Family Drama 3-in-1 Box Set: String Bridge, The Book, Bitter Like Orange Peel

by Jessica Bell

  Just for the record, Penny was my only true love. There will never be another Penny for me. In fact, I don’t think I ever want one. Having her in my past is fulfilling enough.

  And you are a gift no man could ever buy. Two beautiful ladies, and two shining souls, through one set of radiant green eyes.

  I GET OUT OF bed and I look through the keyhole in Mummy’s bedroom door. I need to bury the book to save my mummy and my Ted from the demons. But my Ted is in there and he’s making pig noises. Mummy said not to wake him up. And I can’t see the book on her table with the little light on it. It’s normally sitting on there next to the silver bracelet with the bits hanging off it.

  Maybe my Ted buried it. Maybe my Ted just knewed that the book was full of badly and that’s why he had it last night. Maybe he was taking it away. Maybe he was showing Mummy what the book will make him do if she keeps it. Maybe that’s why he touched her with his foot like they did in that Karate Kid show that is coming out on the giant screen soon. Daddy said he is going to take me to see that movie. But I don’t like kicking things. Only if it’s me doing kicks to songs.

  I like TV Hits in the weekend mornings. Mummy moves the couch back and I make up dances to the videos. I rooly rooly like that man that sings the sweet dreams are made of weeds song. I asked Mummy if all bodies really are looking for sumfing, and she said that they are. And I askted what she was looking for, and she said that she was looking for love, but she already founded it, so she’s not looking anymore. I asked her to show it to me. But she said that love isn’t tangible. I don’t know what tangible means, but I would still like her to show me the love she found. But I stopped asking because it maded her upset and she started to cry again. I think she pretended not to cry because she kept smiling at me really weird when I was making up my sweet dreams steps.

  Another reason why I don’t think my mummy is very smart is because she said that the man singing that sweet dreams song was a woman! That maded me giggle. I said, she’s not a woman! He has short hair, and he wears those same clothes that Daddy wears when he goes to his job, and that thing around his neck that his boss man pobably uses to show him where to go like they do with dogs. And my mummy just shookt her head and laughed at me. Silly Mummy. One day she will learn.

  I want to watch TV Hits and eat brekkie. But Mummy tolded me not to wake up my Ted and it’s silly to watch TV Hits without any sound on. I go into the kitchen and Mummy has left me a bowl and a box of Fruit Loops and a spoon and a bottle of milk on the kitchen table. She is smart sometimes. She did that for me so that I wouldn’t have to get on a chair to get it out of the cupboard. She’s nice like that. My mummy is always nice. And sometimes I think being nice, is more important than being smart.

  I sit at the table and fix my brekkie. Fruit Loops are cool. But at school some kids call me a fruit loop, and I don’t think they are saying it because I taste yummy. I’m not surely of what it means, but it makes me have feelings like my belly is all pineapple jelly so I don’t think they are being nice to me.

  My Ted is up. I hope I didn’t make too much sounds with my thinking.

  “Morning, sunshine. Look at you, all clever with the breakfast business.”

  “It’s not a business. I didn’t have to give money.”

  My Ted laughs and shakes his head.

  “Where’s Penny? Not like her to be out this early on a no market day.”

  “She’s goned to Daddy’s to give him a pessant.”

  My Ted goes on pause and his face goes flushy. And then I remember that Mummy tolded me to keep it a secret! Now I’m a bit scared and I think I go on pause too. I dribble some milk on my pyjamas by a not-on-purpose. My Ted puts his coffee cup down on the counter rooly loud and stomps back to the bedroom. I can hear all the drawings open and closing really hard. My Ted does some shouts and some rool bad words that my mummy told me to never say. Then he comes back out with his raincoat. I didn’t know it was raining. But my Ted ’s right. It is raining. Maybe he is smart.

  “Grab your raincoat. We’re going to collect her.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she shouldn’t be there.”

  “Why?”

  “Because. You won’t understand. Now just get up and get your raincoat and gumboots.”

  “I don’t know where they are.”

  Ted makes funny breathing noises and wipes his mouth again. I don’t understand that. He hasn’t had brekkie yet. And anyway, my mummy always says that it’s polite to use a serviette. When I get out of my seat Mummy opens the front door. She’s smiling all nicely and unopens her umbrella and leans it against the door when she closes it.

  “Oh, are you off somewhere, Ted?” That was Mummy speaking.

  Ted looks like he’s on pause again, except his eyes are blinking lots. Mummy’s smile falls off.

  “If you haven’t located that fucking book by the time I get back all hell is going to fucking break loose.”

  “Ted! Not in front of Bonnie. You know how I feel—”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck how you feel right now.”

  I don’t know what flying fuck means but I’m surely it’s not a bird. My Ted stomps out and shuts the door rool hard and makes plates and cups go tinkle-tinkle in the cupboards. Mummy starts to cry again and she goes all wobbly to the phone. When she moves her fingers in the holes it sounds like a sleepy kitten. Sometimes I like to move my fingers in the holes and listen to it be sleepy. I want a kitten. But my Ted tolded Mummy he was a lergic. I don’t know what a lergic is but it must be surely sumfing about being a man. My daddy said he’s a lergic too. But he has a cat. I will ask Mrs Haydon at school what a lergic is.

  Mummy goes all whisperly and she wipes her eyes with her sleeves. Then she hangs up and says that Daddy is coming over. But only for a very quickly time.

  “Why?” That’s me talking, not Mummy.

  “He’s bringing back the book.”

  “No! Tell him to bury the book in the ground!“

  I stamp my feet rool hard on the floor and Mummy puts her hand over her mouth rool fast. Now my chest is going all bumpy again. I don’t like it when my chest is all bumpy because it makes me feel like there is a bad monster setting up a cubby in there. Mummy pulls out a chair and sits in it and sighs. She does one of those smiles that aren’t happy.

  “Sweetheart, that book is special. It’s for me, Daddy and for you.”

  “But I don’t want it. It’s got demons in it and doors that gobble up bodies.”

  Mummy puts her hand on my head and I can feel it really warm and it makes me feel a bit calmed.

  “There’s nothing bad in the book. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

  I look at Mummy. I think I’m using grownup invisible words because she speaks again without any sounds coming out of my mouth first.

  “Please don’t feel sad, sweetie. There’s no reason to feel like that at all.”

  “But my Ted thinks you fart in it, and that’s really rude, and it’s always putting tears on your face and I don’t like you to be all feelings, because then all your smiles aren’t happy ones anymore and I just want you to smile the happy ones and I want, I want, want ... the book to die.”

  My face is really wet and I feel like the air can’t find my window. Mummy is crying rool hard now, but this time I think it was my badly, not the book’s.

  “Mummy, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you sad.” I let myself fall onto her lap and she grabs me and lifts me up and gives me a rooly rooly long and warmly cuddle.

  “Honey, I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m crying because I’m happy.”

  I rest my head on Mummy’s shoulder and I think that when I’m a grownup there won’t going to be any secret books.

  Tape #05

  Bonnie: Why do grownups make simple things go all difficultly?

  Dr Wright: What do you mean?

  Bonnie: They smile when they’re sad and they cry when they are happy. It’s silly.

  Dr Wright: [smiles
] When you grow up you’ll understand a bit better why we do that.

  Bonnie: I don’t want to understand better. When I’m a grownup, I’m not going to do those things. I’m going make the world simple.

  Dr Wright: Really?

  Bonnie: [nods] Uh-huh.

  Dr Wright: How are you going to do that?

  Bonnie: I’m not going to do silly grownup things. I’m just going to be normal. I’m not going to ask tricky questions and I’m not going to say invisible words and I’m not going to make up silly stories about the man and I’m going to be smart. Much smarter than you! [frowns and crosses her arms in a huff]

  Dr Wright: Bonnie!

  Bonnie: What?

  Dr Wright: Why are you getting so upset at me? I haven’t done anything bad to you.

  Bonnie: You always do badly! You make me sit here with the door closed. It’s not fair!

  Dr Wright: Bonnie, would you prefer I open the door?

  Bonnie: [looks out the window and shakes head]

  Dr Wright: Bonnie? Would you like to try some writing?

  Bonnie: [shakes head]

  Dr Wright: Not real writing. You can spell words with these wooden letters. Would that be fun?

  Bonnie: [looks at box of wooden letters and shrugs]

  Dr Wright: Look. I’ll start. [empties letters onto table and spells own name: Doctor Wright.] Do you know what I’ve spelt?

  Bonnie: Yes. I’m not stupid.

  Dr Wright: Okay, would you like to read it to me?

  Bonnie: It says Doctor Wright.

  Dr Wright: Wow! That’s fantastic, Bonnie. Who’s been teaching you about silent letters?

  Bonnie: Daddy. Because Daddy is smart.

  Dr Wright: And so are you, Bonnie. That’s brilliant. Bravo. [claps hands]

  Bonnie: [smiles and takes some letters out of the box. She spells: Silent letters are stupid.]

  THE DOORBELL RINGS AND it’s Daddy. Mummy takes her hair out of the flicky-band and puts her fingers through it before she opens the door.

  When she opens the door, they both go on pause. Except Daddy’s lip. It moves funny. Like someone is pulling it by a string. He’s holding the book. I still think it’s got badly things in it, but if it makes Daddy come visit, then maybe sometimes it might be okay. Maybe when those some times happen the demons are sleeping and the doors are lockted.

  Daddy looks at me and blinks at me with one eye. Then he touches Mummy’s cheek and she pushes her face into his hand a bit more. Mummy goes outside and closes the front door. I can see their lips moving but I can’t hear them, not even whisperlies. But I can still see them through the window. My mummy isn’t smart like that, but Daddy is, but maybe he’s forgotten about that window because he isn’t living with us anymore.

  I’m glad there is a window because I just sawed them touching lips. And when I touch my lips to Mummy’s lips it make me feel warm. It’s good she is touching Daddy’s lips because it’s not being summer today and he doesn’t have a raincoat.

  February 19th, 1984

  ~Mummy

  I will never forget yesterday morning. John kissed me when he brought this book back (just in the nick of time, too, before Ted came home to find out what I had done, so I guess he’s also a saviour). We didn’t say much. But I think it might be a new beginning. I don’t want to pressure him, so I won’t ask any questions. Let’s just see how it pans out. This will be the first time in my life that I will “go with the flow.” Bonnie, wish me luck. I need it!

  Bonnie, remember, no matter how old you are, you never stop learning.

  Ted and I had a big “conversation” last night. He wants me to focus on bringing the three of us closer together. He asked if he could start writing in the book too. I told him that it wouldn’t be right, seeing as John started it. I said that I thought it would be betraying him somehow. And it would. Don’t you think? Anyway, I promised Ted that I would stop writing in it. That I would give it to John. Ted seemed to find that solution acceptable.

  Now, I need to find a place to hide this book.

  John and I are meeting in the park tomorrow for me to give him the book. I’ll pick you up from school and we can walk there together.

  PS: We put the Talking Heads album on this morning and you made up a really innovative dance to Burning Down the House. You said that you thought the lyrics didn’t make sense. I asked you why, and you said that you can’t put out a fire with fire, and that a fire doesn’t make you wet so why would you need a raincoat? I tried to explain that the lyrics are like art and that they don’t have to make sense, but you wouldn’t have it. Then you lifted your shoulders to your ears, sighed, and said, “Well, at least I can dance to it.” Ted laughed. A real belly laugh. It was nice to see him laugh for a change.

  PPS: I hope John reads my entries.

  Tape #06

  Bonnie: [jumps up and down on the couch like a trampoline]

  Dr Wright: Bonnie, I know it’s fun, but you might break the couch.

  Bonnie: I won’t break the couch!

  Dr Wright: You might.

  Bonnie: I’m too small. I’m not heavy.

  Dr Wright: I know that, but when you jump up and down like that, you become heavier than you really are.

  Bonnie: That doesn’t make logic.

  Dr Wright: Why doesn’t it make sense, Bonnie?

  Bonnie: I can’t be growing just because I’m jumping. You’re really silly. I’m not growing taller. It just looks like it.

  Dr Wright: [shakes head and laughs]

  Bonnie: [stops jumping] Why do grownups shake their heads a lot like they are saying no but not really saying no?

  Dr Wright: Why do you think we shake our heads, Bonnie?

  Bonnie: [shrugs] Maybe you are making surely the nits don’t get in. Maybe that’s why kids get nits a lot, because they’re always nodding at the grownup questions.

  Dr Wright: [smiles] That’s a pretty good theory, Bonnie. Where did you hear that?

  Bonnie: What?

  Dr Wright: [laughs]

  Bonnie: I wasn't saying a joke.

  Dr Wright: Bonnie?

  Bonnie: What?

  Dr Wright: You’re amazing.

  Bonnie: [nods, smiles] I know.

  IT’S BEING SUMMER AGAIN today and I’m playing on the swing set my Ted got me for my birthday. He said five was a very special age because five is when you start school. I started school. But I don’t feel special. I think it’s because I’m a fruit loop. Sara and Bianca are meanies and I don’t like them anymore. And there is a boy at school with red hair. His name is Albert and his face looks like a porcipontus. He has a yucky voice and when he calls me a fruit loop it sounds like a body put him in a morning blender with I-scream and milk. I think bodies should call him the fruit loop, not me.

  And I’m not stupid. But some bodies think I’m stupid. I think Dr Right thinks I’m stupid too. She said that I was borned too early and that means that I don’t learn very fast. Maybe I don’t spell very good, but I can write and I can read and I can dance, and I know there’s rooly no moon man, and I can understand grownup invisible words.

  I think the spelling of some words is silly because they aren’t spelled like you say them. I told Dr Right that, but she just said that I have to learn the way they are spelled in the dickshonary. But I know how they are spelled in the dickshonary. I just like my spelled words better.

  When I’m growed up I will make a new dickshonary and all the words in it will be spelled the way we say them. One of the stupid spellings is when there are letters that you don’t say. Like lamb. It’s stupid to have the b there. And like know. That k is stupid too. The body that invented those stupid silent letters must have beened the one who invented grownup invisible words. Maybe there isn’t any histories of him because he didn’t want any bodies to see him. And that’s another thing I don’t understand. Why do all the boys get the stories? There should be herstories too. I’ve got lots of them and I’m a girl.

  There’s a girl in my classr
oom that should have a herstory. She always hides behind the shelter shed at recess and says she’s to be invisible. When I go to speak to her she runs away. I wish she would speak to me. Because Sara and Bianca don’t like me anymore. I know that because they started to be calling me a fruit loop too.

  That’s another stupid spelling. Fruit. Maybe that’s why my Ted isn’t very smart because he works with fruit. My mummy would tell me not to use the word stupid, and to use silly instead. But I like the word stupid. So I’ll just make it an invisible word and use it when I’m thinking only.

  Mummy is coming outside with a biscuit tin. I don’t think she knows I’m on the swing. She looks into the sky with the biscuit tin cuddled under her chin. She says some words to the sky with her eyes closed but I can’t hear them. Then she puts the biscuit tin on the ground and goes into the garage and brings out the rooly heavy shaker stick, but the one that doesn’t have the gaps. She starts poking it into the dirt under the bush with the nice smelling white flowers all over it and makes a big hole. She puts a plastic super bag in the hole and pushes it down like she does with biscuit dough. Then she puts the biscuit tin in it. Maybe she wants to hide the biscuits from me because she says I eat too many sweets.

  But it doesn’t matter, when I go visit Daddy, Mary will give me TimTams.

  MRS HAYDON IS MAKING us wear these stupid smocks. Mine is too big and I hate the colour. It looks like poo in my undies. Mrs Haydon is making us do finger-painting on big pieces of paper clipped to a big wood thing. And the paint colours are boring. There is just yellow, blue, red and boring old white. I thought Mrs Haydon was smart because she’s a teacher, but how does she not know that if I put white paint on white paper, that no one is rooly going to see it?

  I put my hand up to get more colours because that’s what we’re supposed to do when we have a question. But she doesn’t come over and my arm is getting sore and feels all wobbly like pineapple jelly. I can hear her talking in her witch voice to Bianca. Maybe she told Mrs Haydon that I’m a fruit loop and now Mrs Haydon doesn’t like me anymore either. So I get up and go to the cupboard with the paints in it myself and there isn’t any green in there either!