Shadow's Soul

by Jami Gray

  Power ripped her into a rushing river of magic giving her no time to brace. She flailed as fear of losing herself in the roiling wave washed over her, bringing a flood of memories in its wake. She caught images, flashes of people and places that held no meaning for her. Emotions not belonging to her clashed, grasping and tearing at her mind until she wanted to scream. Her shields, already weakened from so many hits, crumbled and the wave rushed in.

  She was standing in her bedroom in Portland. It took her a second to realize she was looking at herself, huddled in a ball in the middle of the bed, whimpering. A large, male hand gently stroked over her hair. A soft murmur of comfort followed. The need to protect rose, vicious in its intensity. It was then, she realized she was in Gavin’s memories. Shock held her still as she played voyeur.

  She remembered that night. She had taken him home, left him in the guest room and gone to bed. Nightmares had plagued her—brutal and soul destroying. He had been in her room, watching her, comforting her, and she hadn’t known it.

  Her house in Portland disappeared. Desire, bright and demanding, sent her heartbeat skyrocketing. She watched herself slowly rock in a porch swing overlooking the Willamette River. She recognized Gavin’s house before the urge to draw the small female form closer mounted. The porch swing faded to be replaced by his front door. She could feel his arousal and need spike when she kissed him that first time. Her daring had sparked tenderness and pride. Shock rocketed through her as she understood that he knew how much courage it had taken for her to make that first move.

  Their bond dragged her through the edges of his soul and the scene shifted. Magic held her fast, and now she was Gavin in a dark room, feeling the panic clawing at his soul. She lay on a bed, broken and bleeding. He was trying to hold her to him, physically and mentally—desperate to bring her back. His iron will focused solely on her. It was disconcerting, even as the fragile ember in her heart began to burn.

  Suddenly a sharp physical pain wrenched her back. She sucked in a gasping breath. Like a swimmer breaking the surface, she broke out of Gavin’s memories, only to discover him looming above her, his green eyes blazing.

  “Found what you were looking for, Raine?” His voice was a low growl above her.

  Tied so close to him, she couldn’t separate their emotions. Anger, frustration, love, need, a fragile trust—all of it melding into a strange morass.

  He nipped her shoulder, the small sting bringing her fully back to the present. Listening to his steady heartbeat, she struggled to focus. The sound of his heart was so similar to Tala’s drumbeats.

  Raine was able to slowly shut out her awareness of everything around her and concentrate on the repetitive pulses. Little by little, she pulled herself together, until her sense of self was re-established.

  Gavin was curled around her back, holding her in a cage of flesh and warmth. The crown of her head was tucked under his chin, and her fingers were clenched around his arm wrapped about her waist. Forcing her hands to relax, she felt his tension drain away as well. A whisper soft kiss brushed the top of her head. Dragging in a deep breath, she found her emotions were once again her own.

  She tried to turn around and apologize. Before she could release the “sorry” on the tip of her tongue, he stopped her. “Don’t do that again. Not alone. It isn’t safe.”

  She didn’t hear any traces of anger, just worry and frustration. He loosened his grip and let her turn toward him so she could see his face.

  “I just needed…” She trailed off, her voice ragged.

  His gaze was steady. “To what? Understand?” His voice sharpened. “Or were you looking for a reason to run again?”

  Heat filled her face and she shook her head. She wasn’t looking for an excuse. But reassurance? Yeah, she needed to know he really wanted her. This bond was getting tighter by the minute. It scared her.

  “I don’t know how to do this.” Her heart was still reeling under the revelations her little journey had produced.

  “Maybe.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “But the real question is do you want to do this?”

  There was no hesitation when she nodded. If she hadn’t been so very up close and personal with the inner Gavin, she’d be freaking out about now. He’d taken chance after chance with her, and she could do no less. She was bound to mess this up, but if she was lucky, the reward would be well worth it.

  Even without their connection, he left his fingerprint on her soul and she was determined to fight for what she wanted and damn the consequences.

  “Then we’ll figure it out as we go.” He gently ran a finger along her jaw.

  She smiled.

  He settled in behind her once more and she let the strangely comfortable embrace anchor her as sleep claimed her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Several hours later, Raine was roused by a sharp knock. She pried open her eyes, squinting at the early afternoon sunlight filtered through the blinds. She was alone. Disappointment fought with a strange sense of relief. The knock sounded again. This time it was followed by the door opening.

  Xander’s distinctive visage came into view. “Hey.”

  Raine pushed herself up to a sitting position, raking back her tangled hair. “Hey.”

  Xander closed the door behind her and came over to perch on the end of the rumpled bed. The smaller woman watched Raine steadily with too-knowing eyes. “So, the rental company has delivered a new car for us.”

  “And the old one?”

  A small smile appeared. “Tala and Gavin managed to convince them you had a run in with a deer. It seems deer qualify as ‘acts of god’ under the insurance coverage.”

  “Seriously?”

  Xander nodded.

  Raine gave a soft snort. “Go figure. Well, at least we don’t have to depend on Tala for rides.”

  “I spoke to Warrick this morning,” Xander said with studied casualness.

  “Your head’s still attached and I don’t see any claw marks.”

  A grimace made the inked lines on Xander’s face twist like delicate vines. “Not where they’re visible at least.”

  Something in her voice sent a twinge of concern through Raine. She was well aware of Xander’s tumultuous relationship with Warrick Vidis, the Northwest Alpha, and one fourth of the ruling body of the Northwest Kyn. “Everything okay?”

  Xander skated her gaze over her before focusing out the window. “As much as can be expected, I guess.”

  “Do you want me to talk to Vidis?”

  “Oh hell no.” Xander’s head snapped around, and she actually paled before a sharp laugh escaped. “I appreciate the offer, but no—don’t talk to him. Please.”

  In their line of work, women were rare. Even more, at the level she and Xander existed, they were unique. Both she and Xander were strong, deadly females who had earned a healthy measure of respect from their male counterparts. Yet, every now and then, some of those males would conveniently forget exactly what they were capable of.

  “C’mon, Xander,” she said, frustration rife. “If Vidis is listening to the crap Chavez is spouting, someone should set him straight.”

  Xander’s hand came up, halting her tirade. “Stop. Vidis is my alpha. He was within his rights to read me the riot act.”

  “Maybe.” There was something else here. Raine could see the woman’s banked anger, but there was more to it. “But you’re an important member of his pack. I’d think he’d listen to your side before making any decisions.”

  Worrying a loose thread in the quilt, Xander dropped her gaze. But not before Raine caught the flicker of hurt quickly hidden. “When it comes to pack politics, questioning any alpha is not exactly the smartest move you can make.”

  “So the fact that you questioned Chavez in the course of doing your job gets you bawled out by your alpha?” Raine wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but she struggled to follow along. “How’s that fair?”

  Xander gave her a bitter smile, gold-flecked eyes mirroring the
chiding note of her voice, “Nothing’s ever fair. You know that.” Sighing, she rubbed her hands down her thighs. “Look, it’s nothing new. Warrick and I will be fine.”

  Raine wondered if Xander could hear the question in that last statement. Throwing the blanket from her legs, she got out of the bed and went to the dresser. Using a brush on the wild mass of her hair, she considered how confusing and frustrating Gavin could be. Seeing Xander’s slumped shoulders in the mirror, she stepped out on to shaky ground. “Um…you and Vidis have these disagreements a lot?” She winced. Argh, what the hell was she doing?

  Xander turned to look at her.

  Raine focused on carefully braiding her hair so she wouldn’t have to meet Xander’s eyes.

  “As much as anyone else, I guess.”

  Raine was startled when Xander’s voice sounded as uncomfortable as Raine felt.

  Xander paused then continued, “Trying to keep the line between personal and professional has its challenges.”

  Finishing off her braid, Raine’s voice was very quiet, “Is it worth it?”

  The silence filling the room was deafening. She turned to tell Xander…what? Something…anything so she wouldn’t have to hear the answer.

  Yet as she faced the other woman, the flash of some undefined emotion was replaced by Xander’s soft smile. “Yeah it is.”

  Discomfited by the unusual burst of female bonding, Raine searched for a change of topic to get them back on safe ground. “Who’s going to see Ransom and who’s going to see Castle?”

  “Not sure.” Pushing off the bed, Xander moved toward the bedroom door. “Gavin’s waiting for us in the kitchen.”

  Raine toyed with an image of a bare-chested Gavin in nothing but jeans and bare feet. Her mouth watered. “Food?”

  Opening the door, Xander laughed. “Yeah, with food.” Shooting a mischievous look at Raine, she added, “You know, most women don’t get that look for food.”

  Fighting back her sheepish grin was futile. “Who said it was for the food?”

  Xander’s laughter echoed down the hall.

  After lunch, Raine and a fully clothed Gavin stood outside Rio Castle’s residence waiting for the man to answer his door. Xander was with Carlos, visiting the families they missed the day before. Hopefully the duo would get more information on Jeremiah’s disappearance. Since Phoenix was a three-hour drive from Flagstaff, Gavin scheduled the meet with Doug Ransom for tomorrow afternoon.

  The air was cool and crisp, though nowhere near as chilly as what Raine was used to in Portland. As Gavin raised his hand to knock on the door again, she asked, “You sure this is the right address?”

  He shot her an exasperated look and rapped on the door.

  With her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets, she shrugged. “Just saying, this is not where I’d expect the head honcho to live.”

  “And what exactly do you expect my house to look like?” The caustic question had Gavin and Raine turning to the man coming up behind them.

  The distinguished looking gentleman was bundled into a blue pea coat and wearing wire rimmed glasses. He climbed the stairs to the second floor condo with his arms full of groceries. Switch to a tweed jacket and add a pipe, he have the stereotypical college professor look down pat.

  The man, who had to be Rio Castle, joined them and shoved the bags of groceries into Raine’s hands. “Hold these while I get my keys out.”

  Stunned, she juggled the bags while Gavin watched with a small smile of amusement. The rattling of the keychain was quickly followed by the small snick of the locks opening.

  Pushing the door wide, the older man walked through. “If you’re waiting for a personal invitation, you’ll be waiting a good long time.”

  Raine corrected her image from typical-college-professor to crotchety-old-man. Gavin mockingly waved her in ahead of him. Snorting, she stepped inside.

  Gavin closed the door and followed her down the narrow hallway. Tracking the old guy’s mutterings, she entered an open living space. On her left was the living room lined with floor to ceiling bookcases, crammed to the seams with books and knickknacks. A huge sectional couch took up most of the floor. One corner held a desk. At least she thought it was a desk. Hard to tell with the leaning towers of papers creating their own cityscape across the top.

  “Go out for groceries and get ambushed outside my own doorstep.” The petulant tone had her turning to the small kitchen separated from the living room by a pass-through. The grocery bags slipped, so she adjusted her grip. An open refrigerator door of gleaming stainless steel reflected muted light. “Set the bags on the counter, young lady.”

  She did as she was told. “Rio Castle?” Better make sure they had the right individual.

  White hair appeared from behind the refrigerator door, the kitchen’s fluorescent light shining off the round lenses. “What? You expecting someone else to live here?” Not waiting for her answer, he began unpacking his groceries. “What do you want McCord?”

  She shot Gavin a look. Neither one gave introductions or called beforehand. Standing in the open hallway, Gavin gave a slow shake of his head.

  “Who called you?” Maybe Tala had forewarned Rio? Raine didn’t think the witch would, considering how the Amanusa were viewed.

  Rio stilled, a package of cheese in one hand. “What a stupid question.” The hair on the back of her neck stood at attention as the temperature seemed to develop a sudden cold edge. “I hadn’t heard you were stupid.” He cocked his head in a strangely reptilian move and mocking smile appeared as he turned to put his dairy product away. “Perhaps the stories are a bit exaggerated?”

  “Depends on the story you heard,” Gavin’s voice cut through the strange atmosphere.

  Rio’s answer was a wickedly dry chuckle. Folding the now empty bag, he watched them both. “Stories, good stories, are rare. Ever been to a Council gathering, son?”

  Gavin shook his head. Unpacking the second bag, Rio shrugged his shoulders. “Too bad. I think you two would make great conversation pieces.” Closing a cupboard, he folded the last bag and tucked it away beneath the counter. “No one called me. However, whether the precious witches and puppy dogs want to include me or not, I’m still very much aware of what is happening in my territory.”

  “Then you know why we’re here?” Raine warily studied the man. Goose bumps still pebbled her skin. No matter how harmless he appeared, something deadly lay behind those spectacles and white hair.

  “Sit.” Rio waved them toward the oversize sectional. “You may want to stand and loom, but I’m perfectly happy to sit my tired bones down.” He took a seat in the armchair nestled between the sectional and the desk.

  Gavin folded his long frame onto the couch, his booted feet crossed, his arms stretched across the couch’s back. Giving a soft sigh of resignation, Raine perched on the flat arm of the sectional.

  Rio removed his glasses, wiping them with his shirt. Laying them on the table next to him, he met Raine’s stare as he leaned back. “Neither I, nor my people, have anything to do with the missing Kyn.” His voice was almost indifferent. Yet the cold calculation tempered with rage deep in his gaze gave lie to his tone.

  “Yet you hold no love for the Lycan or Magi Houses?” Gavin cut in with a lazy drawl.

  The red ring, common to all Amanusa, bled into Rio’s brown eyes, igniting an inhuman light and sending Raine’s pulse into overdrive. If she hadn’t been familiar with the same angry reaction from Natasha, Raine would have released the blade at her wrist. Humans had definitely gotten the whole glowing-red-eyes thing for demons right.

  “There is no love lost between my House and the pack.”

  “And the magi?” she pressed.

  Rio leaned back, his fingers slowly tapping. “They’re tolerable.” He held one finger up before either of them could ask. “Don’t misunderstand me. Old beliefs die hard, but the younger generations tend to understand not everything is defined by black and white.”

  Gavin quirked an eyebrow. “Shades
of gray?”

  The smile twisting Rio’s lips was closer to feral than amused. “Gray is such a beautiful mixture of black and white, isn’t it?” When neither of them answered, he continued. “My House welcomes inquisitive minds. An individual’s search for answers can take them across many barriers.”

  Raine frowned. “Including the barriers of right and wrong?”

  Gavin didn’t move, but a stinging smack on her thigh left her hissing out a breath. She shot him a glance, surreptitiously rubbing the ache. This new talent of his was getting old real quick.

  “Who defines those barriers?” Rio’s voice deepened slightly, drawing her attention. His expression hadn’t changed in the slightest. “How does one individual get to define what is right or wrong? What makes them the better judge?”

  Listening to his questions, she almost missed the sly edge creeping into his voice.

  “At what point do the needs of the many began to outweigh the needs of the one?” he continued. “And who determines when the many are more important than the one?”

  The temptation to follow the old man’s path down their inevitable rabbit hole was strong. His questions eerily echoed many of the ones she asked herself during dark nights when her decisions haunted her. It was a slippery slope, one she teetered on even as Rio whispered in her ear. One little push and down she’d go.

  “So the belief of the other Houses doesn’t worry you?” Gavin’s voice broke through Rio’s treacherous web.

  Turning those disconcerting eyes toward Gavin, Rio asked, “Which belief are you referring to?”

  Fighting her way free of the remnants of Rio’s questions, Raine kept her voice bland. “The one where demons exists outside the natural world order.”

  An animalistic snarl echoed through the room. The deep rumble sent a renewed race of chills over her. Rio hadn’t so much as twitched, but the threat riding the air increased. Gavin shot her a look. She shrugged. Okay, so she hit a sore spot. Rio should be old enough to hold it together, right?