Gabe

by M. Malone

  I turn my head to see a young woman with light brown hair and glasses observing us. She’s wearing a white coat so I assume she’s the doctor. It’s confirmed when she pulls out one of those annoying little penlights that all doctors seem to have and shines it right in my eyes.

  “A mugger. Right. How long have I been here?"

  She moves the light back and forth. "It's been four days. Do you know where you are?"

  "I didn't get hit that hard. Seven times twelve is eighty-four, my birthday is June 17 and ESPN is on channel 561. Can I go home now?”

  The doctor frowns. “Mr. Marshall, we need to be sure that you don't have any complications.“

  “Just give me some good drugs and I'll be fine. I don't like hospitals.”

  Zack meets my eyes and there's a sad understanding there. We spent so much time with doctors when he was a child so I'm sure it's not easy for him to be here.

  She finally puts the penlight away. “If you check out it will be against medical advisement.” At my nod, she sighs. “I’ll have the nurses prepare your discharge papers.”

  As soon as she's gone, I turn back to Tank. "I broke into the place where Blade was staying about a month ago. My friend Cole was with me. Apparently he went back and stole something from Blade. He wants it back. That's what this is all about."

  Zack's face is stony when he says, "We'll take care of it. I'll make sure Tank knows where to find him." By the look on his face he's going to enjoy letting Tank scare the crap out of Cole. After this stunt I'm not defending him anymore. Old friend or not, his actions put us all in danger.

  It takes a while for the nurses to get my discharge papers together so it's almost noon before we can leave. Getting home is a long process that requires a stop at the pharmacy for prescription painkillers and the complete loss of my pride when Tank has to carry me upstairs. Thank god Zack didn’t tell our moms that I was coming home today. I remember bits and pieces of them at the hospital while I was so out of it. I can’t deal with anything else right now. Right now, I need sleep.

  I take the pills and slide under the covers. My hand brushes something soft and I hold up one of Sasha’s hair ties. She uses them whenever she sleeps over to put her hair up in this ridiculously high ponytail that she calls “the pineapple.” I was never sure what fruit had to do with anything but I’ve gotten used to her strange nighttime rituals and having her soft body next to mine. I've gotten used to loving her, my sweet silly girl.

  Squeezing the fabric between my fingers, I slip into the reprieve of sleep. Sasha’s face is the last thing on my mind.

  * * * * *

  The next morning, I feel worse, if that’s possible. Every inch of my torso aches like a bad tooth and I’m pretty sure the painkillers are making me hallucinate. When I ask Zack why there’s a frog eating my toast, he just laughs and gives me another pill.

  I sleep until Zack shakes me awake again.

  “What is it?” I mumble.

  “You need to come downstairs. We have a visitor.”

  I’m too weak to dress myself so Zack helps me get a pair of sweatpants on and forces a T-shirt over my head. Getting down the stairs is just as difficult but I draw the line at anyone carrying me again.

  Once we enter the living room, I stop. Max sits on the couch, his assistant Carole next to him. Luke, Tank and Finn are here, too.

  When he sees me, Max’s lip quivers. His hand comes up to cover his mouth. “This is what my lies have done. I had to see.”

  Zack helps me sit on the couch and I let out a deep sigh when I sink into the cushions. I know my appearance is shocking. One of my eyes is almost swollen shut and the bruise has already started to turn interesting shades of purple.

  “What are you doing here, Max?”

  He struggles to gain control of his emotions. Tears shine in his eyes as he answers. “To right a wrong. You asked me about Blade and I wouldn’t tell you. Maybe if I had, I could have prevented this.”

  As angry as I’ve been at him since he came back into my life, I don’t want him to bear the weight of this alone. “It probably wouldn’t have stopped me. But he’s a threat to someone I love so I’m asking you again. Will you tell us about him?”

  Max contemplates us all before nodding slowly. Finn takes a seat on the couch next to me, stretching his leg out in front of him. Zack perches on the arm of the couch while Luke and Tank remain standing. Once he sees that he has our attention, Max starts talking.

  “I came to this country without a shilling to my name. It was 1985.” Shockingly his voice sounds completely different, the flat, generic American accent giving way to a lyrical, rolling brogue. We all look at each other in confusion for a moment.

  “Wait a minute … You’re Irish?” Luke blurts.

  Max chuckles, toying with the head of his cane. “So are you, young fella.”

  That gets a startled laugh from Luke. The tension in the room goes down slightly. For a moment Max looks younger, his face animated with pride as he looks around at all of us. Finally he takes another deep breath and continues.

  “I was born in Belfast. My family seemed normal enough. My father had extremely strong political opinions, especially about Ireland’s independence. But throughout my youth, I was unaware of just how strong his opinions were until I was older. He was the founder of a secretive group called Le Fírinne' that plotted to overthrow British rule. The name means the truth. It started as a political group with high ideals but by the time I was an adult it had become something else. Something much more dangerous.”

  “Like the IRA?” Luke asks.

  Max nods. “I was groomed in all aspects of running the organization and soon was traveling around the world to foster connections that would help us get the supplies we needed. Arms, explosives, drugs … " He makes a disgusted face. "My brother handled things at home while I was gone. I was the charming one so they trusted me to get what they needed.” Max glances over at me.

  I shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny. We’re definitely two sides of the same coin, Max and I. It makes me feel an unexpected pang of sympathy for him. Suddenly something that Blade said comes back to me.

  “Wait. Blade said that my last name is what saved me. Then he said that it’s because my last name is the same as his. Is he our brother?”

  Max shakes his head sadly. “No, although that’s not the entire truth. My brother Donaghal had four sons. The oldest, Padraig, became the man you know as Blade. For me, marrying in Ireland was out of the question. Any children I had there would be squarely under the family’s control. So I remained unmarried for years and helped raise my nephews as if they were my own. In many ways, I am responsible for him.”

  Anger flares. “Then why the hell is he trying to kill me?”

  Guilt swims in Max’s eyes. “The family considers everything that we own to be for the family’s use. While I was traveling abroad, I began to dream of making money legally. They trusted me so I knew if I took some money, they wouldn't notice. At least not right away. I started building my business interests then and putting money aside that they couldn’t touch. Then while I was in the States on business, I met Claire.”

  His eyes soften. Tank shifts and I can feel the tension coming from him. Finn has been staring down at his hands this whole time and he doesn’t look up.

  “You married her and stayed here for years. I don’t get it. Why did you go back?” Tank sounds like he’s trying to keep his anger under control.

  Max glances over at me again. “Because I came home one day to find Donaghal sitting at the kitchen table. He had found out about my little secret and come to see for himself. Claire had no idea how much danger she was in. She was so trusting.”

  "She didn't know who he was?" Tank asks.

  "I'd told her that I had a brother. She was thrilled to meet some of my family." Max looks so far away, his eyes dim with memories and regret. "I still marvel to this day that he left her alive. I think perhaps my brother might have still had a conscience at th
at point."

  “So you ran away?” I’m suddenly seeing the incident with Sasha in a whole new light. His family had him backed into a corner and he’d responded with fear the same way I did. I imagine what it would have been like if I'd come to Sasha's house and found Blade there talking to her. My fingers clench into a fist.

  “So I left,” Max confirms. “The family didn’t care that I was leaving children behind. As long as I came back and fulfilled my duty, they wouldn’t concern themselves with some fatherless children halfway around the world. And I saw my opportunity to leave something of myself in the world that wouldn’t be tainted.”

  He stops then, tears shining in his eyes. It’s hard to watch. Years of regret and pain are etched in the lines of his face. Finally he collects himself and clears his throat.

  “It was selfish but I wanted to spread my seed. I only chose strong women. I knew they could handle things on their own and would give my children all the love I couldn’t. I told myself that I wouldn’t come back. I broke that promise a few times but for the most part I stayed away. It was the best thing I could do for you. I’d already helped raise four killers. I had to do something to balance that out. I needed to bring some good in the world. And I did.”

  “So that’s why you never came back.” Finn finally speaks up.

  Max nods. “I wanted you to hate me. I still do. Because as long as you hate me then you’ll never end up like me. Each and every one of you is so extraordinary. You’re everything I couldn’t be.”

  “So why come back now? Is it because of Blade? Did he threaten you?” Luke demands.

  “No, I came back because I wanted to see you before it was too late. I’m old. Control of Le Fírinne' long ago passed to the next generation but they still expected financial support, especially since they consider every dollar I've earned ‘their’ money. When they found out that I was starting to distribute my estate… Well, I knew there would be fallout. I just needed to see you first. Once the money is gone, it's out of their reach forever. I can't undo my past but I can give you all the chance to do something better."

  Silence descends. I glance around at my brothers. None of us seems to have any idea what to do with this new information. Then as usual, Luke sums it all up.

  “So, basically you stole from the Irish Mafia?” Luke whistles.

  "Fantastic." Tank drops his head back against the wall.

  Max stands shakily. “My time is almost up and it’s time to pay the piper. But before I’m gone I can set a few things right.”

  He goes pale and Carole rushes forward to help him back into his wheelchair. He pats her cheek affectionately. “Lads, it's time for me to be off.”

  He allows her to arrange a blanket over his lap and the two men who always travel with them appear in the doorway. They must have been in the kitchen this entire time.

  Tank follows them out. When he returns he crosses his arms and looks at each one of us in turn.

  "Okay, what the hell are we going to do?"

  chapter sixteen

  SASHA

  I will forever be grateful that Eli was with me when my entire world fell apart. Gabe walked away without looking back once and it took me more than a minute to process that he wasn't going to turn around and come back.

  When he disappears from sight, an anguished sound, one I didn't even know my vocal cords could produce, emerges from my throat. It’s a mournful sound like a wounded animal. Eli holds me up and lets me cry on his shoulder until I’m drained and weak.

  Afterward, Eli deposits me on the couch while he packs a bag. And I don’t argue. All I want is to curl up and sleep and there’s no way I can sleep here after what happened. I make sure he brings my laptop and enough clothes to last for a week.

  Luckily I know without even asking that Kay and Eli won’t mind if I stay with them for a while. My living room looks like it’s been through a food processor. Until I can order new furniture, there's no point in going back to my place.

  I’m in a state of shock the entire drive to Eli’s house. Even though it’s the middle of the night, Kay must have been watching from the window because as soon as we pull into the driveway, she comes out of the house. Just the sight of her unravels the tenuous thread around my emotions. I lose it all over again. Kaylee is a born nurturer so she holds me and rocks me back and forth while I bawl like a baby. She takes me straight upstairs and I crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep.

  When I wake up again early morning light fills the room. To my surprise Kay is on the other side of the bed. That makes me feel both grateful and pathetic.

  ”Kay, you didn't have to stay with me. I'm sure Eli wasn't happy sleeping alone."

  "Eli is a big boy. He'll be just fine. You on the other hand, are not. I heard you crying in your sleep. I’m so sorry this happened to you."

  Tears start anew at the thought. I’m not just crying because someone violated my home but because all I really want is Gabe. I let my guard down and trusted someone for the first time in a long time. But he’s not at all the person I thought he was. All I can do is mourn the loss of the love I thought was real.

  Kay looks stricken as I wipe my cheeks.

  "Oh sweetie. That day when we came to tell you about Gabe, you seemed like you knew everything.“

  I smile through my tears. “I thought I did. But I just thought he stole cars. I didn’t know he was like the man who scammed my father. People like that steal so much more than money. They steal your dreams. And your ability to ever trust anyone again. He was just playing me the whole time. Like it was a game and he was just amusing himself by seeing how naive I could be.”

  She reaches across and grabs my hand. We used to sleep like this when we were little girls and spent the night at each other's houses. I was afraid of the dark for an embarrassingly long time but Kay never made fun of me for needing the nightlight. She was my comfort then.

  I feel so lucky that she's still here to comfort me now.

  "Come on. You slept through breakfast and I didn't want to wake you. But you need to eat something."

  She coaxes me to the kitchen and then makes me soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. I didn't think I was that hungry but before long I'm devouring my food. A warm sense of comfort rolls through me. After lunch we curl up on the couch and watch some television.

  Eli comes in at some point, watching me with a worried look. I force a smile to let him know that I'm okay. Although I'm pretty sure I won't be okay for a while. I thought I'd found someone that understood me and appreciated all that I am. Finding out that wasn't real was a greater blow than I could have imagined.

  I've gotten over humiliation and failure many times before but this feels like drowning.

  * * * * *

  The next few days are more of the same. Kay has several recording sessions and I force her to go so she can't hover over me the whole time. It's a little better when I'm alone. I listen to music and read some of the books on my e-reader that I haven't had time to get to before. Keeping myself busy gives me a break from thinking too hard. But nothing helps me at night. All the distractions in the world don't keep the dreams away.

  It's a week later when I've finally had enough. When I wake up I immediately push the covers back. I still have the desire to cry but I shove it down deep. Maybe it's because I've spent so much of the last few months wallowing in humiliation but I am over it.

  I am stronger than this.

  Gabe lied and that hurts but the things I've learned about myself aren't dependent on how I feel about him. I am smart and I do have good ideas. My greatest strength is my willingness to laugh at myself and make the best of whatever situation I'm in. So that's what I'm going to do.

  When I enter the kitchen, Kay and Eli are sitting around the breakfast table.

  "Morning." I sit and try to ignore their shocked looks.

  I've been alternately weepy and depressed for the last week so I'm sure my sudden chipper mood is a little strange. Eli watches me closely like he's afraid I'
m going to start sobbing at any moment.

  "Good morning. Here, I know how much you love pancakes." Kay brings me a plate with pancakes and bacon. The smell surrounds me and my stomach growls. I drown the stack on my plate with syrup.

  “This is great." I glance over at Eli. "You get to eat like this every day? You are so lucky."

  Eli just hums and then shovels another forkful of pancake in his mouth. Since Eli has a stack on his plate that's twice as big as mine, I know he agrees. No one cooks like Kay.

  Kay sits across from us and snags a piece of bacon off the plate in the middle of the table. "Breakfast is the most important meal. And I think we can all use a little pick me up right about now."

  Kay and Eli talk about random things but my mind isn't on any of it. After we clean up the table from breakfast, I take a quick shower and try to make my hair look presentable. I glance over at my cell phone. No calls. No texts. Nothing. I put my phone in my pocket.

  No wallowing allowed.

  I really want to climb back beneath the covers but I know if I do that, Kay will feel like she has to check on me all day. She's pregnant and doesn't need the added stress of worrying about me.

  I grab my laptop and headphones. My plan for the day is to be lazy and binge watch some shows on Netflix. When I walk downstairs, Kay is sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Hope is playing with a set of alphabet blocks on the floor. I kneel down next to her and kiss her chubby little cheek. Looking at her reminds me of that conversation I had with Kay before all this started. My goal was to find my strength. It was about more than just owning something and proving to my family that I'm more than just a pretty face. It was about taking control. Ever since I went on that stupid show, I've allowed others to control how I see myself. As a failure. As a laughingstock.

  Well, no more.

  When I worked with Jackson on a song a few months ago, I knew even then that he was doing it mainly as a favor to Kay. They'd even let me sing at her local album release party. As much as I'd appreciated that, in hindsight the best part was helping Jackson create the song. I'd learned a lot from him about production and mixing. He'd shown me that the smallest changes in the editing process could completely change the sound of a song and influence the way it was received.