Besides, it wasn’t up to her. Some experiences I would carry forever—burdens I could never get rid of. I’d accepted that a long time ago and made my peace with how different life was now. She definitely made things bearable, giving me a chance to catch my breath and pretend that I was normal.
That we could be normal.
Was it even possible to be truly happy after everything that happened?
For split seconds, in moments where I could forget, I caught hints of possibilities. There were different kinds of joy. I just needed to find mine.
Something told me that in order to discover it, I needed to let this beautiful creature in—truly in—into my life, my thoughts, and my heart. There was a real risk that once she witnessed for herself just how dark things could be, she’d run away screaming. I wouldn’t blame her and I wouldn’t stop her.
Hell, there were days I couldn’t stand myself. It was a lot to take on. I knew it and I hoped when she realized it, that she’d at least leave me better than how she found me.
That’s when I laughed because who was I kidding? I was already in too deep. I’d fallen for her that night on the church steps, hearing about her damn candles. I’d tried fighting it, putting up a tougher exterior, informing her of how damaged I was.
Yet here she was—in my lap. Happy.
How the fuck did that happen?
“Okay, open your cookies everyone!” Rebecca exclaimed, frantically ripping the wrapper off and cracking her cookie in two. All around the table small slips of paper fluttered to the surface. “I’ll read mine first.” Coughing, she cleared her throat, glancing around the group like she held the secret to life’s greatest question in her hands. “Now is the time to set your sights high and go for it.”
“I guess this means you’ll quit settling for Marty and go after your dream guy then,” Caylee said, cracking up at the indignant expression on Marty’s face.
“What makes you think I’m not the guy of her dreams, huh?” he fired hotly. “I’ll have you know I’m quite the catch.”
“Of course you are, honey,” Rebecca crooned, patting his hand lightly. “Although . . .”
I hadn’t even heard what was running through her mind and I was laughing hard. “Maybe you should go get him a beer or something stronger before you crush his ego.”
It was Caylee who got up and ran into the kitchen, coming back a few moments later with a bottle in her hand. The second Marty read the label, his eyes widened. “Not you too!”
“Huh?” I asked, already reaching for the beer.
Conceited Asshole Lager.
It was perfect.
“Seems like you inspired a line of beer, bro.” I smiled, not bothering to hide how funny I thought this was. “I bet it tastes like month old gym socks.”
Popping off the top, he flicked it at me, annoyed when I swatted it away with ease. “Ha-ha, very funny. Smart ass.”
I raised my hands up in defense. “Hey, it wasn’t me who got it for you.”
“No, it was just your girlfriend. I thought we were friends, Caylee. Why would you hurt me?”
“Actually, it was your girlfriend who saw it at the store and bought it for you. I’m just the one who delivered it. If you’re upset, maybe you need a little alone time to discuss?” She’d said it so sweetly that I knew Marty couldn’t argue.
“Honey, you know you’re my guy,” Rebecca continued, rubbing his knee while he took a swig from the bottle. He was just acting. I’d seen him play the victim before and it always ended with his retreat, Rebecca in tow with a silly grin covering her face. It was a game they liked to play, one I didn’t always understand, but what they did behind closed doors was between them.
Which made me wonder. “So, who would be your dream guy?” Caylee’s sharp look told me she also agreed I was being a shit stirrer. Shrugging, I tugged gently at her hair. “What? I’m curious.”
Mouthing, jerk, Caylee chuckled. All I noticed was the way her lips moved and formed the word. It had me thinking of other ways I could use that mouth of hers.
“Well . . .” Rebecca drawled, taking Marty’s hand in hers. “I’m perfectly content with the wonderful guy I’m with.”
“But?” It was Caylee who prodded now. She had that same mischievous streak in her that I did.
“If I was to pick someone else . . .” She drew out her answer even further.
“Stephen Amell!” Caylee yelled, impatient. “You’d pick Stephen and love every second of it!”
“You’d choose him over me?” Yep, there was no denying it. Marty sounded disgruntled at being tossed aside for the popular actor. Even I knew who he was and that said something. Caylee and Rebecca had made sure to educate me the day their shirts came in—something about charity work and the word Sinceriously. I might’ve tuned them out a little, but there had been no mistaking how excited they were. They thought he was incredible, and when they said he was helping a cause called Paws And Stripes, I couldn’t help but agree.
Anyone who helped veterans had my approval. Hell, I couldn’t imagine living without Lola now.
“Face it, dude. You’ve failed your city,” I added, narrowly ducking the napkin he threw my way. “And if that’s the extent of your skill, no wonder. Man up.”
“Fuck you,” he hissed, his feathers ruffled. “I could totally take him on. It’s all special effects and a stunt double. I’m all you need, baby.” He flexed his biceps, kissing each one before winking arrogantly.
“That’s cute, Marty, but just as an FYI, he kicked Star Dust’s ass the other weekend. He’s pretty legit.”
“Who the fuck is Star Dust?” he exclaimed, glancing at me. I shook my head in confusion. I had no idea, either.
“He’s a wrestler.” Preparing herself to explain, Rebecca took one look at her boyfriend’s face and thought better of it.
Good girl, I thought, noticing that Caylee was watching the interaction between the two carefully. I liked Rebecca a lot and was grateful for her friendship with Caylee. The two were good for each other. Where Rebecca helped Caylee loosen up and have fun, Caylee helped balance out her roommate’s craziness and spontaneity.
In this case, I hoped she’d learned to temper her tongue. There was only so far Marty could be pushed before it went beyond good-natured teasing and his feelings were truly hurt.
“A wrestler? Well, that just proves my point.”
“But,” Rebecca interrupted, placing her finger over his pouted lips to silence him. “Even if I could be with Stephen, I would choose you. You’re my dream guy.” Whatever magic she was infusing in her words, I could see Marty softening like damn butter.
Fuck, she was good. Made me wonder what Caylee would sound like trying to talk me down.
Probably sexy as fuck.
“Hell yes,” he whispered as he abruptly stood, pulling her up with him. Before she could even register what was going on, he threw her over his shoulder, slapping her ass. “But I think you need a reminder of why I’m the guy for you. When I’m done, you won’t even remember this other dude’s name.”
All I could hear was giggling as he carried Rebecca away to her room, telling her everything he was about to do to her and how she needed to make it up to him. They were both freaks, but together they made sense. Glancing over at Caylee, I caught the wistful look in her eyes as she stared after them.
Is that what she wanted from me—some grand romantic gesture, or in this case, a display of caveman mentality?
The two left us behind in a wake of silence. Letting out a sigh, Caylee started gathering the dishes, piling them on top of one another, holding the utensils tightly in one hand.
“Well, I guess that means dinner’s over. Pity, I bet my fortune was pretty awesome.”
I hadn’t even looked at mine.
“Leave those for later. I’ll do them.” Taking the dishes carefully from her hands, I placed them back on the coffee table, scooped up our cookies, and crooked my finger. “Come with me, Miss.”
Something
in my voice must’ve amused her because she didn’t argue. She simply took my extended hand and followed me outside.
“What’s on your mind, Cooper?” Caylee asked softly, still not resisting as I took a seat on one of her chaise lounges and patted for her to sit between my legs.
“You. Our future. These fortunes.” Spreading my knees so she could fit comfortably between them, I noticed her slight tremble as a cool breeze skated across us. The night sky was a beautiful inky black, the stars shimmering as the moon peeked out from behind some clouds. I’d spent a lot of time in the past staring up at this same view—marveling at how simple things must seem to others. It was hard to believe that life could get so twisted up, so brutal, so violent, when seeing the world from such a large perspective. It didn’t matter who the person was or what they were doing, the moon and stars still shone, lending their light to everyone.
There’d been many nights Owen and I had starred upward together and talked about home—about who was waiting for us and what we hoped to accomplish when we returned. We’d discussed the meaning to life and how we fit into the grander scheme of things. Sometimes we just bullshitted, spinning webs of fantastical stories as though the world was ours to conquer. I think it was our way of ignoring the job we were there to do, the horrors we’d seen. It was a way to keep from having the effects of war eating away at us, corroding our faith in humanity.
And here I was, doing the same thing with his wife . . . widow.
The memories twanged at my heart and for a moment, it was everything in my power not to break down and retreat. After all this time, some things were simply impossible to forget. I would never be able to look at any kind of sky—especially nighttime—and not think of my fallen brother.
“You disappeared on me.”
She’d noticed. She always did.
“Sorry, I guess I got distracted. Here,” I answered, shrugging out of some clothing. Caylee had commented on how much she’d loved my red plaid shirt earlier. As I handed it to her and watched her put it on, not bothering to button it up before leaning back against me, the sight of her in my clothes made me harden.
Everything about her made my cock hard. She was like a drug.
No, she was more than that. She was like air. Just her scent and I felt myself calm.
How did I ever survive before her?
How did I think I could live without her?
She tapped at my carefully constructed armor with one small chink and the damn thing crumbled.
“Better?” I asked, wrapping my arms loosely around her again, the fortune cookies in my hand.
“You take such good care of me, Cooper. Thank you.” It was such an honest response. Didn’t she understand it was the other way around?
“Do you want to read yours first?”
She paused for a moment, her fingers hovering over the two wrapped treats. I had no idea if these were the two we originally picked inside, but it didn’t matter.
“Let’s do it together, okay?”
With one remaining in the center of my palm, I maneuvered so I could still hold her and see what my fortune was. The plastic wrappers were quickly discarded and, while I didn’t eat the cookie, Caylee bit into hers. All I could think of was how she would taste if I kissed her that very second—probably a mixture of sugar and a sweetness that was solely her. Suddenly I didn’t give a shit about why we’d come outside. All I wanted was her . . . to be inside her. I would never get enough. Ever.
Caylee crinkled her nose as she read, finally speaking out loud. “So, mine says, Wise Man say: successful person is one who recognized chance and took it.” She straightened out the paper, brushing her thumb over the words. “I would say this is us to a tee. When I first met you, I knew that we were meant to be friends. I saw a chance and I took it.”
“And look at us now,” I added, loving the fact she saw us with her fortune. I’d been so against us hanging out in the beginning. I couldn’t even start to imagine what would’ve happened if she’d accepted defeat and walked away. I hadn’t made it easy for her. Lucky for me, she had a stubborn streak a mile wide and she’d pushed the issue.
“Yep, look at us now.” Caylee tiled her head back, offering me her mouth. Each kiss was different between us. It was something that constantly blew my mind. Nothing was ever the same with her. Just when I thought I’d figured her out and understood the connection we shared, she’d say or do something and I was left dazed. I was grateful for it. I wanted our relationship to be special—unique—different from anything I’d ever had with any other woman. I liked knowing she reached that part of me no one else had.
I just hoped she also felt the same because we both had ghosts in our past.
Breaking the seal of our mouths, I reluctantly peered at the paper in my hands, wanting to ignore it for the more pleasurable choice of making out.
“I guess you want to hear mine, huh?” I said, hoping she’d say forget it. Those two words would be all it took before I stripped her down bare right here for God and the world to see.
“Yes, please.”
Clearing my throat, I didn’t read it first in my head before speaking. “You have the capacity for enjoyment in life.”
And just like that, my mind was back in the gutter. Her’s must’ve landed there too, because she burst out laughing as well.
“In bed, Cooper. You need to add, in bed, to that fortune!”
“Well, if you insist, sweet Caylee.” I grinned, giving into the softness beaming back at me. “Who am I to go against destiny?”
She made an adorable squeaking sound as I moved too fast for her to adjust, almost dumping her on the ground in my haste to stand up.
“Cooper!” she cried out, her voice muffled by the blonde hair that covered her face. “What are you doing?”
“What I should’ve done earlier.” Scooping her up in my arms, I took one last glimpse at the heavens, smiling at the brief flare of a shooting star.
Like the sentimental fool she made me, I offered up a wish—that how I felt right now would last forever—that as long as I had her, I could finally live and let go.
Maybe.
“Put me down.” She chuckled, slapping my chest hard. I tried not to laugh at how feeble her attempts were. I’d seen her swat flies with more determination and commitment. Caylee knew exactly where I was headed and she wanted it. “Seriously.”
“Protest all you want, darlin’. I’m not putting you down until I have you where I’ve wanted you all night.” There was no disguising the lust in my voice. She recognized it, judging by the way her features lit up with desire and she bit on her bottom lip. “Hold that thought.”
“And what thought would that be, Cooper?” She was as light as a feather in my arms. Nibbling on the smooth skin where her head met her body as I carried her, I almost tripped when she laced her arms around my neck, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of my head. Just her touch was enough to break my stride toward her room.
“I’m about to show you.”
The beauty of it was she proceeded to show me, too.
All night.
Chapter Two
Caylee
Crowding around Rebecca as she repeatedly flicked the lighter, there was no denying the riot of butterflies fluttering about in my stomach. I shouldn’t have felt nervous about the tiny surprise we’d planned to celebrate Cooper’s birthday, but that was the thing—surprise.
While it wasn’t anything loud and flashy, just a simple cupcake with a pink striped candle centered in the equally pink swirl of frosting, there was still an element of uncertainty. Marty had assured me he’d be fine—that perhaps Cooper even expected we’d been planning something, but I couldn’t stop overthinking.
Tight lines of stress etched Cooper’s features that day at Rock-A-Palooza, the only sign that the bustling mass of people was wearing on his composure. This was drastically different—the Wednesday crowd was much smaller and less rowdy than the usual nights we were here at Ruby’s ba
r.
There was about ninety-nine point nine percent chance I was completely worrying for nothing, but it was that remaining point one percent that niggled.
“Chill out, Caylee,” Rebecca murmured, her entire focus on getting the cheap candle lit so we could return to the boys. “He’ll be fine. I promise I won’t even sing with my usual obnoxious off-key splendor. We’ll quickly hum the tune, hand him his cake, and watch as he makes his wish.” Squeaking with excitement when the wick finally caught, my roommate offered an exaggerate eye roll. “Although, we all know what he wants for his birthday.” A sly smirk followed Rebecca’s sarcastic comment.
I rubbed my palms down the sides of my jeans. I didn’t need her to remind me how foolish I was being. Things had been going wonderful between Cooper and I—I just couldn’t help that persistent undertone in my head that wondered when it was all going to explode in our faces.
“I know . . . I know. Everything’s fine.”
“Exactly.” Rebecca turned and cupped the delicious treat in her hands, smiling. “If I were you, I’d be more worried about his reaction to all this fabulous pink. You do know I’m blaming you for the cupcake choice.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes and groan. “Then let’s get going before the wax melts and ruins it.”
“Maybe he can save the frosting for . . . after. You know . . . I heard food play and sex adds a little something extra to the bedroom.” My face suddenly felt like I was trapped in the middle of Hell with brimstone and fire heating my skin. “You know, if you want me to stop saying things like that, you need to make it harder for me to get a reaction from you.”
Ignoring her, I held the door open, the music playing over the jukebox growing louder. Between Rebecca and Marty, I was constantly in a state of blush. Whether it was inappropriate comments and teasing or impromptu displays of affection, these two were killing me.
“Caylee?”
“Hmmm?” I was already craning my neck to see where we’d left the boys over by the pool table.
Bittersweet Symphony (The Damaged Souls series Book 2) Page 2
