Maybe Don't Wanna

by Lani Lynn Vale

  Carmen moved with him.

  I found myself smiling.

  I loved that they had that.

  “Carmen, kennel.”

  Carmen looked like she really didn’t want to, but she did.

  Reluctantly.

  Very, very reluctantly.

  She moved to me, stopped once to look one more time over her shoulder, and then hopped in the truck.

  I closed the back door, then circled around to the passenger side and got in.

  I would not be using the facilities at this particular gas station.

  Not with the weirdo couple there who didn’t seem to know what boundaries were.

  My luck, they’d find me in the bathroom and ask to use the same stall as me.

  No, thank you. I’d wait until I literally couldn’t wait anymore, then I’d beg Parker to stop.

  Speaking of Parker, without another word, he turned his back and started to walk away.

  The woman, seeing her opening, threw what looked like a bag of poop at him.

  Parker stepped out of the way, as if he’d anticipated that, and kept walking.

  I bit my lip to keep the laugh inside. The woman looked pissed that she’d missed, then turned and glared at the man.

  The woman crossed the grass and stopped next to the man who’d been watching the entire spectacle, and I shook my head. I should’ve known that was her car and her man. They were both stupid.

  Obviously.

  The woman pointed at him with a finger in his face, and he pushed her backward.

  Parker got inside and stared with me.

  “If he hits her, can I laugh?”

  He grunted. “We’re not staying long enough to find out if he does or not.”

  With that, he started the truck and pulled out.

  I bit my lip.

  “You never told me what happened to Carmen,” I whispered softly.

  I mean, I assumed something bad had happened, but what I assumed, and what really happened, were night and day.

  “Carmen was stolen from us while we were on a mission. Then she was given to a radical group, who tried to make her work for them. At first, she resisted. However, after they beat her enough, she started to perform. Unfortunately for them, we found her before she could be used against us. But when she finally got back under our command, she was no longer a sane dog. The only person that she could stand to be around was me. I don’t know why. We were never really trainer and K-9, but whatever. I love her now. She’s mine.”

  “Like to like.”

  “What?” He looked over at me.

  “I said, like to like. Broken recognizes broken.”

  He grunted in reply.

  To change the subject we were currently on, I made a blanket statement, knowing he’d answer, and that he would no longer be on such a sensitive subject.

  “Where in Florida are we going?” I asked.

  “It’s a small town just east of the state line. We’re almost there,” he answered.

  “Who is the memorial service for?” I pushed. “Is it something to do with the military?”

  He shook his head.

  “Next weekend I’ll be participating in the Wreaths Across America ceremony…if you want to come. But this memorial service isn’t for anything to do with the military. It’s for my nephew,” he murmured quietly.

  “Your nephew. I thought you said that Gunner was your only living family member?” I questioned curiously.

  “He is,” Parker admitted. “But it’s not for Gunner…it’s for Gunner’s son, Jett.”

  “Gunner has a son?” I squeaked, surprised to hear that news.

  I’d never heard anything about a son, and I watched a lot of baseball. One would think the announcers would mention it seeing as Gunner was so stinkin’ young.

  “Had a son,” Parker said gruffly. “He was killed.”

  “Killed?” I breathed.

  Parker nodded once. “Killed. In a school shooting a few years ago.”

  Suddenly, I started to think back to school shootings a few years ago, and only one came to mind that had happened in Florida.

  “Oh, no,” I murmured.

  If it was the one I was thinking about, it’d been a class of babies—four-year-olds—and quite a few of them had perished. There’d been three students in the hallway—from another class—that had died as well.

  Sixteen children in total.

  “Will Gunner be there?” I asked softly.

  “Gunner won’t come,” Parker murmured. “He…can’t. One day, maybe he will. But that day hasn’t gotten here yet. It’s still too raw.”

  I didn’t know what to say, and honestly, I couldn’t blame Gunner.

  I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t do the same had I been in a similar situation—God forbid.

  Chapter 18

  Does anybody else get irrationally angry when they’re hungry or is that just me?

  -Text from Kayla to Parker

  Parker

  We arrived in Florida at one. The ceremony was at two.

  The ceremony was usually held at the football stadium since so many people came, and we headed straight there after getting off the interstate since there wasn’t really enough time to check into the hotel and get back to the stadium before it started.

  And, because there would be so many people, I thought it’d be a good idea to get there early due to the lack of parking.

  And, low and behold, my father had the same idea.

  Dammit.

  We pulled into a spot, got Carmen situated with a massive bone in the back seat, and started to walk inside. The entire time I was hoping my father wouldn’t see me.

  Unfortunately, he did.

  Dammit.

  The moment we made eye contact, my father changed directions and started to head toward me.

  “Swear to God,” I murmured under my breath to Kayla. “If you leave me because of them, I’m just going to chase after you and make you love me.”

  Kayla’s eyes widened as she looked around, and immediately spotted the man and two women heading in our direction. “You wouldn’t have to work too hard.”

  She looked back toward me with sympathy in her eyes.

  Something passed between us, but before I could fully decipher what that might be, my father showed. His second wife, Ennis, was on one side, and I believe it was Marica, his fourth wife, on the other side.

  Both wives had welcoming smiles. My father did not.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, no warmth at all in his voice.

  “Why do you care?”

  That wasn’t said by me. That was said by Kayla.

  My lips twitched.

  My father’s eyes narrowed in her. “Who are you?”

  Kayla leaned into me. “I’m Parker’s fiancée, Kayla.”

  The lie rolled off her tongue like hot butter in a warm skillet, and I was damned impressed that she didn’t choke on the words.

  My father’s lip curled in disgust. “I guess the only one you could find was a naïve little girl straight out of high school?”

  I found that amusing.

  Kayla, however, most certainly did not.

  “Listen here, bucko. I’m a grown ass adult, and have been for quite a while. I have an associate’s degree. And even if I am young, I had to do my growing up early. You have no right to judge me. You don’t know me,” she snapped.

  Marica’s eyes widened in alarm. Ennis’s face turned hard. They were protective of my father. That’s why none of them had cared about me in the least. I’d never once been invited to Thanksgiving dinner. Or for Christmas morning presents and breakfast.

  “For you to be with him, your judgment has to be lacking,” my father continued as if she hadn’t just defended herself. “What’s it to me if you ruin your life? He’s already ruined everyone else’s that was close to him.”

  That dagger sank home deep. Just like he knew
it would.

  “When we have children, you will not know them,” Kayla said quietly. “A man who doesn’t love his son doesn’t get to love that son’s children. It’s sad, because you would’ve been their one and only grandparent. I don’t have a mother and father. They’re both gone. Parker’s mom is gone. I don’t have any siblings. He doesn’t have any either. You would’ve literally been it. Does it make you feel good that you’re taking that away from an innocent child?”

  My father opened his mouth to reply but quickly closed it. What she said sank home for him as well.

  That’s why he took care of Gunner after all. Gunner was his kindred spirit. Much like Gunner, my father’s own mother had passed. His own grandfather, who was now gone, too, was the one to take care of him.

  And Kayla had just smacked him in the face with it. Showed him what his attitude toward me had done.

  Regardless of how he treated me—and I still wasn’t sure why or what I did to make him hate me so fully other than not approving of his lifestyle—he was a good man. Mostly. He’d retired from the Army. He’d legitimately been nice to everyone but me. He treated his wives like gold. I’d heard everyone attest to that.

  What he didn’t do was like me.

  “Parker…” Ennis tried to intervene.

  Kayla’s hard eyes turned to her. “And you’re just as awful for condoning it.”

  Ennis’ mouth snapped shut.

  Marica’s, however, didn’t. “You don’t know us or what we’ve been through with him.”

  She pointed at me like I was a slug.

  Kayla’s mouth turned up at one side. “I know. He’s told me everything. What confuses me is why you think nobody ever makes mistakes. His mistakes were years—years—ago. When he was a young kid. Can you say the same?”

  “He got Jett killed.”

  “He most certainly did not,” another voice from behind me snarled.

  I turned to find Gunner standing there, looking so freakin’ mad that I took a step toward him.

  Gunner being here was a huge step in the direction of healing for him. Absolutely huge. Massive.

  However, I wished he hadn’t heard what had been said. Gunner wasn’t aware of exactly why my father and I didn’t get along…but he was now. Because my father was a douche.

  “Parker brought the man that shot my child to justice. Did you know that? He went out, hunted that animal down, and made sure that my baby didn’t perish knowing his killer was still free. And he found him justice in hours. Do you have any idea what that did for me and the other parents?”

  Nobody said anything.

  “I felt so much better. I took a breath for the first time since the shooting took place when I found out that man had been found,” Gunner snarled. “I wanted to kill him with my bare hands. I wanted to mutilate him, Grandfather. But, Parker made it happen. He hurt him. For me. For Jett. For Kyle, Allen, Jacob, Merena, Rainie, Marren, Carly, Alex, Honor, Nevaeh, Darren, Peter, Paul, Alcede, and Corrine. We buried our babies, and we did it knowing that man couldn’t do it to anybody ever again.”

  Nobody said a word, but at that point, we’d not only had my father’s harem’s attention, but also the attention of gathering family members to the other victims.

  “I’ve been avoiding coming, but had I known you were subjecting a goddamn hero to this, I’d have been here sooner,” Gunner continued. “Did you know that he cut off the shooter’s hands?”

  I looked up at the sky.

  I had done that.

  Accidentally, of course.

  The machete had slipped. Really, it had.

  That was a lie.

  The man had been pointing a gun at my face. Sure, that gun hadn’t been loaded any longer, but the police, FBI, and whomever else had been curious didn’t need to know that.

  I’d leapt forward and swung the machete I’d picked up off the ground near the man’s foot and had taken off both of his hands at the wrists.

  “I looked at the man in the hospital,” Gunner continued. “Went to the room his body was being held in. I wanted to kill him—but he was already dead. I almost maimed his corpse.”

  “No,” my father said.

  “Yes,” Gunner said. “Parker stopped me from ruining my life. He made sure that I understood that there were some things I couldn’t fix. That Jett wouldn’t want me to wreck my life—to ruin my career.”

  Jett had loved watching his dad play baseball. LOVED. And when I say loved, he idolized him. Gunner was Jett’s hero.

  For Gunner to give that dream up, it would’ve broken Jett’s heart. Absolutely shattered it, and without Jett there to convey that message to his father, I’d done it.

  I hadn’t realized that it’d been that impactful to his life, though.

  “Every single one of us should be thankful that Parker was there that day. That he was able to catch that murderous bastard before he did what he did to anybody else’s kid. He walked in there, and without thought, without anything but adrenaline in his veins, went after the man. Do you know how fucking thankful I am that he did that?”

  Nobody said a word.

  “Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Jett. But even more, not a day goes by that I don’t think about who’s helped me take a deep breath every single day. Why I’m able to breathe easy. And that’s Parker. He’s the reason. And for you to say that he was the one who was responsible? I shit you not, you are the most evil person in the world for thinking that. You probably spread those lies, too.”

  I didn’t know if he did or did not.

  I didn’t really care.

  I didn’t live here. Then again, even if I had, I wouldn’t care.

  It was hard to care when your heart wasn’t in it anymore.

  Well…at least it wasn’t until Kayla had entered my life.

  I looked down at her to see her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She was partially standing in front of me, semi-blocking my body with hers. As if she was protecting me.

  It would’ve been comical had she not been doing it almost instinctively.

  God, I fucking loved her.

  Ohhh, fuck.

  I loved her.

  Kayla, with her beautiful hair, and her pretty eyes. Kayla with her fascination with holes, and her inability to keep any single word in her mouth when she had the urge to speak. Kayla, who stood up for me against my father. Kayla, who was slowly beginning to be the reason I breathed easy.

  Goddamn. I wasn’t just in love with her. I was enraptured by her.

  Love like nothing I’d ever felt before.

  Because this felt deeper. Stronger. More visceral.

  Love was just a four-letter word. It didn’t seem like it was adequate enough for what I felt for her. Shouldn’t it be a longer word with more umph to it?

  “And now you’re mocking his soon-to-be-wife?” Gunner laughed. “That’s pretty rich. If anyone has room to judge, it’s definitely not you. You have four wives and a girlfriend. All of which are stupid—or gullible depending on which way you look at it—enough to agree to do this with you. Who in their right mind would want to live like y’all live?”

  Nobody said anything.

  The sound of crickets could be heard in that large stadium…and it was the dead of winter.

  “Go sit over there away from everyone so we can live in peace.”

  My father literally had no choice but to turn and leave, otherwise he’d start something he knew that he couldn’t finish. At least not in a public place.

  Gunner waited until he left before he turned to us.

  “What. The. Fuck?”

  I pulled Kayla into the curve of my arm and then offered my free hand to him. “You made it.”

  “I was tired of being a coward,” he answered. “I just…I felt like this was my year. Like I could do it this year.”

  I let Kayla go and then pulled Gunner in for a hug.

  “I’m proud of you, kid.”

/>   Gunner shuddered before pulling himself away.

  Like me, he wasn’t much of a hugger. We also didn’t like airing our dirty laundry in public. Clearly today was an exception to all rules.

  “Anyway, let’s go get a seat. And while we’re doing that, I need to call a hotel and book a room for the night. Apparently, I won’t be staying with them ever again,” he growled.

  “Good luck with that,” I said. “With the ceremony, every fuckin’ room in the vicinity is taken.”

  “You can stay with us. We have double beds,” Kayla blurted.

  I turned to look down at her.

  I knew where she was coming from, but I couldn’t very well fuck her with Gunner there tonight, now could I?

  Something in which she knew by the look in her eyes.

  “Oh, sweet. Thank you.” Gunner accepted the offer before I could so much as rescind it.

  My eyes narrowed on Kayla, who was studiously avoiding my gaze.

  She was embarrassed about what she’d done, apparently, and trying to make it to where I couldn’t confront her about her use of the word ‘fiancée.’

  She was clearly trying to avoid anything that had to do with being alone with me, so I went ahead and rocked her little world again.

  “I accept.”

  She blinked at me.

  “What?”

  “I accept your offer of marriage.”

  She opened her mouth and closed it.

  “You…we…can’t…what?”

  “Is it you who gets the engagement ring, or is it me? I’m not really sure of the protocol when the woman is the one to propose. Do I wear it, or do you wear it?” I continued.

  She blinked worriedly at me.

  “I don’t…”

  “I don’t want to get married in the summer. Just FYI. It’s hot, and I’ll sweat.”

  She continued to blink, this time her mouth falling open and then snapping closed as if she wasn’t quite sure what to say to make this situation better.

  “I thought that was a joke,” Gunner added his two cents.

  “Nope, not a joke,” I snorted.

  “It was most certainly…”

  I covered her mouth with my hand.

  “There are quite a few people still milling about around us. Do you want them to know that you lied? It’ll make your whole story less believable,” I teased.