“Well, of course I do.” It was not what I wanted to say, but it was the only thing I could think of that would not give me away.
“You have never said it before.” His eyes remained trained on my navel. Was he afraid to hope it was true?
Witnessing the pain of a thousand years of rejection, how could I possibly remain angry with him? His suffering did not completely alleviate my own. So, for now at least, I would pretend.
Chapter 20
“I have an idea,” I said.
Jaxson stopped dressing, turned and looked at me with questions in his eyes. Things were not quite the same between us since my birthday. It seemed like he was walking on egg shells, always watching me.
It was like we were strangers again. Every touch had a question with it. ‘Is this okay?’ it would ask. Every kiss was restrained, full of hesitation and uncertainty.
“I know you cannot keep staying here with me. You have responsibilities—”
He interrupted. “I can stay if you want me to.” There was hope in his tone.
“I know you would if I ask, but I have a better idea.”
His face fell a little; the hope lingered, but was muted by something else.
“What if I come with you today? See what it is you do? Maybe help out?” I held my breath as he looked like he was considering what I had asked. His expression was unreadable.
He broke out into the kind of smile I had not seen in weeks. “Would you really like to?”
I nodded. “I really would.”
He came back over to me and leaned down across the bed. He took my face in his hands and there was only a moments hesitation before he kissed me.
It was the kind of kiss I missed, full of passion, communicating unspoken longings that had too long been repressed. My body ached for his touch, the kind that was full of confidence and belonging. My lips missed the crushing kisses filled with need and a desire to be closer.
His kiss had reawakened something in me. I breathed in his scent and everything in me remembered that this, being near him was where I belonged. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer.
When we finally separated ourselves and he resumed dressing for the day, a terrible thought occurred to me as I watched him. I could not help but wonder if he was really so uncertain, or was he just too good at reading me and what it would take to make me fall hard for him again.
I immediately dismissed it and felt bad for even thinking it. Freezing, I closed my eyes and tried to feel Anaya. Since she showed me how to silence her, she was far more careful about the influence she tried to exert over me. I thought back…how many days had it been since I visited the garden last?
I climbed out of bed and padded softly across to where Jaxson stood with his back to me.
“I am sorry for all the time I wasted denying you. I know how much it hurt you, even now,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his chest and pressed myself against his back. He turned and kissed me, and this time there was no uncertainty in his touch.
It was then that I felt the slightest of prickling from her. So she was awake, sneaky girl. I would have to be careful which feelings I trusted.
“Stop trying to avoid work and get dressed,” I said, winking as I pulled away. He gave me a look, eyebrows raised, but finished getting dressed.
“Need some help?”
I slapped his hand. “If you keep this up we are going to be late.”
“Well, it is a good thing I am the boss.” He pulled me to him. His pants were cool against my skin. “Let me help you with that.” He took the bodice and slipped it over my head. His lips met mine when it slipped past them. “I have missed these,” he said, brushing his lips softly in a circle over mine. It took my breath away.
He leaned over and pulled a pair of pants out of the opened drawer. I lifted my foot and he slipped a pant leg over it and pulled it up, pausing at my knee to kiss it. “And these.”
When he had both pant legs on and pulled up, he took my hand. “Mostly, I have missed you. Thank you for really forgiving me.”
~o~
Everyone was in a line, looking at their toes when we entered the kitchen. Katy chanced a glance up, then started to look back at her toes when her head stopped and her mouth dropped open.
“My lady,” she said in surprise. Everyone looked up, and stared at me with wide eyes.
“Pretend I am not here. I am just an observer today.” I winked at Katy. Her cheeks turned the rosy pink they usually did whenever she was singled out. Jaxson squeezed my hand then let it go.
“What do we have planned for today?” he asked Marcel, making his way toward the food laid out for him to sample.
Tuning out their conversation, I came up next to Katy and hooked my arm in hers. “Is this what you do every morning?”
“Shhhh. I am supposed to be paying attention.” She gave me a nervous sideways glance, probably realizing she had just shushed a queen.
“You will not get in trouble, Katy. I am just trying to understand the process.”
“Well, we usually stand here and watch while they discuss the menu for the day.”
“How long does this take usually?”
“Twenty or thirty minutes,” she responded with a shrug.
I tried to pay attention to their conversation, but I was completely distracted watching Jaxson. He looked so interested even though this was something he had done every day for centuries.
“Going back to the breakfast menu, I think it would be a good idea if we spice things up a bit. Put something new out every couple of days,” Jaxson suggested when Marcel was finished with the day’s line up.
“Yes, sir, I think that would be a good idea. Keeps people from getting bored, however we have found they get upset when we take away the daily items. They are expected.” Marcel tried delicately to shoot down Jaxson’s idea.
He nodded and looked thoughtful for a moment. Looking up at me, he caught me watching and winked. Turning his attention back to Marcel, I was amazed at the tenderness in his expression. “Marcel, you are right. We do not want cause trouble by removing the things they rely on, but I do think we need some variety. We do not want them getting bored and complaining. I know it will be a lot of work to add an extra dish every morning, so how about twice a week. Sunday and Wednesday you serve a special dish in addition to the regulars?”
Marcel looked relieved. “That sounds like a workable compromise.”
“Great, it is settled then.” Jaxson grabbed something and walked over to me. He held a piece of tender looking meat to my lips and I took it.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“Delicious,” I responded, and it was. It was the most tender, flavorful piece of meat I had ever tasted.
He leaned closer to me. “It is my own recipe.”
Before I could respond, he took my hand and led me back to the bakery where he snagged a roll. We hurried out before Lisal noticed. She was an intimidating woman even to me. It felt like we were children escaping with our prize.
“You really care about them. I can tell.” I nudged Jaxson’s side.
“They feel more like my people than many of our own people do. I know you think it is because they remind me of the Osidians back home, with their refusal to accept their Kinchas. They do, but it is not just that. The Osidians refuse to reap the rewards of an extended life that the Kincha would grant them. The humans and the Osidians must live life the best they can in such a short time. Live and love to the fullest, waste nothing, take nothing for granted. It is amazing. It is a gift to know you do not have time to hold onto hatred. It something more though. Something special. I feel like I am part of them, like they are the family I will never have.”
This revelation surprised me. I knew why they felt that way to me. They were my people, but for him to feel that way was so comforting. I wondered if the fact that he never had to take a host had anything to do with it. Was the act of taking a host what caused the other Halorans to regard us as disp
osable, to be used and discarded like cattle?
Chapter 21
“Where to next?” I asked. My expectations were lowered by our very normal duties in the kitchen.
“You are really going to like this next place, but I have to warn you…” He looked at me as though he were trying to make me realize his warning was very serious. “Duester will be there. Since Leyal’s death, she has found a need to be useful. I have allowed her to come and fill the spot that was left empty by Leyal’s absence.”
I felt a twinge of sympathy for her. “I will be on my best behavior,” I assured him.
“I am not worried about that.” He kissed my nose. “I just want you to be aware because I know how uncomfortable she makes you. If you would like to avoid it, I will understand.”
“Can you taste my emotions when I am lying also?” I asked with a raised brow.
He smiled sheepishly and nodded. “I can tell more from your scent than your words could ever tell me, usually. Like when you were training with Griff. I could taste your pain, and it was very hard not to be hurt that you did not trust me to protect you, or even to tell me what you were doing.”
“I do trust you to protect me. I just wanted to feel like I could also protect myself. I am sorry I did not trust that you would understand.”
“I might not have understood then, but I am learning.” He leaned close and kissed me gently, then more urgently as I worked my hands into his hair. The sound of someone’s discomfort at finding us as we were put an end to the kiss.
“Duester,” I said, surprised.
“Will she be joining us today?” she asked Jaxson with a nod in my direction.
“Yes, she will.” His tone was challenging, as if daring her to object. It stirred something in me.
She nodded and looked at the floor.
Jaxson put his hand to the wall and an opening similar to a regular door appeared and remained opened, even after everyone entered. The room was empty, devoid of anything but walls and the entrance which cast the only light in the room.
The pale glow spilling across Duesters face only accentuated the murderous look she was wearing. The room lit up in response to something Jaxson had done, and a quick glance back at Duester revealed the look was gone, replaced by a pleasant, sleepy half smile.
Had I imagined the look? The cold chill that trickled down my spine told me it was no trick of the light, and my imagination was in no way responsible for it.
Jaxson pressed his hand to the main wall and the floor shifted and stretched till there was something resembling a desk right in front of Duester. He walked over to it and placed his palm across the middle of it. It flickered to life with a soft whirring noise and multicolored glowing lights, all in soft hues that glittered like the skin of the ship.
He stepped away and Duester took her place in front of it. I did not try to hide my astonishment.
“What does that do?”
I ignored Duesters smirk and looked at Jaxson in awe.
“Well, you know the ship is organic, but unlike our Kinchas, it does not have a brain to keep it running. Some of its functions are automatic, like breathing is to us. Others need our help. That console helps to regulate certain systems.” I sensed he was holding back a smirk of his own then. I decided it was better not to ask what type of systems when I noticed the severe look Duester was wearing, and how she would not meet my eyes.
“Do you help it also?”
He touched the wall and a desk that took up much of the front of the room rose up out of floor. I wanted to run my hand along the beautiful colored surface, but I thought that might not be wise, so I only looked closely.
“This,” Jaxson motioned toward the area I had just been admiring, “is where access is granted or taken away.”
“How? How is someone’s access determined?”
“Their skin is what allows access, but it is more than that. The ship knows a person on a deeper level. Each person has a unique signature written in their cells. The ship reads this signature through a person’s skin, and checks it here against what I have granted them.”
“Show me?” I asked, placing my hand atop his. He looked like he might overflow with happiness.
“We have a new member of the kitchen staff coming tomorrow. I have already created his profile but have not assigned his duties or rights. Would you like to grant him access?”
I could not help my excitement. I clapped my hands together. “Can I really?”
He took my hand and pressed it to one of the flickering blue lights. If I was not so excited, I might have been mesmerized by the swirling patterns it made under my touch. It was like stirring up light blue sand in a pool of dark blue water.
“Think of the new member of the kitchen staff,” he whispered in my ear, and the new staff member was the furthest thing from my mind. The console gave a short whine and the wall in front of us flickered, then changed. Displayed was a perfect representation of Jaxson kissing me. I pulled my hand away and the wall returned to being just a wall.
My cheeks burned; I could feel them turning a fiery red. The wide smile on Jaxson’s face did not help. It did nothing to change the sour look on Duester’s face either.
“I think I will leave you two alone for today,” she said, bowing and backing toward the doorway. I was too embarrassed to feel concerned with the glare she threw me as she disappeared into the hallway.
“Now that she is gone, I have something I have been dying to show you.”
“How did I? I mean… How did what I was thinking get up there?” I waved to the wall and looked away.
He took my chin delicately in his hand and coaxed me to look back at the wall. With his hand still holding my chin, he placed the other hand on the console, and an image of me appeared on the wall. “It shows you what you want. What you are thinking about most.”
“You are thinking about me the most?”
“Always.” His eyes were full of amusement. “It makes it hard to work sometimes. It is not the first time Duester has left in disgust.”
“Really? You are not just saying that to make me feel better?”
He shook his head. “You would know if I was.”
He was right. I could smell it if he were humoring me. He smelled nothing like humor at the moment. I could smell and taste his desire as much as I had felt my own before I made the wall change.
“I want to show you something, but first I would like you to try again. I would like for you to know how to make this work.”
“I do not think that is such a good idea. I am liable to turn the whole ship pink, the way I am feeling right now.”
He took my hand and pressed his lips to each finger tip. “You can do it. I believe in you.” He pressed my hand to console again and waited. I closed my eyes for a second, then opened them when the lighting in the room changed. On the wall was an image of a gangly looking boy.
“Now think of the places he should have access. The kitchen and all that is in it; the kitchen’s entrance to the ship, the dining room, and his quarters.”
As I did, each area flashed on the wall also. When I was finished, the console made a pleasant hum and the wall went blank.
“I knew you could do it.” His lips brushed my ear and I pulled my hand away from the console before it could betray me again. He chuckled and placed his hand on the console. The entrance to the room closed leaving us in privacy.
Chapter 22
“What did you want to show me?” My voice came out sounding squeaky and unstable.
“First, a bit of instruction,” he said, taking my hand and laying it on the console again. “The others have no real control of this ship. Duester could not raise that panel, or use it, without me granting her temporary access every day. You have that same ability. You can control every inch of this ship with simply a touch. If any part of your skin is touching a part of this ship, you can make it do anything you want.”
“How is that possible with me? This is not the original Anaya.”
I motioned to my body.
“Your Kincha has stored all the information necessary, and with this body, it has transferred all the instructions to each of your cells. I do not know if it worked with the others, but I had a suspicion with this one, and you have allowed me to test it today. You do not know how happy you have made me.”
He walked around behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Resting his chin against my shoulder, he placed a hand on top of mine, with his palm flat, his fingers touched the console between mine. “This is what I wanted to show you.”
The room went completely dark. Slowly, pin pricks of light began to appear on the wall in front of us. Soon every surface of the room was transformed, covered in stars, then slowly, moons and planets began to appear. It was like we were standing, suspended in space.
“Can you make it stay without touching the console?” I asked without turning my head from the view.
“Think it, and it shall remain until you want it no more.”
I turned in his arms until I was facing him. His face was bathed in the light of a million stars. In that moment, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“Did you lock the entrance?” I asked.
He shook his head.
“I can do anything since my feet are touching the skin of the ship?”
He nodded. The entrance made the whining noise that indicated it was locked. He looked at me and his question melted away.
I circled my arms around his neck. The stars were reflected in them as if my skin was the night sky itself. It took my breath away. The increased pressure of his hands against the rise of my hips made it clear that the illusion was having the same effect on him.
“You have no idea how long I have waited to share this with you.” His emotions carried on the scent of his breath, overwhelming me. I closed my eyes and savored the heat of his lips on my neck, tracing lines that made me quiver.
“Are you cold?” he asked, his lips curving up into a devilish smile.
~o~
Griff was leaning against the wall outside the dining room. I could feel my stomach tighten the moment I saw him. He was attempting to look casual, but nothing about the act was casual. He reminded me of a cobra; muscles tensed, ready to strike. He smiled and gave me a nod, not completely formal, but too polite.
Children of the Gods - A Chosen Novel Page 12
