don't want to hear about that, you think I carry a secret of Tetouan, that I know something you don’t, it isn't so, Moises Benzimra might have sent letters, even if it's hard to believe he sent anything from this place a hundred years ago, he might have descendants in Tetouan too, I don’t know about that, come to think of it, up until few years ago Tetouan wasn't much different from the Aztec Empire in my mind, something imaginary from the past, I obviously believed it existed.

  Do I want to visit there, maybe... I went to Sao Paolo once, it didn't impress me much, they even took me to the museum, one of my doctor grandsons, I don’t know what's so good about it, the rooms were suffocating, and the smell of the paint disturbed my breathing, so, all the way to Tetouan, to fly in the
se big crude airplanes, forwhat, besides, I can see Tetouan right here, I can walk her streets from here, whenever I want, I even have a map, I know the Mediterranean sea, from here, this is a map my grandfather drew on a stone, I know exactly how long will it take me to get from the Juderia to Rio Martin, the closest seafront, by foot, I take that walk sometimes, I leave my house early in the morning and get back in the evening, everybody knows I'm on a journey to Tetouan that day, no, of course, I don't leave my tent, but everybody knows I mustn’t be disturbed on this day.