by Lauryn April
“What all did you see?”
Logan was quiet, as if he were debating whether he should tell me what he knew. “Sophomore year I saw you and Jared arguing in your driveway. I don’t remember anything you said, but you chewed him out pretty good - didn’t show an ounce of weakness as you ordered him away. Even I thought you didn’t care, but as soon as his car was out of sight you broke down in tears and sat on your front step until Jo walked over to calm you down.”
I remembered that. Jared had been trying to argue that what I’d seen him and Angela Resner doing beneath the bleachers hadn’t been what I thought it was. I wasn’t buying it, and I’d been broken.
“You’re tough, Payton, but you’re not hard. You don’t like others to see you being weak, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a heart. You have a big heart.”
I smiled and my heart felt warm again. I thought about how well Logan knew me, about how much I cared about him. I thought I might even love him, and not in the way I’d told people I’d loved Jared after we’d been dating a month, because that was what all the girls on my squad had wanted to hear. I started to think that I really loved Logan.
“And how am I now?” I asked.
“Now you’re that girl all the time.”
“The nice one or the bitchy one?”
“The nice one.” Logan laughed.
I smiled, then Logan leaned in and kissed me. Languid and slow, our lips met and parted. Our breath mingled together, dancing between us. Logan’s hand traced my jaw and he leaned in again. Fingers trailed down my side to rest on my waist, slipping beneath the hem of my shirt. Logan pushed me onto my back, and I arched into him as our kiss deepened.
We were both shirtless by the time the credits started to roll, not that either of us was paying attention. Logan’s fingers were splayed across my back, held to my skin by the elastic of my bra strap. My fingers trailed down Logan’s chest until they were caught by the waistband of his jeans; they hooked into the fabric. Logan’s hands slid to rest on my hips. Moments later we were both shimmying and kicking our jeans free. Then all that was left was lace and skin and cotton boxers and we crashed together, forcing the fabric of our remaining garments to mold with our ever-moving bodies.
Fingers kneaded flesh in a desperate attempt to be closer. Holding, grasping, kissing, clutching. I thought about how easy it would be to shed those last few scraps of fabric and fall into him exactly the way my body screamed that I should, but we didn’t.
I woke early Saturday morning, unwinding myself from Logan’s arms. I tried to slip from his bed, but he caught me and dragged me back beneath the covers for a kiss that left me feeling light as air and out of breath. I giggled as I pulled away.
“Good morning,” Logan said in a sleepy voice.
“Morning.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips. “I do have to go though, you know, before your mom comes home from work.”
“Mmm, yeah that wouldn’t go well,” Logan agreed. He kissed me again, then reluctantly let me go to gather the rest of my clothes from the floor.
“I’ll call you later,” I said after I’d dressed.
With one last kiss I left, sneaking across the street to Jo’s house. I knew her parents would still be asleep, so as quietly as I could I let myself in and sneaked up to Jo’s room. I found her sleeping, sprawled out face down on her bed and lightly snoring. Kicking off my shoes I climbed in bed beside her, hoping my added weight to the mattress would wake her. As I predicted, Jo’s eyes opened when I turned onto my side. After a minute a smile appeared on her face.
Jo laughed and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “You were with Logan last night, miss ‘if anyone asks, I’m sleeping at your house.’”
All I could do was grin.
“I knew it,” she squealed, then reeled in her voice, and in a softer tone asked, “What happened…did you….”
“No.” I shook my head. “No, we just…we had a sleepover.” I grinned.
Jo laughed. We were both smiling as I told her about my night.
CHAPTER
29
Monday came with a new sense of hope. I’d accepted that there were things I couldn’t control, but held on to the faith that things would work out for me. I used to be strong, unstoppable. I used to get everything I wanted, but the last few months had thrown my life into perspective. I wasn’t immune to bad things, I wasn’t better than anyone else. Realizing that had made me feel weak for some time. But I wasn’t weak, and I wasn’t going to spend another second feeling bad for myself. I was still Payton Carlson: smart, athletic, beautiful. I could have whatever I wanted. All I had to do was stand up for myself and fight back against whatever was trying to tear me down. I’d already done that with Hailey. I’d do it with the aliens too.
The Greys didn’t have a clue who they’d messed with.
That day, however, it wasn’t myself that I’d be standing up for.
Jo and I noticed the whispers in English. Two girls a row over talked in a hushed conversation. They kept looking our way. I assumed they were talking about me, that word had gotten around that Logan and I were dating. Although, why it’d taken people this long to figure that out, I didn’t know. We ignored them.
In the hall as Jo, Logan, and I walked to our next classes we heard more whispered conversations and caught more pointed glares. A group of guys passed; one of them winked at us. Jo and I looked at one another, confused. That was strange, but it wasn’t until lunch that I’d learn what all the attention was about.
On our way to the lunch room Logan and I were making plans to get together after cheer practice so he could teach me more about using my telekinesis. Jo walked with us. She wanted to know if she could come over and watch our crazy alien powers at work. Our conversation came to a sudden halt when we stepped into the lunch room. A girl knocked into Jo so hard she pushed her back a step.
“Watch it, freak,” the girl said as she walked away.
“What the hell?” I turned to Jo to see she had the same confused look on her face as I did. “That was, like, major rude.”
“Yeah, no kidding, did you hear what she called me?”
“Yeah, she’s got zero manners.”
“No, I mean…nevermind.” Jo shook her head.
We started to make our way to our table. Bridget, Erica, and the rest of our usual group were already sitting there. As we neared it seemed every person we passed turned to stare at us. It was majorly creepy. The whispered conversation that followed only added to the paranoid feeling which slowly started to settle in around us. I wasn’t the only one who felt it. I could tell Jo and Logan felt it too. Do they know about me? Do they know Logan is an alien?
The confidence I’d had earlier was nearly shattered as I sat down at the table. Bridget and Erica cast one another thoughtful glances.
“Are you okay?” Bridget asked.
Erica jabbed her in the side with her elbow. “That’s a stupid question,” she whispered to Bridget.
“No, it’s not; some people are saying mean things.”
“Mean things about what?” I asked.
“Not about you,” Bridget said. “About Joanna.”
Jo’s eyes went wide. “What about me?”
Bridget and Erica looked at each other once again. Then Erica pulled out her phone and pulled something up on the screen.
“This has been going around school,” she said, handing it to me. “Hailey forwarded it to all of the cheerleaders.”
I took the phone from her. Jo inched closer to me to see the image that Erica had pulled up. My mouth dropped. For the first time in my life, I was speechless. Looking at Jo I saw the heartbreak and betrayal etch into her face. The image was of her and Nikki kissing.
Jo turned away. She stared out into the lunch room, looking lost. I handed Logan Erica’s phone so he could understand what was going on. Then I turned to my best friend. I tried to think of something, anything, to say. At that moment a group of girls walked by. They took one look at Jo and brok
e out laughing. The spiteful sound seemed to echo through the entire room as they walked away.
Jo pushed away from the lunch table. Her pace picking up as she dashed out of the room.
My heart felt like it’d crashed to the pit of my belly and was being eroded by my stomach acid. I felt sick. This wasn’t right. Jo didn’t deserve this. So I did the only thing I could think of, and that was to figure out who was responsible for mass texting that photo. They would have to make this right.
Hailey was the only person I knew had sent the photo around, since she’d sent it to Erica. I stood and strode across the lunch room until I stood before her table. I crossed my arms. The cheerleaders looked at me. Hailey managed to look a little sheepish as I stared her down.
“Hey, Payton,” Jared said. He sat beside Melissa with his arm around her. “Surprised about Jo, huh?”
I wanted to slap the disgusting grin off his face.
“You should tell her to give me a call sometime,” he said with a wink. “I think me, her, and her girlfriend could have a lot of fun.”
Melissa gave him the death stare and slapped him across the chest.
“You’re a pig, Jared,” I said, turning my attention back on Hailey. “We need to talk.”
Hailey rolled her eyes. “Little dramatic, don’t you think, Payton.”
I glared at her.
“Fine,” she said and got up from the table. We walked until we were far enough away that no one would hear us.
“How could you do that to Jo?”
A flash of guilt flashed behind Hailey’s eyes, but she didn’t let it shake her. “I was just letting everyone know what I heard so they could make their own decisions about her.”
“That’s such bullshit. You’ve been friends with Jo for years. Sending that out to everyone was so wrong. You have no idea how hard it’s been for her to deal with this. Jesus, Hailey, her own parents kicked her out.”
Hailey grimaced and shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, well you know what, it’s not like she bothered to tell me about it. The both of you have been keeping secrets from me for a long time now. You think I’ve been a bad friend, but maybe we weren’t really friends to begin with.”
Now it was my turn to feel guilty. Hailey was right. Jo and I hadn’t been good friends either, but that didn’t make this okay.
“And you know what,” Hailey continued. “I’m not the one who took that photo; someone else sent it to me first. Jo brought this on herself in the first place for choosing to…you know, be that way, so if people are talking about her it’s her own fault.”
“Right, because people choose to be outcasts and persecuted. Just shut up, Hailey, you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
“It’s just like when Julie Martin started dating that college guy. If she hadn’t chosen to do that none of us would have talked about her.”
“That’s so not the same thing.”
“Whatever, Payton.” Hailey rolled her eyes, and I felt this surge of anger.
She tugged on the silver chain of this gaudy broach around her neck. Watching her loop the chain around her finger, I wanted to rip it off her. The metal chain lifted away from her shirt, but I felt a hand on my shoulder, and it dropped right back into place. I spun around. Logan stood behind me. He gave me this warning look that reminded me it’d be a bad idea to strangle Hailey with her own necklace in front of the whole lunch room.
“I have to go,” I said, pushing past him.
I walked out of the lunch room and into the hall. I found Jo in the girls’ bathroom. It appeared empty at first, but the muffled sniffles coming from the stall at the end told me otherwise. Slowly I pushed the unlocked stall door open and frowned. Jo sat on the toilet seat, rivers of her mascara running down her cheeks. She clutched a tissue in her hand and wiped at her eyes.
“God, Jo, I’m so sorry,” I said, kneeling down and pulling her into a hug.
Jo left school early that day.
Two days passed before I saw Jo at school again. In that time the gossiping continued. People whispered about Jo to their friends, they texted each other, wrote things on Facebook. Within 24 hours Jo’s wall was filled with comments. By Wednesday she’d deleted her account. Most of it was more curious than negative. People wanted to know if the rumors were true. Still, none of it made me feel good. I hated that people were talking about my best friend, and it didn’t stop at gossiping. Tuesday after class Logan stayed late with me to wash the word “lesbo” off Jo’s locker.
“I can’t believe kids would do this,” I said, scrubbing at the red magic marker.
There’d always been cliques and gossip at my school, there’d always been bullies, but with Jo the gossip seemed worse. I didn’t understand why. I wondered if maybe it was because Jo was a cheerleader.
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Logan said.
I stopped scrubbing. “Seriously? You don’t think writing on her locker goes a little far. No one at our school has ever done anything like this before.”
“Or maybe you’re just noticing it more now because Jo’s your friend. Kids do mean things all the time, trust me.”
Logan dipped his sponge in the soapy water bucket. I stared at him, remembering Jared pushing him down in the hallway, remembering how I once called him a geek and a loner.
“Are people still mean to you?”
Logan laughed. “No, I think dating the head cheerleader may have earned me some popularity points. That and word got around school that I punched Jared at Homecoming. I definitely earned some respect there. Lots of people hate him.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.” I scrubbed at the locker a little longer. The writing started to fade, but there was still a smear of red. “What did they use to do?”
Logan shrugged. “Different things. You know Bobby Fletcher?”
I nodded. “Yeah, he’s on the basketball team.”
“He used to drive past me when I walked home from school. He would purposely steer his car into the puddles to soak me.”
I was stunned speechless. I’d done my fair share of gossiping in the past. I’d said mean things, but I’d never done anything like that. Logan looked at me and quit scrubbing.
He sighed. “Payton, its fine. I’m fine, and Jo will be fine too. People are talking now because it’s new. Eventually they’ll find something else to talk about.”
I nodded, hoping Logan was right. After we’d finished cleaning her locker door the best we could, I told the front office about it. Wednesday, during the morning announcements, there was an added message about not vandalizing school property, and there was also a short message about treating others like you’d want to be treated, but nothing specifically related to Jo.
I tried calling Jo, but she didn’t answer. I only hoped this would all blow over soon. It wasn’t like she was the first gay kid to ever attend Robert E. Lee High. Pretty much the whole school had known Jimmy Sanders was gay since the second grade. They rarely talked about him. Jo was just the only one with pictures of her and her girlfriend floating around in cyberspace. I guess Logan was right. What it came down to was that Jo’s coming out – no, being outed, was something shiny and new for everyone to talk about. I hoped soon it’d be old news and they’d find something else to focus on.
Wednesday night Logan and I were working on my telekinesis again. I was getting better at it. I had the metal dog figurine floating with ease. I was finally starting to grasp the whole “feel it float” thing Logan kept telling me. It was kind of like…breathing. When you’re not thinking about it, it’s effortless, but when you focus on it, it feels weird, not quite as smooth. It was like whatever I moved with my mind became a part of me for a little while. I could feel the metal, I could feel its weight, and it moved as easily and effortlessly as if I were lifting my own hand.
After the weeks that had passed since the Greys had taken me, I was starting to wonder if maybe they had forgotten about me. Maybe Logan and his mom were wrong and they were never planni
ng to take me again to begin with? Still, I felt better knowing if they came back that at least maybe this time I’d be able to defend myself.
“Okay, let’s try something new,” Logan said as I made the metal Fido figurine dance before him.
“Like what?” I asked, running the dog around Logan’s head.
He raised an eyebrow, then snatched the dog out of the air. “Like….” He dropped the metal figurine onto the bed and picked up a paperclip.
“I already made the paperclips float; that’s not new.”
Logan held the paperclip up. “Melt it.”
“Huh?”
Logan smirked. “Remember my sculpture from Metal class?”
“Yeah, that was really cool.”
“Well, to make it I melted the pieces of metal together…so, melt the paperclip.”
“I can do that? Huh.”
Logan laughed. I took a breath as I stared at the paperclip. It floated into the air. My eyes squinted, and I tried to imagine the metal turning into a shiny puddle. It started to shake, but then dropped motionless onto the bed. I was thinking too much again.
“Try again,” Logan said.
The paperclip floated up. My breathing was slow and even. This time I didn’t think about what I wanted it to do, I just felt it. The paperclip bent. That was new, but still not what I wanted it to do. The paperclip twisted more, spiraling into a whole new shape. It started to grow red. I couldn’t help but smile. Then I lost control. Instead of falling back onto the bed the way the paper clip had done in the past, it shot across the room, flying through the air and pinging against the window.
Logan flinched as the metal hit the glass.
“Holy shit, sorry,” I said.
Logan looked over his shoulder and laughed. I got up to retrieve the paperclip, but as I picked it up off the floor I caught sight of something out the window that made me pause. Parked across the street was the black sedan.
