by LS Anders
For fuck’s sake, he wasn’t even officially divorced. He had another court date set for two months from now, which seemed like a lifetime away. He and Tracy would present their mediation agreement to the judge. If all went well, there would be another ninety days waiting period before the bullshit was final.
He had fallen in love with Rayna and had exposed his vulnerable under belly to her. Tracy had inadvertently found his weakness and had taken full advantage, attacking him where it would hurt the most, in his now beating heart. Frozen and buried as it had been before Rayna had brought it back to life, he might have been able to handle Tracy’s lie. Instead, she had gutted him to the bone.
His heart had thawed and been restored. Now his own actions were going to rip it apart. If he hadn’t tried to be such an emotionless prick, this disconnect would have never happened.
He needed time to think, time to figure out how he could mend this impossible mess with Rayna and process the news about the baby.
Sliding back the pocket door, the gaping mouths and peeled back eyes of every living soul in the studio piled up outside Rayna’s room had him taking a step back. Rayna gasped behind him, and he could imagine the flush of embarrassment washing over her face.
“So much for keeping it a secret,” he mumbled to the crowd.
“Yeah! Now that the cats out of the bag, I can start planning the baby shower,” Avie squealed, excitedly clapping her hands.
“Sheesh, that’s one big ass cat,” Callie tossed out in Avie’s direction.
Evana rushed past him. Soothing words were whispered to Rayna, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying.
The look of shock on Jason’s face animated his features and would have been laughable, if his situation wasn’t so hopeless.
The crowd parted as he moved forward. Once inside his own workspace, he reached behind himself to shut the door. Shooting Vehn a text, he was going to need that fuckers help to sort out this catastrophe. Callie would just have to find something else to do for a few hours while they had some guy time.
Leaning back against the wood panel, he took a few deep breaths to calm his racing thoughts.
Consumed by a feeling of warmth, a smile overtook his face. He was going to be a father for real this time.
“Nice shooting, Tex,” Vehn commented.
“I’m glad you find this so amusing,” Tegan bitched, tossing back the rest of his beer.
“I‘m just impressed that you managed to break through her IUD. I thought those devices were damn near impenetrable. Are you going to ask her to marry you?”
“How? I’m not even divorced from Tracy, yet,” Tegan stressed.
“You need to ask her, even if you are still married. It isn’t right not to, and the baby needs to have your last name,” Callie interjected.
Tegan did not appreciate the hands-on-the-hips posturing or the snippy attitude Callie presented, so he chose to ignore her. “You best reign in your woman, Vehn. This was supposed to be a private conversation between the two of us.”
Vehn moved in fast to intercept Callie, who had apparently been sneaking around eavesdropping from the kitchen and looked like she was about to open her mouth to him again.
He was trying to do the right thing by Rayna, and he didn’t need a bossy busybody telling him what the fuck to do. He liked Callie just fine even though her mouth was bigger than her brain. She made Vehn very happy and as long as his friend was happy, that’s all that mattered, but he had never developed patience for being dictated to by other people.
“Callie, please wait for me downstairs like I asked. I need to talk to Tegan, alright?” Vehn patiently pleaded with her.
Callie’s twin hazel laser beams remained locked onto Tegan the whole time. She was not going to be deterred from whatever mission she thought she needed to be involved in. “Well, what are you going to do about this? You can’t just get a girl pregnant and walk away, Tegan. Rayna deserves to be treated better than that.”
Callie took a few steps back as Tegan popped up out of the leather club chair in Vehn’s living room. He just shook his head at her, a silent double meaning that he wasn’t going to hurt her, nor was this any of her business.
She didn’t take the hint, dogging close on his heels all the way to the refrigerator. It was not a smart move on her part. He needed more beer and a moment to himself. She nearly ran into the back of him when he stopped, sending his blood pressure through the roof and his jaw to twitching.
“All this shit between the two of you started last week when you came back from Boston, and while you’ve been preoccupied finger banging Jason’s dickhole, Rayna has been nursing a broken heart. You can’t run away from this, too,” Callie scolded.
“Vehn, get your girl.” Tegan’s voice was eerily calm despite the muscle convulsing in his jaw.
“Tegan! Answer my question, and stop ignoring me and your responsibilities.” Callie stamped her foot.
“I’ve never run away from anything, girl, so I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.” Tegan planted his face so close to hers, they nearly touched noses. “I have never raised a hand to a woman in my life, and I’m not about to start now, but if you don’t back the fuck off me, I will toss you over my shoulder and haul your ass downstairs where your man asked you to stay.”
“Sheesh, male chauvinist much, Tegan?” Undeterred, Callie whipped around to face Vehn. “Are you going to let him talk to me like that?”
Vehn looked between the two as if deciding whether he wanted to jump off a cliff or wrestle a grizzly bear. “Callie please wait for me in our room. Let me talk to T, and I’ll meet you there in a few.”
“But it isn’t right, Vehn. He got Rayna preg—”
“I’m not shirking my responsibilities, Callie! I just need to talk to my friend without his nosy female up my ass.”
She sucked in a harsh breath, and Vehn grabbed the opportunity to step in between the pair. Tegan could feel his self-control slipping by the second, and he was dangerously close to making good on his threat.
“Callie, please—”
“No, Vehn! I’m not going anywhere until he answers me,” she screeched.
Damn, that girl was tenacious in a bad way.
Tegan raised a brow as Vehn wrapped an arm around her waist and gripped her elbow, leading her away to the floating stairs.
Digging her heels in, Callie proceeded to make a spectacle out of herself as she fought against the hold Vehn had on her. He would have found the whole show amusing if he wasn’t already close to losing his shit. Once they reached the stairs, Vehn turned her towards the steps and gave her bottom a hard swat sending her on her way.
“Alright, where were we?” Vehn ran both hands through his hair as he took a seat on the sofa. “Have you told Rayna about what happened with Tracy?”
“No, not yet,” Tegan answered, resuming his seat.
“Why the hell not? Don’t you think that’s something she needs to know about?” Vehn sat forward in frustration.
“What for? She’s not in love with me. I’m not going to be able to have a relationship with her, but I’m relieved she agreed to let me go with her to her next doctor’s appointment.”
“You sure about that?” Vehn questioned.
“Yep. She said I could go,” Tegan said, taking a long pull off his fresh beer.
“No. Not about the appointment, about the love part.”
“Vehn, please spare me with the happily ever after. Nothing good ever lasts. Love is such bullshit.”
“I used to think your way of looking at the world wasn’t cynical, that you were a realist, but that last statement has changed my mind. You really are a cynical prick. How can you even say that when my family took you in, a complete stranger, into their home and loved you like they would their own child? Even though you’re a hardheaded asshole, I love you like you were my own brother.”
“You know as well as me, that I never fit in with your family. I was like the mongrel mutt that was let i
n out of the cold purely out of sympathy.”
“That’s a shitty thing to say about people that invited you into their family.” Vehn exploded up out of his seat and began pacing around, jabbing a finger in Tegan’s direction. “If you felt that way, it was all on you. None of us ever treated you like you didn’t belong. Come to think of it, you always did hold us all at arm’s length. I always thought it was just you being you, but now I know you didn’t love us back. Nice.”
Tegan swallowed hard, incapable of making his lips move. He did love Vehn back, but he just didn’t have the balls to say that shit out loud. He was so fucked up. He had finally said those words to Rayna, and it was probably too late to matter.
“She loves you, you know. I thought you were smart enough to figure it out all by your dumbass self, but obviously, you need a neon sign crashing down on your head,” Vehn went on to confess.
“What in the fuck are you talking about?” Tegan’s head snapped up.
“Rayna confided in me at Avie and Cale’s wedding reception that she was in love with you. She didn’t say to not to tell you, but I kept it to myself. I ignorantly assumed you would figure it out on your own, but you’re too damn hardheaded. It’s so clear to me now that you aren’t the island I thought you were, that you actually were turning your back on people that love you.” Vehn just shook his head. “Wow! Callie’s right, you’re always running away from people that care about you. You’re acting no better than your goddamn father, dude.”
Every word Vehn spoke turned back the hands of time, shrinking him smaller in size and making him younger in age, until he was once again the little boy in the single-wide trailer. Afraid, alone, and hungry. And it pissed him off to feel that vulnerable again, even though everything Vehn had said was completely true.
“Pfft, thanks for the pep talk, and don’t call me dude.” Tegan got to his feet.
“Sit your ass down, I’m not done talking.”
“Well, I’m done listening,” Tegan mumbled, walking away.
“Why? Why do you hate that so much, now? You never cared when I used to call you that.”
“Because that’s what I called my dead son!” Tegan rounded on him, and before he could halt the words, started blabbing. “I never asked to be born to a drug infested whore or be left alone by a man that didn’t give two shits about me. And I sure as fuck didn’t ask to have my unborn son snatched away from me. And then to have everything I ever worked for taken away by an ungrateful skank, only to find out that the baby was never mine. What am I supposed to do with all that shit?”
“You let your friends and family that love you bear some of the burden, Tegan. That’s what you do,” Vehn said, his voice softening as he slowly made his way over to where Tegan now stood. “You want people to think you’re this soulless prick, but your actions have always said otherwise. Sorry douche, but the people that know you are aware you’re a good person. You can’t hide that heart of gold from everybody. Just accept the love others are willing to give you and stop being a fucking martyr. There are other people out there a hell of a lot worse off than you. You can’t let other people’s actions define you. None of that shit with your parents and Tracy was your fault. You can’t control other people. Find a way to move past it, because you need to fix this mess with Rayna. She and the baby need you.”
His fists remained clenched at his sides, ready to fight whatever would come at him, but Vehn’s words had drained him, pulling the plug on his anger.
“If it makes you feel better, go ahead and hit me, but be forewarned, I'm gonna hit you back," Vehn offered, noticing Tegan’s balled up fists.
“I don't like living off the charity of others, Vehn. I can never pay back anything that has been done for me."
"No one's expecting you to. Can’t people just do something nice for someone else? Expecting something in return defeats the purpose. My parents took a liking to you and wanted to help, that's all. It’s as simple as that. I think you might actually be mom’s favorite. I know you definitely will be after you tell her you’re making her a grandmother.”
"What would I have to offer Rayna? Tracy has taken everything from me. I don't even have a place of my own to live," Tegan argued.
"So what. She loves you, she doesn't care about things you can give her. Just be there for her, and tell her how you feel before you go and fuck this up permanently."
“What if I do fix this and later it doesn’t work out?”
“That’s a chance you have to take.” Vehn laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You have to risk getting hurt, to risk being happy.”
“Since when did you get all wise?”
“Since I’ve been listening to your dumbass.”
“Pfft.”
“Now, call her or text her or whatever you have to do, but do something. I have to go fix my mess with Callie,” Vehn said pointing to the floor.
As Vehn’s words sank in, it became clear to him what he needed to do and began making a mental list of everything he needed to fix and apologize for. Vehn would be next on that list.
Scrolling through his contact list, he found the courage to push send. Holding his breath as the device rang once, twice, and a third time. The familiar voice that answered on the other end terrified him.
Opening his mouth to return the greeting, he had to clear his throat before speaking, "Hey Mama C. Are you busy?"
Talk about bearing your fucking soul. He needed a moment to regroup after that long overdue apology. His adoptive mother had cried at his heartfelt words, and he found himself blinking back tears he never thought he was capable of shedding.
He was beginning to let go of the image of the son his mind’s eye had watched grow. The child he had manifested a fictional personality for, complete with false memories, created from idle daydreaming he’d had over the years. Time to turn loose of the imaginary and focus on the real.
Standing on a cliffs edge of uncertainty, he was ready to take the plunge. He just hoped when he landed that he didn’t break everything in his body.
His next call was to Jason. After the fifth ring, he had decided to hang up, but the guy answered on a moan.
"Pfft, if you were busy, this could have waited."
"No, it's cool." Jason's voice sounded raspy. "What's going on?"
Tegan paused a moment wondering if it was the right time to be asking Jason for help, the guy was obviously getting his freak on, and Tegan had a pretty damn good idea who with. Fuck it, he had already interrupted, might as well go with it. "Can you meet me at the shop a couple hours before we open tomorrow? I need something inked."
"Sure, no problem."
Tegan couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the heavy breathing in the background.
"Thanks, man. I owe you... again." Tegan hung up, done with chatting while his friend had his cock buried in something belonging to a female.
Dropping his butt on the edge of the bed, he scrolled through the images he had stored on his phone stopping at the selfie of Rayna lounged back against all those fluffy cream and pink pillows. His self-induced solitude didn’t seem quite so desirable as the picture became wavy. Blinking hard, he touched the little screen to keep the picture illuminated.
There was only one thing he could think of to do to try and win her back. Pulling a sketch pad and pencil out of the drawer from his bedside table, he turned to a clean page. Inspiration was easy given his goal and a design began to take shape.
So engrossed with creating the perfect design, the knocking on his door made him jump. “Yep.”
When the door opened, he half expected it to be Vehn. Instead it was Jason. “You've got me curious about this emergency-must-get-it-tomorrow tatt."
Handing him the drawing pad, Jason wasted no time voicing his opinion, “Are you fucking joking? You're just messing with my head right now, aren’t you?"
"Nope. I'm serious."
"No you’re not, you can't be. T, this is craziness, bro. Do you realize how difficult it is to have tattoos
removed?"
"Pfft, don't need to ever get it removed."
"What if you change your mind, or she tells you to fuck off," Jason pointed out.
"Not gonna change my mind, and I'll take my chances."
"Have you lost your goddamn mind?" Jason sneered, looking at the picture Tegan had so painstakingly drawn.
"How's Evana doing?"
That got Jason’s full attention, his eyes swinging up and peeling wide.
"Pfft.” Tegan sat forward on the bed. “That's what I fucking thought. I knew you were sniffing around her skirt. It isn’t like you to drink from the same well twice. You like her, I can tell by the look on your face."
"Don't know what you’re blabbing about."
"Right now, you're in the denial stage." Tegan's lips twitched at the corners pissing Jason off. "Don't get your tighty-whities in a bunch, I won't tell anyone about the two of you. Just know that E is cool, and you better not fuck with her or I'll kick your fucking ass."
"As your friend and fellow tattoo artist, I'm going to have to advise against this," Jason ground out, pointing to the design.
"Didn't ask for your opinion, just your tattooing skills. If you don’t want to do it, then I'll ask Gabriel. I know he won't puss out on me. Or maybe even Callie, even though she’s currently pissed at me, she'd jumped at the chance. Matter of fact, I'll go next door and ask her right now."
"Fuck off with that. I'll do it, but I'm not gonna be happy about it." Jason looked at the drawing again before tossing the pad back to Tegan, mumbling on his way out the door.
Interesting, Evana and Jason were an item. He hadn't been a hundred percent sure, it was just a hunch, but now he knew for certain. Jason was exhibiting that same emotional conflict he’d had over Rayna. He recognized the dopey look that had been plastered all over his mug. The guy was going down fast, and he was sure to crash land on his fucking head. Hard. Poor bastard couldn't even see the ground rushing up to meet him.
