Some Kind of Hell

by London Casey

  “How’s practice?” I asked.

  “Awesome, as always. We’re leaving for LA…”

  “Maggie told me,” I said. “That’s really cool. I mean, really really cool, Logan.”

  “I know. Jason wants us to come out and sign some papers, jam with him, and talk songs, shows, whatever.”

  “Not whatever,” Tripp said. “Not whatever.”

  “Don’t mind him,” Logan said. “He’s shit his pants three times already.”

  “Dude, fuck off,” Tripp said and stormed away.

  “Is he okay?” I asked.

  “Nerves,” Tatum said. “He doesn’t do well with failure.”

  “What’s failed?” Maggie asked.

  “Nothing. He’s just worried.”

  “You guys are too good,” I said.

  “She’s pretty and smart,” Tatum said. “You better get her soon.”

  My mouth fell open and I felt my cheeks starting to blush a little. Logan wrapped his arm around me and walked me out of the garage. Once we were outside and I saw the back of Tripp’s house, my body started to ache again. My heart picked up speed as I reminded myself what had happened in that house.

  “Annie, listen,” Logan said, “about the other night…”

  “What about it?”

  “Do you always have to get so defensive?”

  “Why not? What are you going to tell me? That you have a girlfriend? That it was just fooling around? Is that why you didn’t want to fuck me?”

  Logan stared at me in disbelief. I challenged him yet again, and this time I was seriously mad at myself. I knew I had to be really pushing my luck, trying to push him away. Eventually he would just walk away and probably for good. He had no commitment to me. His only commitment was to the two guys in the garage - Tripp and Tatum. Everything after that was fun or pleasure, or both.

  “Wow,” Logan whispered. “What the hell…”

  “Tell me what you have to say then,” I said.

  I knew I wanted Logan to walk away so I could embrace the tragedy of it all. I could go back to losing myself in my calendars and time. I could sit there and think about all the things that had gone wrong and how everything would probably keep going wrong. That’s what I was used to, even if it wasn’t what I wanted.

  Logan reached for me and I stepped back, inching my back closer to the garage.

  “Annie…”

  “We were together the other night, right?” I asked. “You got what you wanted. Now you can go to LA and follow your dream.”

  Logan made fists and his face looked ready to explode. His eyes were really wide, their beautiful blue color doing all they could to capture me, but I resisted. What I couldn’t resist - or stop - was how Logan came at me next. I stepped back as far as I could, but hit the garage. That didn’t stop Logan. His body was suddenly against mine, his hands touched my wrists, lifting them above my head. His hands opened and forced my hands to open, our fingers interlocking. The tip of his nose touched the tip of my nose.

  We stood like that for a few seconds, breathing, staring.

  “You think I don’t want you?” he asked.

  “No. I said you didn’t want to fuck me.”

  I was being such a bitch and I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t stop. I liked the way Logan acted.

  He curled his lip and then kissed me. He let his lips speak what his voice perhaps couldn’t. And that’s just what I needed. He kissed me with an aggression that forced my head against the garage, almost hurting me. His tongue was warm and passionate, his lips overtaking mine the second the kiss started. He even squeezed his fingers together, holding my hands tight. His body pressed against me and I could feel him growing harder by the second.

  When the kiss broke, I gasped for air, trying not to make it look obvious, but that couldn’t be helped. It was totally the hottest kiss of my life. That was something I could have only lived through in a dream, but there I was, living it next to the practice garage of DownCrash.

  Logan then took my left hand and moved it down, placing it to his chest. He put my palm to his chest and his over my hand, holding it there tight.

  “You feel that?” he whispered.

  I did. I felt the quick, racing thuds of his heart.

  I nodded.

  “That’s what you do to me,” he said. “It doesn’t even take a kiss for that to happen.”

  “Logan…”

  “And you want me to fuck you, Annie? I will. But the other night wasn’t the night. I wasn’t looking for a one night stand. I wanted to touch you, pleasure you, feel you in my arms. And I did.”

  Logan backed away, taking his hands away.

  Was he for real?

  Logan turned to walk away and I yelled for him.

  “Wait! Please…”

  Logan froze. He stuck his hands into his pockets and stood there, his back to me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I deserve it, okay? You can be mad at me, hate me, whatever. You should have felt my heart racing too, Logan.”

  “Maybe I already did,” Logan said. “The other night.”

  I shuddered.

  Fuck, the other night was so hot.

  “Maybe that’s why more didn’t happen. Because if it starts… I could fall for you.”

  “I could fall for you too,” I said.

  “I shouldn’t care like I do,” Logan said. “And it frustrates me.”

  There was the word I had been looking for.

  Care.

  And I had someone who could attempt to do it. Even if he sucked at it. Even if we were together for a week and it blew up in our faces. Even if we just hooked up and fooled around, at least we had that time, right? It wasn’t about building a future rather than living in the present. Let the present build the future.

  I stepped forward. My body was shaking and my hands trembled as I reached for him. When I touched his sides, I let out a breath and knew this moment would stick in my heart for a long time. My hands were around him, feeling his stomach over his shirt. My body against his back. I rested my head against him and closed my eyes, inhaling the smell of his cologne and the sweat of a rockstar.

  “I’m sorry, Logan,” I said. “I’m just used to getting hurt.”

  “Everyone gets hurt,” he said. “Who knows, maybe someday I’ll hurt you. Or you’ll hurt me. But right now, we don’t have to hurt each other.”

  “Then what should we do to each other?”

  Logan turned around, taking control again, his arms holding me. He looked down at me and smiled.

  “I could think of a few things we could do to each other.”

  I moved to my toes to kiss Logan. He waited for me and the second our lips touched, Tatum’s bellowing voice called for him.

  “Come on! Finish up later, dude.”

  Logan sighed and said, “Practice.”

  “Practice,” I whispered.

  We walked, only our arms touching. At the door, he offered me to go first but then threw his arm out, blocking me at the last second. It startled me.

  “When this is done,” he started.

  I didn’t let him finish.

  “We’re going to my apartment.”

  Logan smiled and this time when I moved to my toes, I got to kiss him, even if it was a quick kiss.

  The longer kissing, the better kissing would come later.

  9

  I thought practice would never end, and as much as I wanted it to so Logan and I could go and take advantage of each other, I didn’t want the practice to end. DownCrash was seriously honing in on their sound. They were tighter and more in sync than ever. Tripp wanted to keep playing the songs over and over and not once did Tatum or Logan disagree. They tried different things like speeding the songs up, slowing them down, adding solos, taking solos out. In reality, it was like listening to twenty songs instead of six. It made me shiver with the potential DownCrash had.

  I loved the music of them together, but when they played the acoustic stuff, that’s when thi
ngs really hit home for me. I loved hearing the stripped down version, the focus on the lyrics more than the feeling of the music itself.

  I asked Tatum if he could play drums while Tripp and Logan played acoustic. It was like a light bulb struck. Tatum had these drumsticks that were like brushes… I asked what they were called and they were, in fact, called brushes. He used an old bass drum and muffled it, then used his snare with the brushes, creating a mini drum set that was quiet enough to not overpower the acoustic guitars or Tripp’s voice. Maggie suggested they all sing the songs together. When that happened, it was like watching rock magic. I could see it in their eyes as they all looked at each other as they sang.

  They really had something to offer.

  Something huge.

  Tripp then ran with it, saying how they should record two demos. One of the normal songs and one of the acoustic stuff. Tatum reminded him that it was Jason putting up money for the studio time and not the band. Then Logan stepped in and offered to pay for the extra sessions if need be to record everything they wanted.

  I just hung back and watched it all happen. When they asked for my opinion I felt honored enough to even be allowed in the garage for a practice, let alone asked for my thoughts and ideas. I felt like I was part of something special.

  Once the practice ended and everyone started to split up, Tripp was the first out the door, rushing to get to Scarlett. Maggie and Tatum left and I realized I would get to ride in Logan’s car. His little black sporty car. The second I opened the door I could smell him everywhere. I climbed inside and looked at the backseat. There was a bass guitar, an acoustic guitar, and clothes on top of that.

  It kind of broke my heart.

  Logan got in the car and started to drive.

  “You know, Annie, I really think you and Maggie should be part of this,” he said.

  “Part of what?”

  “Everything we’re doing. You two are seriously smart when it comes to thinking of ways to make the songs better, promoting the band, that kind of stuff.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “Just get to LA and record the demo. Then we’ll go from there.”

  The mood in the car was so electric, full of life and confidence. But when I saw the backseat again, I had to say something.

  “Do you sleep in here?” I asked.

  “What?” Logan snapped at me.

  “Do you sleep in your car?”

  He didn’t answer right away. His hands gripped the wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white.

  I had hit a button.

  Oh well.

  “Yeah, sometimes,” he said. “If I know Tripp and Scarlett are together, you know? I don’t want my problems becoming theirs.”

  “Like what?”

  “It’s hard to be there and see him,” Logan said, referring to his roommate. “It just brings back how stupid I was. I sometimes just like being in my car knowing how easy it could be to run away.”

  “Run away? Leave your band?”

  “That’s why I haven’t left,” Logan said.

  “If you need a place, Logan, sleep at my apartment.”

  “I won’t impose,” Logan said.

  “No, you won’t. I want you there. Tonight. Stay with me. Maggie won’t be home.”

  “Are you afraid to be alone?” he asked.

  “If it’ll make you stay the night, then yes.”

  Logan laughed. “Christ, Annie, where were you for the past few years of my life?”

  I opened my mouth but quickly shut it.

  I knew where I was for the past few years of Logan’s life.

  Living in a hell that wasn’t like Logan’s, but probably damn close to it.

  But none of that mattered right then.

  We were together, right there, in that moment.

  The rest of the car ride was silent except for me giving directions.

  Once we were at the apartment and inside, I started to point to the most random stuff in the place as though I were giving a tour of a mansion. My heart knew I was trying to kill time and shake the feeling of need raging through my body.

  My back was to Logan as I pointed towards the kitchen.

  “Hey, Annie, what’s this?” Logan asked.

  I turned, my eyes hoping nothing stupid or embarrassing had been left out by myself or Maggie. When I turned, Logan scooped me up into his arms, lifting me from my feet and kissed me.

  Just like that.

  We kissed a couple times before we really started to kiss. Our tongues touching, our lips almost wrestling to take control. Logan kept my feet off the ground so I wrapped my legs around him. I felt him growing hard for the second time that day. I was tired of feeling it over clothing. I wanted to feel it touching me, inside me, pleasuring me.

  Logan turned and moved to the couch. A second later we were both on the couch, his body against mine. His hands were at my hips, holding me down with a sexual aggression that I needed to feel. He thrust at me, perhaps giving me a hint of what would be to come. I went right for his shirt, tearing it up, ready to literally tear it off his body if he didn’t move fast enough for me. Luckily he did. I threw his shirt wherever and went for his pants. I opened his belt and button before his hand touched mine.

  “Annie,” he said.

  “Shut up,” I said. “Just shut up, Logan, and do it.”

  He growled at me and moved off the couch. I tried reaching for him but he took my arms and pulled, forcing me to sit up. I hurried to move forward and kissed his stomach. The tip of my tongue flickered along the rippling lines of muscle Logan’s body offered. My hands touched the top of his jeans and pushed them down, along with his boxers. I moved them down as far as I could without exposing him. I kissed down, down, down, listening to Logan groan. He finally reached down and stopped me, his hands touching my sides, just below my breasts, like he had done before.

  When he pulled I thought he was going to throw me. Not on purpose but out of the need in his own body too. I stood and Logan lifted me again. This time I was higher than him. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as tight as I could. Our kisses were hot, wet, and even messy, but we didn’t care. He started to walk, guiding both of us towards the bedrooms. He paused once at the bedroom doors, unsure which one was mine.

  In between kissing him, I cried out, “Right one…”

  Logan kicked my bedroom door open. It smashed against the wall with a thunderous boom. He took me to the bed and dropped me. I cried out and then admired the sight before my eyes.

  Logan stood with no shirt on.

  His belt open, the button on his jeans open.

  I sat up and reached for the belt, sliding it off his body.

  “You don’t need this,” I said.

  Logan reached for my shirt and slid it up over my head and dropped it to the floor.

  “And you don’t need this,” he said.

  “Or this,” I said, feeling bold.

  I reached back and unsnapped my bra. I let it fall, exposing my chest to him. I leaned back on the bed and saw the awe roll over Logan’s face. A second later he was right there, against the bed, climbing on top of me. He kissed me and made no waste of time going beyond my mouth. His lips were gentle enough against my chin and neck as he kissed down, but once at my breasts, he began to kiss me there like he had before. His mouth engulfing me, suckling, his teeth teasing me, making my nerves pinch as though he was going to hurt me.

  His right hand touched my pants and with just one hand, he had my pants undone and sliding off me. He moved fast and with a sense of perfection that almost scared me. For a second I wondered if I would be good enough for Logan.

  His hand slipped between my legs and cut up with force, his fingers touching me over my panties.

  “Fuck,” I whispered.

  I clawed at Logan’s back. I wanted more. Fast.

  His hand came up and started to move into my panties. Instead of going straight down to touch me he moved to the side. To take my panties off. Logan moved off me and allowed me to li
ft my body so he could finish undressing me.

  He was on his side now and looked up and down my naked body. I had my left leg bent and my legs shut. Not that I could hide anything really… even with my legs shut, his eyes saw the fold of my center, my bare skin that lead to the rest of my body. With one finger, Logan touched my bottom lip and began to draw a straight line down. He cut between my breasts and continued down. Past my stomach and belly button, until he touched me between my legs. I sighed loudly. His finger cut between my wet folds and then curled, teasing my hole and rubbing against my clit. It all happened so fast and then Logan’s finger was gone. I didn’t even have time to moan for him. It was teasing and torture all at the same time.

  I put a hand to his shoulder and pushed at him, forcing his back to the bed. Over his jeans I cupped him, squeezing. Logan smiled and groaned. I touched his stomach and gripped his jeans and boxers at the same time and pulled.

  “Off,” I commanded.

  He listened and slid both off at the same time.

  I watched as he popped free - literally - and his hardness stood tall, throbbing, waiting for me. My hand shook as I touched him, my fingers gripping him, barely able to fully hold him in my hand. I pulled at him once and moaned.

  “Oh, fuck, Annie,” he whispered.

  “Come here,” I begged.

  Logan rolled towards me as I opened my legs for him. He was right there, between my legs, his body and thickness hovering over me. We looked at each other for a few seconds and then we each looked down. I looked at his erection, right there, ready to enter me. He looked at my body, my wet core telling him I was ready.

  When Logan came forward, I felt the intense pressure of his body connecting with mine. He moved so slow, with care as he entered me. I opened with a throbbing feeling racing through my body. It was so incredible that I held Logan’s shoulders, trying to keep myself from going too crazy. I kissed his chin and then nibbled at his neck. I let out a series of cries with each inch he slowly offered to me. He would have been better off just thrusting deep into me all at once. But then again, he knew what he was doing.

  The slower he went, the better it felt.

  By the time he was completely inside my body, I was almost ready to come already.