Maybe Don't Wanna

by Lani Lynn Vale

  Why?

  Because I loved how people reacted to the snow.

  They turned into one of two things. Complete and utter children. Or complete and utter idiots.

  There was no in between.

  Plus, people in the South didn’t know how to handle snow. Especially Texas, which literally got snow maybe once every four or five years.

  Hearing the damn weatherman telling everyone that there would be snow meant that everyone and their brother was going to go to the store to buy bread. Everybody would be at the home improvement store buying faucet covers despite the fact that it’d been below freezing for eight days now. Oh, and let’s not forget hearing that there could possibly be bad driving conditions which meant that everyone and their brother would be out on the goddamn road just because they were nuts.

  “Why are you grinding your teeth?”

  I looked over to see Kayla staring at me in concern.

  “The thought of getting snow in today is making me worried,” I admitted. “I don’t like having to go dig people out of ditches and shit on the best of days. If it snows or ices like they say it most likely will, I’ll spend my whole goddamn day digging these people out.”

  “Can I come with you?”

  I frowned over at her.

  “Why would you want to?” I questioned.

  She shrugged. “No reason, really. I just think it’ll be interesting. Do you do repossessions often?”

  I turned my head back to the screen, swallowing at the excitement she possessed at just the thought of going out and towing cars with me.

  She didn’t realize how unglamorous it was, but the thought of her being there with me while I worked was enough for me to get practically giddy at the idea.

  “I guess you can come.” I paused. “And I don’t do repossessions all that much anymore. They kind of banned me from them.”

  She frowned. “Why?”

  “I was apparently being mean to people whose cars I repossessed. And Dante thought that maybe I shouldn’t do those kinds of pickups anymore,” I explained.

  Kayla stared at me a few moments.

  “What did you do?” she asked.

  I licked my lips and started to reply, but was cut short when an excited voice filled the air.

  The two news anchors, who had been cut off so abruptly earlier, stared at the both of us with haunted eyes.

  “Breakings news. A forty-nine-year-old male was discovered dead in his brand-new house in Hostel’s newest subdivision today.” The female news anchor broke into the silence. “We’re going to connect with Shannon Montgomery who has the full story for us at the scene. Shannon?”

  “Thanks, Roger. I’m currently standing at the hastily erected police barricade,” Shannon said in her news-anchor voice. But I could see in her eyes that she was shaken by what she knew was about to be relayed to us. “As you know, the suspected serial killer that has been laying waste from Florida to Texas has made their way to Hostel. Today, a second suspected murder has rocked this small town…”

  “Turn it off!”

  I turned it off, then immediately looked at her in confusion, wondering why I’d obeyed her so quickly when it wasn’t in my nature to do so at all.

  Though, it was likely the fact that she’d sounded so freaked out that I was reacting to rather than the news of another murder.

  It sucked, yes. But it was also something that I didn’t give myself time to contemplate when there were other things in this world that I could change.

  But, as I watched her shut down right in front of me, I realized that this meant much more to her than I realized.

  Chapter 14

  The grim reaper? Never heard of her.

  -Things not to say to a woman

  Kayla

  I slept like absolute shit, and honestly, it got even worse when I woke up in the morning, exhausted, and realized that not once throughout the night had Parker gotten into my bed.

  I tried really hard not to think about what that might mean, so instead I searched for my tight leggings with the lollipops on them.

  Since I wasn’t actually going into Walmart, I felt no compunction about wearing them out in public, even though Janie made me promise never to do it.

  Why, you ask, would Janie ask me not to wear something out in public when honestly, she cared little about what I wore?

  Because these leggings were a Lularoe Fail. Times ten.

  The lollipops were adorable…but the fabric was cut in such a way that two lollipops met at the apex of my crotch. One long, white lollipop stick came together just right with the other lollipop stick to make it look like I had a frank and beans.

  I didn’t have a frank and beans, and honestly, I didn’t really care if anyone saw what I was wearing.

  But Janie had made me promise never to wear them out in public again because they were ‘embarrassing.’

  Which was a joke coming from her considering she was wearing a tank top that read, “Powered by Bitch Dust” on it.

  She was the epitome of hypocritical.

  However, knowing how much she hated them, and also knowing that I wasn’t going anywhere today but to Janie’s place, I didn’t much care what I wore.

  Janie and Rafe had postponed their trip, instead deciding to drive down later in the month to do whatever errand they were going to do.

  She gave me an eye roll the moment that I walked through the door.

  “You know how much I hate those leggings.”

  I shrugged and walked into the room.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I didn’t sleep well,” I admitted. “The murder…”

  I didn’t need to say more. She knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

  She knew exactly what this serial killer was doing to me—and had been doing to me—since I’d left that crime scene.

  The only thing that was making me sleep better at night was Parker, and he hadn’t been there today.

  “Where is Rafe?”

  “They were out all night helping with tows,” Janie explained. “The snow really helped their revenue the past twenty-four hours. Rafe said that they had done over two hundred tows in about a three-county radius between yesterday afternoon and this morning.”

  The snow—which had happened yesterday for about three hours—was almost gone now. There was still some white stuff on the road, but mostly it was gone.

  I hadn’t had any trouble getting to Janie’s place that morning.

  “Parker never came home, either.”

  She looked at me with raised eyebrows.

  “So. You and Parker, huh?”

  I shrugged. “I…”

  “You like him.”

  I didn’t see any point in lying.

  “I like him.”

  “Enough to give him your V card?” she teased crudely, lifting the V of her fingers up to her mouth and flicking her tongue in between it.

  I nodded.

  Her eyes widened.

  “You were supposed to say, like you always do, that you’re waiting for marriage.”

  I snorted.

  “I think, had I met Parker earlier, those words would’ve never come out of my mouth,” I admitted.

  She sighed. “I need to give you the birds and the bees talk, don’t I?”

  I snorted.

  “Janie, you’ve been giving me the birds and the bees talk since we were old enough to know what a penis was.” I laughed. “Now, if you really want to help, you’ll tell me what kind of condoms to get.”

  I sat down and pulled up my Walmart Grocery app.

  I quickly typed in ‘condoms’ into the search field, and about half a million entries popped up.

  “They won’t get that for you,” she said, shaking her hand at my screen.

  “They will,” I countered.

  She snorted. “Keep dreaming.”

  I flipped to the next page of results, found
something that I liked, and added that to my cart, too.

  Grocery pickup was the best thing since sliced bread.

  With my Walmart now offering online grocery orders and pickup without going inside, I was in heaven. I didn’t have to go inside the store at all. That meant no lines for me where my mouth could get me into trouble. It meant not touching all those gross, germy surfaces. It also meant that, at times like now, I wasn’t embarrassed when people saw what I was buying.

  “I’ve never in my life seen a bottle of lube that big at the store,” she said. “They’re going to have to substitute, and then they’re going to have to call you to tell you what they substituted it with. They’ll probably give you the warming liquid that is twice the price, and the whole exchange will completely embarrass the shit out of you.”

  “That would never happen,” I said as I added another box of condoms to my cart.

  “At least get the large ones,” Janie sighed. “If you’re going to make a bad decision and go through with this, just for the off chance that you work up enough courage to ask him to sleep with you, you should at least get the right size.”

  “And how do you know what his ‘right size’ is?” I questioned, barely concealing the anger that erupted from me at the thought of her knowing anything about Parker that I didn’t—especially his cock size.

  “He just seems like he’d be big,” she admitted. “I mean, look at the size of his arms and legs. It only makes sense that his penis will be big, too.”

  “Whose penis is big?” Rafe asked, startling us both.

  Where had he come from?

  “Parker’s.” Janie looked up. “Is it?”

  Rafe frowned. “I’m not sure why you think I would know something like that, but we’re not in high school anymore. It’s not like we take showers together in the locker room…not that I ever did that.”

  “You should be.” Janie shrugged.

  “Why, on earth, would I need to be worried about the size of his cock?” Rafe questioned.

  “Because,” she sighed, sounding exasperated. “If his dick is small, she won’t want to fuck it. And how else is she supposed to produce our child’s best friend before Abrielle is two without actually having sex?”

  Rafe turned around and walked away.

  “I’m just trying to share with you!” she yelled at his back.

  Rafe shut the door firmly behind him.

  “So…when is your grocery pickup?” she questioned.

  Grinning, I added something else to my cart. “Tomorrow at nine in the morning.”

  ***

  I rolled over in my bed and found Parker staring at me.

  “What?”

  “You said you wanted to go to work with me. Since we missed yesterday, you are going today.”

  I had. In a moment of insanity.

  When I’d jokingly asked him the day it’d snowed if I could go with him the next time he worked, he’d said yes. And now, apparently, that day was here.

  “I have to pick up groceries,” I blurted.

  He blinked. “When?”

  “Between nine and ten.”

  “Well, that works. We can go get your groceries and bring them back here, then go do a pickup at ten,” he said, sounding like he had it all worked out in his head.

  I started to agree, then remembered what my groceries included.

  “I…can’t.”

  He frowned. “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to hold you up,” I lied.

  I just didn’t want him to know that my entire order, all one hundred dollars’ worth, was filled with condoms, lube, and other things that I hoped to use with him one day.

  Though, he hadn’t caught on to this fact yet…but he would.

  I was working on it, anyway.

  Hopefully, in a few months, I would work up the courage to actually make a move. Until then…I’d be prepared.

  But I wouldn’t be if he made me go with him. There was no way in hell I was going to get my groceries with him present…

  The next thing I knew, at nine in the morning, I found myself in Parker’s tow truck.

  He’d forced me to come by shoving my feet into my UGG boots, throwing a sweatshirt over my head without threading my arms through the armholes, and then tossed me over his shoulder.

  I’d tried to wiggle my way out of going. Really, I had.

  He wouldn’t take no for an answer, and even when I told him I wasn’t feeling up to going with him all day, he still wouldn’t relent.

  Which happened to be why I was nervously waiting for the attendant to appear.

  I was waiting outside the truck, shivering and shaking, because I didn’t want Parker to know what I’d bought.

  The moment that the attendant appeared from the side door, I knew this was going to be embarrassing.

  Why, you ask?

  Because Parker didn’t stay in the truck like I’d told him to.

  Nope, he got out and nodded at the male associate bringing out my groceries—well, not that they actually contained anything besides a bag of my favorite candy and the unmentionables.

  Though, Parker didn’t know that.

  I’d tried to use the excuse that I had cold stuff, and that I should just take them to the apartment and meet him at the office. When he hadn’t accepted that excuse, I’d then tried to tell him that I hadn’t wanted to go.

  By that point, he was suspicious and was no longer taking no for an answer.

  Which led us to now.

  He was curious.

  I could see it in the light of his eyes.

  He wanted to know what I was getting, and he wanted to know why I was trying to keep it a secret.

  “So you had two substitutions…”

  “I know. I read the email.” I smiled stiffly.

  The attendant nodded once, his face tinging pink, almost as if he hadn’t wanted to tell me what those substitutions were, either.

  “All right, then,” he said, handing me the little handheld device they used. “Sign here.”

  I did, then handed it back to him.

  He was busy bending over and picking up bags, and then he turned to hand the bags to me.

  We bobbled the switch, and I watched in horror as the bag fell to the ground.

  And my one hundred count of condoms hit the floor.

  Then, to add insult to injury, the box busted open and the condoms started to spill out.

  They were an economy ‘adventure’ pack. There was glow in the dark, ribbed, lubed, ‘second skin’ thin, and even some alternative ‘non-latex’ ones.

  Horror washed over me as I stared at them.

  “Oh, shit,” the associate said, bending down and trying to stuff them back in the box. “I’m so sorry.”

  Parker bent down and took the box from the man’s hand, then picked up the bag.

  Tossing the busted box into the bag, he glanced at me, a gleam in his eye.

  I wanted to shrink into myself. Pull my sweatshirt up over my face, and just play turtle for the rest of the day while I hid from my embarrassment.

  But, I couldn’t.

  Why?

  Because Parker wouldn’t let me.

  I tried.

  Instead of allowing me to go back to the passenger side like I’d turned to do, he hooked his arm around my waist and pulled me in tight.

  I swallowed as a wave of rightness rolled over me.

  Being in his arms, despite my embarrassment, always felt like I was coming home.

  “H-here’s the rest,” the associate said, handing me the other three bags.

  Parker took those, too.

  All of them were in one hand, and he looked like he wasn’t straining at all even though all of it had to weigh quite a bit.

  “Thank you,” Parker said, sounding amused by both of our reactions.

  He let me go then, and I practically ran to the truck.

  The moment I was
in my seat, I buckled myself in, and then stared straight forward.

  Parker opened his back door, put my bags in the back seat, and then slammed it closed.

  I closed my eyes in reaction.

  Oh God.

  Janie had warned me this wouldn’t end well.

  I just thought…how could it not? It was such a good plan. I wouldn’t have to go into the store to get the groceries. I also wouldn’t have to get in line with the groceries. I just had one attendant to deal with.

  Seriously, how could it go wrong?

  I should’ve known. Freaking Janie… she was always right about this kind of stuff.

  Nothing ever went ‘right’ for me.

  It always went wrong. Always.

  Parker put the truck into drive and pulled out of the parking spot he’d backed expertly into.

  I stayed silent as he drove. “Do you need us to go drop any of this off?”

  I made a sound in my throat akin to a wounded, dying animal. “No.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him glance at me, amusement written all over his face.

  I turned farther away and studied the street that was passing by.

  I was so focused on the terrain, studying cars and bikes, that I didn’t expect him to pull over.

  I frowned and looked over at him, but he was busy studying his mirrors.

  He backed up expertly, right in between two cars that were parked fairly badly.

  The moment he was where he wanted to be, he got out, and that’s when I realized that he was getting a car that was directly behind us.

  I turned in my seat and watched as he went to the controls on the side of the truck.

  The flatbed started to lift up, cutting off my view.

  I bit my lip, contemplated getting out for all of twenty seconds, and then bailed out the side door.

  I also rammed the door into the car next to it…but really didn’t feel bad. That fucker had parked like shit. They were in a compact Corolla, and they had to park so close to the white line that it made it nearly impossible for somebody parked beside them to get out? Yeah, I wasn’t sorry in the least.

  When I arrived at the back of the truck, I watched Parker’s forearms flex as he worked with some chain-like thing at the side of the truck.