Yuletide Treasure

by Jillian Hart

  There was no going back, only forward. He did his best to ignore the sniffles Holly tried to hide. He asked her once if she was all right. Her mumbled “Yes, Mr. Rafe” blew away on the cruel wind. Her grip on his hand was tight enough to break bone.

  They walked through residential streets where kids were out playing despite the weather. Cheerful screams were muffled by the thick downfall as children made snowmen in one yard or raced down the lane pulling sleds.

  Warm windows decked with evergreen boughs gave homey views of garland-crested mantels, of trees lit with tiny candles and of families gathered together. Rafe remembered how it felt inside Cora’s house, painstakingly decorated and filled with years of love.

  In these houses on tree-lined streets he could see what life might be like. If he yearned for a home and his spirit for shelter where he was wanted, accepted and loved, he kept on walking, aware that Holly did not glance at the playing children or the snug houses. He knew it was easier not to think of what you could never have.

  Fury beat through him with a cold fist. It wasn’t fair. The girl deserved better. She was a nice little thing. He had to admit he’d grown fond of her. The trouble was, she deserved better than he could give her. What did that leave? Turmoil roiled through him. He had no answers.

  The neat rows of houses gave way to the dark windows of businesses, closed for the day. Snow accumulated on streets and boardwalks, windowsills and rooftops. Silently, as if they were the only two people in town, they passed trees bedecked with ropes of red beads and colorful glass ornaments, safe behind glass. They passed displays of toy trains and dolls with silk dresses and velvet hats, and a single display of a manger, where a newborn was greeted by a donkey and lamb.

  “I’ve been praying and praying for the angels to help me.” Holly stared hard at the nativity scene. “No matter what, I didn’t stop. My pa said you gotta pray with all your heart. You gotta believe. You can’t give up no matter what, cuz God is always gonna listen. But I can’t remember what my pa looks like no more.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.” Comforting a child was nothing he knew. He knelt down, bowed by the desolation on her face. He had never seen such tragic eyes. He brushed snow off her face. “Wherever your pa is, I’m sure he remembers you.”

  “I surely miss him.” Holly’s lower lip trembled. “He used to say we didn’t have much, but we got what mattered. He said we had love and we had God. But I don’t got that no more. Cora ain’t my ma, is she?”

  “No, I’m sorry. I sure wish she was.” Tears fell on her cheeks and he brushed those away, too. “I should have known you’d figure out why we were spending so much time with her.”

  “I really l-liked her. She’s just what I prayed for. I shoulda known it was too good to be true.” She trembled, as if with cold, but he sensed the cause was deeper. “We been walkin’ all this time and you know what? I tried and tried but I can’t pray no more. It’s broke inside.”

  He hated those tears. He hated feeling helpless to fix what was hurting her. “I don’t know how, but I’m gonna find you someone nice to take you in.”

  “There ain’t no one. The missus always used to say I got what I deserved. That I was only good for work and I wasn’t much good at that. She said don’t nobody want me, anyway.” Holly’s chin lifted, as if she was gathering her strength. “You oughtta take me back, Mr. Rafe. I don’t mind so much now.”

  “What if I mind? I don’t want to take you back to that Beams woman.”

  “I don’t have nowhere else to go.”

  When he looked in her eyes, he saw desolation, the depth and breadth of which he had known himself. He had always known. There was nothing worse in this world than being unwanted. Than being without ties of friends and family, without someone to love and without being loved. It made life a wasteland and made even the best heart wither.

  “I know it was a lot to lose. Cora would have made a fine ma.” He could see why the girl was broken.

  “She’s awful k-kind. She said I was p-pretty and she talks to me like I matter.” Sobs tore through her like bullets, shaking her hard.

  He swept her up and carried her down the block, across the street and into the mean wind. Snow battered them mercilessly as he hiked through town, Holly sobbing all the way. Her pain hurt him worse than anything. It was his fault. He had tried to protect her from this kind of letdown. He’d failed. It just went to show he was no good at raising up a child. Not that he had been considering it, but if he’d wanted to, then it was something best left unconsidered. He would be lousy at it. Holly didn’t deserve that, either.

  He pushed the back door to the hotel open, taking care not to disturb the girl, who had buried her face in his coat. As he carried her up the stairs, her muffled crying echoed in the stairwell and in the empty places within him. He felt sorely inadequate, as he unlocked the door and laid her on the narrow bed. She clung to him in silent refusal to let go.

  Snow was falling off them both. The rooms held a deep chill; he needed to get the fire stoked and the air warmer for her. He couldn’t bring himself to break her grip on his coat. She was strong for such a wee thing. How she had any tears left in her, he didn’t know. She kept crying, one tear after another with no hope left.

  He wished he had some hope to give her. His eyes were smarting. His ice-cold defenses were melting. The gray, wan daylight began to leak from the room as the hours passed. When the girl had finally cried herself to sleep, he spread a blanket over her and went to stir up the embers in the stove.

  There was no telling what tomorrow would bring. Most likely they would pack up and head out of town. The thought of leaving Cora brought him to his knees. He sucked in air, doubled over with pain. He used to be a tough bounty hunter, the most feared in three territories. He was surprised to find that at heart he was as vulnerable as any other man. Knotted up with love over the prettiest woman in town and rendered helpless by his duty to a little girl.

  It would take a miracle for this to turn out right. He closed the stove, pulled out the damper and, surprising himself, he bowed his head and prayed.

  It was late. The boys were gone, leaving behind the memories of their laughter and light teasing, in the way of close brothers everywhere. The house was picked up and the kitchen tidy, the fire roaring in the stove. She was sewing away, and when she was done with work, there was a book waiting for her on the table by the sofa.

  Silence echoed around her. She didn’t feel as lonely tonight. Her nephews’ noisy visit had chased the loneliness from the rooms, but it was more than that. She felt content. She did not feel as if life had passed her by. She had a family who loved her. She had friends she adored. She had her faith, her work, her church work and her lovely home. Blessings surrounded her. She had so much, when others—Rafe and Holly—had so little.

  The spruce was up near the center of the room. Boughs held strings of popcorn, colorful glass ornaments and bright red ribbons. The tree was lovely, but it was the memories of decorating it that made her spirit smile. The boys had made it fun. They had thrown popcorn at each other, and Eli had climbed the stepladder to set her mother’s glass angel on the top of the tree.

  Memories of previous years flashed across her mind, ones of laughter and good times, from that first, uncertain Christmas after the boys had arrived to just last year when both boys had picked her up and carried her around the house like the tree. Her “You put me down this minute” had been drowned out by their laughter.

  She breathed in the tree’s evergreen scent as she bent over her work, finishing a buttonhole. Good memories warmed her, but the sad ones held on to her like shadows. Her needle flashed in the light as she worked. She had to keep from thinking of Rafe and she would be all right. But the day’s memories haunted her. The girl’s delight as she glided on the swing in the snowfall. Rafe holding her hands in his. His gentleness as he brought up what he thought would be a terrible memory for her.

  There is a small blessing in all this. I’m
glad nothing bad happened to you, Cora. She remembered how his rich voice had dipped with concern, how his rugged features had melted with tenderness. No man had ever been so considerate of her feelings. It was as if he truly cared about her.

  Her threaded needle stilled, as she remembered. He had been achingly kind to her. The love within her renewed, building stronger and bigger and taking deeper root. He probably had no idea at all that she had fallen for him. What would he think if he did? Would he run from town as fast as he could go? Or simply have compassion for the lonely spinster and her impossible hopes?

  Fine, theirs was a love that was not meant to be. She could accept it. But she would always remember the man who walked into her life and changed it. She would always be grateful to him beyond measure.

  She looked down at her work, realizing that she had forgotten to knot off the final buttonhole. She hid the thread, snipped if off and tried the button. A perfect fit.

  When she shook the dress out to give it a critical look, she smiled. The sleeves were puffed, the collar was lace and the hem ruffled. She had reached a decision.

  Chapter Nine

  Rafe heard the light step hesitate outside his door. It sounded as if someone was being careful, didn’t want to be heard. Odd, for it was early in the morning. Since trouble tended to find him now and again, he unsnapped his right holster just in case he needed to draw. When the knock came softly accompanied by the faint rustling of skirts, he should have felt relieved. There was no explaining the tight knot of warning in his gut, because it wasn’t trouble. It was Cora Sims outside his door. No one else would knock so timidly.

  He opened the door quietly, since Holly was still asleep in the next room. Cora was hardly more than a shadow in the dark hallway, bundled against the inclement weather and frosted with white. Snow was falling. That wasn’t good for travel. No doubt the mountain passes would be rough going. He was concerned about Holly in the cold all day.

  “I know it’s early, and I’m sorry to bother you.” Cora’s expressive eyes were all he could see behind the big hood she wore and the muffler wrapped around half her face. “I’m relieved to see you’re up.”

  “I’m an early riser. Come in and get warm. I’ve got the stove going.” He held the door for her, wondering what had brought her here. It wasn’t appropriate for her to be here, not if she wanted to keep her pristine reputation. “You’re not having any trouble with that lowlife Krantz? Did he get bail?”

  “No. It’s nothing like that.” She was pale, maybe from the cold, maybe from a tough night. Heaven knew it had been tough here, as well. He glanced in on Holly, motionless beneath the quilts, and closed the door between the rooms tight. Best to let her sleep while she could.

  “I finished one of Holly’s dresses,” Cora said. “I wanted to bring it over in case you two were…” She paused, looking uncertain, and unwound her scarf. Bits of ice tinkled to the floor and hissed when they hit the stove. She gestured toward the half-filled saddlebag. “You are packing. You’re leaving town.”

  “I hope to head out this morning.” He kept his heart closed and his voice hard. No sense in doing otherwise. It wasn’t as if Cora Sims had come to declare her feelings for him. “It was good of you to think of Holly. Those other dresses I ordered. Let me pay you for those.”

  “No need.” She held up her hand when he grabbed his billfold. “I didn’t come here to be paid.”

  Of course not. She was too fine a lady for that. He took out a couple of bills, anyway, and dropped them on the dresser. “Holly will like the dress.”

  “It’s made of fine-quality wool and will keep her toasty warm in cold weather like today.” She pulled a wrapped bundle from her deep cloak pocket. She sure was a sight with snow melting in her hair like diamonds. The icy wind had put roses in her cheeks. She was even lovelier to him this morning, wind-tousled and dear. She had yet to look him in the eye. She was fussing with the length of flannel she had wrapped around the dress.

  There was no mistaking the cool wall she had put between them. He felt awkward. “Maybe I left too quick yesterday. I don’t remember if I thanked you for your hospitality.”

  “It was my pleasure.” She shook the dress out and gave it a once-over. “I wanted Holly to have this to wear today.”

  “That’s mighty considerate of you, Cora. I know she will like that. She’s partial to that shade of purple.”

  “She told me.” She had never felt more awkward in her life, standing in front of the man with his guns and his gruffness and hearing kindness warm his voice. She finally had Rafe Jones, fearsome bounty hunter, puzzled out. He might look dangerous on the outside, but he had a loving, generous heart, he who had never had a family or a home to call his own. Love bloomed ever new and she had to hide it. “When you left Holly with me in my shop that day, she was the best-behaved child I had seen in weeks.”

  “She hasn’t given me a lick of trouble. She’s a lot like you, Cora. Kind and gentle. I guess that’s why it was easy to believe what I did.”

  “I would have liked nothing more than for it to be true.”

  “Me, too.”

  He sounded as desolate as she felt. She quaked deep inside, from being so near Rafe again or from what she had come to say, she didn’t know. She held her hands out to the stove, letting the heat wash over her. It did not chase away the chill.

  Seeing his hurt affected her more than she was prepared for. He was everything she had ever wanted. He was like a dream come true. But a romance between them would never be, so why was she hoping for one?

  Foolish, that was all. She steeled her spine, gathering courage. She had something to tell him. After he heard it, she was certain he would finish packing, sling those saddlebags over his shoulder and stride out of her life. She would never see him again. Why would she? Their paths had never crossed before.

  “I’m concerned about Holly.” She hitched up her chin and her resolve.

  “That’s good of you, Cora. I know you care. That’s just the way you are. I shouldn’t have walked out on you yesterday. I was upset. I should have stayed and explained. None of this is your fault. I don’t want you worrying about Holly. I’ll make sure she’s fine.”

  “Have you decided what to do?”

  “Figured on taking her south with me. No sense staying in this hard climate if I don’t have good reason to. I don’t know what I’ll do, but she isn’t going back to that Beams woman. She’s not going to an orphanage. I’m not sure what that leaves, but I’ll find something.”

  “Let her stay with me.”

  “What?” He shook his head, not sure he had heard her right. “You’ll keep her until I find a home for her?”

  “No. I’ll simply keep her, if she’s willing. I raised two boys who weren’t my own. Although Holly isn’t related to me, I don’t see what difference that will make.”

  “Are you sure? That’s a lot to take on. Then, I suppose you know that.”

  “I’ve always wanted a little girl and at my age, I don’t see any suitors offering to marry me. I think Holly and I could make each other happy.” Her wide eyes were luminous with an emotion that put him to shame.

  “You would do that?” He sank onto the edge of the mattress. His bones had turned to water. “You would take her in, just like that?”

  “I’m fond of her. She has no home and no one to love her. I have a home and love to spare.”

  He rubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t believe this. I hope you don’t feel obligated because I thought you were her ma.”

  “No. It was a compliment.” She wrapped her arms around her middle, as if comforting herself. She looked so vulnerable suddenly, and so delicate he had to fight feelings he didn’t understand.

  She amazed him, simple as that. “Not many women would want to raise someone else’s child.”

  “Well, do you want to keep her?”

  “It’s not practical.” Just like it wasn’t practical to admit he cared more than he should. Funny, a month ago he nev
er figured he was even capable of worthy feelings. Now he was stuffed full of them, and every one of them hurt like a bee sting. Because of her.

  Everything within him ached with the need for her smile and her goodness in his life. She made him weak at the knees, and how he was going to find the gumption to ride out of town and away from her today, he didn’t know. It was all he could do not to pull her to his chest and keep her warm and safe. It took all his might to hold back his feelings, but it was like lassoing the wind. He couldn’t do it. Love blew through him like a chinook, thawing all the frozen places.

  I love her. It was an all-out, no-conditions kind of love. He tried to tell himself he was a hundred times a fool, but it didn’t do a lick of good. The emotion took root like a mountain, refusing to budge.

  “I suppose she’s still sleeping?” Cora glanced toward the closed door. Easy to read her affection for the child.

  Yep, it was a good match. Maybe meant to be. The knot in his gut eased up. The broken pieces fell into place. The worry and burden left. He felt lighter than he ever had.

  He turned his back on the half-packed bags. “Holly had a rough night. She took things real hard. I suppose you need to head over and open up your shop.”

  “Yes, business awaits.”

  “How about I bring her to you? You can tell her the good news yourself.”

  “I would like that very much.” She neither smiled nor met his gaze. “I’d best be going.”

  “If you stay much longer, folks are going to talk.”

  “Let them. Any rumors going around town about me are a lot more exciting than I could ever dream of being. When my nephews came to live with me, folks thought they were my out-of-wedlock children I had refused to acknowledge.” She avoided looking at Rafe as she crossed the small room, bypassing the money on the edge of the bureau, and reached for the door.

  He brushed past her, moving fast for such a big man, and opened it. “I suppose some will say the same about Holly.”