Broken & Damaged Love

by T. L. Clark

  “I know, but what could I say? He’s still paying my course fees. I can’t do this without him. I hate it, I really do.”

  His head bowed down and his palms were on the back of his head. The two tried to discuss the pros and cons rationally, but it was just a step too far.

  Jake came in to see Frank, who confessed his father’s master plan. Jake just beamed.

  “It’s perfect.”

  “What? Have you lost your mind?”

  “No no no. Hear me out, right. Two bedrooms. So Tina has bedroom number two and I share the other with you?”

  “Woah! You; I only just got together with. Tina would be the one paying rent. Wouldn’t that look a little bit suspect?”

  “Hang on,” piped up Tina.

  “I get to move out. You two have your little love nest. This could work.”

  “But the payments?”

  “You’re being far too simplistic. I’m the one with an income, so yes I have to pay rent.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But who says it has to come from my account?”

  “Huh?”

  “Oh Frank, do think. I set up a Direct Debit for the money to go into Jake’s account. Jake’s Direct Debit pays your father. On the books it looks as if Jake’s paying. Your dad’s happy. We’re happy.”

  “Unless you don’t want to live with me?” Jake pouted.

  “Well, it’s a bit sudden. I just don’t know I’m ready, Jake. I love you.”

  “Great,” interrupted Jake.

  “I love you, you love me, we should live in happy harmony,” he sang.

  “Aww you two!” Tina cooed.

  There was no argument to be had. That weekend Tina moved into the flat, and the trio set to work on decorating. And Pete popped in to help when he could.

  All the remodelling, plastering and rewiring had been done. It was habitable.

  Once the semester was over the boys would move in too. It gave them a bit more time to test their new relationship, and moving out of halls at that point was just more hassle than it was worth.

  It was a nice small block of flats, and on a bus route to town. They even got a parking space for their little car, which now didn’t have to be used very often, but was handy for weekends.

  The price of a shared flat was much cheaper than renting a flat all to herself, so Tina found she had enough left over to put into savings.

  She put as much as she could into a cash ISA so it would accrue as much interest as possible. Then once university was over, she could move out on her own properly, so Frank and Jake could have their own space (once they started earning too).

  It was only another year; they could carry on the deceit a little longer, couldn’t they?

  Frank’s father had already purchased magnolia paint to go on every wall, but the pretend pair managed to convince him a splash of colour would make the place more cheery, and therefore increase rental potential.

  The intended future tenants were students, who wouldn’t want it to be too dull. So they painted the bathroom an aqua blue, and bought some seaside knickknacks to complete the look.

  The kitchen was black and white and the decided red appliances would look stylish.

  Tina, Frank and his father made a trip to Ikea one weekend and bought some simple wardrobes, two double beds and a sofa. As they went round the store they also decided on some bedside cabinets and a coffee table.

  They also found some nifty kitchen items. Frank’s father was footing the bill, and was pleasantly surprised at the reasonable prices.

  He dropped the ‘kids’ and their bounty off at the flat and left them to “set up home” on their own. Tina really enjoyed assembling the flat-pack furniture, and felt very grown up.

  Once the place was finished Frank’s dad paid a visit to cast his seal of approval. He had to commend Tina on her eye for taste. And agreed not to hound them with landlord visits.

  He was happy they’d keep the place clean and tidy, and left with a warning of, “Because if you don’t they’ll be hell to pay.”

  Tina didn’t feel alone. She made friends with her neighbours, and often had chats with them in passing in the hallway.

  The boys started staying at weekends, but she had most of the week to herself. Sometimes Pete would pop by and they’d have cosy evenings together, but still they weren’t intimate. Not yet.

  Tina worked during the week, and relished her time alone. She had some exams coming up, so she could study in peace.

  Life was feeling pretty good for a change. She hoped this was her fresh new start, heaven knew she’d earned it.

  Pete was very patient and understanding. Once Tina had filled him in on all the details he didn’t push her, but allowed her her own space and time. He understood she needed time to learn to trust.

  They had lots of kisses and cuddles, and slowly she began to relax. Wrapped up in his arms the words ‘trust’ and ‘safe’ sprang to mind.

  But if he got carried away during their embrace, and his hands wandered she’d tense up as flashbacks shot through her.

  He soon learned to keep himself under control, but his frustration grew. He wanted to be with her, show her how much she meant to him, to be inside her. But she backed away as soon as he tried to get anywhere near that stage.

  Months passed and Tina sat her exams. Pete took her out to dinner to celebrate.

  He’d bought a bottle of Cava and poured it when she invited him into the flat. The bubbles tickled as she sipped, and she delighted in the sweet taste.

  “Tina. I don’t want to push you, but may I stay over tonight?”

  “Pete, you know how I feel.”

  “I know. But I want to try something. Don’t you trust me by now?”

  “Of course, but...”

  “Just listen. I know you feel something for me. And you know I love you.”

  “Yeah.”

  “We can take it one step at a time. We’ll go really slowly. You can stop whenever you want. You’ll be in full control. I promise. You need to get over this at some point. Please trust me enough to be the one to help you. Please. I hate seeing you upset. You’re not a victim any longer. You’re a survivor, Tina!”

  Even at the thought of sex Tina’s heart was racing. She bit her lip, her mind battling the contradicting thoughts.

  Part of her desperately wanted to make love to Pete; he was kind and caring and he did make her body feel alive.

  But the other part of her was warning her with the memory of that boy years ago, how he’d run for the hills as she started screaming like a banshee.

  But Pete wasn’t like that. She knew deep down he was there for her. Hadn’t he proved that enough by now?

  His blue eyes were looking at her, beseeching her for an answer.

  “I’m not your father, Tina. No man will ever be able to do anything you don’t want ever again. You’re an adult now. You make your own choices.”

  Tina slowly nodded.

  “Yes?” he checked. She carried on nodding.

  “OK.”

  He stood up and led her by the hand to her bedroom. He switched the lights on. She needed to see him.

  He bent his head down to carefully kiss her. She could feel her tension but kissed on anyway.

  “Tell me what you want Tina.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “I feel stupid.”

  “OK. Show me. Do you want my shirt to come off?”

  She nodded and he slowly unbuttoned it, keeping his eyes on her, watching her reactions.

  She was impressed with his lightly tanned, delicately muscled torso. He had no chest hair. Her hand smoothed over his bare skin, biting her lip.

  “You like?”

  She smiled a little and let her hands carry on wandering.

  He stood completely still as she reached for his belt buckle, and slowly undid it.

  He took a deep breath in as she undid the button and zipper on his trousers. She lowered the waistline and he wiggle
d a little to help her release him from his trousers completely.

  He was standing in front of her in just his boxer shorts.

  “Tell me what you want now, Princess.”

  At that she jumped back like a startled deer.

  “Shit, sorry. Which bit?”

  “Please don’t call me Princess.”

  He stretched out his hand to her, and got down on one knee.

  “Sorry m’lady. It won’t happen again. I pledge my oath.”

  He looked so daft she had to smile.

  She took a step towards him and he brought her down to sit on his knee. She felt so right snuggled next to him, even if it did hurt his knee a bit.

  He gently nudged her off.

  “Pray, how should I proceed m’lady?”

  “Boxer shorts off,” she commanded and he obeyed.

  He was completely naked, his erection jutting out.

  “Aher…sorry about that,” he said nodding towards his phallus.

  Tina took deep breaths.

  “I can do this” she told herself, but realised she was still biting her lip.

  “Come here?” he asked softly.

  He pulled her to him so he could plant the softest of kisses on her mouth.

  That got her fires burning, and she kissed him harder.

  This is what made it the most different. Her father had never kissed her, not like this. This felt real. This expressed love, proper love.

  She felt the heat and moistness grow between her legs.

  “I need you to touch me,” she said quietly.

  “That may require some removal of clothing?” he pointed out.

  Tina let out an embarrassed chuckle. She slipped off her knickers, and guided Pete’s hand up her legs, under her dress. The heat grew the closer he got, and he needed him to reach her sweet spot with growing urgency.

  She felt like her whole body would burst when his fingers reached the desired location. She leaned her body into his fingers more as he glided his fingers along her silky wetness.

  She buried her head in his shoulder and reached her arms around him. More, she needed more.

  She brought her mouth up to his and locked their lips together for all she was worth. Her hunger for him grew.

  Their tongues merged and slipped together, his fingers carrying on their merry dance all the while. She brought a knee up to get more friction. He rubbed harder and she had to break off the kiss to groan out loud.

  His finger and thumb were now against her bud and were rubbing and squeezing, harder and harder until she cried out his name as she came.

  He let her catch her breath, holding her close to him. He nuzzled into her hair, smelling her sweet floral perfume.

  “We can leave it there if you want to,” he told her.

  “Don’t you bloody dare,” she warned him.

  She was riding high on the back of her first ever orgasm, and she didn’t want to stop now. That was extraordinary.

  “More please,” she grinned, and even dared to remove her dress.

  His eyes went wide at the sight of her slender white body. She was like a beautiful sexy porcelain doll.

  Her red hair had come out of its clip, and was cascading around her shoulders. She lowered herself onto the bed, keeping her bra on, still needing something to hide behind.

  She quickly pulled the covers over her, but beckoned him over.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go on top?”

  “Sure.”

  He donned protection and circumnavigated the duvet and pulled it over his back as he lowered himself on top of her. Her legs automatically widened to accept him.

  “OK?” he double checked, sure that she must be freaking out over him asserting power in this way.

  “Just get on with it,” she uttered, slightly irritably.

  Well, that told him! He still entered her slowly and carefully, making sure she was OK. As soon as he was in she was begging for more with her hips.

  “As you command m’lady,” he muttered as he thrust forwards.

  “Wait,” she suddenly exclaimed.

  ‘Shit, not now,’ he thought, but held his own counsel.

  “Kiss me,” she pleaded.

  ‘Thank fuck for that,’ he thought to himself, and happily obliged.

  She tried to keep her eyes open, to focus on him, but she couldn’t help it. Her rapture demanded she close her eyes. He was making her feel so good; this was so far removed from the atrocities of yore.

  He looked lovingly yet heatedly at her as he thrust into her. His passion and love were clearly evident. ‘Safe’ came to mind once again, quickly followed by ‘more’.

  Her body took over, bucking and thrashing trying to get more of him inside her, to feel that delicious cock moving, filling her.

  She roared as she tightened around him, once more giving in to her climax. It shook her to her very core. She was vaguely aware of his eager thrusts as he too fell over the edge into the abyss of his own orgasm.

  Their bodies stilled and they drew ragged breaths, perspiration glistening on their bodies.

  “Wow,” she said in wonder.

  “Wow,” he echoed.

  “So that’s what it should be like?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Guess?”

  “Babe, it’s never felt that good with anyone else.”

  “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

  “No, I mean it. Just wow!”

  That earned him a giggle.

  “I never thought. I never expected. I didn’t think I’d go through with it.”

  “I’m very glad you did,” he said, kissing her.

  “Yeah, me too. Thank you.”

  “Pleasure’s mine, m’lady,” he smiled.

  If he was being honest, he didn’t think she’d go all the way either.

  His aim had really been just to get her to lie next to him, maybe with their tops off, and gradually build up her confidence.

  But then her impetuous nature took over; the one he loved her for. But she’d surprised them both.

  He’d read that people who had been sexually abused often had problems climaxing, which clearly was not the case with Tina.

  He wasn’t going to take this for granted though; she had almost run off when he used the wrong pet name. He was sure they’d be other key words, other actions he’d need to stay clear of. He just hoped she’d let him know.

  They lay there holding on to each other, revelling in the closeness. This too was new for Tina. That feeling of togetherness, of being two parts of one whole.

  She felt she had recaptured something she hadn’t known was lost. Part of her felt sad that her view of sex had been so brutally marred before, but the larger part told that part to shut up, and enjoy the wonders of now.

  They eventually got up and had some more Cava, as Tina felt a double celebration was now called for.

  By the time they both crawled back into bed she felt really quite tipsy. Pete cuddled up behind her, and she was soon softly snoring in the sanctuary of his strong arms.

  Chapter 16 – A Change of Course

  It was soon time for Jake and Frank to move in. Their relationship was blooming, and Tina was ecstatic to see her best friend so happy. She was really excited about their flat share.

  Pete joined them in a flat warming party, and the gang all came along too. There wasn’t much room, but they all squeezed into the flat, they ended up sitting on the floor, drinking, listening to music and laughing.

  Fiona had split up with her boyfriend, and Tina found herself being a shoulder for her to cry on for the first part of the evening, but once they all got going she relaxed into the party atmosphere.

  Jake nearly decked one of the lads for daring Frank to passionately kiss Pete in a round of Truth or Dare.

  Pete declared, “Hey, I’m not scared. I’m happy with who I am,” as he puckered up to kiss Frank.

  It was one of the most pathetic displays Tina had seen, and Jake also noticed
the complete lack of passion.

  Still, as Frank sat back down he sidled up to him and put his arm around him, clearly marking his territory.

  Tina just pecked Pete’s cheek as he retook his place next to her.

  “Nice try Romeo,” she said snidely.

  “Well, I couldn’t unleash my full charm, could I? I’d hate to make you two jealous,” he winked indicating her and Jake.

  They partied long into the night, and some people crashed on the lounge floor whilst others left.

  Pete should really have gone back to his parents’ over the summer, but he ended up staying with Tina. He only had one more year left of his undergraduate course, and they all decided he could share Tina’s room. He paid her the money his parents would have paid rent anywhere else, and the extra money coming in made sure they were all well fed.

  Of course, Tina also managed to squirrel some more away into her precious savings too. And it helped Tina feel less of a gooseberry. Jake and Frank were pretty full on sometimes.

  That next year of university was tough; the intense studying really hit them hard.

  One day as they were alone in the flat Jake sat next to Frank on the sofa. His hands were steepled in prayer in front of his mouth, and his breath whistled as he blew out a large sigh.

  “This isn’t working out Frank.”

  Poor Frank felt like he’d been hit in the stomach. His eyes were wide with panic. He could swear his heart stopped beating.

  “It’s not?” he asked, voice quivering.

  “No. What do you see in our future?”

  “I don’t really know. I guess I’d not really thought that far.”

  “Well I have. Frank, I’m not stupid. Once you finish this course you’ll need to go onto a postgrad, and you’ll also need to volunteer. I know how much you want to be a museum curator, and I think you’ll be perfect.”

  “Not if it means losing you,” he almost cried.

  “What? No. Oh, bloody drama queen! Who said anything about losing me?”

  “You did!”

  “Mouth closed, ears open. I meant my Law degree. You’ve still got years of studying and hardship ahead of you. Well, if I carry on the path to law so do I. We’re only supposed to be in this flat for a year. How will we afford to live after that?”

  “Ummm…”