by LS Anders
Tegan looked back down at the scrolling letters. Running his hand over his art, his stomach clenched knowing this would be his one and only chance to win her back.
Tegan walked into her workspace the following morning saying nothing and presented his right forearm to her.
“Do you believe me now?” he asked.
Rayna stood blinking with her mouth hanging open. The scrolling text freshly inked into the forearm of a man she never thought she ever had a chance with was too much to believe.
"Is this enough proof for you to believe me now, or I could have it inked on my cock?"
Glancing up into his pale eyes, she had no words to reply to what he had permanently applied to his skin. The air in the room was too heavy to breath, and her head was too light. Reaching behind her, she rolled her artist stool under her butt before she fell flat on her face.
"I know I'll never be worthy of you, but I fell in love with you long before I ever got you pregnant, and I want more than anything to be a father to that child. Our child." Tegan dropped into a crouch in front of her, gathering her icy hands into his. "You don't have to answer right away. If you don't love me back, well, I can't say I blame you."
The moment was completely surreal, she was tempted to pinch her arm to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
"I don't... know what to say."
"Then, don't say anything, just listen. I have lots more to say to you." Taking a moment, he bowed his head, the overhead lights drawing out the deep blue cast in his black hair. She wondered idly if the baby's hair would be the same shade. "Pfft, sorry, I'm not very good at this talking shit. I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have let all my bullshit with Tracy come between us. It wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry."
As if for the first time, she noticed how huge a man he was. Even crouched down he was still at eye level with her and every bit the predator he appeared to be. She felt so small and vulnerable and for the first time a little afraid of him, like a bunny in front of a hungry lion. Did she dare take the carrot he was offering, or was it a trap that he would spring once he had her in his clutches?
She was not ready to take that leap of faith. He was sorry for now, but he could emotionally cut her off again. Her heart would always belong to him, but she could at least protect it from being trampled into oblivion. She was already an emotional basket case from the surge of hormones because of the baby, she didn’t need him adding to it.
Watching the fresh script dance across his forearm as his thumb drew small circles inside her palm, she pondered his words and the amount of damage her wounded heart had already sustained. She wouldn’t survive another hit, but she wasn’t ready to give up on him either.
“I’m not saying I totally forgive you. Yet. You really hurt me Tegan, and I don’t fully trust you. I do want you to be a part of this baby’s life, even if we aren’t together. This tattoo is so touching, but I just can’t say yes right now. I’m going to need some time to think about all this.”
“I understand. Take your time, Kitten. I won’t hound you,” Tegan said gently touching her cheek causing tears to fill her eyes.
Tegan couldn't blame her for not jumping on board immediately. He would be leery too, if he were her. He’d spilled everything about his pending divorce and the devastating mediation. She seemed to take everything in stride and was beginning to understand why he had acted the way he did, which was more than he had originally given her credit for.
He couldn’t be more thankful that she was willing to take it slow and give him another chance and as a bonus, she had allowed him to go to her latest doctor’s appointment. The blood tests had come back positive, and she had made another appointment the following week.
Tegan had watched fascinated as the doctor squeezed out a dollop of jelly onto Rayna’s flat belly and proceeded to roll a small wand attached to a little white box through the goo. He wasn’t sure if the gasp came from him or Rayna when the baby’s heart beat was heard for the first time. He hadn’t thought it possible since she was only four weeks along.
That tiny, rapid beat had swelled his chest, filling his heart with a new and wonderful feeling he couldn’t name. Overjoyed, he supposed was it. He wanted to pull a King Kong and climb to the top of the Empire State building and shout his elation to the whole of NYC. Instead, he held tightly to Rayna’s hand as he made a concerted effort not to openly weep in front of the females in the room.
After the appointment, Tegan had talked Rayna into joining him for lunch. He wasn’t going to get his hopes up that it could be classified as an actual date, but he was thrilled that she had agreed to spend more time with him.
Tegan brushed away the strands of hair that fell across his brow when a light breeze made its way between the buildings. Late spring in NYC was a nice time to take a stroll, and Rayna had wanted to walk off her lunch. He’d raised a brow when she’d eaten more than him and then ordered a large chocolate shake with the excuse that the baby needed lots of calcium.
Meandering through an area in Greenwich Village that was Rayna’s favorite, they wandered past rows of lovely townhouses. She would occasionally stop to fawn over the ones that caught her eye. He could understand the appeal in living in the multi-level structures. There was a hominess that an apartment simply couldn’t capture.
A young couple passed by them holding hands. The woman smiled up at her companion, and he wished with everything in him that Rayna would look at him like that again. That look of adoration she used to gift him with was sorely missed.
A realtor was just posting a for sale sign on a property that looked in need of some TLC. Rayna stopped to admire the old place. It looked to have good bones and had an ornate façade that was nothing he fancied, but the dreamy light that shone in Rayna's eyes was enough to make him want to rob a bank to purchase it for her.
Noticing their interest, the realtor invited them to have a look inside. Rayna grinned and shook her head, but looked to Tegan for direction.
"Let's go in. Looks like a nice place."
"Really?" Rayna sounded surprised and excited at his answer.
"Sure, why the hell not." Tegan led the way, not wasting an opportunity to hold her hand and tugged her gently up the stairs.
The realtor swung open the double stained glassed doors with a flourish, as if the place were a spectacular show piece rather than a structure in need of a good scrubbing.
Rayna’s eyes were huge as she looked all around while the realtor happily chirped in her ear as if they were potential buyers. Tegan nearly choked on his own tongue when she mentioned the price. Great deal or not, it was exponentially higher than he would have ever guessed.
It was a shame too, he liked old buildings and this one had loads of charm hidden beneath the faded paint and scuffed up hardwood flooring. Running his hand over an outside wall, he would bet his last dollar there was brick beneath the original plaster. If the place was his, he wouldn’t hesitate to expose as much of it as possible.
He was handy with a hammer and nails, and most of the repairs looked to be cosmetic fixes. Fulling engrossed, he had no idea how long the realtor had been smiling in his direction as if she had just made a sale.
His brain had gone off on its own, running his hands over various surfaces that needed attention like an architectural pervert, listing all the improvements he would never have the opportunity to make. He didn't have enough money to buy one square foot of the place.
He made sure to stuff his hands in his front pockets to keep from fondling the sculpted handrail as the realtor led the way to the second floor.
The gasp that escaped Rayna’s perfect mouth as she took in the garden from the second story window instantly deflated his ego. He would never be able to afford to give her anything like this, even before Tracy had cleaned him out.
Stepping up beside her, he wasn’t as impressed with the overgrown jungle. It was in serious need of a weed whacker or better yet, a backhoe, but he could see the potential. Once it was cleaned up, it would be a
perfect place for a child living in the city to safely play.
There was a third floor that was just as pleasing as the other two and in need of the same types of repairs. With all the cob webs floating around, it appeared that the first two floors had seen most of the living. The entire townhouse had definitely seen better days.
By the time they descended the twelve steps back to the sidewalk, he could tell that Rayna had fallen in love with the place. Choosing to skip the cellar, they shook the realtor’s hand and thanked her for the time she had unknowingly wasted. Slipping Tegan a business card with the address of the property penned on the back, he tucked the small stiff rectangle into his front pocket.
"Thanks for humoring me. That was ..."
"Depressing,” Tegan provided.
“Did you think so? I thought it was kind of homey.”
“It was. I’ve never been much for looking at shit I can't afford. Is that a good buy for the city or was she pulling my leg?” he asked as they made their way back down the sidewalk.
“She was telling the truth. I’ll bet if someone made a cash offer, the seller would come down off the price.”
“Pfft, you got a few million stashed away I don’t know about?” he teased.
“No, do you?”
“I wish I did, I’d buy that damn thing for you.” Rayna allowed Tegan to draw her close to his side as they made their way down the steps of the subway tunnel.
Once they reached her apartment, she hugged him and he placed a kiss on her cheek not wanting to move too fast and scare her off. Goddamn, he had really fucked up with her. He hoped that someday they could get back to where they had been before he’d left for Boston. He would kick his own ass if it were possible.
Waiting until he heard the clunk of the deadbolt being set, he cringed having to leave her all alone. He never felt comfortable with her living by herself, but now that she was pregnant, it made his skin tighten up with fear to leave her. It was tempting to camp out at her front door like a guard dog just to make sure she was alright and bark at any little noise or person that might be a threat.
The journey from Rayna’s mid-town apartment back to Greenwich felt like he was leaving a part of himself behind. That feeling of loss amplified when he stepped foot inside Vehn's penthouse, reminding him of yet another thing that he would have to go all the way back to the starting line. A place of his own was a dream way off in the far distant future. He had taken a huge financial beating to wipe his drug infested wife off his boot.
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he popped the top and took a long pull as he started for his room. Hitting the pause on his destination, he retraced his steps to grab one more before he hit the stairs.
Swinging opened his door, the penthouse was quiet as the grave. Jason and Vehn were on the third floor above the tattoo studio shooting one of Jason’s client’s tattoos to add to the collection of art hanging up around the studio.
Normally he relished having time to himself, but today he could do with the sounds of other living souls. Eyeing the floor length stain glass window on the far side of his room, he wondered if the panel opened so he could invite in the noise from the city.
A manila envelope stopped him in his tracks. It was an ominous thing laying there so innocently on his pillow as he recognized Vehn's handwriting scrawled across the front. Fuck, was this an eviction notice? The way he had acted and the shit he had said to Vehn, he wouldn’t doubt it and wouldn’t blame the guy if he kicked his sorry ass to the curb. Vehn and Jason had been spending a lot of time together since he’d been busy with Rayna. Maybe he’d been replaced.
They’d man hugged and made up, but Vehn might have changed his mind. Some of the shit Tegan had voiced was pretty damn harsh even to his own ears.
How could he ever think that the Mathieu’s intentions were anything less than noble? Those people really cared about him, unlike his birth parents, who they were nothing like. And Rayna…, he had barely even given her a chance before he’d lopped her off with an axe, and only because he was too damn scared of his own feelings.
Swallowing hard, every inch of his skin broke out in a cold sweat. Stomach in his ass, he ripped open the envelope and read the letter twice before looking at the bank statement. His hands shook as he pulled his cell out of his front pocket.
This was so not going to happen.
"What’s up—”
"Are you fucking kidding me with this?" Tegan interrupted.
"What?"
"You know what, asshole. You can’t just go around giving people money for fuck’s sake."
"Did you not read the letter, you hardheaded prick? The money is yours. It has been since I made out my will ten years ago," Vehn shot back.
"Vehn, I cannot accept this."
"Ok. So, would you rather have it after I die?”
“Pfft, that’s morbid,” Tegan huffed.
“Either way, the money was always going to be yours. To be honest, it didn't start out as that amount. I invested it, and my broker turned it into to what’s on that statement.”
“I can’t take thi—”
“I figured since we’re the same age,” Vehn cut him off, “it wasn't going to do you any good to wait until I died. I plan on living to a ripe old age and dying with my gray head nestled between Callie’s gigantic titties.”
Vehn’s remark nearly made him smile.
“Pfft, Vehn I…” Tegan trailed off. It all sounded so logical, he couldn’t seem to find the words to continue to argue.
Vehn filled in the silence that had taken over the airwaves. “You’ll get more use out of it now while you’re young enough to enjoy it. The account is still in my name because of your divorce situation. No offense, but that bitch got more than she deserved. That money is yours, and I don't want her getting her grubby hands on one red cent of it. When your divorce is final, I'll transfer the account over to you."
“I’ll think about it.”
“Go ahead, but there’s nothing to think about.”
Ending the call, Tegan plopped down on the edge of the bed. Vehn had just sent him around another crazy loop in the emotional roller coaster he had been on since his trip to Boston.
Scrubbing his hands roughly over his goatee, Rayna’s face appeared before his closed lids and an idea formed, spurring him into action.
He was nearly frantic as he rang Vehn's number again, digging around in his front pocket. He hoped he wasn’t too late.
"If you’re going to tell me no on the money again..."
"No. I'm not telling you no. I’m calling to ask for your help.”
Rayna’s apartment had sold in record time. She hadn’t expected to be moving this quickly. Relieved to be rid of the financial burden, she was just as glad to be packing up Brent’s belongings and marveled over the massive stack of boxes that contained every single item Brent had once owned.
She jumped at the sound of the buzzer. Making her way over to the door, she was expecting a visit from the charity that would empty out nearly all the contents of her apartment. She was giving everything away with the exception of her new bed, clothes, and kitchen items that were hers. She wanted to start over fresh and dragging the sofa and chairs Brent had picked out wasn’t the least bit appealing.
She would soon be staying on the third floor above Exotic Ink until she decided on a place of her own. So far, she hadn’t done much in the way of property shopping, and what few places she had looked at weren’t really what she had in mind. Now that she had another person on the way, she had to consider a room for the baby and a good location for when the child started school.
Her child… her and Tegan’s child to be exact.
It was surprising how excited she was about having a baby, being on her own. There were unknowns that had her worried though, like actually giving birth and what it was going to be like to share custody with Tegan. Even though he had permanently inked a marriage proposal into his skin, she was hesitant in giving him her answer.
She had a
date with him tonight. She had turned him down several times over the last few days, unconvinced he wasn’t pursuing her just because of the baby. He had been steadily persistent, and she had finally given in to accepting a real date other than attending a doctor’s appointment together.
She had to admit, lunch after the O.B. appointment and the walk they shared on one of her favorite streets was really nice. Tegan was proving to be good company, and it had been a fun treat to tour the townhouse on W 12th Street. It was so homey for a place in the city. She had always lived in this apartment since she’d moved here from San Diego and though she did like the view and location, it always had a temporary feel to it. But the lovely townhouse was so far out of her price range, it might as well not even exist.
Locking the door after the last box was carried away, she released a heavy sigh that reverberated off the walls. The emptiness of the place now echoed every sound off the vacant floors and walls. The apartment appearing so much bigger without all the furnishings.
The memory of when she and Brent had first bought the place came slamming back. Brent, of course, had chosen the apartment. Rayna had been leaning more towards a smaller building that featured a courtyard and garden for all the residents to share, but she had failed to sway Brent towards her choice.
Whatever. That part of her life was over now.
She felt lighter, empty, but not sad. She was strangely giddy at finally being on her own, despite the black cloud that was sure to descend on her head once her mother was told of her unwed pregnancy. She wished her mom wasn’t so strict with her ideas of what “nice girls” were supposed to be like. She would love to talk to her mom about pregnancy and giving birth. She had a ton of questions and no one to ask except her doctor, and that just seemed so impersonal and clinical.
Placing her hand over her belly, she was looking forward to meeting the tiny person nestled inside her. She had done a great deal of lying awake at night trying on different facial features and personalities based on her and Tegan. Avie had convinced her it was going to be a little girl, and now she couldn’t seem to hold onto the boy she had envisioned in Tegan’s image.
