Avoidance

by Kristen Granata

  Tanner’s eyebrows shot up. “You want one, too?”

  “I want to see what it’s like first.”

  “Sure, thing, sis. I’ll be your guinea pig.”

  “I want a guinea pig!” Khloe exclaimed.

  “Those things are rats, you know,” he replied.

  “But they’re so cute!”

  “We are not getting any pets right now,” Beverly answered.

  I giggled. “Okay, flipper. It’s time.”

  I guided the spatula while Khloe did her best to flip the pancake. They never actually flipped successfully, but it made her so proud to do it that I didn’t mind the mess.

  Tanner made a face when he watched the batter go everywhere.

  I raised my finger to my lips. “Make yourself useful and set the table, would ya?”

  He stuck his tongue out at me, and began pulling plates out from the cabinet.

  When the pancakes were ready, we sat down to eat. Beverly pushed her pile of papers to the empty space where Tim once sat.

  “What’s all that?” I asked, motioning with my fork.

  “I’m trying to figure out if we can afford to hire another person at the shop.” She took a sip of coffee from her World’s Best Mom mug. “We need help, but I don’t want it to stretch us too thin.”

  “I keep telling you,” Tanner groaned. “We’re fine. We don’t need to hire anyone new.”

  “I don’t want my kids being worked to the bone. You’re already there way past closing, and I’m drowning in paperwork.” She gestured to the papers next to her. “Your father used to help me with everything.”

  “I can help you with the paperwork,” I suggested. “I’m good with computers.”

  “We can’t take you off the floor,” Tanner chimed in.

  “It wouldn’t be during my normal work hours.”

  “No way.” Beverly waved her hands in protest. “You’re not doing this on your free time.”

  “Why not? I think it’s a great idea.”

  “It’s too much.” She rubbed her eyes, and ran her fingers through her hair. Another shot to my heart as I was reminded of Chase.

  We finished eating in silence. I would convince Beverly to let me help her, but I needed a little help. I devised a plan while we ate. After we cleaned up, I caught Tanner in the kitchen.

  “Charlotte is a business major, right?”

  “Yeah. Why?” He flinched at the sound of her name.

  “Is she talking to you, yet?”

  He shook his head. “What are you thinking?”

  “Your mom won’t let me help her, but I wonder if she would let Charlotte.” I looked in his eyes, hoping to see a spark of understanding.

  “Why would she let Charlotte help and not you?”

  “Because she would be under the impression that she was helping you get back together with Charlotte.” I began to smile at my clever plan. “Plus, it would force you and Charlotte to spend more time together, which in turn would inevitably cause you two to actually get back together… for real.”

  Tanner’s eyes narrowed as he tried to understand what I was proposing.

  “Just give me her number. I’ll handle it.”

  “If it will get us back together, I’ll do whatever you say.”

  “Good. I’m going to work on step one of my plan.” I walked back into the dining room and sat down next to Beverly.

  “What was he whispering about?” she asked quietly.

  I sighed for dramatic effect. “He’s in a fight with Charlotte, and they aren’t speaking to each other.”

  “Is that why he’s been so mopey lately? I knew something was going on between them. I hate seeing him like this.”

  “I know. He’s head over heels in love with her. They’re just young and stubborn.”

  She nodded. “He got all the stubbornness out of the three kids. It wasn’t evenly rationed at all.”

  I laughed. “I think I have an idea about how to get them talking, though.” I chewed my lip to build the anticipation. “I would need your help.”

  “Oh?” She swiveled in her chair to face me. “I’m intrigued.”

  “Tanner knows you’re swamped with paperwork. So, what if I talked to Charlotte, and got her to agree to take a part-time managerial position as part of an internship for her business experience? It’s a win for her, because she could gain hands-on experience; it’s a win for Tanner, because she would be around the shop while he’s there; and it’s a win for you, because you’ll get free help.”

  She looked at me with knowing eyes. “Merritt, you are an extraordinary young woman. Do you know that?”

  I shrugged. “Maybe you could even invite her to come for dinner once or twice.”

  “That would get them talking again. How are we going to get her to agree to this idea, though? What if she turns it down?”

  “Then you’ll just have to let me help you with the paperwork – and I won’t take no for an answer.”

  She sighed in defeat. “Fine. You have a deal, Miss Adams.” She held her hand out, and we shook on it. “I’m so glad Chase found you.”

  I looked down at the table. “Yeah. I can fix everyone else’s problems except my own.”

  “Everything is going to be okay in the end. I promise you. The love that Chase and you have for each other will carry you through anything. Look at how far it has gotten you both already. It seems like just yesterday he was driving you to physical therapy, and telling me how incredible you were.”

  My eyebrows lifted. “Really?”

  Tanner waltzed into the room. “Please. We’d have to sit through an entire dinner and listen to every detail about your conversations. I wanted to stab myself in the eye with my fork just to put myself out of my misery.”

  Beverly laughed. She placed her hand on my shoulder. “When Chase fell in love with you, we all did, too.”

  “Clearly,” I joked, gesturing to Tanner.

  He grinned. “Come on. Let’s go hit the bags.”

  I leaned over and gave Beverly a hug. “Everything is going to be okay for you, too, you know. You are not alone in this.”

  She squeezed me tightly before letting me go.

  Once we were inside Tanner’s car, I dialed Charlotte’s number on my phone.

  “You’re calling her now?” he asked, nervous and excited at the same time.

  I nodded, waiting for her to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Charlotte. It’s Merritt.”

  “Uh, hi, Merritt. What’s up? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything is fine. I’m calling because I have a business proposition for you.”

  It was silent on the other line while she tried to figure out what I was talking about. I covered my mouth, trying not to giggle, as Tanner hit my leg.

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “Beverly has been having a hard time with the shop ever since Tim passed.”

  “Oh, no. That’s terrible.”

  “We need an extra hand in there, but she can’t afford to hire someone. I remembered that you are a business major, and I figured I would take a shot in the dark to see if you would be interested in gaining some experience running a business. Tanner and I have the labor handled, but you would be helping Beverly behind the desk with her end of things. Think of it as an internship in a manager’s position.”

  “Wow. A manager? That’s a lot to take on.”

  “It’s really not, because you’d simply be assisting Beverly. You’d be like her right hand woman, and you’d oversee everything she does. It would be a great learning experience for you.”

  It was silent again.

  I knew I almost had her. “Look. I know you and Tanner are broken up, and I know you probably don’t want to see him. But you don’t have to worry about that, because he would be in the garage, and you’d be in a totally different area inside the office.”

  I heard her blowing air out. “This would be a great opportunity. My dad doesn’t exactly i
nvolve me in what he does at the bakery.”

  “Great. I’ll let Beverly know. Can you start tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow? Wow, so soon. Uh…”

  Tanner and I held up our hands, crossing our fingers while we awaited her response.

  “You’ll be there, too, right?”

  “Yep. Monday through Saturday.”

  “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  Tanner smacked the steering wheel in excitement.

  “Thanks so much, Charlotte. This is really going to save their business. Beverly will be so thrilled.”

  “I’m glad I can help. It broke my heart watching what Tanner had to go through when he lost his dad.”

  “He loves you. You know that, right?”

  She paused before answering. “It’s hard. We’re just so different. I don’t think he’s capable of change.”

  “That’s not your call to make. It’s up to him if he wants to change. Change is hard, but if he sets his mind to it, then he will. I know it’s killing him not being with you. He’s heartbroken.”

  “Is he?”

  “He is. Whatever he did, try to forgive him for it. Let him make it up to you. We all deserve second chances.”

  “Thanks for calling, Merritt. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

  “See you.”

  Tanner pulled into the gym parking lot and killed the engine. He stared out the windshield, deep in thought.

  “I’ve got your back, little brother.” I patted his giant shoulder before hoisting myself out of the car. I was eager to get into the ring.

  T.J. was waiting for me inside, as usual, checking his watch.

  “You’re early.”

  “Maybe you should have to drop and give me twenty this time,” I countered.

  He grinned. “It would be a cold day in hell if I let that happen.”

  I kicked off my sneakers, and tossed my hoodie onto the floor. “I just might make you eat your words someday.”

  T.J. flung his hat outside the ring, and pulled off his t-shirt.

  I remembered Shelly’s incoherent babbling from the other night, and tried not to smile. “You made quite the impression on my friend Friday night.”

  He held up the pad. “Is that so?”

  I began throwing my two-punch combination to warm up. “I’ve never seen her get so tongue-tied before. You must get that all the time.”

  “I do alright, I guess.”

  “The fighter covered in tattoos with the rippling muscles is modest?”

  He chuckled while he blocked my punches. “I’m actually not as much of an arrogant asshole as you think I am.”

  “I don’t think you’re an asshole.”

  “Oh, just arrogant, then?”

  I smiled, and continued punching.

  “Alright, Curly Sue. Let’s change it up.”

  I followed him out of the ring, and over to a massive tire that I had seen grizzly men toss around.

  “You’re going to flip this before I let you leave.”

  I blew air out of my mouth, and knelt down, scooting my fingers underneath the hard rubber edges. I pulled upward, but the tire barely budged. I now understood why those men grunted so loudly while they did this. “This is too heavy. I can’t do this.”

  “If you think you can’t, then you can’t.”

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, and stuck my fingers under the tire for a second time. I pulled until my fingers were sore.

  “Lift with your legs,” T.J. yelled. “Push through your heels.”

  I dug my heels into the floor.

  “It’s like a squat. Push up.”

  Following his commands, I felt the tire begin to rise. I had lifted it up to my waist when it went smashing back down to the ground. “This is so dumb,” I grumbled.

  “Again,” T.J. commanded.

  I lifted the tire to my waist for a second time, and tried desperately to get enough leverage to flip it over.

  “Get under it!”

  “I’m trying!” I yelled back.

  “Try harder!”

  The more he yelled at me, the angrier I got; the angrier I got, the stronger I felt. I walked myself underneath the tire, bent my knees slightly, and pushed up through my legs with all of my might. The tire finally left my hands and went crashing to the ground onto the other side.

  I dropped to the ground and sprawled out on my back, gasping for air. “That… sucked… so bad,” I breathed.

  T.J. chuckled and stretched out beside me. He folded his arms back behind his head, and his tattoos stretched with his skin. I allowed my eyes to travel over his body while I caught my breath.

  “So, I’m thinking about getting a tattoo.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Out of the blue?”

  “I stare at yours every day. It’s not exactly out of the blue.”

  “What are you thinking of getting?”

  “I don’t know, yet. Tanner’s getting one. I told him I’d go with him to watch.”

  “I told him to see my buddy, John. He did all of mine. If you decide to get one, you should have him do it. He’s the best.”

  “Do yours all mean something?”

  “They do. I got them at different points throughout my life.”

  I pointed to the woman’s face imprinted onto his ribcage. She was beautiful, with dark eyes and long wavy hair. Her lips were turned up into a slight smile. “Who is that?”

  “That’s my mom.”

  “Wow.” I leaned in and ran my fingertips over his slightly raised skin, following the ink swirls in her hair. “She was beautiful.”

  “She was.” He stared up at the lights hanging high above us. “What was your life like before your mom left?” he asked.

  I laughed. “My life was what you would call normal. My parents went everywhere together, and did everything together. I never saw them fight. My dad loved my mom more than anything; he adored her. They were high school sweethearts. I would always ask him to tell me the story of how they met. No matter how many times I heard it, I was amazed at how he certain he was that she would be the person he would marry one day – just from talking to her one time.

  When she left, it was so out-of-the-blue, it didn’t even seem real. She kissed me goodbye as I left for school that morning; by the time I got home, she was gone. I was scared, confused, hurt – but when I watched the breakdown of my father, I had to put my feelings aside. It was like he couldn’t function without her. Over the years, his drinking got worse, and he sank deeper into his depression. I had to do everything. I was paying the water bill and studying for my algebra test. I always tried to make him feel better – like maybe if I do this one thing, he will snap out of it… but he never did. I found him bleeding out in the tub last year. I think that’s when the switch flipped in me. I just shut down.”

  “It makes sense,” T.J. replied. “You held it together for so long because you had a reason to. You were busy taking care of your father – your mind was preoccupied, and your feelings were on the back burner. When you lost your father, you had no one to take care of but yourself. All of your focus was on you, and you didn’t know how to deal with the things you felt because you had bottled them up for so long.”

  “I was so angry. It came on all of a sudden – like a tsunami of rage.”

  “Rage is like that. It’s an addictive thing.”

  “I blamed my mother for everything. How could I not? She was the first domino to fall, and she knocked down all of my other dominoes. If she never left, none of this would have happened.”

  “You don’t know that, Merritt. There is no way for you to know what could have happened. Sometimes, we are led to the same path no matter which route we take. If your father relied that heavily on your mother for his happiness, there’s no telling what would have happened down the line. That’s why it is so important for you to take responsibility for your own actions, and create your own happiness, independent from anyone or anything else.” He sat up on his elbows. “I have to be honest
with you. I’m a little worried about your long distance relationship, and how it will affect you.”

  I rolled onto my side to face him, propping my head up with my hand. “What do you mean, how it will affect me?”

  “When you’ve gone through the kind of shit we’ve been through, you need stability; you need someone who can be there for you when you need it – someone you can count on. I worry that you will be left with more disappointments than happy moments; more loneliness than affection; more sadness than laughter; more emptiness than fulfillment. I know you love him, and I’m sure he loves you, too; but, you need someone to love you the way you need to be loved.”

  “How do I need to be loved?” I was almost too afraid to ask, unsure if what he said would compare to what I currently had.

  T.J. was about to say something, but stopped himself. He shook his head as he sat up. “I can’t tell you that. That is something you need to ask yourself.”

  “You two are supposed to be fighting, not sleeping,” Tanner called from several feet away.

  I sprang up onto my feet. “Are we going to get your tattoo now?”

  “Yup. You getting yours, too?”

  “Not yet. I need to think of something good, first.”

  “What are you getting done?” T.J. asked him.

  “John is drawing something up for me. I told him I wanted something for my dad.”

  “Does Beverly know?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “No, but I’m hoping once she sees it – she will be happy with it.”

  “If she kicks you out, you can always ask Charlotte to crash at her place.” I dug my elbow into his ribs as I waved goodbye to T.J.

  T.J. shook his head at me. “Goodbye, Curly Sue.”

  Tanner looked nervous as he sat in John’s chair ten minutes later. I sat in a chair beside him, anxiously waiting for the skin branding ritual to begin.

  T.J.’s friend, John, was prepping his needle, and set up the ink on his tray. His earlobes were stretched out with enormous black gauges; his bald head was offset by his long braided beard; his arms were covered in colorful tattoos, sprawling out onto the tops of his hands. Though his exterior was loud, his voice was low and even.

  “How do you know T.J.?” he asked, peering at me over the rim of his thick black glasses.

  “I’m training at his gym.”