The Fight Within
Page 41
“Well, actually Gabriella was Dominican, but that’s neither here nor there.” Kyle smirked. “Yeah, I dated them—Iris was black and Tammi was half black, a few more too, but it was nothing serious, man!” He shook his head, as if the shit should’ve been obvious. “You never heard me say I loved them. Sean, you told me you’re in love with this chick. That’s totally different! I was fucking, getting my dick sucked and fucked; it’s not the same. And she’s got kids and some ex husband who’s a goddamn lawyer; it could get messy…”
“You’ve dated women with kids, too! It’s almost unavoidable now; we’re in our mid-thirties, for God’s sake.” He rubbed his face vigorously, wishing the act could shake off this conversation. “I’m too in shock to fully respond to this shit… I can’t even get my tongue and brain to work together, to address your ass properly… Just get the fuck outta my house.” Sean got to his feet, his hands around his waist.
“What?” Kyle looked up at him in complete surprise.
“I’m serious, get the fuck outta my house, man. I can’t believe for as long as I’ve known you that you would come up in here and disrespect me this way. Who tha fuck do you think you are?! I need to know because the man I thought you were doesn’t even exist!”
Kyle slowly got to his feet, an unnerving grin on his face. “I’m your best friend, Sean…no need to get upset. I’m just looking out for you.”
“You coulda told me you were concerned about her having a crazy ex-husband, just like I told ya. Something like that would have been something a friend might say…but I love this damn woman and you fuckin’ know it and instead, you stand here in my face and tell me I should be leery, because of the color of her skin?! Because she’s black? You tell me it’s okay to fuck ’er, but not make her my woman? Be with her, care about her…but not to love her?! My own parents, as backwards as they can be sometimes, didn’t dare say some shit like this to me. You disgust me. I don’t even know who the fuck you are anymore!”
Kyle turned to leave, his footsteps slow, as if he were walking to his death. Surrounding the door knob with his palm, he slowly turned it, as if afraid to step away, to step outside of that door.
“I’m sorry I upset you, Sean. Just tryna look out for you.” With that, he gently closed the apartment door behind himself, and disappeared.
Sean stood there, his muscles jumping beneath his skin as he stared at the closed door. He realized he’d forgotten to scrub the white thing down, for it was covered in black smudges, small gouges and filth. The rest of the place was pristine, squeaky clean, but the way inside and out the place remained horrid, dirty, grimy. Kyle had entered his past, the soiled, old, grubby past, and left his future just as murky, despite all that Sean had done to make things presentable. He’d scrubbed and scrubbed, but the stench of the scene remained, and the fucking dirt just wouldn’t wash away.
He stood there for the longest, wondering where he’d gone wrong. What signs had he missed…had they been there all along? They had to have been; people simply didn’t wake up and become racist one fine morning. No, the seed had to have been planted when they were kids running around Queens without a care in the world. It was bone chilling how one could know someone, but not really know them…and that included himself.
Minutes ticked and passed. Returning to the couch, he fell in deep thought. Sean searched his memory bank and uncloaked shit he’d swept under the damn rug. Tiny things, subtle things, crooked and ugly things began to come back, little crumbled pieces to a racially divided jigsaw puzzle.
…That time on the train when Kyle said a black woman that sat next to them smelled good, like fried chicken…
…Another time when Kyle was angry that a black guy cut him off in Manhattan bumper to bumper traffic. He said the guy was probably running late for an important drug deal…
…Another time when they were at the DMV, and he said if weren’t for Affirmative Action, the lazy lady in the window wouldn’t even have that job as she gave him a hard time about his car insurance…
…Another time when he said this, and another time when he said that…
It was never anything way over the top. No ‘N’ words were ever dropped, nothing of that nature, and Kyle had a shit load of friends from all different backgrounds. But…it didn’t seem to matter, because it was apparent the man still felt superior.
And he feels superior to me, too…
Sean fell back onto the couch, feeling nauseous, sick to his damn stomach. All of these years, he savored the friendship with Kyle, partially because it gave him validation, a ticket into an exclusive world he’d been previously shut out of. He’d not had any inkling or suspicion that Kyle was using him as well, to boost himself up to a level of denial, and feed his need to feel better than others.
As soon as I get myself together, everything else falls apart. I’ve lost my best fucking friend. And I hate him for this…
And it fucking sucked. Because it fucking hurt so unbelievably fucking bad…
‡
Chapter Twenty-Five
…The next day
“You’re missing the movie.”
The woman said nothing. She stood before him, her blue jeans unzipped, exposing white panties with black trim. Sean set his can of ginger ale down and tried to look around her gorgeous silhouette in the dimly lit room.
“You’re in front of the television,” he teased, pretending to be annoyed by her antics.
Treasure leisurely picked up the remote control from the arm of his couch, looked casually over her shoulder, and shut the damn thing off. The room grew darker, though he could still make her out clear as day. He lifted himself off the couch and looped his thumbs in his pants’ belt buckles, then ushered them down his legs. Kicking them off to the side, he kept his damn eye on her, falling into the place she led him to with her hypnotic stare. He ran his hand over his dick, back and forth, slowly but surely as the woman swayed back and forth, conducting a strip tease for his eyes only.
“You move like heaven.”
Her lips parted in a sexy smile. She tossed her bra at him and it landed across his knee, while she continued to gyrate to a silent beat. “Stay right there…let me give you something to vibe to.” Getting up, he turned on his stereo and selected, SZA’s, ‘Babylon”.
“I’m gonna put this shit on repeat…” he mumbled.
He loved the entire album for it reminded him so much of Treasure. He loved the cool sensuality of the music and head vocalist, moving together like water across diamonds. Rich, natural, luxuriously earth-bound…
Returning to the couch, he sat back and relaxed, a smug smile on his face. He succumbed to a lustful trance when the woman rubbed her tits and gyrated those luscious hips he loved to spoon every chance he got. Making her way in his direction, she fell to her knees before him, sinking deep in the carpet. Their gazes locked…
“You know I love you…” The words she spoke he never tired of hearing. “And I won’t stop loving you…and I hope you won’t stop loving me, either.”
He stared at her for a moment. Deciding to do one better, he reached for her face, caressed her flesh that felt softer than satin.
“I went to the Hudson river last night, stood on the bridge. I looked down into the water late at night. I was thinkin’ all sorts of things. My mind was busy.” She watched his mouth moving, no doubt trying to understand where he was going with this. She scooted closer to him, her chin directly above his crotch, and wrapped soft hands around his throbbing dick, making the damn thing so excited, it wept a trail of anticipatory delight.
“And I was so fucking mad, baby, that I shed a couple of tears. Someone I cared about died. He’s alive, but he’s dead to me.” He pointed at his chest. “One of my tears fell in the river as I leaned over looking at the waves moving back and forth. So in response to what you just said, when you find that tear that I cried in that river, baby, that’s when I’ll stop lovin’ you…Uhhhhh…” He threw his head back and enjoyed the intense warmth heating his
shaft. She showed her approval of his declarations with her tongue that slowly went up and down his cock, round and round. Occasionally they met eyes as she enveloped him, over and over, taking him there…
“Mmmmm….baby….” he groaned, letting his hands roam sluggishly through her strands. “Uhhhh…” He winced in sheer, unadulterated pleasure as she lavished him with oral attention fit for a king. “Uhhh, Treasure…uh!” Not wanting to cum too soon, he coaxed her away, gently pushing on her shoulder. The woman squealed when he plucked her from the ground and placed her on her back, laying her against his couch cushions. Then, he caressed along her inner thighs…soft and welcoming.
“Mmmm.” A guttural moan escaped his lips as he ran his fingers slowly up and down her soft, fleshy pussy lips. Worming his way between her legs, he placed his head directly there. Her warmth muffled the music, all the sounds around him. “Mmmm…”
Flick.
He tenderly traced her folds, her clit extended farther, excited to cum out and play…
Flick…
“You taste amazing.”
Flick…
“When we’re together, I’m whole…”
Suck…
“When we’re apart, I’m only half as good as I can be…”
“Ahhhh!”
He gripped her waist, buried himself nose deep into her sweet zone.
“Mmmm! Ohhhhh baby….” He went on and on, tasting her honey shower on his tongue.
He broke away from her for a spell to stare into her eyes… She haunted his soul, and he hoped the ghost was real…
“Mmmmm!” his lips coated in her libations as she rose and fell, her orgasms ripping through her core. He made love to her deep, slow, and all consuming. “As long as you want and need me, I’ll always have a job in your heart.”
“Ahhhh! Sean! Oh my God…” He paused once more, a trail of her nectar traveling from his lips as he cradled her ass close. She panted, coming slowly down from her high. Picking her up in his arms, he wrapped her legs around his waist and held her so close and careful, like a rare crystal vase. So tender…so loving…
She’s so mine…
His lips met hers, pushing, warming, feeling something that hovered beyond their own minds and souls. Grinding against her nature, he stood in the middle of the room, pushing her up and down along the head of his dick.
“…Mmmm, don’t tease me!” her tone and eyes pleaded. “Don’t tease me, baby…” Her voice trembled. He walked a few steps and placed her on her feet and leaned her over the couch, placed her on her back. Sliding his hand between her thighs, he worked her up, driving her crazy. She threw her head back and arched her back, inviting him deep inside. As if on cue, a new album began to play—Empire of the Sun’s, ‘Walking on a dream.’
Sean gripped her breast and eased his way inside.
“Ahhhhh…uh…” Reaching down, she gripped his knee as he took his sweet time sliding inside of her, moving back and forth.
Oh yes, tonight she had to be cherished. He needed to feel everything, see everything, memorize it, then start all over again.
“Each time we make love, you take a bit more of me… It never felt so good being robbed!” He gripped her tighter, his thrusts growing faster and faster with each pass. “Uhhh!”
“Oh! Oh!” He felt her essence streaming, and kept on. The woman came over and over, back to back, her body loving him a bit more than just a second prior, and the second before that. “I’m cumming again! Oh my God!”
She sounded shocked at the revelation, and Sean, being the sexual opportunist that he toted himself to be, took his chance to run his hand along her clit, causing her body to stiffen. So, he continued to thrust upward within her and strum her zone with expert precision.
“Ahhhh! Oh God!” She hooked her hand around his neck, her mouth hanging open in wonder.
“Mmmm! Mmmm!” He continued to thrust, now harder with his balls slamming into her ass.
And they stared at one another, awed and in love.
Helpless.
“Ahhhh!” She coated his cock with another layer of her essence, making their bodies sticky and sweet. He swooped her up, turned her over onto her stomach and continued to deliver his promise.
“Uhh! Uh! I’m gonna cum, Treasure! I’m gonna cum!”
“Yes! Cum in me!” He didn’t want to blink or look away, just keep staring into the eyes of the woman that stole his heart.
“Uhhhhhhhhh!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!! Shiiiit!” His teeth gritted as he delivered blow after powerful blow. He remained still for a moment or two as he flowed within her, filling her to the max. “Ahhhhh….” After a moment or two, he loosened his grip on her waist, relaxed against her, and delivered sweet kisses to her upper back. Soon after, he found himself back on his couch, with her straddling him, moving up and down the softness of his nature, working her feminine hips like a temptress, stoking the fire within him, until he was fully erect once more. Then, lifting herself up, she took him all inside her cocoon, inch by delicious inch.
He groaned, then offered her a crooked smile. “You are insatiable tonight… I love it.”
She winked in response.
But then, all power of speech was stripped from him when she started to move in a slow rhythm at first, escalating her pace until she was riding him hard and steady, pressing her palms into his chest. She took him all inside, each time she rose and fell, left none of him out in the cold world outside her body.
“Your dick is like a dangerous ride…and I never want it to end.”
“Must be a water ride as wet as you are…” He winked back.
“Ahhhh…” She kept on, bouncing up and down, falling into a place where only she’d been invited. Closing her eyes, she let the rhythm take over and rode him like her life depended upon it. Her hips rotated and grinded against his dick until they were stomach to stomach.
“Uhhh…” Gently, he took hold of her hips and matched her tempo. “Making love to my new best friend!” he blurted as he held her a bit tighter… “Love you so much, Treasure!” He was exposed and didn’t care. She’d taken over his entire world, and he still couldn’t get enough of her. All she’d ever done was love him, and love him with all of herself.
“Ahhhh…you’re saying all of these beautiful things!” She smiled sincerely, her eyes glossing over. “All of these lovely things that you know are going to make me melt.” She laughed lightly.
“But they’re the truth. And from my heart.” They worked together, pushing their bodies to the sexual brink. “Uhhh!”
At last, the woman tensed and fell upon him, pressed her lips harshly into his. Her ass slammed into his groin over and over until she shuddered, gasped and soon, was rendered silent. He followed right behind her.
“Uhhh…uh!” She held him loosely, studying him with hooded eyes. “Mmmm!” And he released himself within her, emptying himself into her essence.
They lay there with the music playing and the world spinning around them. She turned him into a pillow, the feel of her so good and warm on his chest. As he brushed her hair away from her face, he couldn’t imagine anything else he’d rather be doing, nor anyone else he’d rather be with. She lightly ran her hand along the hairs of his chest, her eyes fluttering open as if she were resisting sleep.
“You can fall asleep, you know,” he offered as he continued to play with her hair.
“Yeah, I know. Hey, I want to ask you something.”
“Yeah.”
“You said you went to the Hudson last night. Why? What happened?”
He looked closer at her hair, paying particular attention to her hairline. Dark, slightly wavy roots branched forward, wild and free, soft and lovely. He loved the beauty mark right above her left eyebrow. It was so small, most wouldn’t notice it, but he did…
“Kyle is an ugly person, Treasure. That’s really all I have to say about it.”
She remained quiet for some time, still running her fingers through his chest hairs, swirling them about.
“Kyle has a problem with a lot of people it seems, Treasure.”
She lifted herself up, kissed his nose, and smiled at him. It was such a sweet gesture, one he wished she’d do again, just so he could be sure to see the lovely shit.
“You have a freckle smack dab in the middle of your nose.” She pointed to it with her golden fingertip. “It sits there all alone. That’s kind of what it’s like, Sean, when you find yourself having to distance yourself from people you thought were similar to you, loved you, or cared about your happiness. I’ve learned that lesson the hard way. We’re both like that lone freckle of yours.” She kissed the top of his nose, making him grin.
How strange that I was just looking at her beauty mark…
He closed his eyes for a spell.
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
“Hey?”
“What baby?”
“Tell me a joke.”
“What do you think I am? Some machine?” He chuckled. “I can’t just do jokes on cue.”
“Bullshit.”
“Okay, this isn’t really a joke, but just an observation.”
“Alright, go ahead.” She snuggled closer, wiggling a bit between his thighs.
“Heeeey now, be careful. Your knee grazed my nuts.” His brows furrowed at the possibility that he could have been singing soprano.
“Sorry!” She chuckled.
“Yeah, funny…ha ha,” he protested, caressing her shoulder. “If you had nuts, you wouldn’t be laughing.” He smiled.
“Go on with your observation, you big baby.”
“Okay, here it is. I notice women put a lot of stock in their makeup and hair, but if a guy says we like it, some of you will get mad and say things like, ‘What? I don’t look good naturally?’ Then, if we don’t say anything at all, you get mad about that, too…saying we don’t pay attention to you. Now what gives with that?” He looked at her seriously, for this was a million dollar question.