Delirious

by Suzannah Daniels

  I had never been happier.

  I woke up early this morning. Stone still slept soundly, so I had quietly left the room and poured me a glass of orange juice. I noticed the unopened envelope glaring at me from where I had laid it on the kitchen counter. It was the worst kind of nuisance, emitting horrible vibes while I was trying desperately to enjoy my honeymoon.

  I’d had an exhilarating reprieve from it last evening, and I could honestly say that I hadn’t thought about the letter once during the night. But in the bright light of day, it summoned me, threatening to ruin my happiness. What did it hold?

  Did my father really have something horrible that he wanted to reveal about Stone? A huge part of me didn’t want to know. If the envelope held some terrible secret that would damage our relationship, then I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to open it.

  Maybe there was nothing more than a blank piece of paper inside. Maybe my father had just followed through to the very last minute with his bluff.

  Taking a sip of juice, I stared at the envelope, wondering what I should do with it. While I was at the beach, maybe I should stuff it in a bottle and toss it in the ocean.

  Picking up the envelope, I slipped outside. The sunrise painted the sky with brilliant hues of pink and orange and yellow, reminding me of sherbet, and I knew the heat of the Florida summer day would soon melt the colors away.

  Sitting down at a patio table, I set down my orange juice and gazed out across the pool to the ocean. Its magnificent glory mesmerized me, and when I thought about how much water actually covered the Earth’s surface, I was amazed. There were so many things I wanted to see in the world with Stone by my side.

  The envelope seemed to glare at me with my name written in my father’s untidy handwriting. Flipping it over, I wedged my fingernail under the flap and took a deep breath. It seemed any way I went this envelope was destined to cause me grief.

  Stone

  When I woke up, I instinctively reached for Dara, but her side of the bed was empty. I pulled on my boxers, brushed my teeth, and went in search of her. Call me whipped, but I wanted to be near her, needed to be near her.

  “Hey, babe,” I called as I entered the living room. She didn’t answer, and I saw no sign of her. Knowing how much she’d been enjoying the ocean, I walked to the glass door at the back of the house and looked out at the patio.

  I saw the back of her as she sat in a chair, her hair pulled into a sleek ponytail that blew gently in the balmy, ocean breeze.

  The sun was rising in the sky, and people were milling around the beach.

  I opened the door and followed the path that led to the pool area.

  Smiling as I approached, I called to her, “Good morning.”

  I expected a lot of things: to see her enjoying the view of the ocean, to watch her coyly shift her eyes downward when I told her how incredible she was last night, to see happiness reflected on her face, just like it was reflected on mine. What I didn’t expect to see was my sweet wife with red eyes and rivulets of tears streaming down her face.

  I was so shocked that I came to an abrupt stop, my jaw dropping.

  When she noticed me, she immediately tried to wipe her tears away.

  “Baby, what is it? Did something happen?” I rushed toward her, watching her face intently as I waited for her to explain. I glanced at the table, and that’s when I noticed the back of an opened envelope held down by her glass of juice to keep the wind from whisking it off into the breeze.

  Oh, shit.

  What the hell had I done now?

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear what was in the letter, but knowing I couldn’t fix things until I knew what I was dealing with.

  I dropped to one knee in front of her. “Shit, baby, just tell me what I’ve done, what my family’s done. I’m so sorry if any of us have done anything to hurt you.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but she closed it again, her eyes squeezing shut as she shook her head and tears seeped from beneath her lids.

  She clutched the letter in her hand, and I gently squeezed her knees. “Please, Dara, don’t shut me out.”

  I laid my palms on each side of her face, relieved when she didn’t push my hands away. I leaned toward her and kissed away her tears as I had vowed to her that I would.

  Pulling back, my hands still holding her face, I said, “Dara, look at me.”

  Slowly, she opened her eyes as she sucked in uneven breaths.

  “Baby, look at me.” She focused on my face. “What does it say?”

  The tears fell harder, faster.

  “If I’ve done something, I’m sorry. But until I hear what it is, I don’t know whether your father is lying to you or whether I genuinely do owe you an apology.”

  She started shaking her head. “It’s not you,” she whispered, her words cracked and broken.

  “Is it my father? Dylan?”

  “She lied to me, Stone,” Dara whispered.

  “Who? Was it my mother?” My mother was a good woman. I couldn’t imagine that she would ever do anything to hurt Dara. Having just had a horrible thought, I closed my eyes. My mother hated Dara’s father. Had she done something to him, which in turn had hurt Dara?

  “No,” she choked out. “It was my mother. My mother lied to me.”

  “Your mother?” I asked in surprise. All this time I thought he was blackmailing me with something he had on me or my family, but it was something that he had on Ms. Golding?

  I should feel relieved, and I guessed in some strange way I was. But my wife was still hurting, and I realized that for me, it wasn’t so much who had done what, it was the fact that Dara was in pain. And I couldn’t stand to see her heartbroken.

  The mewling sounds from her nearly killed me. I couldn’t stand it until I scooped her up, sat down in the chair, and set her in my lap, so that I could hold her close. She tucked her face in my neck and cried as she clung to me. Holding her close, I whispered soothing words to her and stroked her hair. Nothing made me feel more powerless than to see her cry. I did the only thing I could do. I offered her my shoulder for as long as she needed it, my insides twisting with my inability to take the pain away from her.

  When she finally calmed, I didn’t pressure her to talk. I just continued to hold her, stroking her back and rubbing my thumb across her knee. I would sit here all day if that’s what it took.

  I didn’t know how much time had passed when she finally pushed away from my chest and sat up.

  “She lied to Granny, too,” Dara said, her voice low.

  “About what?”

  “My father.”

  “What about your father?”

  The corners of Dara’s mouth tilted downward, and I was afraid that she would start crying again. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Turns out that Ford Baxter isn’t my father, after all, which means that Granny isn’t my granny and Papa isn’t my grandpa.” She started bawling again.

  What the hell was going on?

  It took her another five minutes to regain her composure.

  “Just take a few deep breaths,” I told her. “Whatever’s going on, we’ll work our way through it. Okay?”

  She took a deep breath and nodded while I sat quietly, waiting for her to continue.

  Lifting the letter, she began to read:

  I promised your boyfriend that if I didn’t get what I wanted, then I’d share some information with you.

  It would have only been fair if he’d given me what I asked for since you’ve taken what should rightfully be mine. My mother left you everything. How am I supposed to make it after so many years in the slammer when I have absolutely nothing? No home. No job. No money.

  All I’ve got is a shitty car.

  I guess we’ll see whether you follow through with the ten thousand dollars, but you’re still the one getting the damn good deal.

  I ain’t your father. If you don’t believe me, just ask your mother.

  Maybe it’s a relief. Maybe it ain’t. Either way, I do
n’t give a shit.

  My hands clenched into fists. I really, really wanted to get my hands on him. He didn’t have to like his situation, but to leave Dara a letter like that, daughter or not, proved what an asshole he was.

  “Dara, until you talk to your mother, you don’t even know whether it’s true. It’s obvious that he’s just lashing out because he’s angry at the world.”

  “But what if it is?” she whispered. “True.”

  “Then you’ll deal with it, and maybe you’ll find that it really is a relief.”

  “How can it be a relief when it will also mean that I’m not even related to Granny and Papa?”

  I squeezed her hand. “Granny and Papa loved you.” I tapped her on the chest with my index finger. “They loved you. It had nothing to do with your genetics. They loved Dara Golding.”

  “Should I call my mother?”

  “I don’t know, babe. If it’s not true, then I’m sure she’ll have no problem telling you over the phone that your father’s a liar. If it is true…then I imagine that she’d rather explain things to you in person.”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t bring it up over the phone.”

  “If you want to go home right now, all you have to do is say the word. I’ll pack everything up, and we can be home in seven hours.”

  “No.” She shook her head resolutely. “I’m not letting this ruin my honeymoon. There’s nowhere that I want to be right now except here with you.”

  I pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead. “If you change your mind, all you have to do is tell me.”

  She nodded.

  “I’m here for you.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “You always are.”

  I stood and set her to her feet. “Come on, and I’ll fix you some breakfast. I hear the ocean calling your name.”

  Chapter 14

  Dara

  Our honeymoon week went by much too fast. Even though I’d read Ford Baxter’s letter and it had come as quite a shock, I’d refused to let that man interfere with my time with Stone.

  But now that we were home, my first order of business was to speak to my mother.

  “My mom should be home from the bookstore now.” I took a deep breath, hoping my father had been lying.

  Picking up the car keys, Stone opened the door for me. “I’ll drive you over there.”

  When we arrived at her duplex, her car was parked in the driveway. I took a deep breath, and we got out of the car and walked to the door.

  Stone rang the doorbell, and we heard Emma squealing as the door opened.

  “Stone!” Emma greeted him.

  “Oh, no,” Stone teased. “It’s the candy monster.”

  Emma held her hands up and made a face while she grabbed at the air. “Give me candy.”

  “I have some candy in the car,” Stone told her. “You come out here with me while Dara talks to your mommy, and I’ll let you drive my car.”

  Emma clapped her hands together. “Okay! I’ll dwive you to…I know!” she exclaimed, holding up her index finger. “I’ll dwive you to wuk.”

  “Work?” Stone grumbled. “I don’t wanna go to work.”

  “Okay, then,” Emma said. She held up her finger again. “I’ll dwive you to Luke’s Place and we can wead a book.”

  “That’s a great idea,” Stone agreed. “I love reading books.”

  I cut my eyes at him and gave him a knowing look. Stone hated reading, but I was glad that he pretended otherwise for Emma’s sake. I was also impressed that my mother already had Emma calling it Luke’s Place because we hadn’t officially changed the name yet.

  Stone took her hand and turned back to me. “Good luck, babe, and remember, I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  I nodded and went in the house, and I nearly collided with my mother, who was looking to see where Emma went.

  I motioned to the car. “Stone’s gonna keep Emma occupied for a few minutes. Mom, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  Her expression immediately changed. “What is it, Dara? If it’s about sales at the bookstore, I think it’s just a temporary drop because people are on vacation.”

  I shook my head. “Mom, it’s not about work.”

  She watched me with vivid, emerald eyes. “Is everything okay?”

  I pulled the letter out of my purse and handed it to her. “Stone was telling the truth. Dad has been blackmailing him. When he didn’t get the money he wanted, he gave me this.”

  She quickly scanned the letter, and her hand covered her mouth. I saw the terror cross her face as she looked at me with panic in her eyes, and I knew in that instant that it was true.

  “Why would you lie to me?”

  “Dara.” Her hands trembled, and she slowly shook her head. “You were just a baby, and I needed someone to care for you.”

  “Why would Ford agree to it? Why would he let you tell people that he was my father if he knew that he wasn’t?”

  “I loved you so much, and the only people that I could think of that would take good care of you, really good care of you, were the Baxters. They were some of the kindest, sweetest people that I’d ever met.”

  “They knew I wasn’t their granddaughter?”

  “No,” my mother said. “Not at first.”

  “Was I the only one who didn’t know?” I thundered.

  “Dara,” my mother said quietly, placing her hands on my shoulders, “we thought it was better not to tell you.”

  “Who, Mom? Who thought it was better?”

  “Me and your granny.”

  “Granny lied to me?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Don’t be mad at your granny,” my mother said. “I can understand if you’re angry, but be angry with me. Not with her.”

  “Why am I the last to know?” I yelled. “Or better yet, why was I ever told that he was my father?”

  “Just let me explain,” Mom begged as tears welled in her eyes. “You have to understand that I was desperate.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “I’ve already told you how I was on drugs, and I knew I needed to find someone to take care of you. Ford and I did date for a long time, but then we separated. Everything I’ve already told you was true, except the part about him being your father.

  “I’ve already told you that I’m not proud of a lot of things I’ve done in my past. After Ford and I broke up, mostly because I was on drugs and he was an alcoholic, I was with several different men. Some offered me drugs. Some offered me a place to stay for a while. The truth is I don’t know who your father is.”

  My jaw dropped open.

  “Honey, I’m so sorry. Most of the time I was high, and I didn’t care about anything but how I was gonna get my next fix. I did a little better after you were born, but eventually, I was into drugs heavily again. That’s why I had to find someone to care for you, and the Baxters were the only people I trusted with my baby. So Ford and I made a deal.”

  “Y’all made a deal?” I asked, hardly believing my ears. Was this really my life?

  “I paid him a thousand dollars in exchange for letting me add him to the birth certificate as your father and for him telling his parents that you were their granddaughter.”

  “Y’all made it all up, so that he could have money?” I rubbed my forehead, thinking that maybe I should sit down. I had such a screwed up family or pretend family.

  “The arrangement bought him some booze, and it gave me someone who would care for my baby. At that point in time, I think he still had feelings for me and hoped that the two of us would get back together.”

  I must have looked bewildered because I could see the panic in her face again.

  “Honey, I know you don’t understand what it’s like to have an addiction, and I hope you never, ever do. But addicts will do anything, anything, to get that next high.”

  She should know. She’d given up her daughter, so that she could chase that high.

  “Our arrangement worked for a few months, but
he got angry with me when I refused to get back together with him. He threatened to tell his parents the truth, and he made good on his threat.

  “He thought they’d freak out and make me come back and get you, but they didn’t. They told him they loved you, and as far as they were concerned, you were their granddaughter.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Ford told me.”

  “Ford’s a liar.”

  “He is, but he wasn’t lying about that. That’s the kind of people that Joe and Helen were. That’s the reason that I wanted them to take care of you. Ford shouldn’t have been surprised by their reaction.”

  An odd sense of relief coursed through my body. Granny and Papa loved me, anyway. In that moment, it became clear to me that as convoluted as everything was, I had been lucky. It didn’t matter what events had brought me to Granny and Papa. My mother was right about one thing. They had been the best people to raise me. I was convinced that no one would have loved me and cared for me the way that they had.

  It didn’t even matter that we had no biological connection. My connection with them was much stronger than genetics. Lots of people were related genetically and held absolutely no love for one another, but Granny, Papa, and I had truly loved each other, the kind of love that made a person put someone else’s needs and desires ahead of his own, the kind of love that Stone and I shared.

  I realized in that moment that Ford’s confession really made no difference. I wasn’t sure what he had hoped to get out it. Maybe he was just angry because like he said, I, someone who had no biological connection to his parents, had inherited everything that would have gone to him. In some ways, I almost felt sorry for him, mostly because he hadn’t shared the kind of bond with his parents that I had. They had tried to love him, but he had been incapable of receiving their love, whether it was due to his personality or his addiction, I could only guess.

  I took a deep breath, a cleansing breath, and a feeling of immense peace washed over me.

  “They really loved me.”