The Rancher's Prospect

by Callie Endicott

  “By the way,” he murmured, “thanks for coming today.”

  “I haven’t done anything.”

  “You didn’t need to. Being here was enough.”

  “I’m surprised Walt didn’t ask his daughter.”

  “After the weeks we all just spent together, I think it seemed right.”

  It did feel right, and that was part of the problem. Tara wasn’t sure how to handle the sense of connection. Her life had been so much simpler when Walt had been her only friend and Josh was an annoyance.

  Caring about Josh was far more dangerous.

  * * *

  LAUREN STUDIED THE ENTRIES on the internet, made her decision and picked up the phone to make an appointment with a counselor in Helena. There might be someone closer, but she wanted a person unlikely to ever become otherwise acquainted with her or Carl.

  Briefly she explained to the receptionist what she wanted to discuss. The first appointment was set, and she put the receiver down, knowing it was the right decision. Still, it was daunting to think about telling a stranger the story of her childhood.

  She hurried to the stove and took out the pot roast she’d prepared. Carl would be at the apartment at five for his dinner break—he was working an evening shift this week.

  Half an hour later, she opened the door at his knock. “Hi,” she said as cheerfully as possible.

  Carl gave her a heart-stopping kiss but afterward gazed down at her in concern.

  “Something up?”

  “Nothing, it’s just that I...” She hadn’t intended to tell him about the counseling appointments. On the other hand, she’d have to be gone for the better part of a day whenever she went, and he’d be curious. Besides, it seemed dishonest, even if she wasn’t directly lying.

  “Darling?” he prompted.

  “I...um, just made an appointment with a counselor in Helena.”

  He frowned worriedly. “Are you having second thoughts?”

  “No. But it might help with my...issues.”

  “I thought we were working on them together.”

  “We are,” Lauren assured quickly.

  When her old boyfriend had suggested counseling, she’d known their relationship was ending. But she also hadn’t loved him the way she loved Carl.

  “I love you,” he said intently. “You can trust me. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She knew in a way he was trying to convince her she didn’t need a counselor; deep down he might even be hurt because it might sound as if she didn’t trust him. But trust wasn’t the question—it was because she cared so much that she wanted to deal with her fears.

  It was ironic; this was their first disagreement. He’d said he wanted her to speak up when it happened. She had to have faith that he’d meant it.

  “I know you love me.” Her throat was so tight it hurt. “Everyone thinks love is enough, and maybe it should be. But I have enough experience now to be aware that sometimes love and counseling is best.”

  Carl gazed into her eyes for a long time.

  “Okay,” he murmured finally.

  “What if...” Lauren’s heart pounded. “What if the counselor wants you to come to some of the appointments?”

  He pulled her close. “I’ll go,” he promised. “If that’s what you need, I’ll go.”

  Relief washed over her. She probably should have talked to a counselor years ago. She’d just never had enough incentive until now.

  As they ate dinner and discussed it further, Lauren saw that Carl was getting used to the idea. She was serving their dessert when his cell phone rang.

  At the end of the call, he jumped to his feet. “Sorry, honey. This isn’t an emergency, but I have to deal with it.”

  Lauren kissed him, knowing she’d always worry, even when it wasn’t an emergency. “Are you coming over after you get off duty?” she asked.

  “You’ll be in bed by then, but I’ll call to let you know I’m home safe.”

  A smile curved her lips. “You can tell me that in person just as well. And there are other benefits to delivering a message...personally.”

  A chuckle rumbled through him. “You are so right. I’ll see you later.”

  * * *

  IN THE DAYS following the trip to the cemetery, Tara tried to forget the mixed emotions it had evoked.

  During the daytime it wasn’t too difficult. Several businesses in town still wanted her services, so she dived in, working longer hours than usual.

  At night it got harder.

  When looking for possible family, she’d done other research and learned that her parents were buried in the Los Angeles area. Though she didn’t remember them, it seemed wrong that their graves were marked with just a number, so she’d ordered a stone to be placed. But the idea of their grave had been rather abstract, not unlike the tombs she’d visited of famous people. Those places were solemn and meaningful, of course, but not as emotional as seeing a family plot and the name of Josh’s grandmother on a temporary grave marker.

  The grief on his face had hurt more than she’d thought possible.

  Then on Friday evening, Tara came home at seven to find Josh sitting on the front doorstep, leaning against her apartment door.

  “Hi,” he said. “I’d love company for dinner and was hoping you’d take pity on me.”

  She eyed him. “You have a huge family and plenty of friends, I’m sure. Can’t one of them keep you company?”

  “I don’t know anybody else who can turn freeze-dried stew into a delicious meal. It’s only right I feed you.”

  Knowing it would be wiser to refuse, Tara nodded. “All right. Give me a few minutes to change my clothes.”

  She almost balked at letting him into the apartment, but after their intimacy in the mountains, making him wait outside would be ridiculous.

  “Wear something casual,” he called as she started into the bedroom.

  Pizza, she thought. They were probably going to a pizza parlor.

  But apparently she’d guessed wrong. Josh drove through town to the county park where she and Lauren often walked. The two of them had begun meeting again in the early mornings, but it was different now. Lauren was looking forward to being married and all that it meant.

  “I brought a picnic,” he explained.

  Tara hiked an eyebrow. “Haven’t you had enough alfresco meals for a while?”

  “Not a chance. After so much time outside, the house is oppressive. It’s like living in a box.”

  “I know what you mean.” Tara would have mentioned plumbing as one of the minor compensations, but she didn’t want to evoke images of the hot spring pool where they’d bathed and done other things... She still didn’t want to call it making love.

  “I picked up stuff at the deli,” he said, pulling out containers of fruit compote, potato salad, grilled chicken and a tray of raw vegetables. “After so much reconstituted food, the fresh fruits and veggies have tasted really good.”

  “I haven’t been able to get enough myself.” Tara crunched down a piece of cauliflower. “How are things going at the Boxing N?”

  “Grandpa and I have worked out a compromise for how to run the ranch without getting in each other’s way.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. Horses are his first love, so he’ll handle all the horse breeding and training while I focus on cattle.”

  The sensible arrangement impressed her. “That’s terrific.”

  “And much more peaceful. Word is getting around, and the cowhands who quit are already looking to get their jobs back. It would be great if you came out to see how it’s working.”

  “Oh. I’ll try, but I’ve taken on some new clients, so I’m pretty busy right now.”

  “Grandpa really misses you.”

  �
��I miss him, too, but he’s coming to lunch on Sunday.”

  “That’s nice.”

  Josh’s expression seemed hopeful, but Tara determinedly kept from saying anything stupid...such as inviting him, as well.

  Coming here today had been a stupid move. What she needed was more distance, not less.

  * * *

  AS THEY ATE, Josh could see Tara was putting up her defenses.

  He could hardly blame her. Especially in the beginning, he’d treated her as a globetrotting princess who had no business in Montana. On top of that, he’d tried to pry her out of the ranch office and had suggested she was being careless about Grandpa Walt’s welfare.

  It was little comfort to know he’d probably behaved that way to protect himself; he must have realized Tara had the potential to turn his world upside down. True or not, it was no excuse for being a jerk.

  Yet Tara had changed everything. She was the reason he’d started really talking to his grandfather and seeing him more clearly. She’d also gotten him to see how narrow his life had become.

  Josh took a long drink from his bottle of water, embarrassed to remember how often he’d complained that Grandpa was closed off when he hadn’t been any better. At least Walt and Evelyn had loved each other without reservation. The only things Josh had were brief relationships and meaningless sex.

  Now he could see a whole array of intriguing possibilities and wanted to explore each and every one of them with Tara.

  But how could he convince her that he was worth the risk?

  After they ate, Josh suggested taking a walk. “The sunset is beautiful by the river.”

  Tara shook her head. “I should get back and have an early night. My schedule is intense right now.”

  “Come on,” he coaxed. “It’s a beautiful evening, too nice to spend inside.”

  “All right, just for a while.”

  Around a bend of the path, out of sight from potential observers, Josh stopped and drew her close. He kissed her gently and felt the briefest response before Tara pulled back.

  “No hot spring here,” she said, “and casual sex was out of character for me, anyhow. Find one of your other women to snuggle with in Schuyler.”

  “I might be able to find somebody, but there’s only one woman for me now.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Tara turned and gazed at the river. “That isn’t funny.”

  “I agree, one hundred percent. I’ve been an idiot, which is hardly any fun to realize.”

  “Josh, I don’t want to discuss this or what happened up in the mountains. I thought you understood that.”

  “I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about love.”

  She jerked and wheeled around to stare at him. “That’s even more ridiculous.”

  “Tara, I want a future with you. I don’t want to keep prioritizing the wrong things. We can work on that together so we won’t miss out on anything in the years ahead. I love you, and that’s all I care about.”

  Tara shook her head. “You’ve got the wrong woman. I don’t know how to love. Remember, I’m the difficult foster kid who pushed everyone away.”

  “You’re wrong,” he refuted steadily. “You know how to love, and you do it so well that you’ve been protecting yourself against the pain of it ever since you were little.”

  “This is an insane discussion,” she insisted. “I’m tired and I want to go back to my apartment. I’ll walk if necessary.”

  Josh sighed. After all, he hadn’t expected this to be easy. Life with Tara would never be easy, but it would be worth every challenging minute.

  “Okay, I’ll take you home. But I’m not giving up on the best thing I could ever have. Don’t forget, I’m both a Nelson and a McGregor. We’re a stubborn lot and sometimes thickheaded, but once we see the truth, we’re tenacious. Please think about it.”

  Neither of them said anything else. At the apartment Tara slid silently from the truck and let herself inside.

  Josh sat, watching the front room lights go on briefly before turning off again. Obviously she’d meant it about wanting to go to bed. He would give anything to be under the sheets with her...anything except the future he was trying to convince her to share with him.

  So what was going to be his next move?

  * * *

  TARA LEANED AGAINST her bedroom door, trying to regain her composure. She’d expected Josh to suggest spending the night together, not to declare he loved her.

  She blinked.

  Had he actually suggested that he wanted to get married?

  A normal woman would be over the moon instead of being vaguely depressed with a side order of panic.

  Feeling as if she was slogging through thick mud, Tara stepped into the shower, letting the water stream over her. When the tank finally ran cold, she crawled into bed and lay staring into the darkness. Josh had asked her to think about it, and she’d told herself not to do anything of the kind.

  But his words came back to her, over and over. He’d claimed that despite what she thought, she did know how to love. What had he said...that she knew how to love so well, she’d had to protect herself against it?

  The thought was flattering. Tara just wasn’t sure it was true. Memories of childhood and the parade of foster parents she’d known flooded back. In the beginning, she’d quickly become fond of each new family, hoping they would love her in return. Some of them might have cared a little, but she’d also learned that foster parents weren’t supposed to get too attached.

  By the end, she’d refused to feel anything. She’d been polite, done the chores assigned to her, obeyed the rules and studied hard. If nothing else, she’d wanted her records to stop saying she was difficult. But it had been a relief to leave for college and no longer live with people who weren’t her family and never would be.

  Then she’d met Pierre...handsome, ardent and determined to marry her. She’d thought her luck was turning.

  But time had passed, and she never seemed to be what Pierre had expected. After a while he’d begun saying she was cold and unresponsive...that he would have to teach her how to make love the way he liked.

  Tara rolled over and punched her pillow. Josh had never complained that she was cold; he’d seemed quite pleased with the way she responded to him. Heat suffused her body as she remembered a few aquatic explorations they’d both found exciting.

  So why did Pierre get the deciding vote on her ability to love? Now that she thought about it, while Pierre had been passionate, he hadn’t actually been warm. So what did he know about the subject?

  Exasperated, Tara sat up and grabbed the biography on Mary, Queen of Scots. Unfortunately she’d reached the section where poor Mary was discovering her second husband wasn’t quite the man she’d thought.

  Tara tossed the book down with disgust.

  All right, she loved Josh. Despite her best efforts and fervent wish not to get hurt, she’d still fallen in love with him. That didn’t mean they could have a relationship. He was a Montana rancher, and she’d never lived in one place for longer than two years.

  He’d always wanted someone who knew and loved ranching the way he did.

  That wasn’t her.

  He’d expected to wait until he’d achieved his ambitions before considering marriage and family.

  That wasn’t now.

  How could anyone build a future on such a shaky foundation?

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  JOSH SAT ON HIS PORCH. He’d called Tara’s cell phone at least two dozen times, without success. How could he tear down her defenses?

  There had to be a way.

  At night he pictured her in his bed. In the morning he imagined sunlight dancing across her cheeks as she woke next to him.

  He hadn’t said anything to her about how they’
d work out a life together. It had been a mistake. Weeks ago, he’d expressed his feelings too clearly to her; she had every reason to think he expected her to turn into a rancher’s wife, the only travel being trips to Helena to shop for the items not available in Schuyler.

  If Tara couldn’t stay in Schuyler...well, he was a smart guy. He could find ways to make it work. Jackson and Kayla were managing. They spent a fair amount of their time in Seattle. Josh had thought his brother a fool to consider anything except an all-or-nothing proposition. But now he realized Jackson was a genius.

  At 5:00 a.m. Josh drove to the grocery store; they had a decent flower selection and he chose a dozen yellow roses. At Tara’s apartment building, he quietly laid them against her door.

  The next day he got orchids.

  The day after that, he found some beautiful Dutch irises.

  She wouldn’t talk to him, but one way or the other, he’d convince her that he wasn’t going away. And if she left, he’d follow.

  * * *

  TARA OPENED HER DOOR three weeks after her dinner with Josh, hoping she wouldn’t find another bouquet. But she also knew if there weren’t any flowers, she’d be disappointed.

  She found a sheaf of roses on the step—white, with the faintest blush of pink.

  Her apartment was filled with flowers, various odds and ends serving as vases. Lauren thought it was great, though she’d refrained from pushing her sister too hard to make a decision.

  Tara just wished she knew what she wanted.

  She was a city woman, with a career and travel plans. But she couldn’t deny the appeal of a home and family. That was what she could have in Schuyler, along with a husband she loved. Josh said he didn’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes, but what did that mean in real life?

  While she could work as a consultant via the internet, most of what she did couldn’t be accomplished long distance. If Josh was serious and she married him, it would mean giving up everything except part-time jobs around Schuyler. It was a romantic ideal to sacrifice everything for love, but it was also terrifying. What if she did that and a relationship with Josh still fell apart?