Losing It

by Zaria Garrison

  “Mrs. Cleveland, can you hear me?”

  Suddenly, Sharmaine opened her eyes. She stared into the young Caucasian doctor’s face as he flashed his pen light from one pupil to the other. Confused, Sharmaine looked around the white room.

  “Where am I?” she asked

  “You’re in the hospital, Mrs. Cleveland,” the doctor answered.

  “What ... what happened to me?” she asked.

  “I was hoping you would tell me that.”

  Sharmaine just stared at him, confused. The doctor put his pen light into his jacket pocket; then he put the end of his stethoscope into his ears. Holding it to Sharmaine’s chest, he listened intently for a few moments.

  “Your heart rate is almost back to normal. I’ll be back to check on you again later,” he stated. After scribbling notes on her chart, he walked out.

  Looking around the room Sharmaine was scared and confused. Did I have another blackout? she wondered. After the last incident, she’d finally gone to see a doctor. He ran a myriad of tests, but said he couldn’t find anything physically wrong with her. He’d suggested the blackouts were mental. Sharmaine was under a lot of stress with the sex tape and upcoming trial, he had told her. They were probably the reason she was forgetful.

  Sharmaine had left his office in a huff. Her condition was much more than being forgetful. Keisha told her she’d find another doctor for a second opinion, but it did little to ease her mind.

  Now, lying in a hospital bed, Sharmaine feared the worst. She held up her arms and turned them, searching her arms and hands for wounds. She pulled up the blanket and looked over her body, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Pushing the button on the bed, she raised her head and sat up. She was slightly dizzy, but otherwise she felt fine. Still confused, she tried to remember where she’d been before she woke up.

  The hospital room door creaked open and someone walked in. Sharmaine felt relieved to see a familiar face.

  “Keisha, what happened? How did I get here?” she asked.

  “I found you in your bedroom on the floor. Sharmaine, why did you do it? I told you everything would be okay.” Keisha’s voice was high and frantic.

  “Do what? I don’t understand.”

  Keisha sat down on the bed and hugged Sharmaine tightly. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay. Please, don’t try to hurt yourself again.”

  Sharmaine suddenly pulled away from her. “Keisha, what are you talking about? Tell me what happened.”

  “You ... you tried to kill yourself,” Keisha said softly.

  “No, I didn’t.” Sharmaine rapidly shook her head. “I wouldn’t do that. There has to be some kind of mistake.”

  “Calm down, honey. Just calm down. It’s okay now. The doctor says you are going to be just fine. They pumped your stomach just in time.”

  “No, I didn’t do it. No.” Sharmaine began weeping. Keisha held her gently in her arms.

  “I found the empty pill bottles when I arrived. You had the door bolted and chained.” She rubbed her hand up and down Sharmaine’s back to soothe her.

  “No, I did that to keep Lou out. He had a key.”

  “Who is Lou?”

  “The man who said he bought the condo. I deadbolted the door after he left. But I didn’t try to kill myself. I was waiting for you. That’s the last thing that I remember.”

  Keisha held her tighter and patted her back. “You probably had another blackout, honey. I just thank God I arrived in time to call the paramedics.”

  Sharmaine held tightly to Keisha and sniffed loudly, believing she was telling the truth. There couldn’t be any other explanation, she reasoned. This was more frightening than forgetting she went shopping, or even appearing drunk to her children. She’d almost taken her own life, and she had no memory of it.

  “Dear God, please help me,” she cried.

  As if on cue, Bishop Snow walked into the room. “Hello, Sister Williams.” He extended his hand to Keisha.

  “Bishop Snow, what are you doing here?” Keisha asked.

  “I came to see Sister Cleveland.”

  Keisha stood up from the bed and shook his hand then walked away from the bed to the other side of the room.

  Bishop Snow stepped closer to the bed to greet Sharmaine. “How are you feeling, Sister?” he asked.

  “Bishop, I ... I ...” Sharmaine tried to speak, but her tears washed away the words.

  Taking a seat in the chair next to the bed, Bishop Snow reached out and took her hand. “You don’t have to speak, Sister. God knows what’s on your heart.”

  Sharmaine nodded and held his hands tightly. Bishop Snow closed his eyes and began to pray reverently.

  “Dear God, I come to you on behalf of your daughter, Sharmaine. Her heart is heavy with fear and confusion. We plead the blood into Sister Cleveland’s life, and ask for your covering.”

  “Yes, Father. Oh, please, Father,” Sharmaine chanted with her eyes tightly closed.

  “We thank you for your grace and mercy. Father in heaven, we bind this evil that has come into her life. We bind it in the name of your son, Jesus Christ. You said in your words whatever is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven, Father.”

  Bishop Snow suddenly opened his eyes and stared directly at Keisha. Staring deep into her eyes, he continued to pray. “Satan has no power over your daughter. No matter what, I know you will not allow him to harm one hair on her head. All power is in your hands, oh Heavenly Father. We love you and we praise you.”

  “Thank you, Father. I praise you, dear Father,” Sharmaine whispered.

  “I submit to you our prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.” Bishop Snow turned back to Sharmaine and patted her hand with reassurance.

  Keisha stood in the corner of the room, shaking with fear as she watched Bishop Snow walk out.

  Three days later, Sharmaine was released from the hospital. She felt happy to finally be able to leave, but that was the only joy she felt. While she was recuperating, Keisha had told her that Lou Giordano really did own her condo. When she was released on bail, the judge had ordered a freeze placed on her personal bank accounts. Keisha explained that this was done to prevent her from leaving the country. The judge felt that with her wealth and celebrity status, she was a flight risk. Because of the freeze on the accounts, the tax bill, which was placed on auto-draft from Sharmaine’s account, went unpaid for several months before being placed up for auction. A notice had been placed in the newspaper regarding the sale, but went unanswered.

  Keisha arranged for all of Sharmaine’s furniture to be placed in storage. She also informed her that with the freeze on her accounts, she was running very low on money. There wasn’t enough to move into a hotel. Instead, Sharmaine was moving in with Keisha at her apartment. It wasn’t as luxurious as she’d been used to, but Sharmaine paid Keisha well. She had a nice apartment located in downtown Atlanta. Sharmaine would be moving into her guest bedroom, at least until after the trial.

  Sharmaine sat on the edge of her hospital bed and signed the paperwork the nurse put in front of her. When she was done, she waited for Keisha to arrive to pick her up.

  “Hey, girl,” Keisha said, smiling. She walked in carrying a small bouquet of flowers. “I picked these up in the gift shop for you.”

  “Thank you, Keisha. I’ve signed everything and I’m ready to go.”

  “Great. I packed your clothes and moved them to my place. I also sent your keys to Lou. He said he’s probably changing the locks anyway.”

  “I still can’t believe I lost my condo. Leon and I originally bought it as investment property, but over the past few months it’s become like home. I’m going to miss it.”

  Keisha nodded. “I understand. Oh, but I do have some good news for you.”

  “What is it? I need to hear something good.”

  “Victor called and told me that he was able to get your trial date moved back due to your hospital stay. It’s been pushed back another month, so you don’t have to show up in court on Monda
y.”

  Sharmaine smiled weakly then followed Keisha out of the room. The hospital security guard that was waiting in the hallway led them downstairs and out of the private entrance to avoid the paparazzi that had been camped outside during her visit.

  When they arrived at her apartment, Keisha unlocked the door. “Home, sweet home,” she sang. She pushed the door open and held out her arm, inviting Sharmaine to go in first.

  The apartment was modestly furnished, with minimal decorations. There was a small couch and love seat in the living room, and a throw rug under the coffee table.

  “Where’s my room?” Sharmaine asked as soon as she was inside.

  “It’s the last door on the left. All of your things are already in there. Why don’t you lie down for a while?”

  Sharmaine nodded and walked down the hallway to her room.

  Keisha closed the front door and leaned on it. “Things are working out way better than I imagined.” She smiled contently to herself.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Camille ran to Danté as soon as she saw him and hugged him tightly. “I missed you so much,” she said.

  Danté smiled as he leaned down and kissed her lips. “Me too, baby. How’d you get away from the warden?”

  “I asked to take my little brother and sister to visit my mom. He’s been bugging me to visit her for a while, so I knew it was a surefire way to get out of the house.”

  Danté looked behind Camille and suddenly noticed Jeanna and Rodney. He cocked his head back and nodded at them. “What up?” he said.

  “Weren’t you at the pool party at our house last summer?” Jeanna asked.

  “Yeah, that was me.” Dante turned back to Camille. “Are they cool?” He motioned toward Rodney and Jeanna.

  Camille turned and glared at them. “They had better be,” she answered.

  It had been an uphill battle getting Leon to agree to another visit after the last had gone so horribly wrong. Rodney and Jeanna believed their mother had gotten sick, so they could not understand why Leon wouldn’t let them visit her again.

  One night, while they were all watching television, there was a news report that Sharmaine was in the hospital. The report said Sharmaine had attempted suicide. Rodney and Jeanna begged to be allowed to visit her at the hospital, but Leon said no; however, he had called and spoken to Keisha in order to ease their worry.

  After Sharmaine moved into Keisha’s apartment, Jeanna restarted her campaign to visit her mother. They would not be alone, as Keisha would be there, she reasoned. They wouldn’t stay long, because Keisha’s apartment wasn’t very big. Rodney argued that their mother was depressed and needed to be cheered up. Leon wouldn’t budge.

  During this time, Camille was busy trying her best to fly under the radar, as she knew Leon was watching her every move. She still sneaked outside to the playhouse regularly in order to smoke weed, but she decided to be more discreet. Instead of sneaking out late at night, as she felt Leon expected, she switched to sneaking out in the early morning hours before dawn. By getting up at 4:30 A.M. she was able to sneak outside, leisurely smoke a joint, then come back inside and shower and brush her teeth before he and the rest of the family were awake.

  That had worked successfully for a few weeks, but she’d smoked the last of her stash and needed more. Leon still had possession of her cell phone, so she realized she had to find another way to get in touch with Danté.

  With that in mind, she had barged into Jeanna’s bedroom without knocking. “I need to use your cell phone,” she said.

  Jeanna was lying in the middle of the floor on her stomach. She looked up from the novel she was reading. “Where’s your new phone?”

  “Dad took it when he grounded me. I just need to make one quick phone call. Come on, give it to me.”

  Jeanna stared at her sister, noticing she was jumpy and fidgeting. She couldn’t stand still, and she kept shifting her weight back and forth on her feet.

  “I will if you tell me something.”

  “What?” Camille said. Her voice was agitated.

  “Where were you that night you disappeared? Everybody was worried about you, Camille.”

  “It’s none of your business where I was,” she snapped.

  Jeanna rolled her eyes and went back to reading her book.

  Trying to stop fidgeting, Camille sat down on Jeanna’s bed. “Okay, I was with a boy. We didn’t do anything. We were just hanging out, and I lost track of time.”

  Jeanna put down her book and looked at Camille. “Why were you acting so funny when you came home?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I was just tired. Uncle Jack was trippin . It was just a crazy morning. Camille paused. “I told you. Can I use the phone?”

  Jeanna got up from the floor and retrieved the phone from her purse. She handed it to Camille.

  Danté was glad to hear from her. He had wondered where she was. He had called her phone once, but when her dad answered, he hung up. Camille filled him in on her punishment. Then Danté asked if he could see her again and she happily agreed, until she realized that once again she needed a plan to get out of the house. This time, she didn’t intend to end up grounded for two more weeks.

  The next morning, she walked into the kitchen as Rodney and Jeanna were in the midst of begging to see Sharmaine again, and a light bulb seemed to appear over her head. Casually, she sat down at the table and took a bite out of her bacon. “I’ll take them,” she said, surprising everyone.

  “What did you say?” Leon asked.

  “I said I’ll take them. If you let me drive my own car, I’ll take them to see Mom.” Camille took another bite of bacon and sipped her juice.

  “What’s this all about? I thought you didn’t want to see your mother.”

  “Being grounded gives a person a lot of time to think, Dad. Besides, I saw the news report. Mom had to be really depressed to attempt suicide. We should go see her.”

  Leon sat back in his chair, amazed. Over the past few weeks, he’d stayed up past one A.M. , sometimes even two A.M. , each night waiting to catch Camille sneaking out, but he never had. When he peeked into her room each night, she was sound asleep. Each morning, she’d been up and dressed for school with the other children with no problem. She still spent most of her time in her room, sulking and brooding, but he had to admit there had been no new incidents. He also felt that having Camille with them would make him feel more at ease. If Sharmaine was drinking or got drunk, Camille would bring the kids right home.

  “I’ll think about it,” he answered. “Finish your breakfast.”

  When the kids returned from school that afternoon, Leon had given his answer. They were all in the family room watching television when he walked in.

  “I’ve decided to let Camille drive you guys to visit your mother.”

  Jeanna and Rodney jumped up and squealed.

  “Wait. There are some rules.” Leon turned to Camille. “I’m putting my trust in you, Camille. Please don’t let me down again. I’ve spoken to Keisha, and she and your mother are expecting you tomorrow at six. Since Keisha’s apartment is so small, your mother wants to take you to dinner. I expect you to be there on time, and back here before eleven o’clock.”

  Camille grinned. “I promise, Dad.” She reached out and hugged him tightly.

  Later that evening, she’d borrowed Jeanna’s phone and called Danté again to make plans. He told her he was no longer living at the shelter, and gave her directions to his apartment in Bankhead. She wrote it all down, and hid it in her jeans pocket.

  On the drive over, Camille had told Rodney and Jeanna that she had to make a quick stop and pick up a package. She had promised that when she was done, they’d go over to Keisha’s and visit Sharmaine. Then she warned them if they breathed a word of where they’d been to their dad or anyone else, she’d never take them to see Sharmaine again.

  They drove for more than a half hour to north-west Atlanta. The closer they got to Danté’s apartment, the worse the neighb
orhoods became. They passed dilapidated buildings, liquor stores, and an assortment of unsavory-looking individuals. Finally, they pulled into the apartment complex where he lived. It was a collection of two-story brick buildings with four apartments on each level. Camille felt a slight twinge of apprehension as she’d never been that far into the ghetto before. She quickly checked to be sure all of the car doors were locked.

  As soon as she parked in front of Danté’s building, she borrowed Jeanna’s phone and called Keisha. “There’s a bad traffic accident. We are running late. I called so you guys wouldn’t be worried,” she lied.

  Then, just to cover her tracks, she called Leon and told him the same thing. She’d just hung up the phone when Danté strolled into the breezeway. She jumped out and ran to him.

  “So, you say you missed me, huh?” he asked.

  Camille nodded. “But I can’t stay long. I told them we were delayed by a traffic accident.”

  “Come on, let’s go upstairs,” he said.

  Camille turned to Rodney and Jeanna. “You guys stay right here by the car. Don’t move, and don’t talk to anybody. Do you understand?”

  Nodding their heads in unison, Rodney and Jeanna huddled closer together. Camille turned around to join Danté without noticing how frightened they looked. Their eyes darted around the parking lot. A group of teenagers was loitering on the sidewalk, staring at them. In the opposite direction they saw an old man sitting on the ground with a flattened cardboard box under him. His clothes were filthy and his hair was uncombed. They saw him scratch himself in private places while being thoroughly engrossed in an in-depth conversation with himself.

  “Hold up, Camille,” Danté said. He turned to the children. “Come on, shorties. It’s not safe to stand around out here.”

  Rodney and Jeanna quickly obeyed, and the four of them climbed the steel stairs to Danté’s tiny apartment. He opened the door and walked in with them close on his heels. Camille looked around the front room that appeared to be both a living room and a dining room. There was a table in the corner near the kitchen with four mismatched chairs. On the other side of the room appeared to be the living room area. It had a table with a television on it, and two end tables each with a lamp. One of the lamp shades was blue, and the other was green. Near the tables there was a rust-colored couch that appeared to have no legs because it sat extremely close to the floor.