All Because of You

by Melissa Hill

  There had been a couple of dates now and again once Glenn was old enough, but it was just for the sake of it and very much a case of going through the motions. Tara’s heart just wasn’t in it. Her son gave her all the love and companionship she needed, and although she knew deep down that the time would come when Glenn would grow into adulthood and likely leave her to her own devices, she just hadn’t imagined it would happen so soon.

  But, this time next year, Glenn would have his own responsibilities and a child of his own to look after. Who knows, maybe he and this Abby girl would make a go of it together and he’d have a family of his own too? And Tara would no longer be the most important thing in his life – she’d be just his mother, there in the background, loved certainly, but no longer needed in quite the same way. She’d have to face up to that now. Face up to the fact that, for the first time in her thirty-four years, Tara would be facing life alone.

  Chapter 32

  “I really hope you didn’t mind my telling her,” Liz said to Tara, the following morning over breakfast at the hotel. “I just thought it would make things easier for you, and easier for us to leave.”

  Liz still couldn’t believe that the dream man Tara had been helping Natalie with had turned out to be Glenn’s father.

  She’d seen the resemblance straight away in the restaurant of course; it was very difficult not to, when they looked so alike, and she’d even gone as far as to think that it had been Glenn sitting at the table with Natalie. But then when she realised how tense and upset Tara was, the penny soon dropped. And of course, now she understood why Colm had thought it strange at the time that she’d asked who the guy in the debs photo with Tara was. With the benefit of hindsight, it should have been obvious exactly who he was. But while she had, of course, known that Tara had given birth to Glenn at a very young age, she had no idea he’d been conceived on Tara’s debs night.

  No wonder then that Tara didn’t want to be reminded of that night, and no wonder Colm had been insistent that Liz shouldn’t mention the photograph to her.

  Of course, it was different now, and these days it was more of an excuse for a party than anything else, but back when she and Tara were teenagers, a girl’s debs night was supposed to be a very special night – often one of the most special nights of a girl’s life, and the man she chose to bring was so important.

  “Of course I don’t mind you telling her,” Tara said, replying to Liz’s question as to whether or not she was right in confiding to Natalie in the Ladies’ that Tara wasn’t in great form because of some problems she was having with Glenn.

  Natalie had been inconsolable. “Bloody hell, now I feel awful that she came all the way over to visit me. If I’d known, I’d never have expected her to come! Oh, Liz, I feel so guilty now!”

  “Don’t feel guilty, you weren’t to know,” Liz had said, wondering how poor Tara was getting on alone out there with Jay. But she’d thought it better to accompany Natalie to the toilets and give them some time alone and Tara seemed OK with her doing that. Evidently, Natalie didn’t know anything about Jason being a father, and certainly not being Glenn’s! “But I’m sure you can appreciate that she’s worried about him, so she’s not her usual self.”

  “I know, I know, and I did wonder why she was being so quiet. Oh, God, Liz, we’d better get back – I’d hate for Tara to feel that she has to make stupid small talk with someone she doesn’t know. Come on!” And with that, the two of them returned to the table – to a quiet and uncomfortable-looking Tara and an upset-looking Jay.

  Later, Natalie had taken Tara aside and told her that she so appreciated her coming and that she felt so awful that she’d come at all, and she certainly didn’t expect her to have to put on a brave face just for her sake.

  “We’ll go home soon, Jay and I – and you go back to the hotel with Liz and get a good night’s sleep. And I’ll arrange for early flights home for the two of you tomorrow if you like. Please don’t feel as though you have to stay in London any longer on my account. I’d much rather you went home and sorted it all out with Glenn. Liz didn’t give me too much detail other than . . . well, you know,” she looked embarrassed, “but if you do need to talk sometime, let me know. I owe you one. It’s all because of me that you had to come here in the first place, so it’s the very least I can do.” And with that, she hugged Tara tightly and after dinner she and Jay bade Liz and her goodnight.

  Liz knew that the idea of going home early was a godsend to Tara, who had got so many shocks in the last day or two it was a miracle she was still standing. What with learning about Glenn’s impending father-hood, and then meeting her first love, the father of her teenage son . . . well, it was enough to make Liz thank her lucky stars for her relatively trouble-free life.

  At least for the moment anyway. And it was also enough for her to want to confront Eric about his strange behaviour. Tara was an incredible woman who had been through so much and yet still managed to keep all the balls in the air, whereas Liz was a wimp who should be ashamed to call herself a woman. If Tara could get by without a man for all these years, then so could Liz. If Eric had betrayed her, then he wasn’t good enough for her, or indeed for Toby.

  “And how do you feel this morning? About everything?” she asked Tara now.

  “I’m not sure. I suppose seeing Jason reminded me that Glenn’s girlfriend, if I can call her that, is about the same age as I was when I had him. So I’m not really in a position to judge. I wanted more for him than this, but . . .” she shrugged, “I have to admire the way he’s dealing with it – well, the way he’s proposing to deal with it. Who knows how he’ll cope when the baby is born and he has to support them. But honestly, Liz, the thing that bothers me the most is that he’s all grown up now.” There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, and her voice was full of regret. “He no longer needs me. And when someone has depended on you for half your lifetime, that takes some getting used to. Although now I think I understand why my mother and Emma have always had a much better relationship than she and I did. With her childhood illnesses, and now her pregnancy, Emma has always needed her, and my mother likes to be needed. Whereas I made it clear very early that I didn’t need her, that I could stand on my own two feet, irrespective of what I was going through. I grew up too fast, and to this day I have never let her see anything other than the strong Tara, the Tara that can take on the world and whom nothing fazes. I think my mother doesn’t know how to deal with that; she doesn’t know what her role in my life has been for a very long time.” She shook her head sadly. “Whereas Emma has always needed her – she was always in trouble with jobs, men . . . and now this. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t resent the fact that this will all be so much easier for Emma to deal with than it was for me; after all, she’s much older and times have changed, and there will be none of the shame and disgrace that I experienced.” She exhaled deeply. “And I suppose I have to be careful now not to do the same thing with Glenn. I have to let him know that I’ll be there for him and Abby whatever they decide to do. And I’ll do my best to help them out with my . . .” she laughed as if unable to believe she was actually saying the words, “my grandchild. Imagine, Liz, a grandmother at thirty-four years of age!” Then her face changed slightly. “Although make that an over-the-hill grandmother with no life of her own. Do you know, you were right all along. I should have thought some more about finding someone to share my life with, someone just for me.”

  “It’s not too late to do that, you know,” Liz told her gently. “You might be a granny soon, but you’re still only in your thirties.”

  Tara shook her head. “I couldn’t do it, Liz. I wouldn’t even know where to start. I know nothing about men. The last time I had any sort of relationship was when I was barely seventeen years old, and look where that led.”

  “You know as much as any of us do. Look at all the help and advice you gave Natalie . . .” She winced, realising what she’d just said.

  But Tara laughed. “Good God, isn’t it mad
when you think about it? Here I was, coaching Natalie on how to nab this so-called man of her dreams, when all along he was the man of my dreams too!”

  “And how do you feel about him now?”

  Tara looked her straight in the eye. “To be honest, Liz, I feel sorry for him. Look at what he missed out on. Glenn is a wonderful gift, and I treasure every second I’ve spent with him. Yes, it was unbearably tough sometimes, but my love for him and wanting to do the best for him kept me going. But Jason experienced none of that. He decided he didn’t want to experience it a long time ago. But I did fine. And to be honest, I could look him in the eye last night and honestly tell him that I did a good job. And I did. At least,” she said, eyes dropping to the tablecloth, “at least I thought I did until the day before yesterday.”

  “You did do a fantastic job,” Liz assured her. “And you know better than most that a teenage pregnancy doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”

  Natalie and Jay were having breakfast in her flat.

  “God, Jay, I felt so awful! I had no idea she was having problems of her own. Typical me, too obsessed with myself to notice anyone else.”

  “Don’t be silly, you weren’t to know,” Jay said, his voice soft and, Natalie thought, sounding tired and weary.

  “Did you sleep OK last night?” she asked him. “I know my bed isn’t as comfy as yours but –”

  “No, it was fine – I just have a couple of things on my mind at the moment, that’s all.”

  “I still can’t believe she came all the way over just to see me – and you, of course,” Natalie went on, regardless, “when all the time she was worrying about Glenn!”

  She spread some strawberry jam on her bagel. “I have to say, I’m surprised at him; he seemed like such a level-headed guy.”

  Jay’s head snapped up. “You met Tara’s son?”

  “Yes, on holidays in Egypt. Remember, I told you that’s where I met Tara in the first place?”

  “What . . . what was he like?” Jay asked gently.

  “Like? I’m not too sure really – I didn’t get to talk to him much. A typical seventeen-year-old, I suppose. Mad into sports – he did a scuba-diving course when we were over there. Although I will say I thought he was very good-looking. I told Tara that too and . . . what . . . what’s wrong, Jay?” It was weird, but if she didn’t know better, she’d swear that Jay’s eyes were glittering with tears. He mustn’t have got a wink of sleep in her bed. Well, that was his own fault for refusing to let her help tire him out, she thought, still a little miffed that last night, after their return from the restaurant, Jay hadn’t been in an amorous mood. “Jay? Are you all right?”

  “Nothing, sorry, I was just thinking about something – what were you saying?”

  “I was just saying Tara’s son was very good-looking and mad into sports. But I really am surprised at him. He seemed like such a gentle sort, the type who wouldn’t look twice at a girl – let alone get one pregnant. And apparently he met her in Egypt too –”

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jason interjected shortly.

  “Jay, I really wish you’d wake up. I said he met this girl in Egypt.”

  Jay looked pale. “So, Tara was upset because Glenn – I mean, her son – got a young girl pregnant?”

  “Yes, she only found out the day before yesterday. I thought I told you this. It was why she seemed so preoccupied last night.”

  “You told me she was having problems of some kind but you didn’t tell me what.”

  Natalie shrugged and took a bite of her bagel. “Well, I suppose as a single mother of a guy that age, it’s to be expected that she’ll have all sorts of problems to deal with. I must say I really admire her, though. Given what she’s had to deal with, she’s incredibly cool and in control. Of course, I suppose she had to be, considering the fact that Glenn’s father, cowardly bastard, ran out on her when she was just seventeen. Can you imagine it?” She shook her head at Jay. “I’m so relieved that kind of thing never happened to me at that age – it must have been a nightmare. And in all seriousness, what kind of man must he have been to turn tail and run when the going got tough like that? Honestly, Jay,” Natalie asked, shaking her head in disgust, “what kind of horrible, selfish coward would do something like that?”

  As promised, Natalie had organised and paid for flights to get Liz and Tara home late on the Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday evening as had been arranged. It was a relief really, Liz thought, as she didn’t think poor Tara could cope with having to try and keep up a brave face for her sake. Liz knew that if she was in Tara’s position, she’d just want to lock herself away from everyone and have a good cry, but true to form Tara was trying to keep up a steady stream of chat on the way home in the plane.

  And when they reached Dublin airport close to six p.m., Tara insisted on driving Liz to Castlegate.

  “No, you head home,” Liz said, dismissing the offer. “I’ll give Eric a call. The traffic will be light this time on a Saturday evening, and he’ll be here in no time.”

  But Tara wouldn’t hear of it and so, earlier than expected, Liz arrived back from her weekend away, tired but thankful she didn’t have Tara’s worries to deal with.

  Waving her friend goodbye from the gate and thanking her profusely for the lift home, Liz walked round the back to take a quick check on the dogs before letting herself in the back door.

  There was no sign of life in the kitchen, so she threw her bags on the kitchen table and went to look for Toby and Eric in the living room.

  Expecting to see a cosy tableau of her husband and young son sitting in front of the TV, perhaps with the dogs at their feet, Liz couldn’t believe what she was seeing instead.

  “What the hell is she doing here?” she shouted from the living-room doorway, as a shocked Eric, a delighted Toby and a brazen Emma turned around to face her.

  There the cow was, sitting cosily in Liz’s living room with her husband and son and behaving as if she belonged there all her life!

  “Liz – what are you doing here?” Eric asked, all the colour draining from his face.

  “What am I doing here? I live here!” Liz raged. “And I asked you a question! What is she doing here? Jesus Christ, Eric, do what you like behind my back, but how dare you, how dare you bring this floozy into my house and flaunt her in front of my son! How dare you!”

  Emma raised an eyebrow. “Wow, and here I was thinking you were the mousey type! Shows how much I know.”

  “You keep your fucking mouth shut, you little tramp!” Liz said. She couldn’t help it, something inside her had snapped seeing that girl there, knowing that she had the power to break up her life, mess up her family, in fact had probably done so already. So what was the point in hiding from it any more? She had no respect for Eric, and certainly none for that rap Emma, but she owed it to her son at least to show some backbone, in the same way that Tara had for hers.

  “Liz! What the hell is wrong with you?” Eric cried. “Don’t use language like that, especially not in front of Toby.”

  As if on cue, the baby started to cry and Liz immediately marched into the room, brushed past a shocked Eric and took Toby in her arms. “It’s all right, honey, Mummy’s here, now.” She kissed her son gently on the head, swearing blindly that Eric could do what he liked but he would never, ever hurt this child. She turned to Emma and Eric. “Get the hell out of my sight, the two of you, and carry on with whatever you were doing somewhere else.”

  “Liz –”

  “I don’t want to hear your pathetic excuses, Eric. Be man enough for once in your life to tell the truth.”

  “Wow, I definitely had you pegged wrong,” Emma said, and Eric silenced her with a look.

  “Emma, I think you’d better go,” he said softly to her.

  For Liz, the gentle way he spoke to the other girl was like a red rag to a bull.

  “Didn’t you hear what I said?” she cried. “I want both of you out of my sight! This instant! I don’t care where you g
o or what you’re doing – to be honest, I really couldn’t give a f—” she caught herself just in time, “a damn about what’s going on between you. So you,” she pointed at Eric, “can take that pregnant tramp and get away from me.”

  “Liz! What are you – ?”

  “I don’t want to hear it, Eric!” she raged. “Just leave me alone, both of you!” And with that she turned on her heel and marched into the kitchen.

  Then, hands still shaking with anger, she put Toby on her lap and her head in her hands and cried.

  In the living room, Eric and Emma stared at one another, unsure what to say.

  “I think you’d better leave,” Eric said finally, as Emma got to her feet.

  “Well, it seems you’re most definitely in the doghouse now,” she told him resignedly.

  “Emma, please, just go – I need to sort this out.”

  “Are you going to tell her?”

  “I think I have to,” Eric replied levelly, as he met her worried gaze. “I have to tell her something – especially now that it’s all come to a head. But I really had no idea she’d come back early today and –”

  “Look, do what you have to do,” she said, sighing deeply. She picked up her bag and headed for the door. “I think everything has to come out now anyway. It was bad luck my being here, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Eric replied firmly. “Yes, it was.”

  Chapter 33

  “Liz, listen to me.”

  “I don’t want to hear it, Eric, I really don’t. How dare you bring that tramp into our home!”

  When Emma had left and Eric had followed Liz into the kitchen, evidently wanting to talk, she had put on a Disney video for Toby, who was now watching it happily in the living room and, Liz thought, hopefully oblivious to his parents’ “discussion”.

  “Why are you behaving like this, Liz? And as for calling Emma a tramp, what’s all that about?”

  “Oh, believe me, I could think of plenty other names to call her,” Liz said, lifting her chin, “but I’m not going to – not with our son in the next room.”