“Harder.” One word and I all but moaned with embarrassment. Rebecca snickered. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”
What she didn’t know was that groan had nothing to do with the sexual innuendo and everything to do with what I knew would happen later tonight when Cooper and I were finally alone.
The cupcake was Rebecca’s idea.
The sexy red lingerie in the top drawer of my armoire at home was mine. There were many things I loved about my boyfriend—his hardness was definitely at the top of that ever-growing list.
There was nothing soft about him.
At least not when I was with him.
Now it was my own thoughts betraying me—causing me to sigh out loud.
“Let me guess? Your mind just checked into the gutter?”
I nodded. “Don’t act so shocked. I’m not the one who owns prime real estate there, Miss I-Must-Describe-My-Sex-Life-In-Graphic-Detail.”
We weaved through the bar, around tables and chairs, the boys still unaware of our approach. Whatever they were discussing had Cooper laughing, his head tilted back as he kept a firm grip on the pool cue.
What I wouldn’t give to see that man laugh so freely all the time—like he didn’t shoulder the weight of the world.
It was Marty who first caught sight of us, his eyes going wide the second he did. He placed the beer bottle in his hand on the side table. Words were exchanged and I inhaled.
Show time.
“I hope he likes this,” I whispered quickly, my gaze never leaving Cooper. Even now it made me gasp just how intensely I loved him. Sometimes it was scary because of the tiny voice in my head that reminded me what happened the last time I surrendered my heart so completely. There was always a risk whenever you opened up to another person—a sense of vulnerability that left you standing on unsteady ground, the earth tilting on its axis, keeping you off balance . . . in a good way.
The sensation was exhilarating and addictive.
Loving Cooper wasn’t dangerous. It was the uncertainty of the future that kept me from throwing myself fully over the edge and hurtling head first into him.
He must’ve sensed me, that uncanny ability of his to know whenever I was close. His eyes widened as the corners of his mouth curled up into a smile, right before his gaze darted to Rebecca and recognition flooded his features. There was a brief second where I could see him visibly steel himself and his fingers tightened around the wooden stick until I worried it might snap from the pressure.
And then just like that, he exhaled and relaxed.
“Haaaaaapppppppyyyy,” Rebecca started and it was my turn to release a sigh of relief. She was true to her word—saving the insanely screechy tone she loved using for her early morning shower performances. “Biiiiiiirrrrrtthhhhhhday toooo yooooouuuuuu!”
Fluttering started up again in my stomach, one of the many ways my body reacted to Cooper. While Rebecca and her singing were the center of attention to those who’d stopped what they were doing to watch, there was no mistaking I was the only one in the room judging from Cooper’s heated stare.
I’d asked him once why he did that—why he acted as if we were the only two existing whilst surrounded by a crowd. He’d laughed and brushed it off, denying that he did, but he wasn’t the only one who could be relentless. Finally, he’d admitted I’d become his anchor—a way for him to ground himself in the situation—that I was his lighthouse and beacon. The confession had rendered me speechless for the simple fact that I hadn’t been prepared for such honesty and rawness from him.
I’d expected some off-the-cuff remark about him imagining me naked or something—anything but the stripped down and exposed truth from his heart.
Whatever the reason was for his focus tonight, I didn’t care. I would take it—take it all—and revel in it.
The bar erupted into a round of noisy applause as Rebecca’s tame rendition of the birthday song came to an end. I was proud of her. It wasn’t always easy to dial down her excitement.
“Thanks, guys.” Cooper chuckled and looked around our small group with an appreciative smile on his face. The moment his gaze left mine, I missed it. Damn this man was addictive. He took the cupcake Rebecca held out for him and dragged his finger through the top of the frosting. “I feel so special.”
I stepped closer. “That’s because you are.” There was no hesitation when Cooper offered me his sugary-dipped finger. Steadying his hand, I licked at the frosting before gently sucking the tip into my mouth.
It was difficult to know who reacted first—me, as the sweetness hit my tongue, or Cooper leaning in for a quick kiss.
“Hey! I slaved in a hot kitchen all afternoon to make that for you, birthday boy. Show a little respect!” Rebecca yelled, fretting over the cupcake precariously held in Cooper’s hand. Things were about to get messy. His free hand reached to cup my face and he crushed his mouth down on mine.
Somewhere in the background, I vaguely heard Marty’s murmur that his girlfriend was a liar, that they’d bought the treat at the bakery, and to leave his best friend alone. I didn’t care because all I could feel was the glorious sensation that followed any time Cooper touched me.
My whole body tingled—eager and responsive.
Greedy.
Gone was any trace of frosting as his tongue swept into my mouth, tangling with mine. A pulsating wildfire burst through me and it forced me to grip the front of his shirt—whether it was to keep me from toppling over or to ensure Cooper didn’t move, I didn’t care.
All that mattered was this.
Him.
I knew he felt the same. You couldn’t kiss someone the way he did and remain unaffected. I didn’t mean physically, either. Anyone could move their mouth over another’s, perfecting the mechanics of the act.
No. There was more to what we shared. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was more. It involved hearts, and minds, and the romantic in me screamed it was the perfect opportunity to bare the soul.
Part of me warned that I was being delusional, that guys didn’t think that way—that for whatever reason, they weren’t made to be soft and wistful. Women often spoke about how society weakened them, but that wasn’t what made my heart ache.
It was the unrelenting pressure for men to never show their emotions. Somewhere, over time, this mistake was adopted as truth, stripping away the very thing that made them strong—disguising it as a weakness that needed immediate crushing and obliteration.
There was nothing weak about how Cooper made me feel, whether in this brilliant moment or others. I savored everything—whatever he felt brave enough to show and give me.
This kiss.
This glorious kiss.
This spoke volumes of who he was and who he believed us to be. It spoke of tearing down the walls he’d erected out of protection and being okay with it.
Each kiss—whether they were the languid ones after our tender lovemaking or like this, the just because I need to—was another piece of himself he was offering.
I didn’t hesitate to take them.
Whether this was all in my head and I’d create something more fanciful out of his affections, it didn’t matter. I wanted it all, every last touch, smile, and whisper. He was mine and I would never complain, even if it meant drowning in the sweet heat of his mouth, surrounded by a bar filled with strangers while our friends waited impatiently for us to stop.
I was selfish when it came to him and I would never apologize for that.
It came with the territory of being head-over-heels in love.
“Wow,” I murmured. I felt a little dazed as Cooper traced his fingers one last time over my cheek. Gazing up into his stubbled features, it helped knowing I wasn’t the only one affected. He might believe he was a master of control and hiding his emotions, but I’d discovered a way to see beyond his façade. It was all in his eyes. “Why do I feel like I’m the special one?”
“Because you are, darlin’.”
“And so are we . . . blah, blah, blah,” Rebecca blurt
ed out. She earned a groan from Marty. “Are we this annoying?”
Cooper and I exclaimed in unison. “Yes!”
“I’m afraid so, love,” Marty answered. He softened his response with a kiss to the side of her head, his arm around her shoulders. “We’re just more endearing.”
Rebecca huffed, her wide grin revealing her good-natured motives. “I’m all for a good display of public affection, but seriously, did you have to kill the cupcake, Cooper?” The instant she finished the sentence, Rebecca knew she’d screwed up. “Shit! I’m so sorry.” Unshed tears were already filling her eyes.
I felt it in the way his arms involuntarily tightened around me, his posture stiffening. I’d become so sensitive to my boyfriend that I swore I could feel his heart thudding heavily in his chest.
Please be okay. Please don’t freak out. The pleas echoed over and over in my mind. We never knew when the triggers were coming—when an accidental slip would set him off.
“It’s okay.” Cooper released me from his embrace and crouched down to where his birthday cake had unceremoniously fallen, frosting first, the candle extinguished. “I’m not fragile, guys. I can handle a joke.” He picked it up, wiped away the remaining frosting with the pad of his thumb and then peeled back the paper wrapping. “This looks delicious, Rebecca. Even if it was pink.” To prove his point, Cooper took a large bite, his tongue darting out to capture the stray crumbs.
I guess he believed in the five-second rule considering it had been on the floor.
“I didn’t mean—” Rebecca stammered, her tears finally falling. “I didn’t mean to be thoughtless.”
“It’s okay, I promise.” Cooper handed me the rest of the cupcake before walking over to where Rebecca stood, mortified. “Shit happens. You’d be surprised how often I shove my foot in my mouth.”
“All the damn time,” Marty added, hoping to ease his girlfriend’s worries “So, no harm, no foul.” Marty exchanged glances with Cooper, who nodded in return.
“I’m sorry,” Rebecca whispered. “I just wanted to do something fun. Not offend you.”
It was my turn to speak up. I felt bad for my roommate. She always had the best of intentions, but sometimes things went a little wonky.
“How about we have a round of birthday shots?”
“Good idea.” Cooper smiled. “Nothing like a mouthful of tequila to remind us why we’re here.” He winked and Rebecca laughed, the moment passing.
Watching Marty leave with Rebecca in tow to get our drinks, I knew the comment had hit a little too close to home. It was the constant elephant in the room between us—the war and Cooper’s grief over his failure to save Owen. For the most part, we danced around it, ignoring the one thing we had in common, but didn’t have the courage to face.
I offered Cooper the grace to deal with his grief in his own way.
He let me silently watch and wait—ready to step in should he need someone to keep him from spiraling out of control.
“You okay? We didn’t put you on the spot with the birthday treat?” I took his hand in mine. “Be honest.”
The long drawn out exhale was answer enough. “It just caught me by surprise, is all.”
“Do you want to talk?” It was the same question I offered whenever something like this happened. I wouldn’t push or pressure him—that wasn’t my style—no matter how desperately I wanted to help.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that the only way I could encourage this beautifully complicated man to talk was to give him the room to breathe and open up on his own.
Cooper shook his head. “No. Thanks, though. Truth be told, I’m more interested in getting you alone so I can tell you what I want for my birthday.” The lustful tone in his voice all but licked at my libido.
“Is that so?” I purred, already under his spell.
His lips brushed against my ear, sending goose bumps rippling over my skin. “Have I told you how good I am at unwrapping gifts?”
There was no disguising the shiver that rocked my body. “I haven’t given you anything yet.”
Cooper’s finger brushed the spaghetti strap over my left shoulder, looping under it as he teased. “Trust me, sweetheart. You have.” To prove his point, he kissed the exposed skin, nipping at it before soothing it with the tip of his tongue. “Do you think they’ll mind if we leave? I ate cake and now it’s time for the dessert I want.”
Damn, he was impossible to say no to.
“Cooper . . .” I murmured breathlessly.
“Mmmm, music to my ears.” His hands grazed down my arms before snaking around my hips. “Say it again.”
“Oh god, no. Spare us,” Marty groaned. “Seriously, I think I threw up a little. You guys are nauseating.”
“Fuck you, asshole,” Cooper snorted, reluctantly giving up whatever he planned on doing next to turn around and flip his friend off. “Did anyone ever tell you that you have the shittiest timing ever?”
“Did anyone ever tell you to get a fucking room?” Marty retorted, holding out a shot glass. “Let’s drink these so you two can continue your sappiness in private.”
Cooper passed it to me before taking the other one offered. “Don’t even get me started, dude.”
Rebecca elbowed Marty hard, causing him to wince. “Give them a break. Heaven knows they’ve had to endure us from time to time.”
It was my turn to burst out into laughter. “From time to time?” These two were constantly joined at the mouth. They put us to shame and made us look like naïve, innocent virgins.
“Shush,” Rebecca scolded, and raising her glass, she paused to gather her thoughts. “I just want to say how wonderful it’s been getting to know you, Cooper, and how much I appreciate your friendship. It’s not so fun in the middle of the night and I can’t sleep because you two are going at it like rabbits and that damn headboard keeps banging against the wall, but . . .” Her face flushed a scarlet red when she realized that she’d confessed to hearing us have sex. Marty simply looked at her like she was his everything all wrapped up with a glittery bow. “Sorry, what was I saying? Oh yeah . . . happy birthday, Cooper. May this be one of many! Cheers!”
We answered with a chorus of the same, tipping our glasses back as we swallowed the fiery liquid.
“Damn, I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to that.” I shuddered, unable to stop the way my stomach gurgled as if it wanted to reject the alcohol immediately. “Remind me again why I agreed to drinking this nastiness?” I could already feel the affects kicking in. I was such a lightweight when it came to liquor.
“Because.” Marty laughed, his lips glistening wet.
It was Cooper that finished the sentence. “Tequila has this amazing ability to make all my dreams come true.” He bit on his bottom lip as his gaze dropped to, first my breasts, and then lower.
He was flirting and I liked it. “Really?” Two could play this game.
“Yep. Didn’t you know it makes you want to take all your clothes off?”
My eyes widened. “No way!” I exclaimed, looking to Rebecca for confirmation. “Seriously?”
My best friend shrugged. “Why do you think it’s Marty’s favorite drink?” When he slapped her on her butt, she giggled. “Sometimes I wonder if it runs through his veins instead of blood.”
“Hey, I don’t hear you complaining,” he growled, reaching for her.
There was a look of perfect adoration on Rebecca’s face before she gently tapped her fingers against his cheek. “Trust me, I don’t. I’ve always said the best place for your clothes are in a pile at the end of my bed, lover.”
I wasn’t the only one who groaned over how cheesy her comment was.
“And I think that’s our cue to say our goodbyes and call it a night,” Cooper countered. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”
“You sure you don’t want to stay and play pool some more?” Rebecca asked, even as Marty shook his head and mouthed no. It wasn’t hard to guess where both the guys’ minds were and t
hat the rest of the evening wouldn’t be spent bent over the billiard table.
Bent over something else . . . maybe.
Just not here.
Cooper wasn’t interested in any more group activities. His focus had shifted to a more intimate way to celebrate his birthday.
“I’m sure. It’s been a long day and Caylee’s got an early morning tomorrow.”
I didn’t miss my cue, faking a yawn or two for extra measure.
“You heading home?” I asked. Cooper hadn’t mentioned whether we’d be sleeping at my place or his, but Rebecca had taken to staying with Marty at his.
“Sooner or later,” he answered for her, wiggling his eyebrows. “I’ve got a few plans of my own.”
Making sure we had everything, there was another round of hugs and well wishes—the night a success.
“Wait!” Rebecca blurted out, an expression of horror blasted across her features. “I forgot!” Ignoring our curiosity, she began digging through her shoulder bag, and produced a prettily wrapped gift from inside. “Happy birthday, Cooper.”
He wasn’t the only one surprised. We discussed tonight for the past week and not once had Rebecca mentioned getting him anything. I knew my roommate—she was incapable of keeping a secret. The longest I’d seen her keep one was a day and she’d been on the verge of exploding by the end of it.
Cooper’s hands shook a little as he slowly started unwrapping the pink and white polka dotted paper. Whatever it was, it was small enough to fit in his pocket, the package pliable.
“It’s not anything spectacular but, when I saw it, I instantly thought of you and knew you had to have them.” Rebecca was all smiles. Marty and I watched on, intrigued.
With one last rip, the present was open and in his hands, Cooper held a pair of socks. “Ummm,” he murmured. “Thanks?”
“You’ve got to look at them better, silly,” she retorted, leaning over to hold them up when Cooper didn’t react. “See. They’re Superman socks.”
Sure enough, they were blue with the iconic symbol stitched into the design. But that wasn’t the funniest part. When she turned them about, there was a red cape at the top of each one.
They were adorable.
Bittersweet Symphony (The Damaged Souls series Book 2) Page 3
