Right Click, Love

by Feeney, M. B.

  Right Click, Love

  a novella by

  M.B. Feeney

  Kindle Edition

  Copyright © 2012 M.B. Feeney

  Second Edition 2014

  All rights reserved.

  COVER DESIGN BY: © J.C. CLARKE

  COVER ART: © Grafix Momma

  Praise for Right Click, Love

  “A well-rounded, fun and topical view on today's world of modern romance, Right Click, Love sees our two single characters set up a blog to post about their dating experiences. From the moment I read the first paragraph, I was hooked...not only on the idea behind the story, but on the characters, and their not always quite successful experiences in the dating world. It made me realize how the dating scene has not become easier, but in fact is probably more complicated than ever. M.B. Feeney has a style that is entertaining, funny, and unique with its British flavor and well-rounded characters. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next. Great read.”

  ~ author LJ Harris Heart of Glass

  “…this book was a pleasure to read from the proverbial cover to cover. I loved the characters, the plot, the humour, just everything. I’m hard to please, but this was just perfect for a short, sharp burst of laughter and happiness after a tough day. It’s firmly stored in my ‘Favourites’ folder on the kindle, and I can see it being one I read over and over again. I honestly cannot recommend it highly enough, particularly if you are a fan of a witty and realistic type of romance with a twist.”

  ~Lily Loves Indie

  Copyright © M.B. Feeney 2012

  Second Edition 2014

  Published by M.B. Feeney

  The right of M.B. Feeney to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

  License Notes: This novel is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This print may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously. This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  Acknowledgments

  Firstly, Mavvy, Rachel, and Tammy. Thank you all for holding my hand through this 2nd edition. It is because of you it not only looks amazing, but I finally am able to say it is mine.

  To everyone who has supported me over the last two years, I am amazed. I never expected the responses I’ve had. You humble me.

  To anyone who has bought this book. It may be short, and it may be fluffy, I just hope you enjoy it and maybe tell a friend.

  Dedication

  This is one for anyone who has been on a bad date, and to those that knew from date one.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One: Why Would You?

  Chapter Two: The Clock’s Ticking

  Chapter 3: Romance with a Hint of Scrutiny

  Chapter Four: Bowling for Soup

  Chapter Five: Take a Chance

  Chapter Six: Back in the Game

  Chapter Seven: Next Time, Call a Decorator

  Chapter Eight:Is ‘The Chase’ Worth It?

  Chapter Nine:Do My High Street Bargains Offend You?

  Chapter Ten:To Quote Cher: ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’

  Chapter Eleven:Meet the Parents

  Chapter Twelve:Return of the Mack

  Chapter Thirteen:What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting . . .

  Chapter Fourteen:Honesty is the Best Policy

  Chapter 15:It’s Not Goodbye — It’s See You Later

  Epilogue:There’s a Light at the End of the Tunnel

  About the Author

  Chapter One: Why Would You?

  Sipping her hot coffee, Jodie Lynch tapped in her login details to check how well the latest blog post had been received. The stats were through the roof, and there were almost thirty comments awaiting approval. She’d never expected that writing about the non-existent sex life being experienced by her and her best friend Louise Hewson would garner so much attention.

  Ever since they’d started the blog six months ago, after suffering yet another dire date with someone who wasn’t what they’d ‘advertised,’ the friends had begun to enjoy the torture of dating. Back then, Jodie had sat with Louise, drinking cheap rosé into the early hours and lamenting the lack of decent, single, honest men who still had their own hair and teeth. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it? Without thinking and under the influence, Jodie had pulled out her laptop and set up the blog. She’d been thankful that she hadn’t posted anything that evening, and she had almost deleted the blog altogether once she’d overcome her hangover the next day. However, after speaking with Louise, Jodie had decided to go ahead with the no-holds-barred outlet for their frustration.

  She read the last post back before looking at the comments.

  ~*~*~

  14 June 2012 – Why Would You?

  So, Louise got set up on another blind date by her boss Theresa. She kept telling Louise that Mark was “such a nice guy” and “so perfect for you.” Since pickings had been slim, Lou tarted herself up, yet again making me jealous of her gorgeous, slim, petite figure, which made my almost six-foot frame look extra gangly. As I curled her hair, she began her age-old whining about wanting my red hair. Who wants to be ginger with all the hassle we get? Anyway, I digress. She got ready and went to meet him at the local Bella Pasta (his choice, not hers. *eye roll*). Typical Louise, she arrived early. She decided to wait at the tiny bar and get herself a drink — non-alcoholic, of course, since we ALL know what happened last time. While she waited, she scoped out all the escape points. Just in case.

  She waited and waited and waited. Just as Lou was about to leave, Mark showed up, full of apologies and clutching what looked rather like a bunch of wilting, petrol station carnations. Against her better judgment, she decided to stay because she was more than a little hungry and pretty much past caring about what company she had.

  In the short amount of time between ordering and her meal’s arrival in front of her, she realised that Mark was not the guy for her. He wasn’t even the guy for now. They had NOTHING in common. I mean, who the hell hasn’t heard of Nirvana? That right there was a deal breaker for Lou, not to mention he was shy to the point of being mute. She ate — fast — and then made a dash for the ladies’ to send me an SOS text.

  It was unlucky for Lou that I was working late and my phone was on silent, in my bag, locked away in my filing cabinet. I didn’t get the message until an hour and a half later. By that time, she had been escorted to her front door by Mark, who was angling for an invite inside for “coffee.”

  When I managed to call her, she’d barricaded herself in her flat and had drunk almost half a bottle of brandy to purge the memory of yet another shitty date. I made my way over as soon as I finished work, knowing that if I didn’t, I’d never escape the phone calls and texts informing me how I had failed in my duty as a best friend. The rest of the night was not pretty.

  ~*~*~

  Jodie couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of the state Louise had been in. When she’d let herself into the flat, her best friend had been trembling with shock and anger at how the meek Mark had transformed into an octopus during the walk home. What had begun wi
th him walking a little too close had ended with him trying to get more than a simple goodnight kiss. Much more, in fact, which had forced Louise to resort to a swift knee in the balls and to leg it inside before he could register the agony of what she had done. Her brown eyes were bloodshot from the amount of alcohol she’d managed to sink in the time between her call and Jodie’s arrival.

  “So, her search continues, as does mine,” was the closing line of the post, and it depressed Jodie slightly. How hard could it be to find a decent guy in London? She saw it happening all the time to her other friends and work colleagues. They met; they had fun; they got married, had kids, and mostly more or less lived happy ever after. Had she pissed someone off so much that they had marked her card as “single forever?”

  Both Jodie and Louise had always prided themselves on their ability to not define themselves by their relationships or the men they dated, casual or not. They weren’t the kind of women who needed a man in their lives to feel complete or whole, but it was still ridiculous how hard it was not letting a lack of “happy ever after” get you down.

  The comments under the post made her smile. The majority were from regular readers who, she knew, were having similar experiences. Other readers felt as if they had settled for the first available guy that had shown them the slightest bit of interest, and were now living the lives of their mothers. These women had emailed the pair of them on numerous occasions to offer support, friendship, and love, which amazed Jodie and Louise both. Neither one of them would have expected such an outpouring of camaraderie from women they had never met. The men who read the blog . . . they weren’t always as accepting of what was written. Well, not the straight ones anyway. The blog’s numerous gay male followers thought it was fantastic that they were having the same problems finding a man as the women were.

  A couple of the men they had dated had caught wind of posts on the blog and were far from impressed with what had been written about them. However, since everything was true, they never tried to get anything removed. Also, Jodie and Louise were both careful to ensure privacy. They never used surnames or gave out location details; it was simple common sense, which allowed them to not only avoid any grief they might get, but also a possible lawsuit.

  Chapter Two: The Clock’s Ticking

  Jodie let herself into her flat after a long day of mind-numbing meetings. She collapsed onto her sofa for a few minutes, thanking every deity she knew for the fact that it was Friday.

  Under normal circumstances, she loved her job as a legal secretary, but all-day depositions always drained her. Days like that were bad enough any day of the week, but on a Friday, were just cruel and unusual torture. Audio transcription and shorthand became a dim memory once she’d opened a bottle of chilled wine. Glass in hand, she rummaged through drawers for her well-used take away menus.

  “Hey, where are thee?” Louise’s voice floated through the small flat when she let herself in an hour later with the spare key.

  Without moving from the kitchen table, Jodie poured another glass of wine and slid it across the table, waiting for Louise to join her.

  “Kitchen.” Jodie shook the stack of glossy menus as Louise joined her. “What do you fancy tonight?”

  “We haven’t had Chinese for a few weeks. Oh, I have my own leaflet.” Louise handed Jodie a matte black sheet with shocking pink lettering that spelled out: Speed dating, 8-10pm @ The Prince of Wales every 3rd Saturday.

  “Where did you get this?” Jodie poured two more glasses of wine after ordering their food, handed one to Louise, then led the way into the lounge.

  “It was stuck to one of the maps at the tube station this morning. What do you think?”

  “I think we need to sort out what to wear.” Jodie scanned her wardrobe in her head while she sipped her wine.

  ~*~*~

  23 June 2012 – The Clock’s ticking

  I use the tube every day, like many others, so why do I feel it necessary to look at the map every bloody morning? Well, this time the map was obscured by about ten glossy, black leaflets that had been stuck all over it. At first I didn’t take any notice, but I soon did when I saw the fetching pink writing (see scanned picture attached). I realised that I needed to keep it to show Jodie. After I’d snagged one, I also realised they were every-bloody-where. It was if they were taunting me.

  I admit that I’ve always looked at speed dating as a bit of a joke. It’s always used in RomCom films. When the female lead is getting a bit desperate, her bestie takes her for a night out surrounded by fellas and booze. The usual outcome is an evening of hilarity and drunken frolics. It sometimes ends in a disastrous one-night stand, which helps to remind said female lead who she’s in love with or scares the male lead into thinking that the female lead has moved on. Et voila, happy ever after. Speed dating on TV and in films ends in the same way; it is such a huge disaster that it causes said female lead . . . see above plotline for the rest. Anything goes to get the two leads into each other’s arms for a happy ever after.

  So, naturally, Jodie and I are going to check it out — just for “research purposes,” you understand. Neither of us expects anything to come from it; we’re going with an open mind and the appetite for a good time. Neither of us is that lucky, but what have we got to lose?

  Check back in a couple of days for our report.

  ~*~*~

  Jodie sat back giggling as she watched Louise publish her post.

  “This is going to be a complete nightmare. You do realise that, don’t you?” Jodie slurred her words when she spoke.

  Louise turned and looked her in the eye. “It may well be, but we have to explore this avenue of research. Next step is online dating.”

  That particular prospect scared the living daylights out of the both of them, considering the bad rap it had been given by the media regarding the apparent number of sexual predators combing the net for their next victim.

  ~*~

  The pub wasn’t far, which allowed them to walk. Heels clacking on the bone-dry pavement, Jodie and Louise clutched each other’s arms for support.

  “It's times like this that I wish I’d never quit smoking.” Louise fumbled in her bag for a packet of gum. Jodie hadn’t seen her friend so nervous in a long time, but she wasn’t feeling all that calm herself. She didn’t do well with being thrust into situations in which she had to sell herself. It was bad enough doing so on a one-to-one basis during a date over a few hours; she couldn’t begin to fathom how to do it in just a few minutes. Maybe they could find somewhere else to go and just go on the pull like normal women in their late twenties. Jodie was just about to suggest this to Louise when they arrived. They hovered outside the open door for a couple of seconds before Louise gathered her confidence and took charge, dragging Jodie inside and straight to the bar.

  Both women felt better at once with a glass of wine in their hands; so much so that they dug up the courage to join the queue at the registration desk. It was a surprise to find out that they had to complete an information sheet.

  “They do realise we’re not signing up for a dating agency, don’t they?” There was a slight hint of panic to Louise’s voice as they handed back their completed forms to the bored-looking hostess. Each received a “Hello, my name is. . .” sticker before they were led to small tables, each featuring a candle for atmosphere, and a notepad and a pencil for taking notes.

  “Way to create an atmosphere. Romance with just a hint of scrutiny.” Jodie laughed without humour as she looked around the room at the other women who had already been seated.

  “Ooh. I like that quote. Will work well on the blog.” Jodie watched as Louise scribbled the words down on a piece of paper before folding it and slotting it in her pocket. She rolled her eyes as Louise lifted her glass in thanks.

  ~*~

  They found to their delight that the evening wasn’t a complete waste of time. After the event was over and they had handed in their sheets detailing anyone they might have interest in, both women got half
a dozen or so back.

  “These are yours to do with as you wish. Each gentleman has an email address that routes via our offices if you wish to contact them at a later date,” the hostess explained to them before thanking them for their participation.

  “Will you contact anyone?” Louise asked as they made their way back to her flat, which was the closest.

  “I don’t know right now. I need to go over my notes.” A typical secretary, Jodie had made notes on each three-minute encounter, listing likes and dislikes. “I might; there were a couple I wouldn't mind seeing again. You?"

  "There were two or three I'd like to meet up with again. What have I got to lose?"

  Chapter 3: Romance with a Hint of Scrutiny

  It was almost an entire week before Jodie got the chance to sit and go through her notes from the speed dating event properly. She transcribed them into a word document to make sense of them. Since she just knew their first names, she decided to scan the notes onto the computer to use as part of her report detailing the evening. She didn’t care if it made her look nerdy or even a little desperate; it was how her brain worked. Jodie read through it whilst she sat at her desk, munching on a working lunch that consisted of a salad sandwich and a full fat Coke. Before she could change her mind, she copied and pasted the scanned notes into a draft post to complete at home. Louise could cast her eye over the final post before Jodie published it.

  Both women were surprised at how much fun they’d had once the event had gotten started. It had been easy to cram a lot of information into the three minutes allotted to each man before the ridiculous, loud bell sounded and he was moved onto the next table. There hadn’t been any meetings that caused all background noise to fade while Jodie and a total stranger gazed into each other’s souls and decided they needed to look no further. That sort of thing never happened to her, but she was pleased that not all of the men who had attended were mummy’s boys. Quite a few of them had been good looking, and also interesting to talk to. These were the ones she was planning to contact again.