The Fight Within

by Laveen, Tiana

  “…I lost my way. I lost my wife. I lost my son…and I will lose my daughter, too, if something doesn’t change.”

  They sat there quietly for a minute or two as he worked the tears away, pushing them aside, begging them not to fall.

  “Do you love him, Treasure? You said you did, but is that true, or was it just said to hurt me?”

  She slowly set her bottle of water down by her feet and looked up at him.

  “I think you already know the answer to that.”

  He nodded and looked away, feeling lower than low, feeling like the rain should wash him away down some drain so he didn’t have to feel the tightening in his throat and the throbbing in his chest.

  “I never loved Jennifer, Treasure. I just thought I did,” he said, working his hands once again, looking down at them as his fingers twisted around and around one another. “And all the other women…they meant nothing to me. You are the only woman I’ve ever loved.” He looked up at her, tears in his eyes. “You’re gone now though and you know what hurts the most?”

  “What?”

  “I was too prideful to tell you how I felt until you got involved with someone else.”

  “If it’s any consolation, Jackson, it wouldn’t have mattered.”

  “What wouldn’t have mattered?”

  “You approaching me before I met Sean. I’d already had enough. I was done before you’d even moved out. My heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I couldn’t take one more lie…one more excuse…one more blame for the way you’d treated me. I just couldn’t.” She shook her head and looked away.

  “I think I knew that…I think I knew you were done,” he shrugged, “so it was as if there was nothing left to fight for…might as well go out with a bang. One thing still perplexes me. Can you humor me with an answer?”

  “What is it?”

  He reached over and grasped his cup, took a generous mouthful, and set it back down.

  “What was the final straw for you? What did I do that made you say, ‘that’s it.’”

  “Does that really matter now?”

  “To me it does. And the reason why, Treasure, is because you literally, like in a twenty-four hour period, went from ignoring me to being belligerent. Something put you in overdrive. You screamed for me to get out, told me you were done, and threw me out, but you never told me what caused that scene that night. You never told me and I just want to know. Please tell me. It’s bothered me for a long time.”

  He stared at her for a long while. She stared back, hollowness in her eyes.

  “Jackson, when you asked to marry me, do you remember that day?”

  “Yeah.” He burst out laughing, a silly grin he couldn’t shake creased his face. “I was excited, had gotten into law school.”

  “Yes, you were happy and it was pouring down rain, much like it is right now. You got on one knee and you raised a tiny ring in the air. I cried! I was so happy I didn’t know what to do with myself. You asked me to marry you and I accepted. I was sure we’d be together forever. I was determined to support you in good times and in bad, to stick by your side. I was determined to be a good wife and be everything you needed me to be. You didn’t have any money, nor did I, but we were going to make it work.”

  “And we did…for a while.”

  “But I was the only one trying, Jackson. Once you got accepted into the firm and began to receive those big, beautiful checks, you changed. But then I realized, you hadn’t changed. That possibility was already in you; it just needed to be cultivated. I loved you when you didn’t even have a car or a place of your own! I loved you when you had three jobs that paid minimum wage, and then you had the audacity during the divorce proceedings, to label me a gold digger! You ain’t have shit but the beauty of your smile, a brilliant, intellectual brain in that head of yours, and a beating, hungry heart in that chest—and that’s all you needed for me to love you! That’s all you needed, Jackson! You told me I was greedy, when it was you who saw me as never enough!” Her finger probed into her chest, moving the robe open a hair, exposing more of her gorgeous flesh.

  His tongue became thick and tied like rope, and he swung from his words, hanging on memories that refused to let him simply just die.

  “So, you may wonder what all of that has to do with your question, right?”

  “…I do.”

  “Being the great lawyer that you are, you wanted a simple answer to a complex situation. But you needed the background first, Jackson, for without seeing the past, the present doesn’t make much sense.” She took a deep breath and folded her hands together as she leaned forward. “Jackson, when you asked me to marry you, that ring was fake. I knew it was fake, but I never said one word to you. For me, it was the thought that counted and I knew that when we got on our feet, you’d get me something nicer later. Well, that didn’t happen, and I honestly no longer cared because I had the man, and the hardware was tributary. Then, one day, after you’d been out late again, blaming it on meetings when I knew good and damn well you were screwing that whore that kept calling this house, I discovered a beautiful little black box in the recesses of your closet.”

  He swallowed harshly, wishing he could swallow his whole self, too.

  “I have no idea to this day what told me to go through your things, but I did. I never had before, but this particular night, after yet another lie about a meeting or whatever, I decided to take a tour of our home. Lo and behold, I find a gorgeous, big, beautiful diamond ring! Imagine my delight when I viewed it, thinking you were going to give it to me, possibly ask to renew our vows and start all over!” She clutched the fabric of her robe in her grasp, bringing it closed, keeping it secure, protecting herself from her own words as she relived the past.

  “…But then, I saw a card beneath it. It hadn’t struck me at first, escaped my radar. I picked it up, slid my finger under the light pink fold with the red heart sticker, and removed the greeting card. On the front were two white doves, and I thought to myself, ‘Oh, how sweet!’ Then, I opened the card, Jackson…and you know what I read. I read how you loved a woman, how she saved you, made you feel whole again. I read about how patient and understanding she’d been with you. I read about how you’d asked me for a divorce, but I threatened to keep your kids from you. I think that hurt the most, Jackson.”

  He kept his eyes to the ground.

  “The fact that you could lie like that, so easily, between the two of us. That you could involve our children, and pretend to be the doting father married to an evil villain…the same ol’ bullshit most married men tell their mistresses, and the same ol’ bullshit those mistresses swallow, just like that married man’s cum!”

  He looked up at her, not believing his ears. Treasure never used words like that, spoke that way. Yes…she’d changed.

  “So, I put your card and letter back, and the ring, too. And when you walked in here, smelling like another woman’s pussy—it was all…over…your damn body—I had reached my breaking point, Jackson. I had given up on us, but for a fraction of a second, when I saw that ring, I thought you were going to really try to make it work with me, put in effort. Once that hope was given and snatched within a five minute radius, I truly lost my mind.” She laughed sadly. “I knew I had to get rid of you. I understood that Asia could not be raised by a woman who would put up with anything just so she could have a handsome, wealthy man in the house. I had to be a better example for our son!” She swiped a tear away. “And I knew that boy would hate me because he loved his father something awful, Jackson!

  “He was your shadow! Whatever you did, Brian wanted to do, too, but I had to do it, because he needed to understand that my love for him was bigger and stronger than my love for a man that was setting a horrible example of what a husband and father is supposed to be! I kept wanting to see the good in you, the ‘God’ in you, as my father used to say,” she said. “I remembered the old Jackson, ya know? The one that used to lay his jacket over puddles for me, the one that would help me with my homework.
The one that would make love to me, and promise me he’d be faithful and love me for the rest of my life! I missed the Jackson whom I would sit with and laugh, just cracking up together at dumb little things. We didn’t have anything! No big fancy house, no nice expensive furniture and shoes, but we had each other! But that, Jackson, was long gone…

  “And the new Jackson didn’t give a damn about anyone, but himself. So,” she shrugged and took a deep breath, “I had to buck up, get a backbone, and grow up. I had to depart from La-La-Land, and enter Reality Central. That’s the night I found that diamond ring in the little green bag. That’s the evening I found a lawyer, too. That’s the night I told myself it was time for Treasure to start treasuring her damn self for a change. And I did… So there’s your answer, Jackson. There’s your answer.”

  He wiped another tear away with the back of his hand. “How unbelievably ironic.” He chuckled.

  “What’s ironic about this?”

  “Well.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I left that ring here, actually. When I moved out, I left it on purpose. I had no idea you’d found it. I got rid of the card, but left the ring in the box. It was strange, you know?” he winced as he replayed the memories in his mind. “I was packing and I…I didn’t want to take it with me. So, I left it right there in the closet, in the corner. It’s almost like I wanted you to have it…to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ So, I got rid of the card, and wanted you to find it…keep it, maybe wear it. I didn’t care, but…I wanted you to have the ring you deserved, not the little cubic zirconia one I’d bought you on my McDonald’s restaurant wage. I forgot about that ring, Treasure…” He looked at her earnestly. “It completely slipped my mind after a while. May I ask what you did with it?”

  “I don’t think you want to know…”

  He looked away from her and shook his head, but couldn’t help a smirk. “You threw away a six carat diamond ring, Treasure?” He raised a brow in disbelief.

  “I sure as hell did. It wasn’t for me; it was for some trash you’d met and brought into our lives. So, I put it back where it belonged.”

  “I can’t believe it.” He chuckled. “But I’m not mad… Honestly, I’m not! I suppose that’s what I deserved.” He grabbed his lukewarm tea and took another sip. “Well, thank you for answering my question and letting me inside to talk.” He got to his feet. She leisurely followed suit, holding herself stiff and poised.

  “You’re welcome.”

  He passed her and made his way to the door with her trailing behind. She reached for the door and opened it, but he kept his back toward her, not wanting to step away, leave her there. Looking over his shoulder, he smiled at her, and the love he had for the woman poured out of his heart once more. He dared himself to look her in the eye and not feel this way—damn near impossible.

  “Tell my son I’ll be by Sunday afternoon. We’re going to lunch to talk whether he likes it or not. I’d tell him myself, but…well, you know.”

  She nodded, and held the door.

  “I’ll give Asia a call tomorrow after her dance practice. Maybe she’d like to go to dinner…just me and her.”

  “I think she’d like that, Jackson.”

  “Well,” he said with a huff. “I guess that’s it.”

  “Yeah, I believe so.”

  “He won, he got you,” he mumbled as he stepped over the threshold, feeling dejected, hurt, but accepting of the situation.

  “Jackson, he didn’t win me. Sean earned my trust.”

  “How?” He faced her head on. “I had good intentions, I did! When I called you and asked to work it out, I meant that! I love you! But I accept what’s going down now, I get it. What did he do, Treasure, so that if I ever fall in love again, I know what to do? ’Cause I’m at a loss!” Tears streamed down his face and he did nothing to wipe them away.

  “Jackson, some people have the best of intentions. You’re one of those people. You made a lot of promises that you didn’t keep. I wasn’t perfect either, but I tried, and that’s half the battle. The people that stand out from the crowd have good character, and their good character makes them keep those promises, Jackson. That’s what he did. There was no magic trick needed. He told the truth, and he came through. Nothing more, nothing less…”

  *

  Sean sat on his living room couch in disbelief. He’d hit the ‘submit’ button seven minutes ago, but still swam in a state of shock. He’d submitted his last and final exam and was told he’d receive his test results within twenty-four hours. He was officially finished with school, and despite his nervousness, his gut told him he’d aced his test. He slumped over, plucked his beer bottle from the floor, and took a final swig. After getting his wits about him, he called Treasure, wanting to share the good news.

  “You’re all finished, baby?” she asked, breathing hard.

  “Yeah…why in the hell do you sound like that and I’m not above ya?”

  “Oh, Lord!” She burst out laughing. “I’ve been racing back and forth trying to find my damn credit card. I think I left it at the restaurant. I’m going to have to call and get it cancelled if I don’t find it soon.”

  “Check the bottom of your purse.”

  “The bottom of my purse?”

  “Yeah, you’re always complaining that wallet spills stuff. It’s old, needs to be replaced. Maybe I’ll get you a new one for a birthday gift.”

  “Hold on a second, let me go check my purse like you said.”

  “Alright.” He waited for a while, then saw his phone light up and beep with a call waiting. It was Kyle… He swallowed hard and ignored it. The man had been calling him at least once a day for the past week, but as far as he was concerned, there was nothing to discuss. The truth was now out—fully disclosed. The man was a two-faced, slick bigot, and he had no room for that.

  “Okay, well, I guess you’ll want some sort of reward or prize,” she said with a giggle. “It was where you said it was…at the bottom of my purse. Whew, I was really worried there for a second.”

  “Told ya.”

  “Alright, so I am certain I am speaking to the latest 4.0 graduate of CUNY College!”

  “I fuckin’ hope so! I gotta wait like twenty-four hours for the results of my stats test.”

  “You’ve been studying for that test for weeks, Sean. I know you did fine, baby.”

  “Yeah, I hope so. I felt confident about it until I thought about it again. Now I am second guessing myself.” He saw his voicemail light up.

  “So when is the ceremony?”

  “It would be next month… I’ve waited for so long for this, and now that it’s here I can’t believe it.”

  “I’m so proud of you, honey.”

  “I’ve already been putting in my resume to different places. I mean, I got the experience in the industry, too…”

  I want to get a really good job…not to be rich or compete, but because I know I worked hard for it and to take some of the stress off Treasure. We need this…

  “You will! I can feel it in my bones!”

  “You want to feel my bone? I’d love to give it to ya.”

  “Sean! Okay, let me stop acting like that doesn’t appeal to me.” She chortled. “When do you want me to come over?”

  “For real? No bullshit?”

  “No bullshit.”

  “You’re really coming over to give me some pussy? I’m not just dreaming this shit up?”

  “Yes!” She burst out laughing. “And I think you’ve been rubbing off on me, I’ve been cursing more lately and talking all tawdry. You’re a bad influence.”

  “I know how you fuck me, Treasure…you are far from innocent. You move those hips like a cement mixer.”

  At this, she lost it. Composing herself, she said, “Alright, let me put these dishes away and then I’m on my way.”

  “Where are the kids?”

  “Are you sitting down?”

  “Yeah.”

  “With their father!”

  “You’re shittin’ me! The pha
ntom patriarch has reappeared! Well, that’s good. Glad to hear it.”

  “Yup. Alright honey, I’m coming.”

  “Not yet…but you will be…”

  ‡

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Four and a half weeks later…

  “There he is, Mom!” Asia jumped up from her seat and pointed into the sea of people with their black caps and gowns.

  “Where? I can’t see him.”

  Sean’s parents, Colin and his girlfriend stood beside her, along with several of his long-time friends and cousins.

  “Right there, Treasure! Do I need to pick you up and put you on my back again?” Colin joked with a toothy grin, gently bumping her with his shoulder. Getting ready to respond with something witty, she thought better of it once she saw the irritated expression on Lydia’s face as she stared up at her man, apparently not pleased with the little revelation. Stifling a smirk, Treasure looked back out in the crowd and finally saw her Love. His smile was wider than the ocean, showing every damn tooth in his mouth. He bopped around, proud as a rooster on Sunday morning. Sean had aced all of his exams, and best of all, that morning he got a call from a big, prestigious company, HRH Construction, to come in for an interview later that week after a successful phone screening.

  “Okay, okay, everyone quiet!” Mr. Mahoney Sr. declared. “They’re about to say his name!”

  “Kevin, no clapping. They said at the beginning they didn’t want anyone to clap until everyone was announced.”

  “I’ll clap if I want to! I’m a grown man and I pay taxes! This is a free country!”

  “Shhhhh!” someone barked.

  “You shhhh! Who the hell are ya? The dean? I didn’t think so. Anyway, no one tells me to not clap for my son! He graduated college!”

  Mrs. Mahoney rolled her eyes at her husband and turned away, causing Colin and Lydia to snicker.

  “Sean Mahoney, bachelors in industrial business development marketing.”

  “Wooo hooo, Sean!” His family and friends lit up the place, their applause thunderous, as the man stood on the stage and waved, no one giving a damn about the warnings for quiet. He shook the hand of the president and proceeded off the stage, as simple as that. Asia wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist and looked up into her eyes.