Lilith and the Stable Hand: Bluestocking Brides

by Samantha Holt

  “You are my baby, surely you must understand that?”

  “I do.”

  “Then can you not just wait a little. Attend this ball. Spend a little time apart—we could go to Bath perhaps.” Lilith’s mother pleaded. “If you still feel the same after that then I shall give you my blessing.”

  “We don’t need time,” Harry declared.

  Lilith swung a look between Harry and her mother. He saw her throat work. “If I do, will you let Harry keep his job?” she asked her brother.

  “I had every intention of making Harry head groom, regardless,” Lord Thornefield said stiffly. “You can thank Catherine for talking me into that. All I want was to be sure this was not some silly fancy. I think time away from each other would be a fine thing.”

  No. No it wouldn’t. Harry wanted to rage and tear the office apart. He’d already tried time away from Lilith and it was more than he could bear. Not even the news that he would get the head groom’s job could ease the sickness in his gut.

  “It would only be a little while, Harry,” Lilith said softly. Her mother continued to sniff and dab away her tears. “You understand, do you not?”

  “I understand that you are letting everyone tear us apart before we have even started.” He loathed that her family was witness to their conversation, loathed that they had professed their love for each in such circumstances. He wanted to drag her aside and beg her to run off with him, but Lilith was too soft-hearted for that and he’d be damned if it wasn’t one of the things he loved about her.

  “Just for a little while,” she promised. “And if nothing has changed, we have all your blessings?” she asked everyone.

  Her mother nodded. Lady Thornefield shrugged. “You had it anyway.”

  “So long as it is what you want,” Lord Thornefield said.

  “It is. It will be. Nothing shall change.” Lilith looked at Harry confidently.

  His gut itched with anxiety. Why did he have the awful feeling that everything could change?

  Chapter Seventeen

  “I cannot seem to get this right. Lil, will you assist me please?”

  Lifting her gaze from the twisted seam of her glove, she found Catherine plucking at a red curl that hung in front of her face. “It looks fine to me.”

  Catherine huffed out a breath that sent the curl bouncing against her face. “It is not fine. I cannot seem to get it back to where it was, and the carriage shall be ready to leave at any moment.”

  Lilith frowned at her glove and tried to tweak it into place. For some reason the wretched thing did not want to sit straight and felt horribly uncomfortable. The sooner the ball was over the better. The jewels on her neck were heavy, the pins in her hair pinched her skull, and her stays were too tight.

  “Lilith,” Catherine pleaded.

  “Oh, fine.” Lilith plucked up the curl and tucked it carefully amongst the others around Catherine’s crown, securing it under one of the pins. “Though you looked perfectly well before.”

  Catherine peered at her reflection in the mirror and nodded. “That’s better. It was going to drive me batty otherwise.” She glanced around. “Where’s Thorney and your mother? They are taking their time.”

  “Thorne was outside last time I looked. I have not seen Mama yet.”

  “You had better rid yourself of that scowl before she comes down.” Catherine prodded Lilith in the middle of her forehead with a grin.

  “Ouch.” Lilith rubbed her head. “I am not trying to scowl.”

  “No, but you have been scowling ever since that incident with Harry and Thorne.” A heavy sigh came from her sister in law. “Are you still annoyed with me?”

  Lilith shook her head. “It was not your fault.”

  And it wasn’t. It was all hers. Thorney had seen her and Harry together and had figured it out easily. Once he’d confronted Catherine, it was easy for him to tell what was going on. Lilith knew Catherine was terrible at lying and Thorney understood his wife far too well. Lilith should have kept silent about the whole thing to begin with.

  “But you are not happy, are you?”

  Lilith dropped her gaze back to her annoying glove and plucked at the seam. “Harry has hardly spoken to me since. He said he did not want to be the source of more gossip for me.”

  He was angry at her too, she reckoned. Angry at her for making such a decision. Perhaps he had even fallen out of love with her now. Who knew? All she understood was that her heart felt like it was being torn apart with not being able to see him and talk to him and slip into his arms and feel protected from the world.

  Catherine waved a hand. “Men do not understand the complexities of being a woman. You did what you thought was best?”

  “What if I was wrong? Should I have stood up to Mama? What would you have done?”

  A smile curved Catherine’s lips. “You know what I would have done, but you, dear Lil, are a much better, nicer, kinder daughter than I am. I would have told my mother to accept it and run off. And I probably would have ended up in quite a pickle.”

  “When she started crying…” Lilith blew out a breath. “I just wanted to reassure her I was certain of this. It seemed the best way, but Harry clearly does not think so.”

  “And are you still certain?”

  Lilith nodded. The thought of another ball, surrounded by people who would be watching her and waiting for her to make a mistake then at least a month in Bath with the same people made her tired. She would rather be in the stables, sitting on prickly hay and watching Harry groom the horses, or at the orphanage making pies, or curling up with Maisie and soothing her to sleep.

  Whether Harry still wanted those things from her, she did not know, however.

  “Lilith, you look beautiful!” Her mother breezed in, elegant in red silk with a feather tucked into her dark hair. “I am certain everyone will wish to dance with you tonight.”

  Lilith fought to respond but could find nothing to say so simply smiled vaguely.

  Her mother cupped her chin. “Though if you do not smile a little more, I may be wrong.”

  Lilith forced a bigger smile.

  “Better,” Mama declared. “And Catherine, you look divine too. Though…” She reached up and tugged the curl Lilith had tamed out. “That’s better.”

  Catherine frowned and crossed her eyes at the curl when Mama turned away, but Thorne came in from the front door before either she or Lilith could address the curl.

  “Time to leave, ladies. We had better make haste.”

  “Everyone knows it is unfashionable to turn up early, dear,” Mama said.

  “Yes, but if everyone turns up late, then we shall all be arriving on time anyway,” Catherine pointed out.

  Thorne chuckled. “Yes, what she said.” He offered an arm to his wife who took it and whispered something in his ear. Thorne glanced back at Lilith then nodded to Catherine.

  Lilith could not bring herself to be interested in the exchange. Since the incident in Thorney’s office two weeks ago, everyone had been giving her looks like that. No doubt after all the drama, many people knew of her…romance with Harry. She imagined it was already beginning to cause scandal. She didn’t care, though. Unless it impacted Harry, of course.

  Her brother aided her into the carriage and sat opposite with Catherine. The door slammed shut and with a jolt, the vehicle began to move.

  She frowned at the dance card from her wrist. If only the wretched man would talk to her. He was so stubborn, so determined that she would forget him and realize this was the life she wanted. Not long ago, it had been her brother dictating her decisions to her, and now it was her mother and Harry.

  Conversation continued between her mother, brother and Catherine but she paid little attention to it, instead turning her gaze outside. The evening was a dull gray, allowing her to watch the scenery as it went by. Golden light shone from windows and the lamps on the sides of the carriage highlighted trees and hedges once they headed down the country road to Julia’s house.

&
nbsp; The last time she had been in a carriage headed to a ball, she had been all nerves and excitement. Her palms had been clammy, and her heart kept hiccupping and sending waves of anticipation through her. Now only dull dread lingered in her stomach. Would she throw another drink over someone? Knock into someone perhaps? Say the wrong thing? It didn’t seem to matter anymore. She just wanted the evening to pass quickly so she could be done with it and prove to her mother this was not the life she wanted.

  Torches were lit all the way up the road toward the house. It shone golden from the lamps and chandeliers inside, spilling its decadent glow onto the front path where carriages were drawing up and releasing their occupants. They had to wait a good few minutes until their turn and Thorne handed her out before they headed up the steps to the front of the house.

  The receiving line was short given their timeliness. If they had waited any longer, a lot more guests would be arriving and they would have to wait some time to get in.

  “Is the prince here yet?” Mama whispered to Julia.

  Julia shook her head. “I doubt he shall be on time at all. He will likely keep us all waiting in suspense.”

  “In the meantime, every lady in attendance shall be ignoring us and watching the front door,” Guy said dryly.

  Lilith followed Thorne and Catherine through to the reception room. Her mother gripped her arm and held her close. “Is this not beautiful? And do the men not look handsome?”

  She peered around. To her, they all looked the same. Cravats tied perfectly, hair swept back with a little pomade. Their waistcoats and jackets all perfectly tailored.

  “I suppose.”

  A gloved hand touched her cheek and forced her attention onto her mother. “I only want the best for you, Lilith. You understand that, do you not?”

  “I know you love me, Mama.”

  “There is a but there.”

  Lilith nodded. “I do not believe this is what is best for me.” She motioned around. “I spent so long looking forward to doing this. For as long as I can remember, I wanted nothing more than to be swept around a ballroom by a handsome man. But I did not realize I needed more than that. I need to feel valued and loved and useful.”

  “You are loved,” her mother insisted.

  “I know that, Mama.” Lilith smiled softly. “And I love you more than anything. I know father treated you abominably and you always did your best to protect me from harm.”

  Tears shimmered in her mother’s eyes. “When did you grow up so much, Lilith?”

  She gave a shrug. “Recently I think.” She gave her mother’s hand a squeeze. “I just want you to be proud of me.”

  “I am. I always will be.”

  “Then you understand?”

  Her mother gave a soft smile. “You do not intend to stay do you?”

  Lilith shook her head. “I should have said so in the first place. I want you to be happy for me, but I should never have agreed to this.”

  “I just wanted you to be certain. You are young, and it is easy to make mistakes. Goodness knows I did with your father, but I had little choice.” Mama sighed. “I suppose I should be glad you get a choice.”

  “Does this mean I have your blessing?” Lilith held her breath.

  Her mother put her hands to either side of her head and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “All I ever wanted was your happiness.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Night had fallen long ago. The stables were lit by a few lanterns, but Harry’s work was done for the day. Tom and Will and the other servants had gone home. Wind whistled lightly through the open doorway of the building—his only company.

  He patted Redrum and the mournful look she seemed to give him made him grimace. “Even you know why I’m still here, don’t you, girl?”

  He should return home. His sister was not unused to him returning late but he should be home with his daughter—even if she had long been put to bed by now. He just could not quite bring himself to. Iris and even Maisie had commented on his broodiness. Maisie might not have any idea why but his sister had some inkling.

  Harry sank down onto a stool and shoved a hand through his hair. Tonight was the ball and no matter how hard he’d tried, he could not escape the fact, especially when he had to help hitch up the horses. Once Lilith returned, she would be off to bath. If she did not find someone at the ball, the chances were a fine gentleman would snap her up in Bath.

  He should have spoken to her before she left for the ball. Should have done something at least. He’d avoided her as best he could in the lead up to the event, too aware everyone was watching them. Besides, what was there to say? He’d tried to fight for her, he’d even put his job on the line for her, but she had not felt the same. If she could be so easily persuaded by her mother, what hope was there for them?

  No. He would lose her and there was nothing he could do about it. It didn’t matter how hard he fought for her—he could not conquer family expectations and go up against all those wealthy gentlemen that would be thrown in her path.

  “Harry!” The word was breathless and made his throat tighten.

  He lifted his head, his mouth suddenly dry. Lilith stood in the doorway, a hand to the wooden frame, her hair a wild mess around her. Even in the dim light, he could see dirt on the delicate white hem of her gown.

  “Lil?” He blinked a few times. Was he imagining her? Her beauty was like a stab to the gut. Her gown fit her curves almost better than his hands did. Her cheeks were flushed, and the tousled dark curls hung about her neck and face. A slight sheen glistened on her forehead and her breasts rose and fell rapidly.

  “Did you run here?”

  “Just from the house,” she said, bending a little to draw in a breath. “I managed to persuade the footman to bring me home.”

  Harry opened his mouth and shut it again. It had to a be a trick or she was sick or there was some other reason she was here. It couldn’t be for him, no matter how much he wanted her to be.

  “Harry.” She remained in the doorway, her expression solemn.

  “What are you doing here?” He forced the question out, the words dull underneath the hammer of his pulse in his ears. “You’re meant to be at the ball.”

  “I—” She shook her head. “I couldn’t stay.”

  “But your mother…”

  “Had given me her blessing. I think. At least she wants me to do what makes me happy.” Lilith stepped into the barn.

  Harry stood, a knot tangling in his throat. “Does that mean—”

  Lilith nodded and clasped her hands together. “I’m not going to Bath. I’m not going anywhere. I want to be here, with you, Harry.”

  He wanted to question her. To make sure she understood what she was getting into. To remind her that their life would be different to what she was used to, but he couldn’t break the moment. All he could think was that he was beyond grateful that she was here and that he needed to kiss her so badly it hurt.

  “Harry?” she asked, vulnerability sketched into her face.

  He’d made her wait too long. But he wouldn’t make her wait any longer.

  With four big strides, he had her in his arms, hard against himself and so damned real and warm and lovely. He pressed his mouth to her lips and a groan rose up from inside him. He kissed his way across her face and down her neck. She curled her hands over his shoulders.

  “I missed you, Lil,” he said between kisses. “I missed you. Christ, you have no idea. I was miserable without you.”

  “And I you,” she replied breathlessly. “I could not stand another moment apart. I’m so sorry for inflicting that upon you. I should have told my mother…”

  “Shhh.” He kissed her on the lips and looked into her eyes. “You’re here now. That’s what matters.”

  “I will not leave you again, Harry. I promise.”

  He cupped her face. “Even when things get tough.”

  “You know I am tougher than I look.”

  He chuckled at her determined expression. �
�I certainly do.” He shook his head. “Come here, I need to kiss you more.”

  She sank into his arms and he kissed her until his body hurt with need. He broke away and drew in a hay-scented breath.

  “Lil—”

  “Make me yours, Harry.”

  The unwavering confidence in her gaze took him aback. There was no evidence of the woman who had cowed to her mother’s wishes and kept them apart. A smile teased his lips. He might know Lilith inside and out, but he suspected she would still surprise him even after decades together.

  He wanted to ask if she was certain, but her expression gave no room for arguments or questions. Instead he swept her into his arm, making her laugh with delight and carried her up the hayloft. He laid her down, set her glasses aside, and pushed her curls back from her face.

  Harry touched her parted lips, her cheek, her chin, trailing down her neck and brushing over the rise of her breasts.

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

  She smiled and sat up. “You are the best man I know, Harry.” She reached out for him and pushed her hands under his shirt.

  He hissed at the feel of her fingers trailing over his muscles. His whole body tensed, and he closed his eyes as she sketched her hands up and down over his chest before pushing up his shirt. He hauled it over his head and flung it aside.

  Moving over Lilith, he coaxed her back until she lay against the straw once more. He leaned in to her and entwined his hands with hers, pressing them above her head. She tilted her head to meet his gaze and her warm breaths touched his mouth as he hovered achingly close to her. Her eyes reflected burning desire.

  “Do you have any idea how addled you make me?” he whispered as he skimmed his lips across her ear. “I think I fell in love with you the first day I saw you.”

  Lilith gasped as his lips pressed against her neck. He traced a path across her jawline, finally slanting across her mouth. She moaned.

  Her body trembled beneath him, her mouth opened to his, her soft breasts pushed up against his chest. A groan rumbled from deep in his throat and, finally releasing her hands, he grabbed her waist, feeling the soft curves of her body.