The Fight Within

by Laveen, Tiana

  “And, unlike some guys my age, I actually like kids. They don’t have to be biologically mine. I can have that with an older woman in some cases. Kids don’t intimidate me, either.”

  “I see…” She cleared her throat and looked him in the eye. Judgment floated in her glare, but he wasn’t certain what it was for exactly.

  “Have you ever dated a younger man before?”

  “No, I haven’t.” She stared down at her lap and shook her head, ever so slowly as if falling under some old, tattered remembrances from yesteryear.

  “How long were you with your ex-husband?”

  “I’d known him a couple of years before we dated but the total time from the start of our friendship to the day of our divorce—for seventeen years. We met in college. He went to Morehouse and I attended and graduated Spellman.”

  “You guys were real young,” He worked the numbers over in his mind. “Historical Black Colleges…hmmmm. You ever date anyone before him?”

  “Yes.”

  Ever fuck a white guy, Treasure?

  “Was your husband and all the other guys before him black?”

  “Sean, really?!” Her face scrunched up as if he’d said the worst thing ever. He acted nonchalant, uncertain what her objection was.

  “Here we go again. Is it tea time around here? Is the Queen of England at the table? Geeze Louise! What’s wrong now?”

  “Why are you making jokes? Never mind… Does that really matter? The race of my ex and everyone else is not imperative to this conversation.” She sucked her teeth.

  “I wanna know what I have to deal with, okay?”

  “What do you mean what you have to deal with?”

  “That’s the only drawback of dealin’ with older women. You all are set in your ways. Now look, I asked because I’m tryin’ to understand if our differences are going to be a problem, a hindrance. You act like you’re uncomfortable with our age difference, so hell.” He shrugged. “Maybe me bein’ a white guy is a problem, too. Nothin’ wrong with what I asked. I’m not apologizing for it.”

  “Don’t you think you’re moving a bit fast? Pace is important, Sean. All of these personal questions at once? You’re like some firing squad.”

  “No, like I told you, this is the time to ask.” He huffed. “Just answer my questions, and we can move on with our lives.”

  She rolled her eyes and roughly set her glass down.

  “I am promising you right here, right now, that there won’t be a second date.” Her eyes narrowed on him as if he were public enemy number one.

  “And I’m promising you that before we part ways, you’ll choke on those words…”

  She glared at him long and hard as he folded his hands on his lap.

  “Fine, what questions do you have?” Her face balled up like a used tissue while she leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms over her generous bosom.

  “I want you to answer fast. Don’t spend a lot of time thinking it through. I just want the truth.”

  “Had I known I was going to be interrogated, I would have asked for a police escort, two credible witnesses, a notary, and an attorney.”

  He smirked, but kept on going. “Ever date a white man?’

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “Twice in high school, several times after my divorce.”

  “Did your ex-husband cheat with a white woman?”

  She visibly gulped. That beautiful neck of hers grew tight, the trapezius rising under the flesh.

  “I never saw any cheating with my own eyes, Sean,” she said calmly, but the tone had a bitter bite to it.

  “You didn’t have to…”

  “True.” She sighed. “Yes, his girlfriend is white.”

  “Are you angry at white women now?”

  “What the hell is your deal? I’m not answering any more of your questions about this, do you understand me?” She pointed in his direction as she laid down the law. “I shouldn’t have entertained it in the first place.” She snatched her napkin off her lap and tossed it on the table with a ’tude…but he was far from done with her.

  “Are you angry at white women now?” he repeated a bit more sternly. “You told me this was it for us, so you may as well humor me. According to you, you’ll never see me again after tonight.”

  She hesitated, then softened a bit before deciding to answer. “You’re right. This is it for us. In regards your question, the answer is…No.”

  “That’s a lie.”

  “Why’d you ask me in the first damn place if you think you have the answer already? I hate that, you know that?!” Her eyes grew small; narrow, morphing into mere dark lines. “It is one of my biggest pet peeves. Don’t tell me how I feel. You’re a stranger, okay? You don’t know me.” Her brows bunched in anger, and her tone dropped several octaves.

  “Someone’s got to tell the fuckin’ truth around here!” He chuckled. “Look, I asked to see if you’d be honest with me as well as yourself. Now, answer the question. For real this time…”

  She said nothing.

  “Please?” And he meant to beg…

  “Yes.”

  “Why do some black women feel that way?” This wasn’t planned in advance. He had no concern with asking her such questions, but hell, it just sorta happened so here they stood in the middle of the quicksand, giving each other either a lifeline or a hard push lower into the thick muck, experimenting with one another’s resolve.

  “Because it is hard for us to find good black men sometimes, Sean.”

  “Maybe if you just worried about finding a good man, regardless of his race, you wouldn’t feel that way…”

  “Easy for you to say. You don’t have a shortage of white women.” She took an indignant swallow of her wine.

  He nodded.

  “That’s a damn good point, Treasure…damn good. But, my words still hold true.”

  “Fine. My turn.”

  “I thought you said you were done with me after this date.”

  “I am.”

  “Then why would you want to ask me any questions?”

  “Because I’m already here.” She threw up her hands and crossed one long leg over the other. “And you deserve to be treated exactly how you’ve treated me this evening.”

  “Shoot.”

  “I can be like you, right? Drill out my invasive questions?” she clarified, as if his answer would impede her either way.

  “Ask me whatever the hell you want.”

  “Do you only date black women?”

  “Nope. I’ve dated all kinds of women, all races, all nationalities. I don’t have a preference based on nationality or race. I just like what I like and I know it when I see it.”

  …And I like fucking, too. Can I fuck you, Treasure?

  “Do you date older women because you believe we will take care of you?”

  “Sexually? Yes. Financially, no.”

  She paused for a moment, seemingly taking his words in like much needed elixir.

  “Why are you so rude, a little strange and aggressive? It’s outlandish to be that way with someone you proclaim to want to date, especially initially.”

  “Not really and I don’t think I’m strange, at least not in the way you mean. I’m saying and doing what everyone else wishes they could but I think I know when to put a cork in it.”

  She shot him a disagreeable glance, then turned away.

  “I can be rude at times, but what you’re calling rudeness is just honesty. I don’t like wasting time. Aggressive? Well, yeah, I am. That’s how you get shit done. I’ve wasted too much time in the past, Treasure, therefore, I am now playing catch up. And if I’m considered impolite because I want what I want when I want it and do what I need to do to get it, then so fucking be it.” He offered a disenchanted glance. “Now, you said I’ve blown my chances of a second date.”

  She smirked, but offered no additional words.

  “I think I like you, Treasure, so I’d like a chance to make a better impr
ession if this first one sucks.”

  “It does.”

  “I’m not tryna make you uncomfortable. I just want you to see me for me, and understand that this is who I am. You’d not have to wonder about secrets and shit like that with me. I don’t roll like that and I think…I think you deserve better than a bunch of lies and games.” He didn’t miss the smile that slowly formed on her beautiful face. “I’ll try to watch my style of delivery should you wish to change your mind, but I will always drop off the goods.”

  Their food arrived then. A cluster of beautiful, fragrant things soon lined the table in neat order.

  “Thank you,” Sean offered to the waiter before the man sauntered away. He turned his plate in various directions, surveying it to ensure it met his expectation, then picked up his fork.

  “This looks really good.” Treasure sunk her fork into the meat filled bun and took a bite. “Mmmmm, this is good.” She dabbed her mouth with the side of her handkerchief.

  “Told you.” He smiled widely. “I think you deserve only the best… There isn’t no price tag on that.”

  “This is the best on the menu?” She took another bite, raising the fork just so to her succulent lips.

  Run those fucking sexy lips down my chest then my stomach until you reach my dick…and then keep going.

  “Not necessarily. But I know I’m a good guy, and you seem like a good woman, so that makes us the best. Maybe we could be the best for one another…” He took a quick bite of his food and swallowed. “If I get that second chance, it might be worth your while.” He winked at her, then focused back on his plate. After a few moments of silence, her soothing, sexy voice broke through once more.

  “Sean, I’ll admit when I’m wrong.”

  He looked around the place, picked up his beer bottle, and tilted it to his lips, taking a sip.

  “What were you wrong about?”

  “I’m enjoying this date now. I appreciate how you explained yourself. It was real, and you seem like a pretty good guy actually, despite your flawed sales pitch.” She nodded, as if still trying to convince herself of the words she uttered as well. “I think I’ll give you another shot. You are one very intriguing person.” She smiled ever so slightly as she took another bite of her food.

  “That’s good.” He picked up his bottle, waved it a bit in her direction to initiate a toast. Catching the hint, she quickly placed her fork down, gulped a mouthful of food and raised her wine glass in the air.

  “To a second date, and a third, and a forth and fifth.” He offered a devilish grin. And then, their drinks clinked together, sealing the declaration just like so…

  ‡

  Chapter Seven

  “For littering.” He kept close to the woman as they navigated his favorite walking path in Central Park. Out the corner of his eye, he shot her another glance, sizing her up. Treasure wore an oversized chocolate brown kimono-style shirt, matching leggings and leopard print flats. He took notice of the corresponding leopard print bangle around her wrist, edged in gold.

  …I bet that cost a mint.

  “They charged you with littering?!” She burst out laughing again, placing her hand over her mouth in disbelief.

  “Yeah.” He snaked his hands in his pockets, not certain what to do with them. It just so happened he was in the city to pick up his new boxing gloves, and he knew from their conversation on the phone the previous evening that she would be in the vicinity around the same time. She proclaimed to have some shopping for a client to take care of. He’d given the woman a call that afternoon, not for a traditional date per se, but one nevertheless.

  He’d been thinking about her, wanting to see her, smell her hair and skin, feel her against him. So, he made the call. The visit would be short, a quick bite for the mind…a coming together for a snack-sized conversation. Much to his surprise, she agreed to meet him at the park, and now here they were, overdosing off each other’s energy. She smelled like cherry blossoms, the kind that grow in Asia, the leaves turn into a red paradise and sweet delight for the senses.

  “Some bastard put those flyers all over my car, you know, the advertising bullshit like refinancing your house and car washes,” he explained, pulling himself away from his fascination with the woman. “I knocked ’em off and they hit the ground. Before I knew it, I was in some sorta trouble. The police rolled up on me, threatened to get me for littering. I asked him what about the fucker that littered on my car! Wrong response…”

  “Sean.” She shook her head at him as they continued to walk side by side. “You are a mess. Is that what you really said to him?”

  “Yeah, verbatim. I was like nineteen; it was a long time ago.” He scratched behind his ear. His mind drifted somewhere dark and dirty.

  I want to lie down right here, right now, rip her fucking pants off and jam my tongue in her goddamn pussy. What do you taste like, Treasure? She looks so damn good…smells so nice…

  “So anyway, what about you, huh? Any close brushes with the law?”

  “Yeah, but I’d rather not get into it right now.” She offered him a crooked grin, politely excusing herself from the inquiry.

  Pausing, he gave her a look. “What do ya mean you’d rather not get into it right now? Not this again!”

  “No.” She chuckled, placing her hand on his shoulder in a soothing sort of way. “It’s not what you think. It happened when I was a kid. I’ll tell you, but it makes me really sad is all because it’s tied to another event. It’s nothing crazy like murder or anything like that. I just don’t want to bring myself down is all. I’m in a good mood, would like to keep it that way. Is that cool?”

  “So, it isn’t top secret, right? You’re not a stalker or some shit like that, right?” He raised a brow. “’Cause I’m known to drive women insane with my unbelievable charm and vicious stick and moves.”

  “Stick and moves?”

  “In the bedroom…my stick, you know? My skilled thrusts are my moves.” He burst out laughing as he pointed to his crotch, causing her to turn away and redden right before his eyes.

  “I’m not a stalker, but you’re obscene.”

  She liked it. He could see the mischievous twinkle in her eyes born from his haughty words. He shrugged and wrapped his fingers around hers, held her soft hand, not giving a damn to resist the temptation a second longer. The woman kept walking by his side, glanced at their linked hands then stared back ahead, accepting his claim upon her.

  “On the phone last night, you mentioned your mom wanted you to pick her up and take her to the store since your dad was asleep. I bet you two are close.” She stated.

  “We are. My whole family is close actually. I have one brother; he’s a year older. We’re pretty tight.”

  She nodded in understanding.

  “My dad worked for the city and so did my mom. She was a receptionist. I go over my parents’ house all the time. I see my brother a lot, too. He’s a fireman. Being with all of them is the highlight of my week.”

  She smiled. “I love that, that’s nice. Seems like you’re a family man.”

  “I am. Family is important, even if you have to create your very own.”

  “Yeah… and speaking of own, do you want children?”

  “Yeah, but they don’t have to be biologically mine just like I told ya.”

  “Well, that’s good because, well, even though we aren’t together or anything, it’s important to get this sort of information out of the way.”

  “What sort of information?”

  “I can’t have any more children, Sean.”

  He paused for a moment, took a good look at her.

  “Okay, it’s cool.”

  “Don’t you want to know why?”

  “Yeah, just out of curiosity. Not because it’s a big deal to me or anything like that.”

  “Well, I can’t have any more children due to a medical situation. My doctor told me after I had Asia that that was it. I have endometriosis, which also led to my tubes being blocked.” She
sighed, took a deep breath. “At the time I was diagnosed, I was upset, but now,” she shrugged, “I’m just blessed to be fairly healthy and have the two children that I do have.”

  He nodded in understanding and held her hand a bit tighter.

  “Speaking of moms, brother and sisters ’nd everything, what about yours?” he asked.

  “That’s a good starting point for some other things about me you may be interested in, too,” she offered, making him feel as if she gave a damn, wanted to open up a bit as he so desired. He wished to know all about her, and there was no better time than the present.

  “Yeah, tell me about them.” They began walking again.

  “Well, I could start out like you did, and talk about this or that, but I’d rather start with the truth.” Her voice lowered an octave or two. He turned and looked at her, concerned for her well-being, and she’d only just begun. “My mother is someone I don’t really know. She never let me get close enough to know her…and here I am, ruining my good mood.” She laughed mirthlessly. He squeezed her hand… an involuntary reaction, letting the woman know, ‘all is well…’

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, Treasure. I don’t want to spoil your day or nothin’ like that.”

  I’ll throw you a lifeline lady, because I feel something for you.

  “I should though. So, I will.” She shrugged. “Not everything can be avoided, nor should it be, honestly. So anyway, let me back up for a moment. I have two brothers. One is older than me, Turner, and one is younger, Jacob.”

  “Middle child, huh?”

  “Yes.” She grinned. “Turner lives in California now and Jacob lives in Oregon. My mother is still here in New York. I barely see my brothers and we rarely talk, too. I don’t know, Sean.” She shook her head. “I’ve always felt sort of isolated, even when growing up, living at home. My mother took care of me, don’t get me wrong. She wasn’t mean to me per se, but it always felt more like she was a friend of the family, babysitting, versus raising children, if that makes any sense.”

  “I can understand what you’re saying. That’s kinda fucked up.”