Reaching Her Heart: A Christian Romance (Callaghans & McFaddens Book 8)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Though he knew his feet touched the ground, Tristan felt a bit like he was walking on air, and he couldn’t keep the smile from his face. The evening had gone so much better than he had thought it might. He’d had his hopes for how it would go, but he’d also tried to be realistic.

  For things to have gone so well gave Tristan hope for their future.

  Shayna lay on her side, her breath coming in ragged inhales and exhales. She knew she needed to be at work the next day, but so far, she hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Her mind churned with thoughts and emotions over what had happened earlier with Tristan.

  His words of love had caught her off-guard, though now that she’d had time to think it over, she wasn’t sure why. Everything about his actions toward her showed how much he cared for her, so his words shouldn’t have surprised her. She was grateful that he hadn’t expected her to echo his words.

  It wasn’t that she didn’t care for him. She did. A great deal. But was it love? So soon?

  What she was feeling for Tristan didn’t feel like what she’d experienced with Lorne, so she was confused. That was her measure of love, so how did she know?

  Add to that the kiss… At the time, it had felt good. Right. It hadn’t been until she’d finally put Timothy to bed and was getting ready for bed herself that her thoughts turned in a different direction. One that made her feel as if she’d cheated on Lorne by kissing Tristan.

  Shayna didn’t want to feel like that—not about such a special moment. But it was taking all her energy to keep from thinking that way. She told herself that Lorne wouldn’t care. That he was in heaven and no longer focused on her life. That their vows to each other had ended with his death.

  But it wasn’t working.

  All her mind seemed to want to think about was how that kiss had compared to the many, many kisses she’d shared with Lorne. It wasn’t fair to Tristan and the moment they’d shared together, but the memories that flooded her mind just wouldn’t stop.

  In tears, she finally pleaded with God to give her peace and to remove the turmoil in her mind. She didn’t want to pray that He would remove the memories because she never wanted to forget her time with Lorne, but there wasn’t a place for those memories when they were being used in comparison to the time she shared with Tristan.

  When her alarm went the next morning, Shayna wished she could call in sick, but it just wasn’t possible. Instead, she dragged herself out of bed and took a shower. When she went back to her room to finish getting ready, Shayna stared at her reflection and sighed. Though makeup would help with the dark circles, there wasn’t much she could do for her puffy, red eyes. Her sleepless, emotional night had definitely taken its toll on her.

  “Please hurry up, Bug,” Shayna said a short time later.

  As usual, Timothy was dragging his heels. His dislike of going to the babysitter’s before school was growing. She tried to cut him some slack, but that morning, between her headache and running late herself, her patience was wearing extremely thin.

  “Bug,” Shayna said sharply. “Let’s go. Now.”

  “I don’t wanna go,” Timothy whined as he tugged his knit cap down over his curls.

  “I know that,” she said through gritted teeth. “And you know that we have no choice.”

  “I miss Lisa.” He flopped down on the stairs to pull on his boots. Stomping each foot as he got them on. “I don’t like things now.”

  Shayna sighed. “I miss her too, but it doesn’t change things. This is how it has to be now. You’re making it worse by whining and complaining about it every single day.”

  “I don’t complain about it on the weekends,” Timothy retorted, a snippy tone to his voice.

  Shayna’s already frayed nerves and patience reached their limit. “Timothy Lorne Caron. Get your jacket on and get into the car now.”

  His head snapped up, and his eyes widened. It was rare that she lost her temper, so Timothy obviously realized he’d pushed her too far. Pressing his lips together, he turned and grabbed his jacket. Though he didn’t say another word, his jerky movements as he shoved his arms into the sleeves and zipped up the jacket spoke loudly.

  He stomped into the garage and opened the back door of the car, flinging his backpack inside before he crawled in after it. Shayna felt tears spring to her eyes, her emotions far nearer the surface than they usually were.

  The short ride to the babysitter’s was made in heavy silence. When they arrived, Shayna wished that she could take the time to smooth things over with Timothy. Instead, she had to settle for taking a couple of minutes in the car to apologize, then at the babysitter’s door, she pulled him into his arms.

  “I love you, Bug,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for getting upset.”

  “Love you too, Maman.”

  She felt a little better about where things stood between the two of them as she drove to work, but her emotions and thoughts from the night before were as turbulent as ever. Though she was nearly late getting to the restaurant, she took a minute once she’d parked to send a text to Lisa.

  Any chance Timothy and I could come out for the night on Friday?

  Not expecting an answer for awhile, Shayna headed into the restaurant for her shift. At that point, all she wanted was to get through it so she could go home.

  When she checked her phone during her first break, Shayna found a message from Lisa as well as one from Tristan.

  Lisa: Sure thing! Everything okay?

  Yeah. We’re just missing you.

  Shayna wasn’t sure how much—if anything—she’d share with Lisa about her date with Tristan and what had transpired afterward, but if there was one person she could confide in, it would be Lisa.

  After responding to Lisa, Shayna opened the text from Tristan.

  Tristan: Good morning, beautiful! Hope you have a good day. I’m looking forward to spending time with you and Timothy on Saturday. <3

  Shayna swallowed as she read it, her hand tightening around her phone. How she wished she felt the freedom to embrace Tristan and the emotions that existed between them. Instead, it was all murky and convoluted.

  I’m looking forward to it too. That wasn’t a lie. She did enjoy the times the three of them spent together. Timothy and I are going to spend Friday night with Lisa, but we’ll be back in time to go to the museum.

  She slipped her phone into her pocket and went to use the bathroom. While there, her phone beeped and then beeped again as two texts arrived in quick succession.

  After leaving the bathroom, she went to the small staff room and checked her phone again. With only fifteen minutes for her break, she didn’t have time to spend on long text conversations.

  Lisa: Okay. Look forward to seeing you two! Want pizza?

  Pizza sounds perfect. See you around five or shortly after.

  Tristan: Hope you have a great time with her. I know Timothy misses her.

  Yes, he does. We both do. I gotta get back to work. I hope you have a good day!

  Tristan: You too. Talk to you later.

  Shayna sat at the table for a couple of minutes before getting up and putting her phone with her purse in the small locker that was assigned to her. She had two days of work to get through before they could go to Lisa’s.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  On Friday night, Shayna was curled up in a comfortable armchair in Lisa’s mother’s dated living room, staring into the flickering flames of the fire Lisa had started a short time earlier. The scent of burning wood and the crackle of the fire was comforting, and Shayna found herself relaxing.

  Timothy had gone to bed half an hour earlier, happy to be able to watch videos until he fell asleep for a change. They would be sharing a bed when she finally called it a night, but for now, Shayna was just glad for a little peace and quiet.

  “Here you go.”

  A mug appeared in front of Shayna. She glanced up at Lisa as she reached out to take it from her. The mug was hot, so she carefully pulled down the sleeves of the sweatshirt to cover one ha
nd and then the other. Lifting the mug to her lips, the familiar aroma of her favorite tea wafted up to her as she took a sip.

  “Thank you,” Shayna said as she watched Lisa settle into the armchair across from her.

  “So what’s going on?” Lisa asked, peering at her over the top of her own mug.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh please,” Lisa said with a shake of her head. “You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

  Shayna couldn’t argue with her there. Thursday night hadn’t been any better than Wednesday night.

  “Tristan told me he loves me,” she said finally, hoping Lisa could help bring her clarity.

  “I wasn’t aware that you guys were dating that seriously.” Lisa’s voice was tight. “When did this start?”

  “We went out for the first time before Christmas.”

  “So before you went to his family’s for New Year’s Eve?”

  Shayna nodded as she stared into the fire once again, feeling a little guilty that she hadn’t shared more about it with Lisa before that night. “And after that, we went out a bunch more times, including Valentine’s Day.”

  “Which is when he told you that he loved you?”

  “Yeah.” Shayna thought again of the moment Tristan had uttered those words, and then the kiss that followed. “And he kissed me.”

  When she looked at Lisa again, Shayna couldn’t read the expression on her friend’s face.

  “He kissed you.” Her voice was flat. “And this has left you all conflicted?”

  “Yes. A bit.” Shayna pulled her legs up, then rested her mug on her knees. “I’m not sure what to do.”

  “Do you love him?”

  Shayna mulled over the question. Saying no didn’t sit well with her, but neither did saying yes. Finally, she said, “I care about him.”

  “I guess that was a bit of a dumb question. After all, if you loved him, you wouldn’t still be wearing Lorne’s ring.” Lisa paused. “Although, to be honest, one would think you’d take that off before you even started dating again.”

  Shayna stared down at the band. Her fingers curled into a fist as the memory of the day Lorne had slid that onto her hand swept over her. When he’d asked her to marry him, he hadn’t had the money for an engagement ring, but that hadn’t mattered to her. What had mattered was the gold bands they’d exchanged on their wedding day.

  Why hadn’t she thought about taking it off? What had Tristan thought about the fact that she was still wearing it? Maybe that was why he’d told her that she didn’t have to respond yet. Maybe he was waiting for her to take off Lorne’s ring.

  “Why haven’t you taken it off yet?” Lisa asked when she didn’t respond.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t even think about it.”

  “Seriously?”

  Lisa’s tone made it clear she didn’t believe her, but it was the truth. She’d worn that ring for nearly ten years. It hadn’t even entered her mind to take it off. She never took the ring off. It was a part of her hand. Maybe if she’d been used to removing it to clean or do dishes, she might have thought twice about putting it back on.

  Shayna was starting to feel like coming to Lisa’s had been a bad idea. The attitude she was giving Shayna confused her. Hadn’t she been the one to encourage her to let things continue between Timothy and Tristan? And now she seemed to be objecting to Tristan’s place in their lives.

  “Do you think I shouldn’t date again?” Shayna asked. “Or fall in love again?”

  Lisa’s gaze slid away. “Some people are lucky to find a love like yours and Lorne’s once in their life.”

  “So because I’ve already been in love once, I’m not allowed to have love again?”

  Lisa didn’t answer, just sat there with her mug clutched in her hands, staring at the fire.

  “Lisa, I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

  Still nothing.

  Out of the blue, something Shayna used to wonder about came to mind. “Did you love Lorne?”

  Lisa flinched at the question which gave Shayna her answer.

  “It doesn’t matter now,” Lisa said.

  “So do you think I’m being disloyal to Lorne’s memory by caring for another man?”

  Lisa shrugged. “That’s for you to decide for yourself.”

  “But that’s what you think.” Shayna lowered her legs, holding her mug in her lap. “So what was your role in my life supposed to be? Making sure that I stayed true to Lorne’s memory? I thought you were there as my friend.”

  “I was—I am your friend. Lorne asked me to take care of Timothy and help you if anything happened to him.”

  Shayna took in a quick breath at the revelation. So all along, Lisa had been there because of her promise to Lorne rather than because of a friendship with Shayna. Lisa had always been around Shayna and Lorne, even before they’d gotten married.

  Lisa had met Lorne when they’d gone to the same high school during the stretch of time when Shayna had been returned home and Lorne had gone back into foster care. Back then, Lisa had been living in Winnipeg with her dad.

  “Did you agree with Noella and Erin?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “They thought Lorne was wrong to leave the foster home to be with me on the streets when I ran away that last time. Did you agree with them?”

  “Yes,” Lisa admitted. “I didn’t understand the hold you had over him. It didn’t make sense. It seemed like he did everything for you, but what did you do for him?”

  Pain lanced through Shayna. Was that how everyone viewed her? That she had simply used Lorne?

  “I think I’m going to go to bed.” Moving slowly, Shayna got to her feet. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

  She set the mug on the coffee table and left the living room. Her body was shaking as she crawled into bed beside Timothy. This hadn’t been the result she’d been hoping for when she’d asked Lisa if they could come for the night, but maybe it was a conversation they’d needed to have. Hard as it was.

  Still, she felt completely bereft. Again. Lorne and then Lisa had been the two most stable constants in her life, and now they were both gone.

  After a restless night, Shayna was actually glad when Timothy woke earlier than usual. After promising him pancakes and bacon from a fast food restaurant on their way home, he was more than willing to leave the house without saying goodbye to Lisa. She let him play games on his tablet just to keep him from asking too many questions.

  When she walked into her townhouse a little before eight-thirty, Shayna felt as if her life had completely shifted off center, and she wasn’t sure how to right it again.

  Just after noon, Tristan pulled into Shayna’s driveway then walked to the door and rang the bell. He wasn’t surprised when Timothy opened the door, a big smile on his face.

  “Ready to go, buddy?”

  Timothy nodded as he stepped back to let Tristan in. “But Maman is still getting ready. She took a nap after we got back from Lisa’s.”

  “A nap? What time did you get home?”

  “Eight-thirty? We left as soon as I woke up.”

  Since it appeared they weren’t going to be leaving right away, Tristan shrugged out of his jacket and slipped off his boots. He followed Timothy up the stairs to the kitchen.

  “Did you have fun at Lisa’s?” he asked as he sat down on a stool at the counter.

  It appeared that was where Timothy had been seated before he’d come down to answer the door. A glass of milk and a tablet sat next to an empty plate.

  “Yep. We had pizza for supper, and then we played some games.” Timothy climbed up on the stool beside him and reached for his glass of milk. “I don’t know why we left so early. Lisa said she was going to make pancakes for breakfast, but we didn’t even see her.”

  “So you didn’t get pancakes for breakfast, eh?”

  “I did. Maman went through the drive-thru and got me some. And bacon too.”

  Movement caught his attention
, and he turned in time to see Shayna walk into the kitchen. She wore a pair of jeans and a black sweater that hung loosely from her shoulders. Her hair was pulled back, and even though she still looked beautiful to him, he could see that she was tired.

  Getting up from the stool, he moved to her side and, keeping his back to Timothy, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You doing okay? You look tired.”

  She gave him a small smile and leaned into him for a moment before straightening. “Yeah. Didn’t sleep too well last night.”

  “Timothy said you left early this morning,” Tristan said as he stepped back so she could move into the kitchen. “Before Lisa was awake?”

  Shayna sighed, and her shoulders slumped. “We had a bit of a disagreement last night, so I decided we might as well come home.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Tristan rubbed a hand on her back. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No. Not at the moment.” She looked up and smiled at him, though it was a weary one. “Right now, I want to spend time with you and Timothy at the museum.”

  Tristan wanted to argue, but instead, he just nodded and turned to Timothy. “I’m sure that’s where someone else wants to spend time as well.”

  Her smile grew a bit more at that statement. “You’re right about that. He’s been talking about it for days.”

  Though he was still a bit concerned about what had transpired between her and Lisa, Tristan decided to let it go for the moment. It seemed like maybe an afternoon at the museum would be good for all of them. While he enjoyed times with just Shayna, he also enjoyed it when the three of them hung out together.

  As they headed out, Timothy happily filled them in on the new display he wanted to see at the museum—their reason for going in the first place. During the drive and then as they walked around the museum, Shayna’s distraction was evident. Tristan did what he could to pick up the slack when Shayna didn’t interact with Timothy like she usually did, which only heightened his concern about what had happened between her and Lisa.

  “That was so much fun,” Timothy announced as they walked out of the museum a couple of hours later. “Thank you for bringing me.”