Complete Works of Oscar Wilde

by Oscar Wilde

  ‘ “Oh, I am so sorry,” said Hans, “but I am really very busy to-day. I have got all my creepers to nail up, and all my flowers to water, and all my grass to roll.”

  ‘ “Well, really,” said the Miller, “I think, that considering that I am going to give you my wheelbarrow it is rather unfriendly of you to refuse.”

  ‘ “Oh, don’t say that,” cried little Hans, “I wouldn’t be unfriendly for the whole world;” and he ran in for his cap, and trudged off with the big sack on his shoulders.

  ‘It was a very hot day, and the road was terribly dusty, and before Hans had reached the sixth milestone he was so tired that he had to sit down and rest. However, he went on bravely, and at last he reached the market. After he had waited there for some time, he sold the sack of flour for a very good price, and then he returned home at once, for he was afraid that if he stopped too late he might meet some robbers on the way.

  ‘ “It has certainly been a hard day,” said little Hans to himself as he was going to bed, “but I am glad I did not refuse the Miller, for he is my best friend and, besides, he is going to give me his wheelbarrow.”

  ‘Early the next morning the Miller came down to get the money for his sack of flour, but little Hans was so tired that he was still in bed.

  ‘ “Upon my word,” said the Miller, “you are very lazy. Really, considering that I am going to give you my wheelbarrow, I think you might work harder. Idleness is a great sin, and I certainly don’t like any of my friends to be idle or sluggish. You must not mind my speaking quite plainly to you. Of course I should not dream of doing so if I were not your friend. But what is the good of friendship if one cannot say exactly what one means? Anybody can say charming things and try to please and to flatter, but a true friend always says unpleasant things, and does not mind giving pain. Indeed, if he is a really true friend he prefers it, for he knows that then he is doing good.”

  ‘ “I am very sorry,” said little Hans, rubbing his eyes and pulling off his nightcap, “but I was so tired that I thought I would lie in bed for a little time, and listen to the birds singing. Do you know that I always work better after hearing the birds sing?”

  ‘ “Well, I am glad of that,” said the Miller, clapping little Hans on the back, “for I want you to come up to the mill as soon as you are dressed and mend my barn-roof for me.”

  ‘Poor little Hans was very anxious to go and work in his garden, for his flowers had not been watered for two days, but he did not like to refuse the Miller, as he was such a good friend to him.

  ‘ “Do you think it. would be unfriendly of me if I said I was busy?” he inquired in a shy and timid voice.

  ‘ “Well, really,” answered the Miller, “I do not think it is much to ask of you, considering that I am going to give you my wheelbarrow; but, of course, if you refuse I will go and do it myself.”

  ‘ “Oh! on no account,” cried little Hans; and he jumped out of bed, and dressed himself, and went up to the barn.

  ‘He worked there all day long, till sunset, and at sunset the Miller came to see how he was getting on.

  ‘ “Have you mended the hole in the roof yet, little Hans?” cried the Miller, in a cheery voice.

  ‘ “It is quite mended,” answered little Hans, coming down the ladder.

  ‘ “Ah!” said the Miller, “there is no work so delightful as the work one does for others.”

  ‘ “It is certainly a great privilege to hear you talk,” answered little Hans, sitting down and wiping his forehead, “a very great privilege. But I am afraid I shall never have such beautiful ideas as you have.”

  ‘ “Oh! they will come to you,” said the Miller, “but you must take more pains. At present you have only the practice of friendship; some day you will have the theory also.”

  ‘ “Do you really think I shall?” asked little Hans.

  ‘ “I have no doubt of it,” answered the Miller, “but now that you have mended the roof, you had better go home and rest, for I want you to drive my sheep to the mountain to-morrow.”

  ‘Poor little Hans was afraid to say anything to this, and early next morning the Miller brought his sheep round to the cottage, and Hans started off with them to the mountain. It took him the whole day to get there and back; and when he returned he was so tired that he went off to sleep in his chair, and did not wake up till it was broad daylight.

  ‘ “What a delightful time I shall have in my garden!” he said, and he went to work at once.

  ‘But somehow he was never able to look after his flowers at all, for his friend the Miller was always coming round and sending him off on long errands, or getting him to help at the mill. Little Hans was very much distressed at times, as he was afraid his flowers would think he had forgotten them, but he consoled himself by the reflection that the Miller was his best friend. “Besides,” he used to say, “he is going to give me his wheelbarrow, and that is an act of pure generosity.”

  ‘So little Hans worked away for the Miller, and the Miller said all kinds of beautiful things about friendship, which Hans took down in a notebook, and used to read over at night, for he was a very good scholar.

  ‘Now it happened that one evening little Hans was sitting by his fireside when a loud rap came at the door. It was a very wild night, and the wind was blowing and roaring round the house so terribly that at first he thought it was merely the storm. But a second rap came, and then a third, louder than any of the others.

  ‘ “It is some poor traveller,” said little Hans to himself, and he ran to the door.

  ‘There stood the Miller with a lantern in one hand and a big stick in the other.

  ‘ “Dear little Hans,” cried the Miller, “I am in great trouble. My little boy has fallen off a ladder and hurt himself, and I am going for the Doctor. But he lives so far away, and it is such a bad night, that it has just occurred to me that it would be much better if you went instead of me. You know I am going to give you my wheelbarrow, and so it is only fair that you should do something for me in return.”

  ‘ “Certainly,” cried little Hans, “I take it quite as a compliment your coming to me, and I will start off at once. But you must lend me your lantern, as the night is so dark that I am afraid I might fall into the ditch.”

  ‘ “I am very sorry,” answered the Miller, “but it is my new lantern, and it would be a great loss to me if anything happened to it.”

  ‘ “Well, never mind, I will do without it,” cried little Hans, and he took down his great fur coat, and his warm scarlet cap, and tied a muffler round his throat, and started off.

  ‘What a dreadful storm it was! The night was so black that little Hans could hardly see, and the wind was so strong that he could hardly stand. However, he was very courageous, and after he had been walking about three hours, he arrived at the Doctor’s house, and knocked at the door.

  ‘ “Who is there?” cried the Doctor, putting his head out of his bedroom window.

  ‘ “Little Hans, Doctor.”

  ‘ “What do you want, little Hans?”

  ‘ “The Miller’s son has fallen from a ladder, and has hurt himself, and the Miller wants you to come at once.”

  ‘ “All right!” said the Doctor; and he ordered his horse, and his big boots, and his lantern, and came downstairs, and rode off in the direction of the Miller’s house, little Hans trudging behind him.

  ‘But the storm grew worse and worse, and the rain fell in torrents, and little Hans could not see where he was going, or keep up with the horse. At last he lost his way, and wandered off on the moor, which was a very dangerous place, as it was full of deep holes, and there poor little Hans was drowned. His body was found the next day by some goatherds, floating in a great pool of water, and was brought back by them to the cottage.

  ‘Everybody went to little Hans’ funeral, as he was so popular, and the Miller was the chief mourner.

  ‘ “As I was his best friend,” said the Miller, “it is only fair that I should have the best place;” so he walked a
t the head of the procession in a long black cloak, and every now and then he wiped his eyes with a big pocket-handkerchief.

  ‘ “Little Hans is certainly a great loss to every one,” said the Blacksmith, when the funeral was over, and they were all seated comfortably in the inn, drinking spiced wine and eating sweet cakes.

  ‘ “A great loss to me at any rate,” answered the Miller; “why, I had as good as given him my wheelbarrow, and now I really don’t know what to do with it. It is very much in my way at home, and it is in such bad repair that I could not get anything for it if I sold it. I will certainly take care not to give away anything again. One certainly suffers for being generous.”’

  ‘Well?’ and the Water-rat, after a long pause.

  ‘Well, that is the end,’ said the Linnet.

  ‘But what became of the Miller?’ asked the Water-rat.

  ‘Oh! I really don’t know,’ replied the Linnet; ‘and I am sure that I don’t care.’

  ‘It is quite evident that you have no sympathy in your nature,’ said the Water-rat.

  ‘I am afraid you don’t quite see the moral of the story,’ remarked the Linnet.

  ‘The what?’ screamed the Water-rat.

  ‘The moral.’

  ‘Do you mean to say that the story has a moral?’

  ‘Certainly,’ said the Linnet.

  ‘Well, really,’ said the Water-rat, in a very angry manner, ‘I think you should have told me that before you began. If you had done so, I certainly would not have listened to you; in fact, I should have said “Pooh,’ like the critic. However, I can say it now;’ so he shouted out ‘Pooh,’ at the top of his voice, gave a whisk with his tail, and went back into his hole.

  ‘And how do you like the Water-rat?’ asked the Duck, who came paddling up some minutes afterwards. ‘He has a great many good points, but for my own part I have a mother’s feelings, and I can never look at a confirmed bachelor without the tears coming into my eyes.’

  ‘I am rather afraid that I have annoyed him,’ answered the Linnet. ‘The fact is that I told him a story with a moral.’

  ‘Ah! that is always a very dangerous thing to do,’ said the Duck.

  And I quite agree with her.

  THE REMARKABLE ROCKET

  THE King’s son was going to be married, so there were general rejoicings. He had waited a whole year for his bride, and at last she had arrived. She was a Russian Princess, and had driven all the way from Finland in a sledge drawn by six reindeer. The sledge was shaped like a great golden swan, and between the swan’s wings lay the little Princess herself. Her long ermine cloak reached right down to her feet, on her head was a tiny cap of silver tissue, and she was as pale as the Snow Palace in which she had always lived. So pale was she that as she drove through the streets all the people wondered. ‘She is like a white rose!’ they cried, and they threw down flowers on her from the balconies.

  At the gate of the Castle the Prince was waiting to receive her. He had dreamy violet eyes, and his hair was like fine gold. When he saw her he sank upon one knee, and kissed her hand.

  ‘Your picture was beautiful,’ he murmured, ‘but you are more beautiful than your picture;’ and the little Princess blushed.

  ‘She was like a white rose before,’ said a young page to his neighbour, ‘but she is like a red rose now;’ and the whole Court was delighted.

  For the next three days everybody went about saying, ‘White rose, Red rose, Red rose, White rose,’ and the King gave orders that the Page’s salary was to be doubled. As he received no salary at all this was not of much use to him, but it was considered a great honour and was duly published in the Court Gazette.

  When the three days were over the marriage was celebrated. It was a magnificent ceremony, and the bride and bridegroom walked hand in hand under a canopy of purple velvet embroidered with little pearls. Then there was a State Banquet, which lasted for five hours. The Prince and Princess sat at the top of the Great Hall and drank out of a cup of clear crystal. Only true lovers could drink out of this cup, for if false lips touched it, it grew grey and dull and cloudy.

  ‘It is quite clear that they love each other,’ said the little Page, ‘as clear as crystal!’ and the King doubled his salary a second time.

  ‘What an honour!’ cried all the courtiers.

  After the banquet there was to be a Ball. The bride and bridegroom were to dance the Rose-dance together, and the King had promised to play the flute. He played very badly, but no one had ever dared to tell him so, because he was the King. Indeed, he knew only two airs, and was never quite certain which one he was playing; but it made no matter, for, whatever he did, everybody cried out, ‘Charming! charming!’

  The last item on the programme was a grand display of fireworks, to be let off exactly at midnight. The little Princess had never seen a firework in her life, so the King had given orders that the Royal Pyrotechnist should be in attendance on the day of her marriage.

  ‘What are fireworks like?’ she had asked the Prince, one morning, as she was walking on the terrace.

  ‘They are like the Aurora Borealis,’ said the King, who always answered questions that were addressed to other people, ‘only much more natural. I prefer them to stars myself, as you always know when they are going to appear, and they are as delightful as my own flute-playing. You must certainly see them.’

  So at the end of the King’s garden a great stand had been set up, and as soon as the Royal Pyrotechnist had put everything in its proper place, the fireworks began to talk to each other.

  ‘The world is certainly very beautiful,’ cried a little Squib. ‘Just look at those yellow tulips. Why! if they were real crackers they could not be lovelier. I am very glad I have travelled. Travel improves the mind wonderfully, and does away with all one’s prejudices.’

  ‘The King’s garden is not the world, you foolish Squib,’ said a big Roman Candle; ‘the world is an enormous place, and it would take you three days to see it thoroughly.’

  ‘Any place you love is the world to you,’ exclaimed the pensive Catherine Wheel, who had been attached to an old deal box in early life, and prided herself on her broken heart; ‘but love is not fashionable any more, the poets have killed it. They wrote so much about it that nobody believed them, and I am not surprised. True love suffers, and is silent. I remember myself once – But no matter now. Romance is a thing of the past.’

  ‘Nonsense!’ said the Roman Candle, ‘Romance never dies. It is like the moon, and lives for ever. The bride and bridegroom, for instance, love each other very dearly. I heard all about them this morning from a brown-paper cartridge, who happened to be staying in the same drawer as myself, and he knew the latest Court news.’

  But the Catherine Wheel shook her. head. ‘Romance is dead, Romance is dead, Romance is dead,’ she murmured. She was one of those people who think that, if you say the same thing over and over a great many times, it becomes true in the end.

  Suddenly, a sharp, dry cough was heard, and they all looked round.

  It came from a tall, supercilious-looking Rocket, who was tied to the end of a long stick. He always coughed before he made any observations, so as to attract attention.

  ‘Ahem! ahem!’ he said, and everybody listened except the poor Catherine Wheel, who was still shaking her head, and murmuring, ‘Romance is dead.’

  ‘Order! order!’ cried out a Cracker. He was something of a politician, and had always taken a prominent part in the local elections, so he knew the proper Parliamentary expressions to use.

  ‘Quite dead,’ whispered the Catherine Wheel, and she went off to sleep.

  As soon as there was perfect silence, the Rocket coughed a third time and began. He spoke with a very slow, distinct voice, as if he were dictating his memoirs, and always looked over the shoulder of the person to whom he was talking. In fact, he had a most distinguished manner.

  ‘How fortunate it is for the King’s son,’ he remarked, ‘that he is to be married on the very day on which I am
to be let off! Really, if it had not been arranged beforehand, it could not have turned out better for him; but Princes are always lucky.’

  ‘Dear me!’ said the little Squib, ‘I thought it was quite the other way, and that we were to be let off in the Prince’s honour.’

  ‘It may be so with you,’ he answered; ‘indeed, I have no doubt that it is, but with me it is different. I am a very remarkable Rocket, and come of remarkable parents. My mother was the most celebrated Catherine Wheel of her day, and was renowned for her graceful dancing. When she made her great public appearance she spun round nineteen times before she went out, and each time that she did so she threw into the air seven pink stars. She was three feet and a half in diameter, and made of the very best gunpowder. My father was a Rocket like myself, and of French extraction. He flew so high that the people were afraid that he would never come down again. He did, though, for he was of a kindly disposition, and he made a most brilliant descent in a shower of golden rain. The newspapers wrote about his performance in very flattering terms. Indeed, the Court Gazette called him a triumph of Pylotechnic art.’

  ‘Pyrotechnic, Pyrotechnic, you mean,’ said a Bengal Light; ‘I know it is Pyrotechnic, for I saw it written on my own canister.’

  ‘Well, I said Pylotechnic,’ answered the Rocket, in a severe tone of voice, and the Bengal Light felt so crushed that he began at once to bully the little squibs, in order to show that he was still a person of some importance.

  ‘I was saying,’ continued the Rocket, ‘I was saying – What was I saying?’

  ‘You were talking about yourself,’ replied the Roman Candle.

  ‘Of course; I knew I was discussing some interesting subject when I was so rudely interrupted. I hate rudeness and bad manners of every kind, for I am extremely sensitive. No one in the whole world is so sensitive as I am, I am quite sure of that.’

  ‘What is a sensitive person?’ said the Cracker to the Roman Candle.

  ‘A person who, because he has corns himself, always treads on other people’s toes,’ answered the Roman Candle in a low whisper; and the Cracker nearly exploded with laughter.