Ooh! What a Lovely Pair: Our Story

by Ant McPartlin

‘Let’s Get Ready to Rhumble’ by Nicky Graham, Deni Lew and Michael Olton McCollin. Maximum Music Limited (Prs). All Rights administered by Warner/Chappell Music Publishing Ltd.

  Every effort has been made to contact copyright holders. The publishers will be glad to correct any errors or omissions in future editions.

  Dec: Me, aged three.

  Ant: He’s cute, he’s lovable, he’s Declan Donnelly.

  Ant: That’s a nice hat you’re wearing.

  Dec: That’s my hair.

  Dec: Me, aged four, in a school music project. We were so poor we couldn’t afford a classroom.

  Dec: Christmas 1978 I was going for the ‘young Mark Knopfler meets Woody from Toy Story’ look.

  Dec: My first Holy Communion and my first girlfriend.

  Ant: She looks like she’s having the time of her life…

  Ant: Me, aged nine months.

  Dec: You’re not even strapped into that deckchair on wheels.

  Ant: Me, my sister Sarha and my Nanna Kitty at her caravan in Amble. As you can see, the entire 1970s was sponsored by the colour brown.

  Ant: Me with my Granda Willy.

  Dec: Curtains and blinds? Very posh…

  Ant: Me and Sarha were taught from an early age to keep our elbows off the table… and on other people’s plates.

  Ant: Me, aged eleven, in my first Rutherford Comprehensive school uniform.

  Dec: The cow that had licked his fringe seconds before is just out of shot.

  Ant: Me, Sarha and Robbie on holiday.

  Dec: Are those free McDonald’s sunglasses? I had a pair of those…

  Ant: Me and Sarha thinking exactly the same thing, ‘I wish someone would tell Davey there’s nothing on the end of that fishing line…’

  Dec: The first draft of my letter to the BBC.

  Dec: The BBC’s reply. Scarier than anything Stephen King’s ever written.

  Dec: Matthew Robinson directs the epic ‘Duncan and Spuggie waterfight’ in Byker Grove.

  Dec: The aforementioned Spuggie and Duncan (I’m the one on the right).

  Dec: A cast trip to the log cabins in Clennell Hall with Craig Reilly, who played Winston. And yes, that is a bandana. A red bandana.

  Ant: Debbie and PJ – the Posh and Becks of Byker Grove.

  Dec: Me, Craig Reilly, David Oliver (Marcus) and Rory Gibson (Lee). Ant got knocked out of that year’s ‘Silly Smile Competition’ in the early stages.

  Dec: Ant lying on his back. On the floor.

  Ant: Dec lying on his belly. In a bed.

  Dec: At my brother Dermott’s ordination to the priesthood in 1992.

  Ant: Where’s your tie, you tramp?

  Dec: Gran Canaria 1992. I quickly became accustomed to the taste of tequila.

  Ant: No, you’re not.

  Ant: More drinking in Gran Canaria.

  Dec: Hold on, who took that photo? Only two of us went on that holiday…

  Dec: My legendary MG Metro Turbo. See how it has Turbo written down the side.

  Ant: Funny, it’s not quite as cool as I remember…

  Ant: Boppa, me and Goody in my bedroom.

  Dec: Did you sleep in a giant cot?

  Ant: Let’s move on, shall we?

  Dec: Bacon sandwiches and beer for breakfast.

  Ant: You can take the boys out of Newcastle…

  Dec: Me and Sarha on a wicked night out.

  Ant: What?!

  Dec: In a club in Tokyo with the head of Telstar Records, Graham Williams, celebrating another top-fifteen smash.

  Dec: Backstage at Newcastle City Hall. Do you like my funky shirt?

  Ant: No.

  Dec: Our last tour in 1997. Imagine our embarrassment when we turned up to the gig wearing the same outfit.

  Ant: ‘Now everybody scream!’ Rhumbling on the Just Seventeen Roadshow 1994.

  Ant: A Japanese photo shoot.

  Dec: Why did we ever agree to that?

  Ant: Big in Japan.

  Dec: And loving it!

  Ant: Interviews with Japanese magazines could sometimes get embarrassing.

  Dec: Tell me about it…

  Dec: A Japanese photo shoot. The record company ‘thought it was a good idea…’

  Ant: Ribena Spring Roadshow with Let Loose, 1994.

  Dec: Down the pub with Si Hargreaves. Ant was getting a round in, so we took a picture to mark the occasion.

  Ant: Me and that long fringe parted shortly afterwards, due to ‘creative differences’.

  Dec: Majorca, 1998, our post-pop star holiday with the girls. Ant celebrated in the only way he knew how – by riding an inflatable Dalmatian.

  Ant: I loved that dog. But I let her down.

  Ant: Me living out my dreams in a photo shoot.

  Dec: Ginger hair and a shaved head – our radical image transformation was complete.

  Ant: On the set of The Ant and Dec Show series one.

  Ant: The cast and crew of sm:tv.

  Dec: The stars of the show.

  Ant: The real star of the show, Wonkey Donkey.

  Dec: With John Knight in the green room at sm:tv.

  Ant: Celebrating the 100th show. Cat clearly celebrated with a spray tan.

  Dec: A catch-up with Cat at the Sky Bar, the Mondrian Hotel, L.A.

  Ant: On TFI Friday with Chris Evans.

  Dec: ‘In a little over twenty-four hours, I’m going to be sick in your toilet.’

  Dec: On the streets of Tokyo, ‘will Poké-rap for beer’.

  Dec: In Japan with Simon Jones on a Pokémon trip.

  Ant: Do Pokémon backstage passes always make you go that camp?

  Ant: Loaded Double Act of the Year 1999.

  Dec: But who will get to keep the award?

  Ant: I will.

  Dec: With Children’s BAFTA for The Ant and Dec Show.

  Ant: A boozy night with mates in The Vortex a.k.a. my old kitchen.

  The first Pop Idol final - a victory for Will power.

  Ant: Midnight launch of the new Newcastle United strip. And if you’re wondering who won table football…

  Dec: Neither of us did – it was a photo opportunity and we left shortly after the picture was taken.

  Ant: The video shoot for ‘We’re on the Ball’ in 2002.

  Dec: I didn’t know Sven Goran Eriksson smoked…

  Dec: On our way to court.

  Ant: It’s actually the first day of filming for Alien Autopsy. I know, we look excited, don’t we?

  Dec: On the set of Alien Autopsy in L.A.

  Ant: The budget wasn’t what it should’ve been. Dec had to double as the cameraman.

  Dec: ‘Who are ya?’ One of the proudest moments of our little lives.

  Dec: ‘I thought you’d never ask. Yes, yes, yes, I will!’

  Dec: Our first ever ‘Undercover’ transformation. Who are you on the phone to?

  Ant: My agent – look at the state of us.

  Ant: Patti and Bernice. Our greatest Undercover creations.

  Dec: Riding a motorbike through a wheel of fire for the Ant v Dec challenge – what could possibly go wrong?

  Ant: As you can see, after Dec’s accident with the bike, the challenges got much more sensible.

  Ant: Backstage at Saturday Night Takeaway, with Ronni the dog.

  Ant: Lisa cleans up after Ronni while I help out by taking pictures.

  Dec: Drumming up support for the toon on our Comic Relief trip to Kibera.

  Ant: With Lisa. It was a fancy dress party, honest.

  Ant: On holiday with Lisa – not in fancy dress, honest.

  Dec: Me and Clare in a tender moment.

  Ant: Ooh, you’ve got chest hair!

  Ant: There’s that fringe again.

  Dec: On the way to winning our first ever National Television Award.

  Dec: Ant and Lisa didn’t get the beige/white ensemble memo.

  Ant: Two very special ladies – our mams. Mine is on the right, Dec’s is on the left.

  Ant: Courtenay, Sarha, Lisa and Emma. />
  Dec: The Donnelly clan.

  Ant: ‘She said yes!’ Seconds after I’d popped the question in Dubai.

  Dec: What do you mean I’m ‘not coming on the honeymoon’?

  Dec: ‘Oh, they grow up so quick…’

  Ant: The new Mr and Mrs McPartlin. Doesn’t she look beautiful?

  Ant: I’m a Celebrity… series one – it’s a hard life, isn’t it?

  Dec: Australia, series two. ‘When are the celebrities getting here? We’ve been here for seven weeks…’

  Dec: Being treated for sunburn. With tomatoes!

  Ant: The obligatory koala shot.

  Dec: Our I’m a Celebrity… entourage – Toni, Claude and Ali.

  Dec: ‘And I’ll tell you another thing… if I could remember what I was talking about.’

  Ant: A birthday in Australia – it’s not big, and it’s not clever, but it’s great fun.

  Dec: With Ali, our Girl Friday.

  A Day in the Life of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me out of Here!

  2 a.m. Get up. Knackered. Leave hotel.

  3 a.m. Arrive on site and record our voiceovers for the VT packages that will make up the night’s show

  3.30 a.m. Script meeting with the producers and the scriptwriters, then it’s time for one of our favourite parts of the day – watching the footage, which happens at around…

  4.15 a.m. We squeeze into a little portacabin with the scriptwriters, an editor and a cup of tea, and watch what’s been going on during the last twenty-four hours. We try and think of new jokes and stuff we can add to the script and get to know what’s happening in camp – who’s fallen out with who? Who had to go to the bog in the night? You get the drift.

  5.15 a.m. Make our final changes to the script, and then head to make-up and wardrobe.

  5.30 a.m. Put on show clothes and get made up. We do this with the help of Toni Porter (wardrobe) and Claudine Taylor (make-up). Toni and Claudine have been working with us since sm:tv – they’re brilliant at their jobs, and they’re also great friends. It’s up to them to make us look less knackered and half presentable. Some people would say they’ve got the hardest job in television.

  6.15 a.m. Grab a script and get driven down to the set.

  6.30 a.m. Rehearse our links.

  7 a.m. Hello, we’re on the telly!

  8 a.m. The show finishes – we’re not on the telly any more. We drive back to our office, where we have some food and start looking at the script for the Bushtucker Trial. Depending on who you’ve chosen to do the trial, we can have a long wait, but we usually head down to the trial clearing around…

  10 a.m. Record the Bushtucker Trial. The celebrities are often terrified, humiliated and scared stiff. It’s great.

  12.30 p.m. Head back to our hotel and have some lunch, maybe go to the beach or if it’s raining watch a DVD.

  6 p.m. Have dinner then go to bed. And we repeat that for nineteen days in a row. Yes, nineteen – I’m yawning at the thought of it. But if we’re ever off sick and you have to fill in, now you know what to do.

  Dec: Britain’s Got Talent – sadly none of it is featured in this photo.

  Ant: How rock ’n’ roll are we?

  Dec: Not very – we’re all dressed in pink.

  Ant: With my nephew Ethan at Mam’s caravan.

  Dec: I like that jumper.

  Ant: Thanks.

  Dec: Not yours, Ethan’s.

  Ant: Me and the Queen… meet Her Majesty.

  Dec: That’s not even funny.

  Dec: The All*Star Cup, 2006.

  Ant: Celebrating the success of the first All*Star Cup.

  Dec: Look at the size of my glass of champagne.

  ‘All right, own up – were any of you sick in my toilet in the late 90s?’

  Ant: Jonny Wilkes agreed to give us all a song – we didn’t have to ask him twice.

  Dec: Pop stars’ paddling pools are always better.

  Ant: The lads – Boppa, me, Athey and Goody.

  Dec: Our friend Alan – he spells crazy with a K!

  Dec: Rhumbling on a golf trip to Portugal – our groupies weren’t what they used to be.

  Ant: Rhumbling at Phil Mount’s wedding. It was a ‘Beautiful Day’.