The American Lover

by G E Griffin

  But I told myself that would not be a good idea, as I had nothing more to offer her than being good in bed. Fuck her brains out - yes I could do that for her. Nothing more.

  ***

  In the morning, I took a shower while Faith fixed us some eggs on her stove top, along with some decent coffee in a French press.

  The previous night, I’d continued to hold her in my arms until the storm had passed. She’d been right - it had been a little easier for her, she hadn't freaked out nearly so badly this time. I actually felt quite proud that I’d been the one to help her reach this point, but told myself my work was done, this was as far as I could go with her. From here on out, it’d be down to whoever she chose to sleep with next to support her. I forced myself to push away the nasty feeling that left in my gut. Not your problem, buddy.

  Then, as we sat quietly sharing our breakfast, Faith suddenly said out of the blue,

  “So, when will the redundancy notices be going out?”

  Shit. She’d dropped this bombshell out of nowhere, I had not seen this coming, so I was completely blindsided.

  She calmly took in my shocked expression.

  “Oh don’t look so surprised. It was pretty obvious there had to be more to things when a high flying executive like you turned up on some flimsy pretext, and then attempted to surreptitiously grill me all about the progress of our systems integration,” she stated. “So, correct me if I’ve got this wrong, but I’m assuming the plan is to shut our office down just as soon as the systems are fully merged, and that you’re the advance pathfinder, sent in to suss out exactly how quickly it can be achieved, aren't you?”

  “Faith…I…” I stuttered, caught off guard.

  “Caleb Mackenzie, the hard-nosed hatchet man, that’s your reputation according to the article I came across just now, when I spent a few minutes Googling you,” she continued. “The executive with a heart of stone, which was why you were sent to shut down the New York offices of the Eastern Banking Corporation last year. I guess I just got lucky to see the other side of you, the kind and caring side. But don’t worry, I won’t let the cat out of the bag. Your secret agenda is safe with me.”

  I was stunned into silence, because I thought I’d covered my tracks pretty well, but I guess I’d underestimated Faith.

  “I’m right, aren't I?” she prompted. “It’s okay, I get it. I understand that the bank operates as a profitable business, not a charity.”

  “I can't discuss anything about this, not even with you.” I scowled, feeling like a total lowlife, but knowing it was my own fault for having gotten so personally involved with someone I was working with.

  Shit, shit, shit. I hated being put in this position, especially with her.

  “Faith, I’m sorry if you think I’ve been underhanded, or in any way less than frank with you, but my hands were tied. I assure you it’s nothing personal, nothing to do with not trusting you, but I'm not at liberty to discuss any of the details. What I can say is that sometimes tough decisions have to be made, and it’s true that sometimes I’m the one given that responsibility. It’s not something I particularly enjoy, but you’re right, it’s all part of running a successful and profitable corporation.”

  I was trying my best to justify my actions, but it just sounded like hollow excuses to my ears. And yeah, that was me - ‘The executive with a heart of stone’. She’d summed me up perfectly, because I wasn’t someone who let themselves get personally involved, was I? Even though I was sitting in Faith’s kitchen sharing breakfast after drying her tears and holding her in my arms all night long?

  “Like I said, I get it, Caleb. The writing’s been on the wall ever since American Western took over Royal London. It was just a matter of time before you judged you could get away with getting rid of the London office,” she shrugged, eyeing me over the top of her steaming mug of tea as she calmly sipped it.

  “Okay, I’m not going to insult you by attempting to deny what you’re saying is correct. But I honestly did mean what I said about helping you with your career progression, Faith. I’d really like to mentor you. You are very talented and have great potential,” I insisted.

  The idea of completely cutting all ties with her was hard to accept for some reason. I guess because she’d found me out and I felt guilty for keeping her out of the loop after she’d pretty much bared her soul to me.

  “Oh come on, let’s be realistic, Caleb. With me in London, and you in San Francisco, how would that be possible? Look, it’s fine, you don’t owe me any kind of an explanation and you really don’t have to try and soften the blow, just because we’ve slept together a couple of times,” she said coolly, and I could virtually hear her defensive shields slamming down to shut me out. Well, what did you expect after you blatantly used her to gain insider knowledge?

  “Of course it’ll be possible for me to mentor you. Distance is no object whatsoever. There’s email, Skype, FaceTime,” I stubbornly argued.

  “Look, to tell you the truth, Caleb, I’m really not that worried or upset at the prospect of being made redundant. In fact, it’s probably just the push I need to leave the dull, safe security of working at the bank, especially as I’ve already got a couple of options that I’ve been mulling over in the back of my mind for some time,” she stated. “So you really don’t need to concern yourself about me. As I’ve already explained, I’m pretty secure financially, and will be able to survive without a wage for quite a while, if need be.”

  “That’s great, but don’t do anything hasty yet, Faith, because I really think you’re one London asset the bank should retain. I can't say any more about what I’ll be reporting back, but please, I really think we should keep in touch,” I persisted, not wanting her to make any impulsive decision she might regret when there might still be other options open to her.

  “If you say so,” Faith replied with obvious skepticism. “Look, Caleb, you don’t have to worry, I won't be blabbing or making waves about this at the office on Monday. But like I said, I'm a realist. You’ve opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve just been drifting for some time now, and that perhaps I'm ready to start breaking free. Change my job, meet other men...”

  “Meet other men - how would you go about that?” I frowned, wondering what I’d potentially unleashed, what risks Faith might take.

  “Well, there’s always the Tinder app Harry suggested - I think she was probably joking to be honest, but now I’m thinking why not, seeing as it’s for meeting like-minded people who are just looking for fun. You know, nothing serious,” she shrugged.

  “No, Faith! That’s a terrible idea, you’d have no real idea who you’d be meeting. Just because things worked out okay between us, does not mean you should leap into bed with just anyone you meet.” I was appalled, but Faith coolly stared back at me.

  “Okay, so maybe tell me how you go about meeting your lady friends,” she stated, as she spread some jelly on her toast. “Give me some tips. Some suggestions about how to get started. What works for you?”

  “It’s different for me,” I muttered.

  “Why? Why is it different for you? I think we’ve been here before. Are you saying it’s okay for you to sleep with someone you’ve just met because you’re a guy, but not alright for me, because I’m a girl? Don’t be such a hypocrite, Caleb,” she bristled.

  “That’s not it at all, Faith. But considering how I’ve seen you react over the last couple of days, I think I’m entitled to point out that you’re still in a very vulnerable state of mind. I wouldn’t want you to use the fact that we turned out to be pretty compatible as justification for suddenly leaping into behavior patterns that aren’t a reflection of your true personality. I’d hate for you to get hurt and end up in a worse state.” I was horrified to think of sweet little Faith jumping into bed with some douche just after a quick lay, and then being left in pieces afterwards.

  “Okay, I suppose I have to give you that, seeing as you’ve gone through some pretty bad stuff with me this weekend,” she con
ceded. “So what do you suggest I do?”

  “Maybe a trusted and respectable on-line dating site might not be such a bad way to go. At least then you could find out a bit more about your potential dates before you meet up,” I reluctantly suggested. “You could even run their profile by me first, then I could weed out the skanky ones for you.”

  “Really? I hardly think you’d have the time, inclination or skills,” she scoffed.

  “Trust me, honey, these days I can detect bullshitting at twenty paces.” And there’d sure as hell be a lot of that, with guys saying anything for a chance to get into her panties.

  “So you’re honestly suggesting you should check out my potential dates?” she rolled her eyes.

  “Yeah, why not?”

  She just shook her head and laughed.

  “You are one crazy Yank, you know that Caleb? Why on earth would you want to bother once you’ve left? I just don’t get it.”

  “Just seems a shame not to keep in touch, now that we’re friends,” I replied, although to be honest I didn't quite get it myself.

  Maybe it was because I’d invested time in getting Faith through a difficult transitional phase of her life, and now I didn't want to see the progress she’d made going to waste.

  Maybe it was because she’d put her trust in me, and I didn't want to let her down.

  Maybe it was because she was about as opposite to Cassie as it was possible to get.

  Maybe it was because helping her actually made me feel good about myself, which was a pretty rare experience these days.

  Whatever it was, I was determined to keep a watchful eye over her from a distance as best I could.

  Chapter 9 - Faith

  I had to admit I was extremely sceptical when Caleb talked about mentoring me before he returned to the States, because I was under no illusions about what we’d shared.

  Sex.

  A fling, a brief affair, nothing more.

  It had been a one night stand that had turned into two, and he’d been great, but that was it. I had no expectations of anything more after he left, and I was totally fine with that. I refused to let myself dwell on how nice it had felt just to be held in a man’s arms again, how wonderful it had felt to be a sexy, desirable woman once more.

  Caleb had been the jolt I’d needed to make me feel alive again, to shake me out of the rut I'd been stuck in. He’d made it seem possible that I could finally move on with my life, not by trying to recreate what I’d had with Drew, but by taking a new direction. My experience with Caleb had shown me that the way forward was to become a free, uncommitted spirit, beholden to no one, just enjoying the physical pleasure and escapism of sex, but with no risk of getting my heart shattered again. That’s what worked for Caleb, and I saw no reason why it couldn’t work for me too.

  He took my personal email, as we agreed it wasn’t ever a good idea to use work accounts to discuss private matters, as they were monitored for security reasons.

  I put all this concern down to a guilty conscience on Caleb’s part, the ‘poor girl whose husband died’ thing, a reaction that I was all too familiar with.

  So I was very surprised when Caleb did actually contact me after he returned to the States. He requested that I send him my CV, or résumé as he called it, which he then proceeded to pull to pieces, getting me to re-work it until he was finally satisfied with the end result. At least that meant it was up to date and ready for when I’d have to start looking for a new job.

  Then he Skyped a couple of times, wanting to know more about the online dating sites I was considering - I didn't tell him any more about the Tinder dating app I was thinking of signing up for, not after his previous disapproving attitude. It really was none of his business, even if he seemed to have taken it upon himself to act like my adoptive big brother - maybe because that was how he was used to acting with his own brothers.

  Even though I found his interest in me a bit odd, I had to admit that it was nice to have him to talk things through with sometimes, as for some reason I found him incredibly easy to open up to. Even when I’d worked out the real reason Caleb had been sent over to London, I hadn't felt betrayed. I wasn’t stupid, I’d always been pretty certain that someone of his level had to have been sent with some kind of a hidden agenda. I got that he was just doing his job, and that it was nothing personal.

  I concentrated on getting what would now undoubtedly be my final project for the bank completed, determined to have the satisfaction of knowing I was finishing on a high by doing a great job. Although all sorts of rumours were flying round about what head office plans for London were, I said nothing to confirm or deny them, and as everyone was used to me keeping to myself, no one found it strange.

  In truth, I was surprised that I wasn’t more upset at the prospect of being made redundant, having buried myself in my job for so long as a way of blocking out everything else. But I'd had enough of being treated as just another tiny cog in a huge wheel, and I was actually quite excited at the prospect of moving on, just as soon as I’d made up my mind about exactly what it was I wanted to do next.

  Should I follow the family tradition, and re-train to become a teacher? I liked the idea of helping kids with learning difficulties, but would I be up to such a challenging task? Or should I get myself fully qualified to set up as a tax consultant and accountant, be my own boss?

  I wasn’t sure which way to go.

  I had yet to tackle the whole issue of Neil and how he felt about running the workshop, after Caleb’s shrewd analysis of the situation. The more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right about Neil’s limitations, and that I was being a coward by avoiding the issue, but I justified this by telling myself that until I knew in which direction I was going to head myself, I really wasn’t in a position to have things out with him.

  Neil had never exactly been the chatty type, so it wasn’t hard to carry on as normal when he brought the books round at the end of the month. I handed over the keys to my car for him to do all the usual checks, while I sat down with his paperwork.

  I got through it pretty quickly, as Neil didn't seem to have a lot of work coming in, whereas Drew had always struggled to keep up with demand. Perhaps this was just a temporary blip, I told myself, as I tried to ignore the niggle of doubt that squirmed in my gut.

  I really had no idea how my sisters could possibly have come to the conclusion that Neil was keen on me, seeing as he never really looked at me properly, and certainly never flirted with me in any way. It had to be pure wishful thinking on their part, to have me conveniently sorted and paired off, so they didn't have to worry about me anymore. It was quite possible that Neil had a girlfriend they weren’t even aware of, because even if I wasn’t interested in him, I could appreciate that someone else would probably find him quite cute in his own way.

  Neil was in my flat collecting his paperwork when a Skype call came through from Caleb on my lap top, which was still open from where I’d been updating the workshop spreadsheets. It was afternoon in London, meaning it was early morning in San Francisco.

  “I’m just finishing up something. Shall I call you back in a minute?” I suggested.

  “No, it’s okay, I’ll hang on,” he stated. It looked as though he was having his breakfast, as he was holding what was most likely a cup of strong black coffee - that much I knew about his preferences.

  “Sorry, Neil, it’s just a work thing, one of the bosses calling me from the States,” I explained as I turned back to him. “But I think we’re just about done anyway, aren’t we?”

  “They’re calling you on a Saturday?” Neil queried.

  “Yeah, well sometimes it’s easier to catch up out of the office, rather than keep playing phone tag all week, you know, with the time difference and so on,” I replied breezily, not wishing to elaborate any further about exactly who Caleb was, or why he was calling.

  “You shouldn't let them take advantage of you, Faith. You already work far too hard, especially with all the bookwork y
ou do for the garage as well. I wouldn’t want to overburden you, so if it’s all getting too much…”

  “Nonsense. You look after my car, which is a huge weight off my mind, and it’s no trouble doing the books while you’re here,” I assured him, but then couldn’t help wondering if he was maybe dropping some kind of a hint that he wanted to call a halt to our arrangement, now that Caleb had put a doubt in my mind after our conversation. But I wasn’t ready to tackle that can of worms just yet.

  “As long as you’re sure. About your car - you’re going to need a couple of new tyres soon - you want me to get you some?” Neil asked next.

  “Oh, right, sure. You get whatever you think is best and just give me the bill.”

  “Okay, I’ll let you know.”

  Neil still seemed to be hesitating for some reason, as he hung around even after I’d handed the books back over to him.

  “Um… Bryony called me the other day to book her car in for a service,” he finally said rather sheepishly. “And she said something about inviting me to her wedding… to go with you, as your plus one.”

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Neil,” I clapped my hand over my eyes in disbelief, thinking that I was going to kill my sister. “It’s alright, you don't have to do this.”

  “No, it’s okay, Faith. I just wanted to say I wouldn’t mind, I’d be happy to go with you… that’s if you wanted me to.” The poor guy was now bright red, blushing all the way from his neck to the roots of his hair.

  “Thank you, Neil. I just… I don’t think…” I struggled to find the right tactful words.

  “Look, I know as far as you’re concerned, no one could ever replace Drew, but I thought you should know I'd be happy to come to your sister’s wedding, just as a friend, if it’d help, because I expect it’s going to be tough for you.” This was quite a speech from Neil, in fact it was probably the most he’d ever said to me. So even though these days I was usually upfront, what could I possibly say without being really unkind or nasty to the poor guy, when he was really making an effort and doing his best to be supportive?