Bittersweet Symphony (The Damaged Souls series Book 2)

by Belinda Boring

  “True,” I admitted, my frown still forming. “But a part of me still believes it should be him here, that somehow with each smile and kiss, I’m stealing something precious from him.”

  My confession drew a laugh from him. “You’ve got a good heart, Cooper. It’s a blessing and curse sometimes because, as much as you want to claim this happiness for yourself, you know it came at a price. Sure, it would’ve been easier had you met Caylee some other way, but ask yourself this, does it make it any less of a miracle? Remember where you were when you returned to us, how completely broken and shut down you were. When your father told Violet and I about Caylee, we scarcely believed it. Yet we’ve witnessed it for ourselves. You’ve changed . . . healed, and it’s because you found the right woman. You’ve found your Violet.”

  I couldn’t have spoken even if I wanted to. He was right—I was nothing like the empty shell from before. That man had been angry and bitter. While there were still moments when I felt those old flickering emotions, they never stayed. They were banished by the relationship I had with Caylee.

  “So, again, don’t let her go. When you know you’ve found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, don’t waste another second.” And with that last piece of advice, we fell silent, content to sit and mull over the conversation, except I still had one last thing to say.

  “Thanks, Grandpa. Thank you for showing me the list. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

  “Never, Cooper. You’re my pride and my joy. I’ve spent countless night praying for you. You will always find me in your corner, cheering you on. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Something prickled at my senses, my only warning to what happened next. A loud shot rang out—like a blast of gunfire—instantly transporting me from the safety of my parent’s backyard and straight back to that dusty street in Afghanistan.

  It didn’t matter that a voice in my head tried to reason with me, logically explaining that there was no danger here. The sound had triggered that instinctual part in me and I moved, racing across the yard to where a confused Caylee stood.

  I didn’t say a word as I threw myself at her. Our bodies colliding as we both went down.

  Everything else faded away.

  My parents.

  My grandparents.

  The smells of food.

  The sounds of home.

  We were at war and Caylee was under attack.

  I wouldn’t fail her like I had Owen.

  With my own life, I would protect her to the death.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Caylee

  What the hell was happening?

  Cooper’s body pinned me to the ground, his heart thudding so hard I could feel it rocking through me. He’d come out of nowhere and knocked me, a look of sheer terror plastered across his face as he screamed for me to get down. There’d been no time to prepare, no way to brace myself for the impact. One moment I’d been standing, laughing at something his grandmother had said and the next, it had felt like I’d collided with a freight train.

  Feeling winded, struggling to gather my senses, it all took a back seat to my number one priority—Cooper. He still remained rigid over me, every inch of his muscular frame covering me, and no amount of pushing could get him to budge.

  “Cooper. Honey,” I whispered, keeping my voice low and calm so as not to startle him further. One glance into his eyes and I knew, just knew, he wasn’t here with me in the backyard. He was gone, locked inside his head, his imagination holding him under like a hostage. I’d seen that look before and understood what it meant.

  Something had triggered him and until I could somehow find a way to bring him back to the present, we would stay in this position. He wasn’t hurting me, although the twinge in my back suggested we’d fallen onto a rock or hard object.

  Turning my head, I peered up to the equally worried faces of his family. His mom stood in the arms of her husband, tears already falling as she watched on helplessly. It must’ve been killing her not to be able to step in and fix the situation. Her baby boy was hurting.

  The sad thing was I knew this wasn’t the first time they’d witnessed a trigger with Cooper. No one panicked. No one shouted for him to get off. If anything, they gave us space.

  Bryce helped Lola over to her beloved owner and the sweet lab whined, sensing her master’s distress. She nudged him with her nose repeatedly. Settling herself as close as she possibly could, Lola offered him the warmth of her furry body. She licked his face in her own attempts to help.

  “Cooper,” I murmured again, this time gently placing my free hand on his bicep, careful not to make any quick movements. Somewhere inside his head, he would hear me and find a way to return. If it meant that we would lie here for hours until then, I would. My heart broke for this strong man—someone who’d sacrificed so much—his sanity most of all. The least I could do was be patient and give him whatever he needed.

  “It was a car backfiring.”

  Bryce turned the music off and moved back to our side. His voice was kept low. He had been in this same position before, having come across Cooper in the midst of a nightmare. We’d sat up one night talking about it. In his own way, he’d tried prepping me for the possibility, knowing I often spent the night. He didn’t know that Cooper took extra precautions, often staying awake or leaving the bedroom to go elsewhere to sleep. Countless mornings I’d find him sprawled on the couch or out on their back porch, watching the sunrise.

  It had touched me deeply that he were so careful with me. I saw that same expression in Bryce’s features now . . . on everyone’s face as they watched me put aside my own comfort.

  We loved him. We ached for him. We wished more than anything to remove this thorn in his side—to banish his demons. It was a yearning that never abated.

  I squirmed a little, studying him as I did. When I was able to free both arms, I tentatively stroked his hair, talking softly as I did. “It’s okay, baby. Everything is okay. No one is hurt. There’s no danger. It’s safe. You protected me. Thank you. Come back to me, Cooper.” Over and over I repeated the words, praying with every bit of my soul that he would hear me. Lola added her own sentiments as she continued to softly whine and pawed at him.

  The change was gradual—a longer breath, a tic in his cheek before releasing his clenched jaw. Slowly but surely, I felt his heartbeat slow until it steadied. When he finally shuddered and shifted, I knew the worst had past.

  Cooper’s eyelids fluttered before they finally opened and he gazed down at me. “Sweetheart?” I wasn’t surprised by his disorientation. His brow furrowed in confusion. “Why are we on the ground?”

  When he went to move, I wrapped my arms around him, letting him know there was no rush. Seeing he was starting to come around, his family made themselves scarce, offering him some privacy.

  “Sssh,” I comforted. “Take your time. You heard a car backfire and it startled you.”

  As his mind started filling in the blanks, a new look of fear overtook him. “Please tell me I didn’t hurt you. Caylee.” Again, he tried to move, lifting slightly to check for himself.

  Lola didn’t give him a chance to panic, choosing that precise moment to insert herself between us, showing her relief with a series of affectionate puppy kisses. Cooper’s responding chuckle was like music to my ears.

  The sight of him slowly sitting up and burying his face into Lola’s soft fur did a lot to repair my concern as well. He was okay. It wasn’t just words to utter in hope of consoling. They were truth—his truth.

  He’d gone to hell and back. He was safe. I could relax again.

  “Thanks, girl,” he said, giving his dog one last kiss on her face before turning to me. “You didn’t answer me, sweetheart. Did I hurt you?”

  “You surprised me is all,” I admitted, welcoming his touch as he cradled my cheek with his hand. When he didn’t seem to believe what I said, weighing my response with what he could see, I placed my hand over his. I refused
to let him harbor some imagined offense. “Honestly.”

  He let out a jagged exhale and I watched him visibly sag, bowing his head in relief. “I couldn’t bear it if I had. The very thought makes me sick to my stomach. Promise me, don’t ever put yourself in danger for me, Caylee. The only way I can be okay with this is if I know you won’t do anything foolish. I’m not worth it.”

  “Wanting to help you is far from being foolish, Cooper,” I gently corrected. “And I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. To me, you will always be worth saving. Not because you need it, but because I love you.”

  And with that, I crushed my lips to his, sealing the words of my heart in a way I knew he’d understand. I was all in with him—the good and the bad, the easy and the hard. I wasn’t some fragile damsel incapable of seeing beyond herself, and he wasn’t some broken soldier to be discarded when the road got rocky. He may believe that, but with time, I knew that sentiment would fade away.

  Like a caterpillar protecting itself within a cocoon, the process was temporary and defining. Before long, a beautiful butterfly emerged with wings that then let the creature soar to new heights.

  Love did that. It had the power to shelter, soften, nurture, and eventually transform a person’s perspective and world.

  Cooper was that butterfly. I saw it each time I looked at him. I believed, and one day he would too.

  “I could spend the rest of my life like this . . . kissing you.”

  He made me melt whenever he spoke from his heart. “And I could spend the rest of mine being kissed by you.”

  Lola whined—feeling left out. When she shoved me out of the way, hitting me with her tail, I knew the moment had passed, as cheesy as it was.

  That was another thing about love—it was sappy, gushy, and cheesy as hell. It didn’t matter what others said, or how much they groaned and rolled their eyes. There was something to be said about being comfortable enough with another person that you didn’t think twice about being a little goofy—in revealing a softer underbelly.

  “I think that’s your cue to give her a little extra attention.” I laughed, scooting back further and wrapping my arms around my knees. Cooper didn’t waste any time whispering his gratitude into Lola’s ears and hugging her, mindful of her leg.

  Man’s best friend, I thought, knowing that despite her restrictions, the cast still on her limb, Lola had taken no thought for herself. All she’d seen was her master and known she was needed. She was such a godsend and blessing. We’d been a team just now—united in one cause. Cooper.

  Footsteps fell behind us and Heather approached with a glass of water in her hand. “Son?”

  His smile had the exact same affect on her as it did me—the tension melting away from her. “I’m okay, Mom. Sorry to ruin the BBQ.” The sun had already dipped beneath the horizon, heralding night in its wake. Only now did I notice the air had a chill to it and crickets began singing their tune.

  “Nonsense. We’re all just happy to see no harm was done. Everyone’s inside, but we can move back outside, maybe get the fire pit going.” It was a testament to Heather that she didn’t go overboard in mothering her son, in fawning over him. She’d gone through this and knew that the best way to help him was to ease any embarrassment he must be feeling with thoughtful grace. The BBQ would continue and the focus would shift from Cooper back to the family enjoying each other’s company.

  “Do you mind if I take a few moments alone to kinda—” Cooper scratched the back of his neck, glancing between his mother and me. “—get my head on straight. It’s still all rattling around inside. I just need a quick breather.”

  He studied me as he said it and I realized he worried he was offending me by asking for it. I wanted to shake him for overthinking as much as I wanted to kiss his face for being him. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be right out here, pigging out on s’mores, and talking your grandfather’s ear off.”

  Again, he sighed in relief. “Okay, I won’t take long.” Then whistling for Lola to join him, we both watched Cooper as he retreated into the house.

  “Thank you,” Heather said, turning to me only when she couldn’t see her son anymore.

  “You seriously don’t have to thank me.”

  “I know. But I always will. Thank you for loving my boy and being exactly what he . . . what this family needs.”

  With that, she left me alone in the backyard, my own tears now falling.

  ****

  After staring toward the house for the hundredth time, I found myself wandering into the kitchen with the excuse of bringing in a dirty dish. The second I entered and I saw Cooper’s mother and grandmother standing at the sink, talking, I knew I hadn’t been the only one who’s thoughts had strayed to the bedroom Cooper had retreated into.

  “I wondered when you’d show up.” Violet smiled, taking the dish from me. She gave it a good scrub with her cloth before sliding it behind the already cleaned items on the rack.

  Heather brushed past me, tea towel in hand. “Perfect timing, too. Between the three of us, we’ll have these all finished and put away promptly.” Pointing to the cupboards beside me, she offered me a glass bowl. “Do you mind?”

  There was a certain kinship I felt with the wonderful women that went beyond family or even gender. Within our small impromptu group, we all had the same experience of loving a veteran—of having to watch those we love go off to war and come back changed. While each of our experiences was different—retired, dead, or wounded—there was a commonality that tied us together.

  Right now, that was Cooper.

  We may have been present in the kitchen, keeping busy while we patiently waited, but our hearts and thoughts were still pacing outside his bedroom door, hoping against hope he was okay inside.

  “Have you heard anything?” I asked, revealing exactly why I’d left the men outside and my true purpose. Glancing over my shoulder in the direction where I knew my boyfriend had disappeared, it took everything I had not to simply go see for myself.

  Sometimes giving someone the space they needed was hard, painfully so. All I wanted to do was rush in and kiss away whatever caused him sorrow. It went against my nature to stand silent and watch. But if there’d been one thing I’d learned from my marriage to Owen it was that these things couldn’t be rushed and, just because I thought I knew better, didn’t mean it was the only right choice.

  It was Heather who answered, her hands busy drying off the cookie sheet used to hold the grilled hamburger patties. “It’s been pretty quiet in there. I peeked in for a moment and found him passed out on the bed. Hopefully when he wakes, he’ll feel much better.”

  “It’s surprising how much a good nap can recharge the batteries,” Violet added, nodding from experience. “They’re not just for kids. Edward likes to tease me every time I suggest we take one. In fact, I can’t remember which deployment it was, but when he returned, it was the thing that saved our marriage.”

  There was definitely a story there, some pearl of wisdom begging to be discovered. “How so?” All I could think of was the nightmares Owen would have whenever he slept. In my mind, napping provided another chance for his memories to plague him.

  From what I’d seen, Cooper was exactly the same.

  “My Edward had had a particularly tough mission and he didn’t need to talk about it for me to see how tightly it gripped him. He walked around with a permanent scowl as if he couldn’t quite leave whatever he’d seen behind.”

  “He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders,” I murmured, more to myself than to anyone else, but both Heather and Violet nodded in agreement. They knew exactly what I’d meant.

  “It was as if peace alluded him and each day he battled to get free of the black cloud of doom he’d returned with. He seemed more irritable, despite explaining he was fine. Everything bothered him and he’d snap over the smallest of things. Finally, I had to sit him down and ask him what I could do to help. Neither of us could handle the added pressure . . . the wa
y it wore us down and chipped away at the love we shared.”

  Heather held a knowing look and I imagined her dealing with something similar with Cooper. Even I had witnessed how quickly his mood could swing, especially if he was tired, which was most days.

  “It was another military wife who told me her secret and how encouraging our men to take a quick break from the world could take that edge off. Edward had been skeptical at first, but sure enough, it made a difference.”

  “Whatever it takes, right?” I answered, accepting a small handful of cutlery from Heather. Half turned, I slid open the draw and started putting them away. “And you taught that to Cooper, didn’t you? The sleeping thing.”

  Both women exchanged glances before agreeing.

  “It was either that or watch him slowly destroy himself.” There was still a deep sense of anguish in Heather’s voice as she paused for a moment.

  “Owen used to retreat into the garage whenever he had something bothering him,” I admitted. “He’d bang away in there for hours until I wondered if the house would crumble down over us. I never asked what he was doing and he wouldn’t disclose it. All I knew was he’d go in angry and come out like the Owen I’d fallen in love with and married.”

  “Men are different creatures to us. While we like to share our feelings and talk through our troubles, they will often bury their emotions deep within them, believing it’s their duty to keep the pain to themselves.”

  “To spare us,” Heather added to Violet’s sentiments. “Not realizing that keeping us in the dark while we can see they’re troubled is worse. I’d lie in bed at night imagining all kinds of horrors, trying to understand what was happening to Cooper. He wasn’t my happy little boy anymore. It killed me feeling so helpless.”

  This conversation was exactly what I needed. “Owen would tell me to not worry, and for a while, I was able to believe him. I don’t know if that was just me wanting to hold onto the fantasy or whether it was me foolishly accepting a lie because reality was much harsher.”