Everything felt hazy. I felt arms tightening around me as I struggled. It had only been a dream. I did not wake up screaming; it was more of a whimper. My heart was pounding from the images of Anaya’s memory, almost the same, but the slight change made such a dramatic difference.
“It was a bad one?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper, but it startled me. I nodded and tried not to cry. Did he only care about me because I forced him to? The thought was suffocating.
I stood up and moved to the end of the bed, hitting the wall to open the secret room. I needed air and earth. It was not real, but it was as close as I would ever get.
“Love?”
His concern did nothing to loosen the hands around my neck. The wall slid up and I rushed inside. The darkness and crisp air relaxed me a little. I pushed through the trees and their feather branches caressed me. They felt like whispers, comforting, saying ‘You will be okay. It was just a dream.’
I broke through and found the pond waiting for me like a friend. I waded out into the water and sat. The cool water soothed my feverish skin.
The soft lapping against the tiny bank drew my focus. I shut out everything else but the sound and the tickle of fish as they brushed my skin. My heartbeat slowed and my breath shallowed.
The moment he stepped into the water, I felt the pull. It was a fraction of what I felt in the Living Waters, but I still ached with the need to be near Jaxson, to belong.
“Love?” He took a cautious step closer. “Can I come out there?”
I nodded, but did not face him. I could not look at him and wonder if it was just a trick of nature that allowed me to force his adoration. There was no denying how much I needed him near though.
With each step, the ache and fear ebbed, replaced by the sense of oneness I could have never imagined possible before I was Chosen. He was hesitant as he stood behind me. I reached back to touch him and he responded by sitting down, his legs on either side of mine. He pressed his chest against my back, wrapping his arms around me, holding me tight.
“What is it, Love?”
I shook my head.
“Please tell me. I cannot help if you do not let me in.” His voice was pained.
I had to tell him something to ease his mind, so I lied.
“It is just her,” I said, tapping my head.
“Tell me what I can do.”
“Nothing, she is just sad. It is Reka’s birthday in a few days. It is the first one she will not be spending with her family. The first is the hardest. She will get used to it.”
He scattered gentle kisses along my neck and shoulders. “How can I make this better?”
I took his hand and laced my fingers in his and pulled his arms around me like a blanket. “You are doing it. Being near you makes it better.”
Slowly, I began to relax. When my body finally stopped trembling, Jaxson scooped me up into his arms. Without a word he carried me back to bed. He rubbed his fingers over my hands, gently tracing patterns on my skin. The strength in his arms, in who he was gave me the sense of security I needed at the moment. The sense of security I always craved but could never have. I knew it was false, but I tried to ignore that.
Morning came quickly. I could tell Jaxson was already awake, though he was not moving. I nestled my face into his neck and tightened my grip on his waist.
“Are you finally awake?” He sounded amused.
“No,” I said with a sigh.
“Though you do talk in your sleep, I do not believe that is the case now.”
I pulled back and looked at him. He looked more amused than he sounded.
“What do I say? When I sleep?”
The wall chimed before I got my answer. He disentangled himself from me and walked quickly to the bureau. He dressed in his pants only, then opened the wall. Griff was waiting just outside the entrance. He gave me a large smile, showing nearly all of his teeth, after a quick glance at Jaxson.
“Staying in for the day?” he asked Jaxson, though his smirk was directed at me.
“Would you mind taking care of my responsibilities today?”
“Not at all.” He backed away and disappeared before I could make any objections.
“I am alright, Jaxson. You do not have to stay for me.”
“I am staying for me,” he said as he laid back down. He settled in close, tucking me under his chin. “I did not get much sleep last night.”
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“Do not be. I would gladly give up sleep for that any night.”
I was glad my face was buried in his neck. My skin was no doubt, rosy.
“Care to deprive me further?” he whispered, his lips brushing against my ear sending a different kind of chill down my spine. My body rose to meet his as my back arched in response.
~o~
The smell of food roused me.
“Welcome back.” Jaxson’s face lit up as he spoke. He lifted the lid from the tray next to me. I was suddenly starving. He plucked a strawberry from the platter and held it to my mouth.
“What would you like to do today?” he asked while I took a bite.
“Swim,” I answered as he offered me a slice of pear.
He said nothing but his eyes revealed just how pleased he was with my request.
I ate quickly.
~o~
My stomach fluttered with excitement as I watched Jaxson disappear through the body sized opening that led to the Living Waters. I could only wait a moment before my anticipation got the better of me, and I stepped through my own personalized opening.
Stepping out on the other side, dressed in the tiny, soft swimwear, still filled me with awe. I caught sight of Jaxson standing in the water, nearly hidden in the dense fog that rose up from the pond. The look on his face erased any astonishment I had for the miracles of the ship.
I swallowed and tried not to look away, as the heat rose in my cheeks. I did not want to break his gaze. I wanted to remember that look, always, and how breathless it made me feel.
It was no longer the look that came after he surveyed my nearly bare body. His eyes never moved from mine. It was a look that told me, though he thought it was Anaya he was loving, it was really me. It was my personality and my actions that made him happy, that brought about the tender look.
I waded slowly out to where he stood. He smiled and kissed me softly. The moment his lips left mine, I swam away. It was difficult, but I needed to know I could. A bonus side effect was that he followed me.
He did not chase me down as I had done to him. He casually swam just close enough for the power of his presence to be felt. Knowing he was there, but not trying to hold me, eased all my fears about the influence he held over me in the Waters.
I stopped swimming and splashed water at him. His eyes widened with surprise. He stood still for a moment, frozen like a statue. I could see the mischief in his eyes as he smiled just before splashing me back, then he tackled me. We spent the rest of the morning playing like children.
~o~
Lying on the bank, our legs dangling in the water, he rolled over and looked at me. I felt a rumble, low in my stomach. He smiled a crooked smile, causing the corner of his right eye to pinch up slightly.
“Lunch?”
I took a deep breath. “Oh, alright,” I said, letting my breath out as I spoke.
He laughed and offered me a hand as he stood. I took it and was lifted to my feet. I rocked forward on my toes, stretching up to kiss him. He still seemed surprised whenever I kissed him. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling against me in desperation. He kissed back, hungrily. Unprepared for his response, I let out a soft whimper.
He drew back. “Sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said, breathlessly, still leaning into him. A light blush spread across his cheeks.
I took his hand and led him to the exit. He stepped through first. I was slowly becoming aware that this was a protective step he always took, Always going first to make sure it was safe for m
e.
I stepped through the opening. On the other side, Jaxson’s rigid posture alerted me before I saw Duester. Her cheeks were bright with color and her lips were puckered in a menacing scowl.
“Duester,” I greeted her. She bowed slowly, deliberately. I grabbed Jaxson’s hand and could not help giggling as I skipped past her. In spite of her angry look, I was still feeling light, like a child.
As we turned the corner to head towards the dining hall, I heard her growl. I looked back, then at Jaxson.
“Why does this upset her so much?”
“You have to remember, Leyal was in love with you before we were bonded. Duester was not his first choice and she knows it. She has nothing but anger to keep her company now.”
The hairs on my neck all stood on end. This was not something that could be ignored. She had centuries of hatred built up against me, and not a whole lot left to lose.
Chapter 14
Jaxson gave me a squeeze, waking me. As he started to rise for the day, I had to fight the impulse to hold him there with me. Instead, I squeezed his hand briefly as he pulled away.
“Morning, Love,” he cooed.
“Morning,” I responded, still sleepy.
I watched as he dressed slowly, taking his time.
“I wish you did not have to go.”
He stopped dressing and turned. “You should not tempt me so. I have to be consistent if I am to keep our friends in line.” He was serious, but wore a slight smile. I joined him at the bureau.
“You do bring balance to this place,” I said, between soft kisses.
“And you balance me,” he whispered and pulled me back for another kiss.
I returned to the bed and watched him continue to get ready for the day. He slipped the dagger into his pant leg. Though I knew he always had it, I never stopped to wonder why. Was he in danger amongst the Halorans also?
He turned and a look of surprise betrayed his calm demeanor when he caught me watching him. He crossed the room and knelt before me.
“Griff will not be joining you today. I have assigned him other duties. You are free to move about unescorted, but please,” his eyes were imploring, “please be very careful. I cannot even think of what I would do if I lost you, my love.” He looked wild for a moment before he reined in his emotions. He kissed my nose, then my lips before leaving for the day.
I stared at the wall for a long time after he left. I should be happy that I finally had my freedom, but I was disappointed. I was looking forward to resuming practice with Griff. The little training he had given me was not nearly enough.
~o~
I stood outside the dining hall knowing I had to go in, even though I had lost my appetite. It would show them how weak I was if I did not go in and eat.
To my surprise, almost no one stared, or even looked up as I walked through the room to my table. I was sharply aware of one set of eyes that tracked my every movement though. I tried not to let Duester get to me as I sat alone.
Katy appeared, leaving me almost no time for solitude.
“What would you like today, my lady?”
I leaned toward her like I was about to tell her a secret, even though no one would hear me from the distance they sat. “Tell me, has Marcel got any new dishes for me to try?”
Her face brightened and a smile hinted at her lips. She too, leaned in even further, as if she were sharing the secrets of the universe. “He has been working on something new lately, just for you. You are going to love it.” She squeaked with excitement.
“I cannot wait.”
“Great! I will just go check on him.” She backed away with a tiny bow and disappeared. I thought about Marcel and Harlan in the kitchen, working on new things to cause my head to bob when I ate and completely forgot about the eyes that were focused on me.
Katy returned with a small covered tray. She placed it in front of me and pulled the cover off in an act of triumph. This time, instead of disappearing quickly back into the kitchen, she stood back and watched me expectantly.
It looked like a small cake, only it was made of egg with a crust covering the outer ring. I cut a piece out and stuck it in my mouth.
“Well?” Katy asked as soon as I finished chewing.
“I have a new favorite,” I responded.
Katy looked up and bobbed her head quickly. I turned to see Harlan standing just inside the entrance to the kitchen, and the back of Marcel’s shiny head retreating. Harlan smiled so wide all of his teeth were showing. I smiled back and he disappeared suddenly, as if he had forgotten he was watching.
“I knew you would love it,” Katy gushed. “It has bacon, goat cheese and eggs. All of your favorite things.”
“Thank you, Katy. Let them know they have made my whole day.”
She blushed a light shade of pink, then bowed. “That will please them very much.”
As soon as Katy was gone, I no longer felt the need to hide just how delicious the new food was. I ate every bite, and wanted to lick the plate, but knew it was not what Anaya would do, so, regretfully, I refrained.
Wandering slowly through the halls, I found I could not bring myself to go back to the room. I did not want to sit alone in the room with nothing to do but think of the thin line my life balanced on. Before I knew it, I had made a circle and found myself at the kitchen.
“My lady, was breakfast not to your liking?” Marcel asked when I peeked my head through the entrance.
“Marcel, you are an artist. I loved it.”
“Wonderful!” He scratched his head and looked uncomfortable.
“I came by to see if you could use an extra set of hands. I am restless and need to be put to work. Idle hands,” I said, holding them up.
He smiled and gave a nervous laugh.
“I could use an extra set of hands. Can you chop?” Harlan cut in. Where Marcel was lacking in people skills, Harlan was quick take up the slack.
“That would be perfect.”
He laughed and set me up next to him, probably so he could keep an eye on me, surely skeptical of my culinary skills.
Before I knew it, lunch time had arrived. “Oh, I better go. Thank you for giving me something to keep me out of trouble.”
“Thank you, my lady, for all your help.” Harlan bowed, then turned and hurried to make sure everything was ready for lunch.
Jaxson strutted through the dining room toward me. He looked like a peacock in full plumage, Griff keeping stride next to him. I did not pretend to be unaware of their presence this time.
Jaxson bent and kissed me before taking his seat.
“How is your day going?” he asked.
“Good. How is yours?”
“Better now,” he said as he took my hand and kissed it. “Enjoying your freedom?”
I shrugged. “Not much different, really.”
His eyebrows raised slightly, but he said nothing.
Griff cleared his throat and I looked over at him. He looked guilty and it made me feel like I was as well. I did not look his way for the rest of the meal.
~o~
The chimes announcing Jaxson was home for the evening sounded. I watched the wall opening then, looked away as soon as I saw Griff’s eyes staring back at me.
Jaxson stepped through the opening. “See you at dinner, Griff.”
Griff nodded, then turned his gaze to me. “Anaya.”
“Thank you for keeping him safe, Griff.”
He nodded again, turned and left.
“You were worried?” Jaxson asked, sounding amused.
“You think you are the only one who worries?”
He walked over and sat on the bed in front of me. He took my face in his hands. “You have nothing to worry about. No one can ever take me away from you.”
I searched his eyes for a sign that he saw the real me. There was so much I saw there, but nothing that made me sure. He blinked as if he could see I was studying him, then he leaned in and kissed me. It felt like all things I had been searching for in his e
yes. I wanted to believe he knew it was me, and was happy for it, but the truth was, I could not trust myself to know if that was true or not. I had to fight the impulse to find out.
Chapter 15
“Will you be joining me for lunch again today?” I asked as Jaxson dressed.
He turned and gave me an odd look. “Would you like me to?”
It was strange to hear him sound so uncertain. I thought he was sure of how I felt for him but, it was clear I was not the only one with fears.
“Yes, I really would.”
He turned back to the bureau but I saw the smile he was trying to hide. “Yes, as long as you want me, I will be there.”
~o~
Harlan looked up as I stepped inside the kitchen. “What would you like to learn today?”
“Actually, I was hoping to make Jaxson’s lunch today.”
“You are not going to poison him, are you?” He looked me in the eye, but giggled nervously.
“What?” I stared wide eyed at him, unsure what else to say.
“Well, everyone knows you two have not always had such a close relationship. I am sorry but, I had to ask.”
“No, you are right. I have been really terrible to him for a long time. I am trying to make up for it now.”
Anaya was in a constant state of prickling as of late. I was getting used to the slight headache it caused, but my admission seemed to really rub her wrong. She pushed back hard and I had to press my palm to my forehead to hide my reaction.
“I am really sorry, my lady. I did not mean to upset you.”
I took a deep breath. “Harlan, you have nothing to be sorry for. People should be held accountable for their actions. Even me.”
He nodded, but appeared not to know what to say. I walked to the large cooler and pulled out several ingredients.
“What are you making?”
“It is a surprise. I will let you taste it if you tell me where to find the garlic.”
He took a step toward me and pointed the knife in his hands to the left corner of the cooler. There was an audible intake of air from the rest of the room. The blade was close to me, and from an outside view it probably appeared to be pointed directly at me.
Children of the Gods - A Chosen Novel Page 9
